sirod9

Yes, in the beginning. I'm at 16 months off of adderall. The first year was very up and down with PAWS. After the initial "yay, I'm off of adderall" glow faded at months 1-3. Then intense PAWS kicked in. I remember month 4 being particularly difficult. Then things seemed to even out. At month 5, I experience my dopamine coming back online - that felt GOOD. but it was temporary. Then I began have 1 to 2 week long bouts of PAWS at 6-7 months, and 11-12 months. The month leading up to my 1 year was particularly difficult. Those timeframes were specifically difficult for me, but everyone is different. One thing I noticed was after each bout of PAWS, I experienced increased healing and my faculties were better. Quitting adderall takes patience, faith, radical acceptance and self love. The healing of our brain chemistry and nervous systems is a slow process, but well worth it. Even at 16 months, I experience some PAWS, but I'm not sure if it is PAWS or just normal ups and downs. But there is a distinct difference between normal tiredness and PAWS. For instance, a few weeks ago, I watched a documentary about adderall on netflix. I began having really strong cravings, the strongest I've had since quitting. I was surprised by this and stopped watching the show. the next day, I experienced PAWS symptoms and that lasted for about 48 hours. I got through the cravings and PAWS, and felt great afterwards. I feel like the brain and nervous system remembers. Anyways, 16 months is pretty good. I try to remain humble so that I am prepared for more PAWS. Keep on going! Life is SOOO much better without adderall and I often find myself feeling so grateful that I quit. All the typical advice applies - Drink water, get plenty of sleep, supplements are great, eat as healthy as possible, meditation is a great tool. Good luck on your journey!

GO DELANEYJULIETTE! Good work on 3 months!

if you remove any access to the drug by cutting off your supplier (informing your doctor that you are addicted, getting rid of contacts number, etc.) that just leaves you with the feeling of craving without the option to do anything about it. So, you just have to walk through the fire. to lessen the pain, you can accept that you are in pain. Yes, binge watching a good show is fantastic at this juncture. but you aren't going to escape the inevitable. you just need to frame it differently. Having hope helps. for instance, I was taking 90 to 200 mg a day for 6 years. I quit cold turkey on August 1, 2021 by flushing my prescription and calling my doctor telling them I was badly addicted and had them put me on the "do not prescribe" list. I am at 16 months clean now. The first year is brutal, with intermittent bursts of healing. BUT you will eventually heal and I am so happy that I quit and stuck with it. knowing that you will heal and lift will be sooo much better - eventually - helps. Good luck to you! sometimes we need to trudge through several relapses before we finally hit bottom and quit. Life is waiting on the other side.

KEEP GOING!

@DelaneyJuliette- Keep it up!!!!

it WILL get better. it will get worse a few times at first.

I'm sorry you are trapped in the cycle. I hope you find your way out sooner rather than later.

Hello - I am at 13 1/2 months clean from an intense 90mg to 200mg adderall addiction (6 years). I see a lot of new folks on here, and I remember when I was in the hell of active adderall addiction. I felt like there was no way out. I felt like I would lose EVERYTHING if I quit. Then, when I quit, the PAWS was TERRIBLE and I thought I would never feel good again. I thought I would end up just "dealing" with the way I felt for the rest of my life. Even the months approaching my 1 year mark PAWS seemed to get worse. I was scared, but I kept going. They always say that things improve around the year mark, and it is true. Sometimes it takes a bit longer, sometimes a bit less. Many folks go back to adderall, because they can't take it anymore. They don't allow themselves to heal. JUST KEEP GOING! I wrapped up my work week yesterday, and felt like a normal person again. I still have bad days/week. I still crave adderall sometimes. but being able to go about your life without the side effects and mental anguish is just fantastic! I can save money and plan stuff. Sleep is wonderful. Sitting quietly and meditating is wonderful. I can listen to myself and manage my energy but NOT doing too much of anything. Most of all, I've begun healing the relationship I have with myself. I trust myself more, because I did a really hard thing (quitting adderall) because I knew it was bad for me. If you feel like you will loose everything, or you feel like you cannot take another day of PAWS, just breath, and allow yourself to feel like crap for the time being. Knowing that this is just part of the healing process. it is SO worth it.

Hi TeacherCoach - I'm sorry that you are suffering. I understand, and at one point I was feeling completely hopeless. There was a time that I did not think there was a way out. My journey to quitting was very long. I started with first, calming myself down. Accepting where you are is helpful. Then, take small steps to improve your health while onadderall. Such as eating healthfully, taking supplements, and trying to get proper rest. While taking adderall, you don't get the nutrients your body and brain needs. Start with magnesium, and a b complex vitamin. There is a way out, but first you have to begin with today, and learning to calm you mind. I was taking 90 to 200 mgs a day for 6 years. I remember that panic of feeling like the world was caving in on my head and there was no escape. There is no escape, but there is a way out. I am now over a year clean and feeling so much better. The first year is painfully difficult. but the only way out is through the fire. Try to gather up your support. If there is someone you can talk to about your addiction, I suggest leaning on that person. if not, I suggest finding a counselor. But for today, try to breath and relax. Drink plenty of water and get yourself some supplements! You will be okay!

Hi Dolssa - The way I got through the last year has been acceptance. Acceptance of myself, how I feel, how I look, and my situation. The tendency to control the situation and beat myself up was still there, but I did not fall into that trap all the way. Just halfway : b. If you allow yourself to be exactly the way you are, today and your mind begins freaking out, telling you something is wrong, just keep coming back to acceptance. It will get better, but not right away. You can't smell the roses if your all unhappy about the way you feel.

It just shows how much adderall affected my personality. I don't like to shop. I didn't like it before adderall, and I don't like it now. But while I was on adderall, I would shop just because I thought I had to be getting stuff for this and that. And I would become so obsessed with completing a planned upon task, that I would shop until I found said object. Jeez! Now, if I want or need an object, I will just let it come to me, or let it go.

Thank you! this gives me confidence.

I was a shopper on adderall too. And I normally dislike shopping. Now, I'm careful. Obviously, because I don't have access to credit cards. When taking adderall, I would randomly go shopping and buy like $300-$400 worth of stuff, for nothing. That stuff is sittling in a box somewhere. I would convince myself that I could pay this stuff off, but it became insanely unmanageable. After looking at all of my credit card debts, and the timeframe of when I used credit cards, I did this all within a 2 1/2 year timeframe. INSANE! It is good to hear I am not alone, and that folks bounce back. it just sucks, because I'm not getting any younger. I feel like my life is a series of almost complete self ruin, followed by a period of clean up. Looking to conduct myself differently from here on out.

I'm wishing you lots of luck too! Thank you for the encouragement.

Now that I am a year clean, I am faced with the huge financial mess I made while using. When I began adderall in 2015, I had a car loan, student loans, and 1 credit card with a manageable balance. I hoped to begin tackling my debt more aggressively as to become debt free. WELL, in walks adderall. As my use increased, so did my need to fill the void. I shopped, a lot. I lived way out of my means. I wracked up tens of thousands of dollars in consumer debt. I stopped paying on these accounts a few years ago, when I quit adderall the first time. When I went back on adderall, I was so overwhelmed with the whole situation and Covid, that I continued to ignore the obvious. well, I'm finally getting my debt in order, and I feel confident that I can do this. I know it will be a challenge financially, but I am confident that I can overcome this. As long as I stay sober. it will be a relief to get this huge stress off of my chest. I'm sure others on this site have created similar messes. Any support or encouragement is welcomed

So, here is my obligatory 1 year post. I feel hopeful, but also realistic. The last year has been SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT, but doable. Learning how to be okay with myself even when I feel awful. I'm so glad I quit, but I also know that I am not out of the woods yet. I will always be addicted to speed. I will always kind of miss it. and that is okay.

Proud of you!

Definitely possible. I was very paranoid and unsure of my partner when I was taking adderall, but I was taking ALOT over a long period of time. I could never seem to get to a place where I fully trusted him. I wasn't so much aggressive, but men may react differently.

Good luck with everything. we will all be here when you return. Hopefully, you choose to stay the course.

Thank you Faith and Hope. when it gets tough, you really do need Faith and Hope. Honestly, sharing experiences and reading others experiences helps so much. knowing you are not alone and crazy, and that it does get better helps so much. Somedays, the only bright star I have is my clean time But a few days pass and I feel much more hopeful all around. You can do this!

Yes! Our brains are fascinating. Emotional pain is a huge one for me. I tend to be an emotional being, I have always been very emotional. I used to take more adderall when emotions were high, now I have to acknowledge my emotions and ride their waves...without spewing them onto my loved ones or overreacting to them. The mature portion is new, I'm accepting that emotionality is going to happen, and instead of easing its impact with drugs or dumping on others, I'm learning to manage them, with different tools, Alone, with my cats. Of course, I'm also learning how to lean on others in my life in a balanced and healthy manner. That is a whole other can of worms, because adderall made me feel MORE separate from others. it messed with my ability to connect. when my ability to connect was already messed up, adderall made me feel like I didn't need anyone or that Others were against me.

I think the puzzling, cooking, and such are wonderful activities when energy is present. I also feel like acceptance and doing absolutely nothing is good when energy is not present. I know i absolutely love a hot bath when I'm feeling overwhelmed, or underwhelmed. I will say this, I noticed that certain times throughout the last year, Post acute withdrawal was triggered by certain situations in which I would typically use lots of adderall in the past. Everything from arguments with my partner, to certain thought patterns, etc. I can see how craving and considering using addreall could trigger a bout of PAWS, because your neural pathways are expecting a hit, but nothing happens. It is proven that these things pass, and our brains and nervous systems need to rewire through these cravings. Which takes time. and that time feels excruciatingly slow when it is happening. I hope you keep going!

Yay!!! good job! I hope to congratulate you on your 2 year mark...one day at a time risingpheonix!

Gosh, redditt can be trouble! I think the one constant in life is - it will pass

I've have been there. I quit for 10 1/2 months back in 2018, and relapsed. I too, had made up my mind that I was going to start taking it again. Two years later, I quit again...this time I'm at almost a year. You will be back, in the meantime, try to take good care of yourself! don't be too hard on yourself.