[OCD]

You mentioned you were on wellbutrin. Doesn't wellbutrin cause anxiety?

[The giant amphetamine elephant]

Ask the career services people or admissions at your school. The school should know or be able to find out for you. Some states are more lenient than others when it comes to prior records (like dui) so worst comes to worst you work in one of those states.

Source: i used to work at a nursing college

[Can I Really LIVE Life Off Adderall]

I can definitely relate and yes, you do get your drive and productivity back. It's a long road though. I know it feels like an eternity but you should realize that 3 months isn't a long time to be off any substance. Your brain is only just beginning to heal. I basically sleep walked through my first year of recovery doing the bare minimum at work and home and watching a ton of netflix. Netflix and food were my only hobbies for a long time. People won't notice your laziness as much as you think. You just have to keep trudging and let time pass to get over your stimulant addiction. I also had that fear/intimidation feeling and that took the longest to improve of anything.

 

In the early stages of my recovery, I read this scholarly article about relapse prevention that talked about the  major symptoms of addiction, and there was one that really stood out to me. "The belief that a chemical substance will compensate for some personal weakness or lack of skill." I knew that as long as I felt that way about amphetamines, I wasn't yet over my addiction. I'm happy to say I no longer feel that way.

[3 resumes a day club]

I have had conflicting advice on the weaknesses. Some people say tell them a weakness but pick something that is really a strength in disguise - like "I am a workaholic" Other people say that is the first way to frustrate your interviewer so pick a real weakness. I went with the latter route and picked a real weakness, but out of the air, not because i felt it was a real weakness, but because I had to answer that dumb question, I said "sometimes im afraid to ask for help"

Dang. That was the WRONG weakness. He went off on how the position required you to ask for help..blah blah...I got killed on that question. I think that lost it for me. Well u live and learn.

I usually say that as a weakness too but the way I say it is "Sometimes I have a hard time asking for help because I like figuring things out on my own." It's true. Another one is "I need quiet time to think of new ideas so I have a hard time focusing in a perpetually loud work environment." Yeah, definitely don't say "I work too hard" or "I'm a perfectionist" lol.

[Things I still struggle with]

Thanks liltex. I added 'no more cravings' to my list. I too am used to life without it. And yeah, what the f happened to mfa?

[14 months and where I'm at.]

One thing that's helped me is to not try to be positive, happy or optimistic if that's not what I'm feeling. Trying to change my feelings never works for me. It feels tedious and superficial. Instead I stop resisting what I'm feeling and lean into it. Then it passes and I feel good again. Sometimes it takes a day or so, but it passes if I don't try to change it. I think that's the key, learning to feel crappy at times without trying to change those feelings whenever they arise, or wonder what you can do to change your mood. What you resists persists, as they say. On Adderall you're used to never feeling sadness or having to suffer a low mood, but that's not human. In reality, good feelings pass through and bad feelings pass through.

 

Meditation helps a lot with this. The whole point of sitting upright and focusing on your breath is to learn how to detach yourself from your mind/thoughts. Consider doing meditation for 20 minutes a day.

 

Also, being isolated and understimulated really affects my mood. I notice a huge difference when I'm working around/conversing with a lot of people vs. working from home. I need a highly stimulating, fast paced job, otherwise I'm in my own head all the time. So, I would say that's absolutely a factor.

[Moving from 99% to 100% sure]

You just have to make the decision and be commited to the decision 100% even if you feel unsure inside. You will be tempted along the way. You will forget why you quit. This is why you need to cut off your supply/remove access completely.

[3 resumes a day club]

Just got back from my interview. He asked me so many tough questions about mistakes Ive made, weaknesses, things i regretted, and times I disagreed with someone..questions that forced me to say bad things about myself. Im relieved its over. I didn't leave with a great feeling. Lesson from this one: I really have to get better at turning negatives into positives.

I hate that shit. Instead of focusing on our strengths, employers are obsessed with us improving our weaknesses. I think the key to answering those questions is to be casual and show them you dont take yourself to seriously and learn from your mistakes

[Things I still struggle with]

I'll probably write more later - I just wanted to write down things I'm still struggling with as a residual effect of speed, and things that I feel I'm over now.

Things I still struggle with after 2 years clean (that I didn't have problems with before Adderall):

- Taking myself too seriously
- Taking my job/performance/life in general too seriously

- Work in general. I'm just allergic to work/corporate culture.
- Rigid thinking (like the above). Thinking in black & white terms, i.e. "I'll never be happy, I'll never have a job I like."
- Not being able to have fun or go with the flow.
- Sensitive ego, thin skin
- Self deprecation. I used to be really self deprecating, it was part of my charm. Now i have trouble with it because i'm so serious and self critical.

Things I'm over that I struggled with in the beginning of quitting:

- Lack of energy. My energy levels are fine now with just a cup of coffee in the morning.
- Lack of desire to exercise. In the beginning, I didn't have any physical energy. Now, I really like to move around and not sit still for a long period of time
- Focus. My focus has returned to pre-speed levels.
- Self-confidence (mostly). I have much more confidence in my own abilities now. Starting two new jobs post Adderall helped with this.
- Cravings. I never crave adderall anymore.

[12 Miles a Week Runners Club - NEW]

Ashley,

 

I get what you mean about 'fun' jobs not paying enough to live on. The company I'm at now has some positions that would be a lot more satisfying than the one I'm in, but I couldn't afford to work in those positions because the pay is shit. In my life, the jobs I've made the most money in were the worst in terms of stress and/or responsibility. It's not like I live a lavish lifestyle by any means, but I need to be at a baseline income to be comfortable.

[20 minutes a day meditation club?]

I meditated 6 out of 7 days this past week, not too shabby. I also did yoga twice this week.

[Month plus still hate my lazy ass!]

I would say you need to give it at least a year to see noticable improvements in your brain. People in AA/NA will tell you this as well. You really need to take a longer view of recovery if you are to succeed. I started to have more physical energy after 4 months which helped a lot. The reason it's so much easier to give up coke than adderall is because you use coke to party, but you use adderall to do important everyday things like work, clean your house, hobbies, etc. The association is so much stronger. This was my experience anyway.

[Month plus still hate my lazy ass!]

It's only been a month! Give yourself a break, your brain needs time to heal. You can't force the recovery process so just relax as much as possible and minimize stress. Can you hire someone to come clean your house?

[sense of self]

I don't usually run out early, it depends. There are some points in my life that it got bad, and I can hardly remember any of it. It's hard to believe that all the paranoia, anxiety, obsessiveness, and pain can be so overwhelming and real, but at the same time, chemical. How long did it take you to feel level-headed? I was sober for a bit, and felt ecstatic most of the time. When I had a bad day though, woke up sad, I was searching for a concrete reason because I was so used to thinking "oh this must be the Adderall, etc". When a friend told me that's just what happens, that people have bad days, it felt like I was experiencing real sadness for the first time.

It took me a year or so to feel like i had leveled out and really just get comfortable doing things without a pill. I think being in my 30s instead of my 20s made things harder because my body wasn't as resilient. I took adderall for 5 years starting at age 26. How long were you sober?

[3 resumes a day club]

That's called Stockholm syndrome isn't it?

Keep up the good work guys! I am impressed...that and $5 will get you a cup of coffee.

I think stockholm syndrome is when you start to empathize with your kidnapper.

[20 minutes a day meditation club?]

This is so great Cassie. Thank you so much for sharing. This is amazing and I couldn't agree with you more

In college, I took an art history class based on religion and our teacher made us mediate as a class, every class and it was awesome. I can't remember but I think it was for 15mins. I really enjoyed it but I was on a lot of Adderall then so I couldn't just silent my mind but now I can.

While I'm in yoga, I feel like I am mediating the entire class (while doing hard intense cardio yoga moves in 105 degrees), my mind is blank and at peace. Just in the present, focusing on the moment and task at hand… the next yoga move or the current one. I'm listening to the instructor, focusing on my posture and breathing. During Bikram, you must breath threw your nose the entire time because you can control your breathing better and not get so out of breath. "Yoga has traditionally taught that breathing through the nose better maintains the correct balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood." And apparently, it clears the toxins out of your body better than breathing threw your mouth can. I just find this stuff so interesting but by breathing threw my nose I really do notice a difference.

I never want to be out of control of my body and mind like I was on Adderall. I now am starting to get control back and it feels so good and empowering. I want to never live like that again (how I was and did on Adderall). I'm so glad I quit when I did and my only regret is that I wish I had done it sooner.

I did Bikram yoga as well for the first 4 months after quitting, 2-3 times per week. I had groupons for it. It really helped me feel better. I also did it at home for a while after my passes ran out - you can download the 'talk track' on itunes.

 

After that I switched to more relaxing yoga that wasn't as 'high maintenance' as Bikram, i.e. having to wash clothes/towels all the time, making sure I was always properly hydrated, etc. I like more aerobic yoga from time to time but now prefer more yin/restorative postures.

[3 resumes a day club]

IR,

 

What do you do for informational interviews? I assume it's talking to people in the field but I was wondering if you can elaborate on how you go about doing that. Do you think people are honest when you talk to them? I hope they would be but I also know that it's generally taboo in America to admit to not liking your job/career.

 

I'm sure you're right about not liking my old job either. I just have 'graduation goggles' so to speak. I heard that term on How I Met Your Mother. They were talking about how when you graduate you're sad that you're never going to see any of those losers again. Or when you go to break up with someone you suddenly start thinking they're not so bad, lol.

[3 resumes a day club]

I think I need to join this club. After quitting my library management job I had for four years, I started a sales job which I hated. They lied to me about the compensation plan and the management was terrible, so after 4 months I took this other job out of desperation to get out of there. My new job is even worse! I'm so mad at myself for quitting my first job in the first place. It paid well and I could have just negotiated better hours instead of quitting. I know I was bored and that's why I quit, but I feel like I can't find anything comparable now and all I get called for is crappy entry level jobs that are way below my skill level. AAAAAHHHH.

 

Sorry to vent, I'm just really angry at myself. So, I applied for two jobs this morning. I think I will have to stick to two a day because I'm working full time.

[20 minutes a day meditation club?]

All you have to do is sit in a quiet room, preferably on the floor crosslegged but you can sit upright on a chair if that's not possible. Try to keep sitting taller. Keeping your eyes open count your breaths 1 2 3 4... repeat. Focus on counting your breath and when your mind wanders start counting over at 1. The goal is to focus on your breath. That's it! No need for apps, you do this in silence.

[B12]

What are you expecting to 'feel' from a vitamin? It's not going to get you high

[20 minutes a day meditation club?]

The thing is, it's not that hard to focus on your breath when you're sitting upright. And it should be effortless. When you lose focus just gently start recounting your breath. I always used to do guided meditation in bed and i would fall asleep. You wont fall asleep if you are sitting upright and consciously trying to sit straighter. This is the element i was missing before, this and silence

[12 Miles a Week Runners Club - NEW]

Ashley,

 

I've interviewed and hired a ton of people in my life, and the main things I've always looked for were:

 

1) Good attitude/enthusiasm for position
 

2) Resourcefulness - especially in the ability to solve problems and learn/find answers on their own
 

3) Computer skills! It's amazing how many people I hired ended up having crappy computer skills - I don't have time to teach you how to copy and paste, arrgh!

 

So, main things are just to have a good attitude, express interest, and tout your ability to learn and adapt to change. You want to focus on how you're going to benefit the company (with your resourcefulness, good attitude and adaptability!), and don't overtalk! Keep your answers short and to the point. Good interviews are like casual conversations, so no need to be nervous. If it's uncomfortable because the interviewer is just reading generic questions of a sheet of paper and writing down your answers, it means they're a bad interviewer! People that know what they're doing keep it casual like a regular conversation.

 

Also, the more you interview, the better you'll get at it! You'll have all your answers down pat like a professional. Google 'common interview questions' and prepare a little. Have like 2 or 3 scenarios ready in case they ask behavioral questions such as 'tell me about a time when you had a conflict with a customer and how you resolved it.. blah blah blah.' You can take the same 2 or 3 situations and spin a few angles. Good luck!

[20 minutes a day meditation club?]

About a week ago I started consistently meditating for 20 minutes a day, and my focus has never been better.

 

I'd always meditated here and there, but not consistently enough to see results. So a week ago I started meditating for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night - crossed legged on the floor, spine straight, eyes open, and counting my breaths 1, 2, 3, 4, repeat. I do it in silence, no 'meditation music' or anything. This is the best method I've ever done to see results. It makes me focus on my breath, and just notice if and when my mind wanders. If it wanders, I start my count back at one.

 

I believe consistent meditation like this is the cure for depression and anxiety, because it changes the structure of your brain to reduce activity in the areas associated with these responses. There's tons of articles you can read on this.

 

My goal is to eventually up my practice to 30 minutes a day, then 40, as I get better and faster. Anyone want to join me?

[Punk, counter culture... americanos]

During a conversation casually ask her if she has a boyfriend. This lets her know you like her and primes her for being hit on. If she's not interested it will give her a chance to say yes without making any future conversation awkward. If she says no then you can go from there and ask her if she wants to hang out.

I always appreciated this approach from guys because there's no awkwardness of saying directly 'i'm not interested in you like that' if I wasn't interested. Just my opinion!

[Getting out of the adderall mentality]

Cassie,

My counselor helps because she's a recovering addict, so she can relate and has been through it. Her drugs of choice were alcohol and....speed. She gets the mentality.

That's awesome you have a counselor like that. I tried two therapists and didn't feel that comfortable around either one. One of them kept asking me about my sex life and my relationship with my husband because 'i never mentioned him.' Yeah, because my marriage is fine. I came to you to talk about my problems, dumbass. So yeah, your counselor sounds super cool. I just don't have the patience or money to 'counselor shop' for a good one, so i talk to friends that have been through addiction and get it.