[help with afternoon slump]

What is your diet like? Do you bring your lunch to work or go out to eat? Whenever I go out for lunch I feel tired after because I eat so much more than I would if I would have brought something. I eat small meals every few hours - that seems to help with having a consistent energy level throughout the day. I feel good in the afternoons when I eat a kale salad for lunch (I put chickpeas, veggies and goat cheese in it). Sardines on whole wheat crackers also gives me a ton of energy (boneless, skinless sardines in olive oil are delicious). I keep protein bars, fruit and veggies at my desk so I have healthy food to grab if I need a snack.

 

Maybe you can try drinking green tea or yerba mate tea in place of the coffee? It's got some caffeine but less than coffee. I've been wanting to drink more green tea. Another thing that helps me is taking 10 minute walks around my office complex several times a day.

[15.5 months off Adderall. Trying to figure out what to do next]

I agree with quit-once. If you weren't addicted to a drug, would you still be thinking about it 15 months later, missing it every day? Were you still thinking about Effexor a year after you stopped taking it? I doubt it. That is the difference between addictive drugs (amphetamines, benzos and opiates) and non-addictive drugs like anti-depressants. You don't form an emotional attachment to non-addictive drugs. Concerta is an addictive stimulant, in the same class as Adderall. I'm not sure why you think it would somehow be less harmful as Adderall if taken long term. Concerta, Adderall and Vyvanse all carry the same addiction warnings by the manufacturer, all schedule II drugs.

 

It is a hard struggle to stay off amphetamines and I think the most important traits you can have during the process are faith (that your situation will improve with time because your current feelings/mindset are temporary) and a good attitude. It used to be really hard for me to maintain a positive attitude but regular meditation has really helped me with this. Improving your attitude will also make you more attractive and interesting to be around, so there are many reasons to at least try to improve your attitude a little bit. At 15 months I still felt very out of sorts, lacked confidence and felt lost. I had the same thoughts as you, that maybe I am denying myself happiness and zest for life and a pill would make it all better. I realized I thought this way because of my addiction to adderall. 

 

You're doing great with your diet and exercise, holding down a job, etc. You have many reasons to be proud of yourself for being sober this long and based on your old posts it seems like you are much better off than you were a year ago. It will only get better from here. You have to believe that though (that's where the faith part comes in). If you go back on amphetamines and want to quit again in the future you'll be going through all this crap again. One piece of advice is to stay off the Internet. Reading stories about Adderall and Concerta and comparing yourself to others is not going to work in your favor. People tend to put their best foot forward online and you never know someone's whole story - only a brief snippet from a snapshot in time - so only compare yourself to yourself. I think the psychologist/therapy route is a good idea before going on back on amphetamines. 

[I was so close to a year off adderall]

Hey Robin,

Sorry you relapsed. Don't worry, you're not going to be tired forever. It's just a big adjustment to your brain to have chemicals taken away after so long. I felt much better after 2 years than one year. You just have to stick out the shitty parts (unless you want to be an addict the rest of your life.) Have you thought about joining NA or SMART Recovery and going to meetings? There is a Pills Anonymous near my house and I went a few times. It might be helpful to go to meetings if you're feeling vulnerable.

[" THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!]

Good luck FW. My only advice would be to give yourself more than 6 months to see if your sleep/energy improves. At 6 months I was still very fatigued. Have faith in the resilience of your body and mind to recover and give yourself the time and patience your brain needs to heal.

[I want my life back.]

Cassie it's so encouraging to hear you're still off it! I hope I can get there. I'll definitely read your original post. Do you still think about taking it everyday? Or do entire days go by where it's not even a passing thought?

 

No, I don't think about taking it at all. When I think about it now, I think about how it would hinder me, not help me. For the first 6 months or so, I thought about it every day, multiple times a day and experienced cravings up till about 18 months. At this stage of my recovery, recovery is about personal growth rather than 'abstaining from adderall,' if that makes any sense. 

 

Also, the worst part of recovery for me was months 2-4. Things definitely got worse before they got better. That's the nature of recovering - it's not a linear process. You'll have good days and bad days until eventually the good days start to outnumber the bad. Hope this helps!

[I want my life back.]

Your story resonated with me because I was also an excellent student and didn't begin my daily use/abuse of Adderall until after college when I was in the working world. Got it from a friend, then finagled my own prescription, same deal. You can read my original post here: http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/66-the-two-month-itch/?hl=%2Bmonth+%2Bitch 

 

I've been off it for over two years now after trying to quit a few times. I feel fine now, but it's an awfully slow process that requires total commitment on your part. In my opinion, the biggest mistakes people make when quitting are 1) underestimating how long recovery takes (think years, not months) and 2) continuing to have access to the drug/not cutting yourself off from your doctor. The first year sober I was like a 'dry drunk' - off Adderall but not happy about it. It was hard to deal with the anhedonia, no motivation, empty feeling that I had for a long time. But I pushed through those roadblocks and now that a lot of time has passed I am free of that awful addiction. Good luck and I hope your boyfriend supports your quitting.

[20 minutes a day meditation club?]

Just want to update that I've been meditating every day since I started this. Some days it's only 5 minutes, other days it's 30 minutes, but I've been doing it consistently every day. My anxiety and depression is completely gone now. It took a few weeks to see results, and research shows that after 7-8 weeks, your brain structure changes due to meditation, so I'm excited to see what happens.

[3 resumes a day club]

Congrats Inrecovery and Ashley, and Caroline, your painting job sounds awesome. I hate the corporate world - I work in education but it still feels corporate because it's for-profit. Working for other people blows. You are on the right track creating your own path!

[High expectations of oneself, must go out the window, when quitting adderall]

There's an Anna Quindlen quote I always liked, from her book Being Perfect:
 

"Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere... And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be."
 

I was a perfectionist when I was a kid, then grew out of it in my teens. Adderall made me regress to that perfectionist mindset. So, in my world, perfectionism is juvenile trait. It's the opposite of wisdom. It's something you naturally grow out of as you learn more about the world and broaden your horizons. Perfectionists are boring, judgmental people. I'd much rather be flawed and funny and self deprecating and open-minded. 

[High expectations of oneself, must go out the window, when quitting adderall]

I think this goes for quitting any addiction. Addiction trains your brain to rely on the quick fix of a substance for any problem or stress, so you lose the capacity to delay gratification. You become impatient and unable to tolerate discomfort now in order to feel better later.

 

It was only by drastically lowering my expectations of recovery that I was able to quit for good. I expected to be be physically tired for a year, so when I had some energy after a few months it was like angels sang. Also, if I wanted to do stuff, I learned to use fear motivation because intrinsic motivation just aint there (i.e. if I wanted to exercise I would go to a yoga class that I couldn't leave or else I would risk people staring at me).

[How to find old posts?]

If you remember the title of your post you can search by that. If you go to 'forum'and search it will search all categories.

[Beginning Taper will I always be so tired]

I need to increase my water intake. I do take vitamins including fish oil and I recently started l-tyrosine. I've been walking 2-3 times a week. I would like to workout more but all I really want to do is sleep when I'm not at work. I know few people just absolutely LOVE to exercise but will my energy level and desire improve where I won't have to force myself to exercise?

When I was on Adderall I used to run 20 miles a week, but when I quit I could barely walk for 20 minutes. For the first several months, I walked on my treadmill in front of the tv for 20 minutes every day, at a fairly slow speed. That's all I could handle. I did yoga too, and leisurely hikes. If you try to push yourself early on you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. That was my experience anyway. You have to really lower your expectations and realize recovery is an extremely slow process that you can't force or micromanage. I'd sleep if that's what your body is telling you. For the first year all I did was go to work, watch tv and sleep (and light exercise). I didn't have the motivation or energy to do anything else. I slept 9-10 hours a night for the first year off Adderall.

[3 resumes a day club]

It is more important to be concise and not ramble. Put yourself in their shoes. Interviewer doesn't want to talk to you longer than necessary, lol.

[3 resumes a day club]

Pick two or three situations where you either had a conflict or solved a problem at work and you can use those as a base for any of those questions. Make them up (in advance) if you can't think of anything. Be positive and enthusiastic, that's the most important part.

[12 Miles a Week Runners Club - NEW]

I eat mostly vegetarian, but I feel like my body needs meat sometimes. A good sustainable animal protein is sardines. I buy these good quality sardines from costco. They're packed in olive oil and boneless and skinless. They taste awesome on crackers and are packed with protein and vitamins.

[Two years!]

Congrats Ashley! Two years was a big turning point for me, much more than one year. It felt like more of an accomplishment or something. I like that you said you have worked to build a life that you are proud of. I need to start doing that, instead of feeling bad about myself and sad about my past life choices. It's great that your life is coming together, post adderall. Your sleep might improve when you start a regular job and are on more of a set schedule. I second the puppy suggestion! Or, do what I did and adopt an adult dog that is already trained and won't tear up your house

[I'm Tired of Being Tired!!!]

I wonder if it makes a difference the amount of adderall you took on a daily basics and how long you took adderall?

I am still so extremely TIRED and have my moments of being so distraught about being so fatigue. I even went to the doctor and had some blood work with the hope that maybe there was another cause besides no longer taking adderall to explain my lack of energy. Maybe I was an anemic, thyroid, etc.. Just SOMETHING that would explain. Because honestly I worry that i will never get any better... I will never have anymore energy. Gosh I hate to be such a "Debbie Downer" but I have been crying non-stop about that I was so "tired of being tired" especially the past several days to has really gotten me down. In fact my son that is a senior in high school got home and I was upset and he ask me what was wrong and I actually said "I am so tired of being tired" . I decided to get on here and I thought it was so ironic when I read what the topic on this tread.

I also take Wellbutrin and after about 7-8 with feeling tired all the time. It went though a period were I was also crying all the time as well. And I had been doing somewhat better but it was like i "hit a wall" my husband insisted I call my doctor and tell him I was having a major depressive eposide I explained to him what I had been feeling like and he agreed sounded like I could benefit from an anti-depressant and starred me on lexapro. It did seem to help and did at least "get me out of bed"

so again do you guys thing it matters how long you took adderall or the dose you were on?

I'm sure the longer you took it, the longer it takes to recalibrate. I took it for 5 years and the first year sober I was pretty tired all the time. After 2 years I felt a lot better. My motivation and drive is starting to come back a lot more now, after almost 2.5 years. It is a slow process to regaining your physical and mental energy. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just a slow process and you have to give it time.

[I'm Tired of Being Tired!!!]

It also took 4 months for me to regain basic energy levels - very basic. I didn't take any antidepressants but I did Bikram yoga 2-3 times a week for the first 4 months, and I went hiking every Sunday.

[3 resumes a day club]

Hahahaha. Quit once, I love kids, but your response is funny.

If you need a job you can always take it and keep looking. I know a few social workers and the ones that aren't burned out are the ones that are detached and don't get emotionally involved in their jobs at all.

[failure, anxiety, humiliation]

I struggled at my job for the first 18 months off Adderall because it was very unstructured and had no deadlines. I had to go there every day, but I had no oversight and all the work was self directed. I just didn't care about anything and hardly did anything. I felt tremendous anxiety for getting paid to do the bare minimum, like I was cheating my employer. My solution was to quit that job and get a job that had way more oversight and deadlines (sales). I did okay there but didn't like it so now I'm in another, similar role.

It's so much easier to change your environment than it is to change yourself (if that's even possible). I wish I would have done it sooner, instead of struggling for 18 months to 'be more productive' at a slow paced, unstructured job. What I needed was an environment that had daily accountability, urgency, and a real boss to be more productive. I realized it wasn't a character flaw to need some oversight/management in order to be motivated to work. Maybe you can get a part time job in addition to your freelance work, so you get some structure and stimulation in your days.

Edit: just wanted to add that the busier i am, the more i get done. If i don't have much to do i slow way down. Momentum helps.

[The "first pill" and "abuse"]

I've always thought that drugs are drugs, whether you get them on the street or from a pharmacy. All illegal drugs were legal at one point and used for 'medicine.' So i never deluded myself into thinking prescription speed was less dangerous or addictive than street drugs. When i quit my mind went to all kinds of justifications though. Like maybe i really have add and i need speed. I just pushed through those thoughts and recognized them as the addiction talking. Reading the book 'On Speed' put this topic in perspective, the marketing of amphetamines throughout history and how the diagnoses change over time to suit the culture.

[ADHD drugs linked to obesity]

This Johns Hopkins study just came out today

 

http://time.com/25544/taking-adhd-drugs-as-a-child-linked-to-later-obesity/

[Occasional Adderall after Quitting?]

I tried to cut down a million times and it never worked. If you're at the point where you take it every day and you feel like you can't perform without it, i'd say it's a pipe dream to go back to occasional/recreational use. You will always want that boost if it's an option.

 

IMO, employers are going to hire people they like, and no one I ever knew that took Adderall was very likable. I think this is especially true in the nursing field because it's dominated by women and that leads to cliques, gossip and politics. Your grades are ultimately going to matter less than your communication savvy. I was always a straight A student but a crappy networker. My sister was a below average student but had really good people skills. Guess who is more successful now, job wise? The shmoozer will always be more successful than the socially awkward smart person, in the long run. 

 

Adderall/vyvanse made me even more socially awkward, introverted and self conscious in the end, and I didn't even realize how much until I had been off of it for quite a bit of time. Speed crushes your ego until you are a fragile shell of a person with no inner resources to draw from. It's a trap - you think it's helping you and you don't realize how much it was actually hurting you until you are sober for quite a while. 

[OCD]

Have you tried yoga and/or meditation? That might help calm your mind and increase your awareness. I asked the question about Wellbutrin because I remember when I took it in the past (pre Adderall) it made me anxious. I don't know a whole lot about OCD but I remember before Adderall having some bad habits, like picking at my cuticles a lot. I don't know if that's the same thing though. Stopping that entailed becoming aware every time I was doing it and just slowly cutting down until it was stopped. Do you think maybe once you start working full time some of these behaviors will go away on their own?

[The giant amphetamine elephant]

Cassie that is a good idea. I guess I'm ashamed to directly ask them about it. I haven't heard anything about it since then. And yeah, it was totally the adderall addict inside of me acting, and it's just so embarrassing to look back on the things I did to get this terrible drug. Ive never really hated a drug as much as I hate adderall. I wonder if I can someone write anonymously to the nursing office.

Don't worry at all about asking them. They aren't the cops nor is it their job to report that kind of info. FERPA protects your personal info anyway. I've worked at schools and heard all kinds of crazy things from students - felonies, mental illness, drug problems, etc. Trust me, they won't judge you.