quit-once

I remember your posts from a year ago, JMAC. I remember the well-written posts and yours were long, but good reading. You are not in a good place, my friend. I don't have any solutions, either...only a little feeedback for ya. Normally I would say congratulations for quitting and being adderall free for a month. But in your case, you really didn't choose to be that way. Your addiction simply has not ran its full course...yet. In your mind, the solution to your current problems would be more adderall and a regular stream of it, right? I didn't read anything...not ONE FUCKING THING in your post that said how bad your addiction was or why you hate the drug adderall. One of your last sentences said it made you believe bullshit about yourself, whatever that means. I read that you would blow through a script in two weeks, but not that you really hated that, either. So now you are at a fork where your life can go one of three ways: You can stay where you are, jonesing for adderall and wallowing in your laziness, depression and fatness. Not a good place by any measure and it will eventually lead to another addiction (alcohol, meth, etc) and maybe the full circle back to more adderall abuse. You can give in to the temptations of the adderall calling you back and figure out a new way to get it. Go back to your addiction for however long you need to be there until you find your rock bottom. Let the addiction finish running its course. You might have to loose a job, a girlfriend, piss off your family and chase away your friends. You might have to go into debt to afford the adderall and all the stupid shit it makes you do and buy. You might have to make a lot more bad decisions influenced by a drug. You might have to suffer some serious health problems or develop a mental illness. You have all of these things and more to look forward to if you return to the adderall! Option 3 is to accept your quit for the better and move on with life. That will take the most work and effort on your part. If you choose this path, it won't be easy. It will take a lot of soul searching, self acceptance and looking forward not back at your glorious addiction. We can help you with some of that on this web site but you might even need more help that that with one on one therapy or counseling. You could start by making a list of why you would never want to return to your addiction and the bad things about your adderall abuse. At this point it sounds like if you could just get your hands on more adderall you would take them and not worry about the future for now. What will it take to change that mindset, jmac?

that is what Timothy Leary said too...I think he went out on a few hits of acid

They have developed eye glasses for color-blind people that helps them to see the full spectrum of color. I learned that from the "unexplained mysteries" link InRecovery posted about other forums. Great website, by the way.

Good Job!! You got this. You now own your quit. it is yours...for as long as you choose to keep it!

Good ol' Darwin at work!

Sky, if "seeked" is not a word it should be the way you used it above. "Sought" just does not have the same meaning. Edit: I just saw MFA's post above and want to comment on the fact we do care about each other even though we have never met in person. When InRecovery went MIA for three months last summer, I became really concerned for his well-being. I was pretty sure he didn't relapse, but I started worying about illnesses and accidents and other bad things. And I am generally an Alfred E Newman type - "what, me worry?"

It is pretty rare to find a site like this without advertising of any kind. I find the ads to be distracting, and I agree with Sky 100%. I could have just cliked the like button and spared you all this useless tidbit. But the lack of advertising is what really mades this site special. I assume that Mike pays for the operation of this site out of his own pocket and from the unlikely event he receives an occasional donation.

Poor Children. They are the innocent victims in this scam. I believe an adult can and should make their own informed decision when it comes to taking a powerful and addictive drug. But the kids really don't have a choice and they are the only ones who I hold blameless and harmless from all the damage caused by this awful drug and its ensuing addiction. That said, it is appropriate for some people, if they have narcolepsy or severe ADD.

I was gonna edit but I had one more thought. I had to take a certification exam around five months into the quit. I studied my ass off for it and I was concerned about whether I would pass it. As it turns out, I did just fine and gained some much needed confidence that my ability to learn and retain information had returned. But my short and medium term memory still isn't what it was ten years ago - and maybe that is simply a function of getting old(er). I have to compensate for my poor memory by keeping a pen and paper with me almost all the time to write myself notes.

It is OK, I forgive you LilTex. I know your intentions were harmless and you were just sharing information. It was good for me to realize that I am still vulnerable even after 20 months.

There was a topic thread started by Steven the Kyle about a year ago entitled "when does mental sharpness return?" Have you seen that one? For me, it was so gradual that I really couldn't pick a moment in time. It was somewhere between three and nine months that my brain came back to me.

The article was dated in 2009 so you didn't miss anything. that was just an awful experience. I took a shower and went to yoga practice and it is all good now, but that was an awful way to start my day. That was worse than the most disgusting porn I have ever seen! Funny, cuz I still enjoy looking at High Times magazine .

I just clicked that link and started to read the article. I was overcome with the most disturbing, uncomfortable feeling looking at the enlarged picture of that fucking peach colored football shaped pill! That was the ONLY brand of generic adderall I would take and I went to great lengths to get it. But that picture just gave me the creeps. Whoa, I thought I was over this shit! I gotta go do something NOW to get my mind off it.

Just heard from Mike last night and he said it will take up to 20 chatters now. thanks for letting Mike know about it! I just thought he didn't wanna run a chat room for whatever reasons.

I like your attitude and wisdom, Burnie. Welcome to the forum!

sounds like a real life episode of the apprentice.......where's The Donald?

For some reason my message notification feature...didn't notify me of your message. I just read it now for the first time and you sent it to me on Sunday? Anyway I am glad you are helping out around here.....thanks for volunteering. Let's try to make the chat room a place people want to visit more often! I like your idea of a regular "meeting" time to begin with.

The only reason I have administrator status is because i volunteered to be the spam cop. How did you get your staff stars, MFA?

I think it is a great idea. However, does the chatroom accomodate more that 4-5 people at a time? I really haven't tried it out yet. MFA, are you now an official chatroom moderator?

Hey thanks for that link. I just watched it - one of BBC's best documentaries. Highly recommend it if you like dogs.

Dogs and their owners both release the bonding, feel good hormone oxitocin (Australian dogs release OxyContin) while they are being petted.

Please go ahead and start that thread....that is what this forum is here for!

poor cats

Interesting observations about this looking forward and looking past thing. I took adderall for emotional numbness and so I could tend to the moment and not think about the future - and it worked very well for that at that time of my life. MFA, Thank you for the laugh of the day. I think the hormone you are refering to is actually oxytocin. Oxycontin is also known as hillbilly heroin! But your point about dogs and happiness is both interesting and appreciated!

OK. I'll Bite! 1 Independence 2 Home 3 Enjoy 4 Assurance 5 Serve 15 Prestige 14 Power 13 Loyality 12 Leadership 11 Family I chose not to rank #6-10 - they were about equal. I found it to be a challenging and interesting exercise.