quit-once

My very first experience with speed was when I found a bottle of ritalin in my mom's medicine cabinet. I was about 16 years old and the bottle of pills was at least five years old. On the dosing instructions typed onto the label, it said "take one tablet daily, as needed for energy". With a promise like that, how could I resist? Obviously, Mom had better sense than me because she didn't take all of them. The ONLY time I believe that speed is justified for boosting energy is for those poor folks with narcolepsy - nothing else seems to work for them. I could sure relate to that condition during day two of adderall withdrawls (which I experienced on a weekly basis for many years). Why don't people question their doctors or get second opinions or read the PDR when it comes to this crap? Putting a kid on speed because they are tired is just wrong at so many levels.

Occasional1: I love the idea of trying to make it crappy. Really, really crappy. Like the guy in the white house said about his signature health care plan: "Don't let the perfect get in the way of what's possible"

"...Its why we are so vulnerable to an internet rife with attention parasites that we are worse for the wear." That was a good article-link, Cassie.

I use food & hunger as motivators. I have cut out the snacks and eat only balanced, moderate-sized meals - either two or three meals per day at least four hours apart. No food or drink containing any flour or sugar or alcohol. This helps diminish the food cravings when bored, or even when I am busy. It also keeps the weight gain under control. When I begin a project, be it cleaning, decluttering, repairing, writing, or shoveling show, I say "what do I want this to look like when I am done with this session?" As I work through it, I might start getting food cravings or finding other distractions. If I do get hungry, I just drink water or slam a (sugarfree)red bull or 5hourenergy. I use the next meal as motivation to complete what I was doing and get to either a break point or project completion. In other words, I can't have my food until the task is done.

I liked that original post too, in fact I was going to respond to it this morning and now its gone. Fuck.

Could anybody please tell us how "clean time" or "sober time" is counted by the folks in NA/AA? I honestly don't know the answer.

When it comes to addiction and using, it is all or none and I see it as black and white with no gray in the middle (and I am not a very judgemental person). If somebody asks you how long you have been clean, that is the time since taking your last pill, cigarette, puff, drink, or fix. That is simply the price you must pay for a relapse, no matter how minor it was. Will the next 90 days be as rough as your first 90 days of recovery because you took one fuckin pill? Not hardly, especially when it comes to how you feel. When it comes to the urge to use, however, you have definately made it tougher on yourself by taking that one fuckin pill. Have you hade any subsequent cravings or are you so thoroughly disgusted with yourself that even the thought of taking adderall makes you ill?

MFA, I need to revise my response to you from yesterday. It was written in a hurry and I just don't like what I said, so let me explain and revise. First, I do not wish you any ill will from going to your interview on adderall. To say I hope you don't get the job, even if you are qualified for it, is just wrong and I apologize for that. Krax did interperet my response correctly, however, so let me put the reasoning for my response in my own words. If you were sucessful in the interview, some of that success would have to be attributed to adderall. It is like a fucked up posivitive re-enforcement and my concern was when the going gets tough later on, you would look back on how adderall helped through that interview, and crave adderall again when you needed to make another big impression. If you were not sucessful in getting that job from the interview (while you were high), your failure can also partially be blamed on taking the adderall. In either case, like Sky said, there were other factors in play. Like the qualifications and who knows what other network-related relationships with the other candidate. And your own qualifications too. Maybe he called your old boss who told him you went crazy on him, before offering you the job. Maybe they knew each other? The bottom line is that adderall really complicated the whole process. There is no do-over of another interview without adderall involved. Learn from this experience that adderall will ALWAYS make things so much more complicated, never easier or smoother or faster or better. Congratulations to you for staying the course of quitting - you are already on day three now. One last question: did you tell your husband about the "relapse"?

Wasn't he the fat cigar chompin white shirt wearing boss of geroge jetson?

John, Are you still taking adderall? If so, how much?, and if not, for how long have you been off it? We have members who have experienced similar situations. My best friend went crazy too, and he came back just fine.

And now for a little tough love - I really hope you do not get this job because your success at this moment would somehow justify your recent and future adderall use and make it that much harder to stay off the shit. It is good to have guilt because you have a consience which may keep you from doing even more stupid shit. Don't be too hard on yourself, MFA.

My favorite Cassie quote: "Recovery is not a linear process" I wish I could find that post and link it up to this one.

Freedom's Wings, thank you for setting her straight on the racist comments. We are all brothers and sisters in various stages of addiction and/or recovery and racism has no place on this forum. It is worse than spam, in my opinion. Emhuleexo, thank you for removing your offensive comments before I had a chance to read them and thank you for your apology. Good luck with your recovery.

Sky, I thought you were a vegetarian. Isn't colostrum made from cows milk?

Really good question Krax. I have thought about that a lot lately. Last year, i had a favorite TV show just about every night of the week and I probably spent 2-4 hours per day watching television. This year, the only program I watch daily is the daily show and maybe a little bit of news. I bet I spend less than an hour per day watching television nowadays because I am busy doing other things that interest me. amazing what a year of recovery will do for ya.

I hate to break the bad news to both of you, but there will never be anything that replaces or simulates the feeling that a stimulant drug has given you, except another stimulant drug. Accepting this sad but simple truth will help you get through the rough spots of recovery.

yes, but you can immagine how tweaked out, stressful and unpleasant it would be, right? where did you find those silly little animated characters?

It feels really, really good to not HAVE to take a pill, any pill, unless i want to. Some days I don't even take any supplements and those are usually my better days.

I find it both energizing and exhausting being around people who are high on adderall: Energizing because I catch a contact high from their excitement and enthusiasm for every.fucking.thing; and it is exhausting because I just can't keep up with 'em.

I quit the cigs within a month of quitting adderall. It was just easier to make those big changes all at once for me. I found that Chantix was rather unpleasant, especially in early recovery so I would not recommend going that way, although it was incredibly effective but maybe I didn't need it in the first place.

Oh, so it's a TV show, huh? From MFA's first post, I thought Breaking Bad was a movie. we don't get too much tv out here in wyoming.

InRecovery, I would never want to correct your point of view about work because it is your opinion and how can somebody have a wrong opinion? But I will offer my own perspective on work and jobs in general. I like work and I like my job. Not only for its income, but for the sense of purpose and general contribution to society that having a job gives me. Without a job every day would be like the last one and life would seem like one big cycle of circles. Most jobs present us with daily challenges and opportunities for growth. For me, it really isn't about the money at all, because somehow I would get by on whatever money I make. Having a job gives me both daily satisfaction and sometimes frustration but that is how we grow throughout life. I have had the same job now for about 15 years and I still like it and I am very happy. Sebastian, I wonder if you chose the wrong profession? You said you like to be around good people all the time but will you ever find an entire group of good people in the legal profession? After all, that profession is just one battle after another and they never cease. I believe the legal profession has more than its normal share of assholes, both as lawyers, prosecutors, attorneys, clients and politicians. Is it possible that taking adderall all through law school blinded you to the kind of profession you were preparing yourself for, because it gave you a false sense of interest and academic achievement?

MFA, Who the fuck is Walter White?

You can hope for a faster recovery time, but I advise you to expect it to take around a year, That way if you do recover quicker than most of us, you will be pleasantly surprised rather than disapointed. If you really think about it, one year of paying your dues to recovery for four years of usage isn't a bad return on your investment of quitting. Some people who used regularly for only six months will face a year of recovery. I quit cold turkey, the depression was awful for the first month or two and the only thing that helped it was tyrosine and exercise, but I was not motivated to do exercise. My happiness came back completely after a year of recovery.

Sebastian, It took me about three months to lift the mental fog and depression, and about nine months to regain my motivation and energy, and about a year after I quit I felt mostly normal. I took the shit for about nine years @ about 125 mg per day (at the time I finally quit), so "normal" is a subjective term because I am nine or ten years older than I was when I began using, and life kept going on during that time as well. I was feeling like an old man when I quit too and thanks to yoga, losing a few pounds and eating well I don't feel old anymore. Don't dwell on the relationship thing right now because you are in early adderall addiction recovery - and that is tough on jobs and relationships. Do try the supplements we recommend around here, and for me, fish oil, a multivitamin, and tyrosine @1500mg per day really helped smooth out the rough spots of recovery. Also, redbull, coffee and 5 hourenergy for energy and motivation as needed. Don't drink too much (if any) alcohol or take drugs that cause drowsiness or depression. Have patience, maintain hope and banish the negative thoughts before they take hold.