Frank B
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Posts posted by Frank B
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You might attended a NA meeting get a sponsor if your looking for that kind of support or someone might on here not sure. Im on here a lot although not sure how helpful but others reply fairly quickly who have more time clean from it vs myself.
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Being sort of sarcastic but two years seems like a prison sentence when your in your first months. Been alot better this week able to slowly get more ambition. I certainly do not have complete anhedonia I like to have sex but compassion for that person not really then again before addy l was kind of the same it just amplified that. Not sure why the week before last I had a total balls to the wall wanting to relapse for a week straight. Maybe that was my bodies last real huge attempt to get me to go back now its sort of surrendering to a life off pills.
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just looked it up. watching their videos now, haha. never heard of this band
Yep old school Suicidal Tendencies I grew up on them and Henry Rollins among others.
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The anhedonia lasted almost two years for me, on and off. Eventually you won't feel dead inside, but you do have to give it lots of time and have patience and faith. 62 days is very early.
Hear that Duffman just two years! Boy that sure sounds great to me only having a few months! I know people are being honest on here just wish they would lie sometimes.
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Btw anyone know the band or song my headline is referring too?
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I feel the more I can start achieving goals off addy the more Ill look towards the times on addy for how crazy and unproductive they really were. Thanks to everyone for sharing it keeps me motivated!
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"Because in life, no matter the obstacle, if you've forgotten how to love yourself, you're fighting a losing battle." Sound advise especially coming from someone who has been through a lot. I probably need to work on that Ive always been extremely hard on myself why addy really felt so great. No task was to big I could conquer anything. Again that was until about the last year of using then my body simply said enough of this and I was getting very little done then. I knew along with my other bad habits it was time to stop for good. Just really scared Im gonna have to give up my business of 12 yrs . I did run it before addy for about 4 years but forgot how I did it way back then.
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"I was void and empty because my life revolved mainly upon going to bars and partying." I was quiet the opposites on weekends I hated going to dinner meeting friends out at a bar was a thing of the past. My weekend planned out like this score some pain pills save up extra doses of adderal then work my fucking ass off. That worked well for awhile building websites , remodeling my house, restoring a old project, cleaning better then June Cleaver. But towards the end I would zone out on the impossible something I could wait a few days order the part online I hand fabricated parts from scratch. It wasn't even saving but $10-$20 it was all about getting it done so I'd spend 9 hrs fabricating a piece that I could buy online if I was willing to wait a few days. Many issues like that kept coming up then was pushing off paying jobs for bs restoration projects that don't really pay the bills. But now sober I hate doing office work hate doing anything that requires setting still and concentrating which in my days of pill popping that was my party and my escape. I guess not screwed up on pain pills and addy I should be twice as good but I can't get started so many times. I'll tell you this it's simply amazing I never cut off my hand. I mean I'd go 48 hrs straight weekends sometimes of bust your ass work and usually a few beers or vodka while OJ still using power tools on heavy amounts of pain pills and addy. I must have been chosen to live for some reason I should have died scariest part I could only go to sleep on Xanax after those binges now I think how many actors died doing that shit.
Here's my pros so far way more time with kids and family. I'm way more healthier gained a few pounds but stronger also. I sleep more guess that's good but still never feel that rested. I'm not at risk of a overdose daily.
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Just frustrated with myself I see so many people overcoming major surgery , illness and cancer etc and I'm perfectly healthy crying on here about my pathetic little problems. The thought of loosing everything isn't even driving me to get my shit going like it should. I'm coming up to my 5th month April 20th from what I gather on here towards the 6 month I slowly see changes sure hope so.
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no point of constantly putting my craziness on here I'm not benefiting myself or anyone else trying to quit. Sorry
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Defiantly a big accomplishment do what Doge said gotta get away from any easy access one bad day someone offers you a pill 9 months down the drain.
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I really like asparagus with a nice steak although I seem to always over cook or under cool it on my grill.
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Yes understand and thought about not feeling anything while I was at the gym. Not only did I hide from personal feelings with adderal but also ran from phyiscal pains with oxy for two years. At the gym I haven't been pushing myself so I got pissed I hit the heavy bag for about 6 minutes had no gloves and blood was coming from my bare knuckles. It felt good to push myself to let myself deal with the physical pain the sting was a moment of feeling alive again. Maybe I'm just a fucked up mess of a person now I don't know just share what happens good or bad it's easier then making it to NA meetings all the time.
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What they said.
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Supplements are like the Wild West. If you make a nice looking bottle with bogus claims you can make bank. No FDA regulations at all maybe I should make my own get rich.
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Duffman nice post I wish my words could be written so nicely my writing skills are at about a third grade level. I understand what your feeling I bet if you look back on adderal you won't find very many deep emotions beyond passion for completing a project. Far as having some deep compassion for a loved one it wasn't more then a secondary task that could be blown off for me at least. Now that your off adderal having passion for loved ones is more of a priority you wonder where is it? Before on the pill betting you had no more compassion for loved ones then you do now only then it was of the least importance. Looking at people further down the road on recovery this seems to come back but I'm in the same boat as you right now. I know one thing going back on adderal will not make me more passionate towards loved ones in fact makes me a dick most of the time towards them.
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I have all those same issues I don't think you can link all of them towards sugar and wheat intake. I know plenty of people who eat like crap yet have enough energy to run non stop through the day ( without adderal) . How long have you been off adderal? I'm now coming towards my 5th month on the 20th and I'm slowly starting to feel more normal. I'm taking a lot of supplements that seem to help it might be all in my head but I'll keep doing them for now. Last week for me was one of the worst weeks for some reason the need to use came out of nowhere and lasted a few days. This week is better plus the longer days with warm weather always help.s Normally during the summer sometimes I use to cut back on my adderal use because i dint feel the need to use it as much.
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Many of us here are functioning addicts we are the people who go the extra mile at work look well groomed can carry on this addiction for years without any incidents like your son. Not that makes any of us better just sounds like this sets off a big trigger for him. Has he ever been labeled bi-polar ? I heard meds like this can be hell for people with that condition. Anyways he is going to want to change many of us on here want to desperately change we have families jobs etc but this drug still kicks are ass. If he has no intention to get off it for good really not much hope. But if he sees you can help him not worry about having a job paying bills he should take full advantage if he doesn't I sure wouldn't help him pay bills if he just wants to continue.
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Sounds like your off to a good start but a couple keys to cutting down is consistency. I went from 60 a day to 30 then down to 15 then 0 in about three months Nov 20th was my last pill. If you go from 60 to 15 back up to 30 it's not being productive stay with one dose for at least 2 even 4 weeks then drop it some more. The most important thing is once you get to O toss your meds out have no access at all. Your going to need to disassociate with people who are doing it or that offer you this drug. I know that might be hard if I'm reading you correctly but that's a huge point to stop. My doctor gave me this advice on cutting me off adderal but he made it a year process for me I could stand waiting that long but sure wasn't going to try cold turkey which failed me twice before trying to quit. Good luck
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So I received a bottle of L-Tyrosine in the mail brand is BRI nutrition 500 mg . Out of all the supplements energy drinks so far this has been the only thing that really gave me a "boost". I did notice 5 hr energy ususe this supplement but obviously not much because 5hr energy never gave me this boost. So of course my thought now is this must be bad for me and I will grow a tollarence for it. Any thoughts for those who have taken this supplement for awhile?
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I assume your younger the friends who bug you but still want to hang out are your friends maybe addicts but still friends. The ones who want nothing to do with you if the option of scoring pills are void are just addicts not friends and fuck them. My fiancé who was on much smaller adderal dose then myself has gained 30 lbs since she quit but I'm much happier with her having a few extra pounds vs being skinny and a physco. I've also gained a few pounds since quitting but mostly look healthier vs before and less of a physco myself but still feel I got a head but not many screws in. I think the step down method works best others on here disagree but for me that has led me to addy free a few months now. Keep up stepping down as u get older you'll see who your real friends are and if you can count them all in one hand you'll be lucky.
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no time to question...why'd nothing last...
grasp and hold on...we're dyin' fast...
soon be over...and i will relent...
let the ocean swell, dissolve 'way my past
three days, and maybe longer
won't even know i've left
under your tongue...i'm like a tab...
i will give you what...you're not sposed to have...
under my breath...i swear by sin...
for better or for worse...a best we began...
let the sun climb, oh, burn 'way my mask
three days, and maybe longer
shed my skin at last...shed...shed...
let the sun shine, burn 'way my mask
three days, and maybe longer
won't ever find me here
let the ocean dissolve 'way my past
four days, and not much longer...
let my spirit pass...
this is, this is...
this is, this is...
this is, this is...
my...last exit
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Yeah did that too one thing that got me was taking off one leg for the security rom chip voided all those errors no need to blow on the cartridge anymore. Wish 25 years ago I knew that trick would have saved a lot of frustration. I still play my NES they really had some great games and way ahead of their time in the graphics.
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You never got a script and have been on it for 2 years? That seems expensive unless you do like some get your kid a script and take it this drug brings out the best of us all. I this is one of the hardest things anyone can overcome but this site helps. Keep in mind when people like myself go off saying how horrible this is I took a very very high dose for several years plus had a bad oxy habit to go along with it so please don't let my posts and similar ones run you off.
Seeking 'text buddy' to help me quit...
in General Discussion
Posted
If you feel like giving in before Friday keep in mind NA meetings are open to anyone and it's completely free (u can give a cash donation if desired). Here is a app link to find a local meeting NA Meeting Search by NA World Services, Inc.
https://appsto.re/us/KvrAL.i