Beback17

To Frank B. I have no idea how people pull all nighters and take more in the morning and keep going. I need sleep, and I honestly can't wait to be off of this medication but I am not looking forward to the withdraw, among other things.

Disclaimer: I may be one of those jerks who posts some emotional out cry for support in the hopes that someone may say something that will ease the anxiety I face with running out of meds. OR in hopes that someone will share the secret to stopping with minimal difficulty Ha! Here is a bit of my story: September 28th will mark 1 year of daily Adderall consumption. I am: a professional a mother a lover of fitness - the meds fuck this up! a lover of music a bit of a perfectionist - a very imperfect perfectionist (very frustrating) And - addicted to Adderall, with intake now at anywhere from 120 - 160 mgs a day. if it doesn't work, I just take more. Despite this I make sure I sleep, eat well (I Never not eat, I always have something), and I've only lost 5-8 lbs (mostly muscle >insert sad face<) and I have a very spiritual core that has been neglected, as you might imagine! When I filled the prescription last September, I didn't plan on taking it everyday for a long period. all the other times I was prescribed this mediation I quit within a couple of weeks due to the creepy side effects. I kept going this time because I wanted to succeed at the opportunities in front of me = workload doubling, new boyfriend, new social life - and desire to stay on top of everything!!! I appreciate that this site is here and the positive stories you all share. I pop on an off of this site. Usually when I've run out of my meds, so there is a bit of guilt inside of me for that. So, as you can imagine, I'm not here solemnly swearing that I am done with this medication, but I am here to say I need to here someone say I am going to be ok. That my world is not going to end no matter how much it feels like it. Also, letting a fellow human in on the "secret" wouldn't hurt : P Thanks for your time. Sincerely, Asshole Who Only Reaches Out When Out

Thanks for sharing Joanne!

Thank you for your comment and not judging. I totally understand the self-esteem deal and am going to schedule an appointment with a counselor to assist me with my perspective. Not sure the boyfriend will be very supportive. we have a very up and down relationship and after 4 months, we haven't moved forward as far as emotions go. At least I don't think he has and my feelings will not continue to grow unless I have a partner who feels the same....oh well. Good luck in your venture to return to normalcy. I always check in periodically and post. I like to hear the stories because it gives me hope. Prost!

I am beginning to feel the brain fog descend.

So, like most, I ran out of my meds early because I sometimes take more then prescribed. This is day two without and I actually feel ok. I'm definitely down for a nap and I am snacking more than usual. Some pizza sounds great, lol. but it isn't the shit storm hell I was expecting. Maybe in a couple of days. my doctor's appointment is tomorrow, and I'm not going to lie, I will refill. I want to stop though, because I've noticed some things that I don't when I'm on Adderall. I actually noticed how much I love my boyfriend, and I noticed how is eyes lit up when he saw me this morning. Instead of freaking out inside of my head with a ton of insecurities, I was just me and I enjoyed him. We went trail running, which we usually do on Sundays. I was able to keep up and the best part, my heart wasn't beating out of my chest and those weird goose bumps I usually get afterwards, not there. Must have been the medication. Going to his place tonight to cook dinner and watch tv. I'm looking forward to just being present with him. One huge fear that keeps me from quitting, and I know this is lame and stupid and feel free to call me out on my vain bullshit, is weight gain. I don't want to gain too much weight. I know this is under my control. Another fear is my ability to "keep up" the intensity at work. Anyways, this is all ego crap and in the long run it isn't what matters.

Oh my god! I hate that feeling too. I've awoken in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and got so lightheaded, I almost passed out.

Thank you for sharing. currently battling the beginning stages of dependence on my script (4 months) and the dose is increasing. I run out of my meds this week and don't see the doctor until Monday. I'm hoping I am able to push through work and motherhood, but most of all, I'm hoping that I "see the light" and walk away from this medication.

Hi everyone. well, I never stopped taking Adderall. I've been taking it a little over 3 months now and my dose has increased significantly. this sucks. I was reading my first post above, the whole "2 weeks have to quit" thing. Um, why didn't I?

I know this was an old post of yours, but I like it. I like your timeline of the events after you stopped taking Adderall. I like the fact that 18 months later, you are still off of it. I am a rather "new" Adderall user. 3 months on December 28th. I'm a little scared. I went from 20 mg a day to 30 mg twice a day and I usually take more than prescribed. 80 mg at the most. It's freaking me out. I'm a single mom, professional, and in a new relationship with a great guy and I don't want to lose all of these things but I'm not sure how to go about quitting. my paid time off at work is gone from the holidays, I don't know if I can sustain the new relationship after telling him "hey, I am not just "prescribed" this stuff, I'm already abusing it and I have to withdraw now." I don't know how my colleagues will react to a blob, tired, confused, cranky version of me when they are used to me being on top of things. I don't know if I can handle gaining weight when I am typically lean and fit (not so much fit lately). I read your story and related to it the most. I'm hoping you are open to chatting with me on this site. Thanks.

anyone lending an ear would be great. I just feel really alone right now

I too am having some issues with my Adderall and my relationship, thought rather new. I have intense anxiety inside of my head and have a hard time with differentiating whether it's because this relationship is wrong for me/wrong time in life/have to quit taking this stuff, etc. or if the Adderall is wreaking havoc on my brain chemistry causing me to freak out inside. I'm rather worried in general and want to quit but I'm scared of being out of commission for a while. I feel stuck.

That is so true. Honestly, I don't even think it has helped me at work. I feel like I would have done so much better without it. I've been doing really well there for 2 years, then my work load increased (which I wanted it to), but I felt like I had to be a superstar and my little mistakes were unacceptable to me.

Thank you for the input, it is helpful.

I'm scared - I've used this medication before, and quit as soon as I began feeling bad effects (depression, worry, losing too much weight, personality change, etc.) but this time my work load is doubled and my need to be successful with my new responsibilities and move is very important to me. I'm also in a new relationship (got my script filled almost a month into being with him) so I don't want to have to blow him off for a couple of weeks to get better. It's only been two months, so quitting can't be too bad?? I know I need to quit. I think people at work are noticing a change in my personality, and I don't think it's helping me at work as much as I think. The only thing is does is help me stay still at my cubicle pumping out work. the problem is, sometimes you need to step back and think about how to proceed with projects, due dates, etc. Adderall ruins that ability because you frantically work to pump it out as quickly as possible. And the weight loss! I'm typically a very healthy 116 to 119 with great muscle tone and an almost daily workout routine. Well, it has sucked the enjoyment out of fitness, because my heart rate jumps through the roof with workouts that I blew through. I'm now 111 lbs and I've been eating a lot on the weekends, and drinking more than usual (with new bf). he s really fit and healthy (a triathlete), so I want to do some races with him in the future. I have a super busy day at work tomorrow, but after getting on the scale, I really want to not take this stuff tomorrow. also, new bf noticed something different about me the first week I was using this stuff, and he has continuously noticed a change. I know I'm strong, but I am scared of losing my footing in a lot of areas. Any bit of encouragement or advise would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for being here you guys.

Also, checked my calendar. I've only been using 2 weeks one day. crazy how quickly this stuff screws you.

Thanks everyone. I'm going to go to work without it tomorrow and just muscle through. I have a really detailed oriented job, and I've always done well without it. It's effecting my personal relationships now. I'm in the beginning of a very new relationship with a great man who treats me better than I've ever been treated. He has already noticed a slight change in my personality, and I'm worried that this will scare him off. I shared that I was prescribed Adderall, and use it for short periods of time occasionally. Maybe I shouldn't have told him, but he was requesting that I talk to him. Encouragement from others who won't judge me is helpful.

Hi - I've danced with Adderall here and there in my career when my workload gets a little overwhelming. I like being busy, and I enjoy doing a good job. So, the last couple of weeks needed it, so I went to my doctor and got a script (after 1.5 years). Already, the side-effects are pissing me off. For one, I'm into personal fitness. while taking Adderall, my fricken heart rate is at 170 doing activities that are easy for me. Second, I am generally a happy positive human being who likes to talk to my colleagues and listen to music - this is going away too. It makes me shy (wtf). Third, I like music and meditation. can't meditate on Adderall, it feels to inauthentic. I want to stop, but again, a little freaked out that I'll be left incapable and depressed. Also, I like being skinny, and the idea of having an appetite that is out of control bugs me out. I get plenty of sleep, eat and take a lot of supplements, so I'm hoping the damage isn't too bad and stopping at this point will be easy peasy. Any thoughts, and words of encouragement from anyone. thanks.

Sorry - my grammar in the above post is pretty shitty - I am aware of that.

For sure my situation is interesting - story of my life. I think the exposure to heavy drugs in my past has made me ultra vigilant when it comes to my brain chemistry. I was thinking about it, and I've come to the conclusion that proper brain health and a healthy, natural supply of neurotransmitters is sooooo important. As for the amount of time it took to recover from heavy drug addiction - that is a loaded question. Physically, it took about a year. Psychologically - I'm still growing up - on an accelerated basis. diet and exercise is really important. Because of what I've overcome - I think anything is possible once someone makes there mind up. And - the human brain is super flexible and if we give it what it needs and are patient - shit will work out.

This ISN'T a medication anyone should be on. I know meth, I know the way it affects your mind and soul. I know what the withdrawal is like. This is no different. The only difference here is I was only taking Adderall for a couple of weeks. It felt the same and this depression - I know this intimately. I've worked my ass off to be healthy, happy. I eat healthy, work out, feed myself positive affirmations. And this stupid medication - prescribed to me by a highly educated man with a PhD, has completely thrown me off balance. This is bullshit but I take responsibility as I should have known better. I suspect people who take this for years and say they are fine are truly in denial because there is no way. Maybe people who really DO have ADHD, which I believe is more rare than thought, can manage on this. Another strange thing is - the couple of weeks I was taking it are a blur - I had a friend that I no longer speak to who was prescribed this drug and took it for years. His memory was shit and he would never remember details of any conversation or experience. This shit rots your brains out after a while.

It's crazy how potent this drug is. To be honest with all of you, seven years ago I walked away from a hellish existence as an iv meth and heroine user. I'm a professional, single mom now and I thought Adderall would help me "get ahead" in my profession since I'm starting so late in the game. three weeks using this medication "as prescribed" and it flipped my world upside down. It felt like meth addiction all over again and actually caused me to make mistakes at work. I had tunnel vision and wasn't seeing the "big picture" which made it difficult to think outside of the box. This mode of thinking in really important in my field. Anyways, I flushed the rest of my script last Sunday and I've been in a "funk" ever since. I can't imagine how it would go if I continued. I'm certain I would have lost everything. I'm not exactly sure what the deal was, why I accepted the prescription in the first place. It's that nagging feeling of 'I'm not good enough and "I can improve." Well, I've actually missed work and now I'm dealing with a little depression still and a five lb weight gain. I'm neurotic about diet and exercise naturally so 1 lb feels like 50 and my energy levels suck so exercise if very difficult. Fuck Adderall!

It's always nice to hear stories like this. I wish you the best. I only took this medication for a little under a month and it is terrible and no joke - sucked the life right out of me in a very short period of time.

Seriously - BOYCOTT THIS NAZI MEDICATION!!!!

It helps to hear all of these stories. I was only taking it for about three and a half weeks. This is my fourth day off and I took the day off of work - which is NOT like me. I feel guilty but my work load wasn't too heavy this week. I needed to go get some B-12 shots and chill. I'm back to work tomorrow no matter what. The thing is, I absolutely love my profession and have a lot of passion for it. This is why I began seeing someone and taking Adderall in the first place. I want to be better at everything. The thing is, I"m only human and the best I can do normally is WAYY better than I can do on adderall. The Adderall killed my passion and work ethic- temporarily. This drug is ridiculous and no joke. I can't imagine taking it for longer periods of time, the withdrawal at that level must be insane. You see, I'm a recovering meth and heroine addict - seven years. It took an insane amount of time, patience and really hard work to get my life where it is at. I should have known better than to take this medication on - prescribed or not - this is a legal form of meth and my past experience helped me to realize rather quickly that I had to put a complete stop to it. I wish everyone here the best of luck in their voyage to get away from this drug. In the short time I was prescribed it, it has threatened my great success at conquering my drug addiction.