[Being clean]

Awesome to hear you are doing great.  Honestly I am so happy to hear success stories because one of the biggest problems I have as a newbie (and I think others probably share my feelings on this) is that I literally have no faith.

Thanks for being an awesome example!

[when could i expect to feel better without adderall?]

Breaks my heart to hear you say things like, your "dull self".  Your true self is awesome and anything but dull (even if he/she is sleepy sometimes).

[Newbies missing in action]

Don't forget - Even if the person you were responding to doesn't read it (and you never know that for sure), someone else might very well read it and gain from it.

[Close Call]

A couple of weeks ago I made a post about relapses, frustrated at myself for failing to quit so many times (I have literally lost count of how many times I swore I would never touch the stuff again.)

 

quit-once made a thorough reply full of advice and ways of thinking that I should adopt if I want to truly quit once and for all (thank you).  Of course I relapsed again since then, and it is only the 3rd day since I quit.  I really sincerely want this to be the real quit.  But something has to be different than all the other times or I will just give in again.  I feel like something truly is different because I distinctly remember walking out my front door a couple days ago (just having woke up from the crash) my whole body aching, sweat already coming down my forehead (it's winter...), and I smelled the fresh air outside and thought to myself, "as shitty as I feel right now, I'd take this over being high."  I could say this because the feeling of being on meds was fresh enough in my mind that I could lucidly remember how *NOT* awesome it truly was.

 

This epiphany is double-edged.  On one hand I know 100% that I want to quit, but it is also a huge eye-opener on how addicted I truly am.  If it wasn't even that good, yet I still desperately sought it out when a craving hit.....

I just about called my "doctor" for another supply a few minutes ago, as I was already beginning to romanticize how great the little bastards made me feel.  (JUST 3 days after I concluded to myself that I hate them 100%).  Anyways I quickly came to this site to re-read about all the horrible unwanted pain I should damn well know I am going to endure, and I feel a bit more balanced out.

 

My plan is that in an hour or so I will be eating snacks watching netflix and not tweaking out at my desk doing a million things at once, stressing about how long its going to take before I run out again.

[please help me so sad]

I'm very sorry for what is happening both for you and your husband.  I would have to second IFIHADKNOWN's post above.
 

My heart goes out to you both.  Those little capsules are demons but they can be overcome; people on this site are proof of that!

[Newbies missing in action]

Sorry if this is off-topic, but I just wanted to say that after my first post here, I relapsed shortly thereafter and didn't want to come anywhere near this site because it just reminded me how much I hated myself for being so weak.

Ever since I've been on and off the bandwagon many times, and I've noticed a close correlation between:

A ) how frequently and earnestly I visit this site
B ) how strong my cravings are and how convincing my inner addict is

i.e. - when A decreases, B increases

I'm going to make a point of visiting once per day, because you guys are all so awesome and encouraging.

Thank you for caring so much about anonymous strangers.

[Relapsing]

I have been trying to rid myself of it for quite some time.  The physical withdrawals to me are the easy part.  Not that they are pleasant but that they keep in the frame of mind that I need to be in:

 

- i.e. I know I am an addict and cannot use it responsibly.  I also know it is destroying my life and will continue to do so if I allow it.

 

I made it 2 months back in the summer time, and even got through one of my most stressful exams (successfully) during this time.  I was eating better, exercising, looking better, feeling better..... etc.

 

You'd think this would be exactly the reinforcement I'd need to imbue myself with the confidence to finally leave the drug alone.  Instead, I celebrated and rewarded myself with a relapse, and haven't gone more than a week or two since without it.

 

I definitely notice a correlation between resolve I'm feeling at any particular week vs how much I frequently I visit this site.  It's like once a week has past, I convince myself I don't need help anymore.
 

Anyways, thanks for the advice.

[Relapsing]

For those of you who quit for 4 months or more.  How many times did you relapse before quitting?  Or if its easier to answer, for what time period after deciding to quit did you continue to relapse before finally succeeding at walking away for good.

 

I am sure this is a familiar story, but I feel I just change my mind after a certain point and decide I'm not addicted and my life will be better with adderall.  Then sure enough I'll find myself strung out after an all nighter after doing half a months supply in 36 hours.  I'll beat myself up and absolutely hate myself for it and start my "clean days timer" all over again.

 

The reason I ask is that I want to know if I can even realistically do this or if I need to seek additional help.  I'm afraid to do this because I there will be drastic consequences to doing this of course, so I would really prefer to do this on my own.

[So thankful to have found this website]

Awesome that you have been clean for a month. 

 

When you become a doctor you can warn your patients about the serious downsides to this medication.

[Recovery Diary]

Downtown Abbey!

[Recovery Diary]

Yes and I am easily frustrated, but the one perk to the early stage of recovery is each day is noticably better than the day before, and that is encouraging.  Thanks for the support!

[Recovery Diary]

Deleted.