Doge

yup, have definitely posted there

came back to read your post again @NurseAddyand noticed this line funnily enough, last round of my rx i did something similar. at the time I was getting one month worth of vyvanse at a time and during my appointment my provider asked me if I wanted to just renew 3months worth so i woulnd't have to make an appointment for a while, since we knew that my dosage probably wouldn't change I said "no, that's ok, let's just stick with 1 month at a time for now", thinking to myself hehe, now she'll never know what I've been up to and of course once I picked up the prescription that bottle was empty within 5 or 6 days. things work out for a reason though, even though it was my inner addict with an alterior motive, having a 3 month supply might have been enough to OD and kill myself so it worked out for the best

you may or may not have read about my relapse after 6 years. and one of the reasons that happened was because I convinced myself I was cured and ready to put all this addiction stuff behind me and move past it. Well we are never cured and we have to be vigilant, or risk having that precious sobriety slip away. now that you mention it. I should be here more often, but I am part of a couple other recovery discord servers also as well as narcotics anonymous. this place used to be more active with many posts per day but things have calmed down a lot over the years one of my favorite quotes from the 12 steps is "we can only keep what we have by giving it away" so when a new person joins and is hitting their rock bottom and reaching out, it's an opportunity for us to help not only them but ourselves as well

So true.. Thanks for sharing -- I REALLY needed to hear this right now. You can do this. We love you!

As hard as it is for those whom the addict causes pain, and it is hard indeed I'm sure. I've never been on the receiving end of this sort of "hurting" (as a verb). But as for the addict themselves, don't ever worry about them reaping what they sew -- they will. I cannot think of an emotional pain on this earth that is worse than the sorrow the addict feels when they wake up one day, realizing the extent of their addiction and what it has truly cost them. And don't worry -- you are well within your rights not to be there for them when this day comes. But it will.

@Finding_myjoy_again Sorry for the late reply but I have to admit I have tears welling up in my eyes as I read your comment. I'm so grateful that this story could have a positive impact on someone else. It's almost like all the bad decisions I have made over the years can be forgiven by the universe. I hope you're doing OK. Keep working at it!

We are here but recently there was so much spam I confess I almost gave up on this site. KEEP stacking days everyone. Real life is too precious to waste away with stimulants.

Life will get harder for sure, but in the long run it will get SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!! See if you can help yourself by removing some things from your schedule. But if you work out, and you decide to modify your schedule and expectations of yourself ( YOU SHOULD ) then try to keep the duration of the workouts the same, but lower the intensity. Just my two cents

Glad to hear -- I hope you told your doctor everything you told us!

I've definitely been there. It's a really dark place to be. Here's to never going back!

So glad to hear you're committed to healing and getting your old self back. Let us know how you're doing! It may look like we aren't active but we are. We had some recent problems with bots spamming us, which really made it hard to filter through and find peoples' posts. But we're here!

Thanks for sharing your story. I think the answer is yes to all of your questions. But his usage is severe. I am not an expert so I can't possibly know, but I think that if he gets help, gets clean, and gets treatment for whatever underlying condition he has been using adderall to cope with, he will eventually heal -- I sincerely hope with all my being that that is what happens. It sounds cliche, but he has to admit to himself that he has a problem before that healing can begin. The fact that he admitted this is definitely a ray of hope in your story, and is at least a little bit encouraging.

Thanks for sharing. People do still check this site. We had a lot of spam lately which was burying the actual content but it seems to have been taken care of -- thanks mods! I know what you mean about it being therapeutic to put this all in writing. I hope your ex-wife is able to break free from the prison she's in, and that your kids are OK and you are able to heal your relationship with them. Congratulations on having 2 years clean!

Absolutely! It's totally normal. Best wishes, you'll get through this!

And then ironically, happiness just manages to somehow find you! But it comes in small doses, and you can't control it. But when it hits, it's better than a pill.

How long were you on it? And congratulations on 7 months! That's is HUGE.

This site seems to be getting over-run with spam. Any active mods available for a culling?

The answer you seek is in the place you least want to look. Call your doctor. Tell them what's happening. It's scary but simple. You've gotta do it and break the cycle or this will continue until it kills you. Look after yourself. We want to keep you!

@LILTEX41I'm so happy for you. You made it back into the zone! I'm so sorry to hear about your fur baby's brain tumor. They really do leave us too soon. I wish we could give them some of our years. I'm glad you added new kittens to your family. They are so helpful with healing the broken heart.

Hi dyingalive, Please call you prescriber and tell them what's happening. It's scary to do so because they'll take the pills away but this is what you know needs to happen. You said it yourself. "Something is going to happen" if you don't stop. And you will die. Going through almost 4g in 4 days is taking an incredible toll on your body and health. We're here to support you but we can only do so much as we are strangers on the internet. Please, please, please seek help in person. I don't know much about the symptoms you describe but you may very well need medical attention already. Have you eaten? Haven you taken fluids? What you're describing sounds scary. Take care of yourself, we want you to get well!

Thanks to you also. We all need eachother!

PS - welcome! It may be therapeutic to tell your story (as much as you feel comfortable sharing). We want to know you and be here for you!

Congrats on 4 months clean by the way. That's the hardest part by far. I know what you mean about the intense cravings. I'm at about the 6 month mark after my (most recent) relapse and I've been feeling them too. I admit I've even been looking for new health clinics, plotting to get another assessment so I can get a new prescription. It's like you work so hard to talk yourself out of it, then spend a few minutes feeling positive and proud of yourself, only to have your thoughts turn towards it again. It really wears you down. I don't want to relapse again though. It's NOT worth it. I can speak from experience though, this is normal for this part of your timeline. Just take it one day at a time and do the BARE MINIMUM to get by in the meantime. That's awesome you haven't been drinking as alcohol is something I can blame almost every relapse on, at least partially. And yeah, it would be nice to have superpowers but that just not what the drug does for me anymore. I'd take it, do a couple hours of work, and then do exactly what you said -- slam an entire bottle in one night and be cracked out for a day and a half, left to pick up the pieces. Have you ever been to a narcotics anonymous meeting? I went to my first one a few days ago. I plan to go back once my schedule permits, at least once or twice per week. I didn't share, just listened, which everyone was fine with. And even listening to others really helps get your head back in the right space. They have online ones over discord now too so you TRULY are anoymous. Fire me a DM if you'd like the link. Posting on here is great too. Stay strong, friend, we love you!

This is so awesome to hear. Congratulations in advance! Take yourself out for dinner or treat yourself to something. 2 years is an amazing milestone to reach!. I loved reading your last paragraph!

So happy for you! Going back to it is common. I was clean for 6 years then went back to it in February. Glad to hear your outlook is so positive. Congratulations on having your child. Sure puts that 20lbs in perspective!