dolssa

Name something you have done recently without adderall :)

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Hey all-

So today.. i almost relapsed. my trigger was how messy i let my apartment get. I had to unpack my bag from CHRISTMAS and put away a ton of clothes and do the dishes. Literally wanted to die I had no energy or motivation to do it. I thought wow 10 mg of addy just 10 mg and I can clean all this! I even wrote out a message to someone who I used to buy from. didnt send it thank god! I somehow talked myself out of that and told myself to just fucking clean it. After 10 minutes of cleaning I realized it wasnt as hard as I was working myself up over. I finished everything in about an hour and a half. crazy how i let it sit there for days thinking i was incapable of doing it without adderall LOL. I felt silly for being proud of myself for doing the simplest of things, but honestly I am proud of doing those chores sober. Now, I think ill be able to do them again sober!

 what have you done today or recently that you are proud of yourself for doing without adderall? 

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@dolssa congrats on cleaning your apartment today, happy for you! Have you considered deleting your contacts that can supply you?

Today, I played a video game (the Witcher 3, started playing it again after the Netflix series came out..) for like 2 hours without the help of adderall. I used to find it overwhelming and stressful to even play RPG video games like that since it's a lot of work. Slowly starting to see the fun in it again..

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7 hours ago, skylounger said:

Today, I played a video game (the Witcher 3, started playing it again after the Netflix series came out..) for like 2 hours without the help of adderall. I used to find it overwhelming and stressful to even play RPG video games like that since it's a lot of work. Slowly starting to see the fun in it again..

@skylounger i love The Witcher! Adderall had the opposite effect on me where i had no interest in videogames, TV or movies at all. but for almost the first full year sober, i didn't have the energy for videogames. it will come back to you, i guarantee it (: by the way, there are a lot of quality of life mods for Witcher that may make the game more tolerable and less stressful. for example, i have no patience for inventory management so i got a mod for unlimited backpack weight. depending on the platform, you may have some other options available (i'm on PC).

@dolssa  don't feel silly about that - it's a HUGE deal and one of the first major victories. once you realize that it's not so bad, you'll have a fairly clean living space going forward which does WONDERS for your state of mind!

my next big challenge is writing a full song without Adderall - it's tough but i've at least put in a routine of practicing piano and guitar! 

 

 

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I did a whole semester of school without adderall. It was super fucking hard, but I did it. After that semester, I decided taking adderall would mitigate some of the difficulty I had faced. I started taking it and crashed and burned in all my classes. I'm having a very difficult time believing in my heart that I can get through school sober. I do know that when I take it, nothing good happens. Loved this post, @dolssa!

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Great post. I think it’s the little things that build up to bigger and bigger things. Every day feels like a chore until I fight through my mind to tackle each task. Today I finished a MOUNTAIN of laundry that needed to be folded.  Then I did spreadsheets. GoD awful spreadsheets for work, only took 2 hours. I did it without adderall and efficiently  :-) 

 

BEFORE when I’d take an adderall. I would have folded the laundry, then at the peak switch to my spreadsheets. Which would take me a total of IDK ALL DAy -because back then I’d also start cleaning the closet, simultaneously, then decide to wipe the inside of the drawers out and so on. Wtf I don’t miss that girl. 

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I relate to this so much.  I'll post a bigger post elsewhere, but shortcut - I was 27 days sober - 3 day lapse over xmas - then 17 days sober, then Tuesday, idk what the fuck i was thinking, so of course i just let that bleed over into today.  Anyway, how i relate is that i spent 3 hours picking out my son's friend's bday present on etsy.  What the literal fuck.  My kids didn't get to bed until midight because of this ridiculousness. 

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On 1/13/2020 at 9:30 PM, m34 said:

Great post. I think it’s the little things that build up to bigger and bigger things. Every day feels like a chore until I fight through my mind to tackle each task. Today I finished a MOUNTAIN of laundry that needed to be folded.  Then I did spreadsheets. GoD awful spreadsheets for work, only took 2 hours. I did it without adderall and efficiently  :-) 

 

BEFORE when I’d take an adderall. I would have folded the laundry, then at the peak switch to my spreadsheets. Which would take me a total of IDK ALL DAy -because back then I’d also start cleaning the closet, simultaneously, then decide to wipe the inside of the drawers out and so on. Wtf I don’t miss that girl. 

lol! @m34, peak switching between laundry and spreadsheets, I know it too well. We have to have a sense of humor about how crazy this was, yeah?

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yes! @Sleepyandsober lol. It’s crazy thinking back to all the times I was “sooooo productive”.  Only to dissect it and be like “ umm no” I was literally cleaning  for hours, stuff that didn’t need to be cleaned. While leaving the actual stuff that needed to be clean to the side. Especially, my  last yr on it. I just wasn’t right. I did this with projects and work. I keep reminding myself about this every day. It really helps me stay clean because that was a horrible time. Sometimes I’d be on a task that I’d know I need to stop and literally couldn’t break away. Not a good place. 


 

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12 hours ago, m34 said:

yes! @Sleepyandsober lol. It’s crazy thinking back to all the times I was “sooooo productive”.  Only to dissect it and be like “ umm no” I was literally cleaning  for hours, stuff that didn’t need to be cleaned. While leaving the actual stuff that needed to be clean to the side. Especially, my  last yr on it. I just wasn’t right. I did this with projects and work. I keep reminding myself about this every day. It really helps me stay clean because that was a horrible time. Sometimes I’d be on a task that I’d know I need to stop and literally couldn’t break away. Not a good place. 


 

I relate to this SOOOOO MUCH!!!!  Everything took forever even though I told myself I was being "more productive"!  Now I just can't seem to get started on the "thing."  It's very frustrating.  I know it would take a lot less time than before if I actually focused and did it, but I can't seem to get started.  Grrr...

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Got promoted to blue belt in jiu jitsu.  Saved a 6 month emergency fund with my wife.  Paid off all non mortgage debt.

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@Tom23Jones Thats awesome, sounds like Dave Ramsey steps? I was paying off all my non-mortgage debt and on track to being debt free but during that phase I got my first Vyvanse script and unfortunately all the financial steps went out the window. Hopefully I can get back to it and become financially stable again.

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51 minutes ago, eric said:

@Tom23Jones Thats awesome, sounds like Dave Ramsey steps? I was paying off all my non-mortgage debt and on track to being debt free but during that phase I got my first Vyvanse script and well all the financial steps went out the window. Hopefully I can get back to it and become financially stable again.

This is so interesting to me that it isn't just me!  Lol!  I "feel" like I can't get ahold of budgeting without adderall, but actually when I am on it I spend SO MUCH MORE money than I do when I'm not!

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On 1/28/2020 at 1:46 PM, eric said:

@Tom23Jones Thats awesome, sounds like Dave Ramsey steps? I was paying off all my non-mortgage debt and on track to being debt free but during that phase I got my first Vyvanse script and unfortunately all the financial steps went out the window. Hopefully I can get back to it and become financially stable again.

Yessir, doing the Dave Ramsey financial university changed my life.  Its the most simple shit but if you work hard and follow it, financial freedom really happens.

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If you saw my posts yesterday you know i had a really hard day fighting against the trigger of weight gain. I pushed through it and eventually talked my addict mind out of finding a script. thank god i did not have easy access. I decided to fight for the body I want to both help me not go back to adderal and to also give me a distraction. It has been hard these last three months because I have been so depressed that i cant leave my apartment let alone exercise. today i fought my way to the yoga mat in a hot yoga sculpt class. first time doing exercise without adderall so adding it to this list of my firsts! felt SO good to get my body MOVING!! feeling hopeful that i can combat this trigger of being unhappy with my body that i turn to adderall. 

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Spin classes! I'm definitely not as fast but I don't sweat as much (good and bad) and don't have to worry about my heart stopping! 

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12 hours ago, air said:

Spin classes! I'm definitely not as fast but I don't sweat as much (good and bad) and don't have to worry about my heart stopping! 

oh God the sweating - i could barely walk around outside on a hot day without being drenched. it was the worst, lol.

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So since i quit adderall i've lost all interest in my appearance which is so unlike me (i went to fashion school for college) I have been dressing in the same three sweatsuit outfits with no make up with my hair tucked into a baseball cap to do everything. for the first time since quitting i had energy to get ready when i went to eat with a friend. like full make up, cute outfit, hair done!! its crazy how little things like that start happening and you realize you do it without adderall. small wins!!! 

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Built a 2700sqft man cave (shop)... Bucket list for me and my cars and hobbies... Still have ups and downs here and there but an adderall free life has allowed me to turn my business profitable and be able to focus on life goals... 

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I love this thread!!!! I joined Orange Theory a month ago and changed my work schedule to a very structured schedule that works for ME and allows me to have the same schedule every day so I can work with a manageable and healthy routine. I can sleep in; work out; eat lunch; then see clients in the afternoon and evening - and I’m now seeing a max of 20 clients/week. And I’m no longer seeing clients on weekends. I used to just see as many clients as I could wherever and whenever THEY wanted to basically, and my personal life would just have to happen (or not happen) around that. The Orange Theory workouts are really challenging in a way that feels SOOOO good for me. And the studio is right around the corner so I can walk to it. In the last month since I joined, I’ve run over 30 miles in addition to the strength training and rowing. Yesterday I cleaned my apartment and vacuumed, mopped, and then polished the floors. Back in the latter Adderall days, this would have left me and my back completely thrashed. But yesterday I realized how much stronger I’ve gotten and my back didn’t bother me. Sometimes it’s easy to not be aware of the progress I’ve made since quitting Adderall, but having ways to be reminded of it and to have tangible measures is really encouraging!

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I also stopped drinking alcohol at home alone and am only having it if I am out with friends on weekends. There are still numerous habits that got woven into my life on Adderall, and occasionally, I’ll have some clarity that finds me realizing that I’m just doing them because I’m still acting like an Adderall addict, not because I actually want or need to. Sometimes, like with the alcohol, I can choose to make a conscious decision to change my behavior on behalf of my best self. It’s the WANTS over FEELINGS challenge. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of SUSTAINABLE HABITS. And how important these actually are to me now, even though much of my life I’ve resisted them in favor of erratic and idealized and all-or-nothing tendencies. I’ve realized that my life goes so much better when I build healthy, do-able routines into my days. 

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On 2/5/2020 at 4:13 PM, dolssa said:

If you saw my posts yesterday you know i had a really hard day fighting against the trigger of weight gain. I pushed through it and eventually talked my addict mind out of finding a script. thank god i did not have easy access. I decided to fight for the body I want to both help me not go back to adderal and to also give me a distraction. It has been hard these last three months because I have been so depressed that i cant leave my apartment let alone exercise. today i fought my way to the yoga mat in a hot yoga sculpt class. first time doing exercise without adderall so adding it to this list of my firsts! felt SO good to get my body MOVING!! feeling hopeful that i can combat this trigger of being unhappy with my body that i turn to adderall. 

You’re amazing! I never FEEL like walking out of my apartment to go exercise. I have to put all of my focus on how I know that once I’m doing it, I’ll be fine--I always am; and that once I’ve DONE it, I’ll feel so accomplished, and more alive than dead, lol.  It can take all I have just to get myself out the door and into the door of the studio. It’s helping me so much to prioritize and structure my days now in ways that support what’s important to ME and my recovery.

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