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About Brit

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  1. Small Changes Adding Up

    Totally this! I purged, organized, and cleaned for 8 hours on Friday. My apt had gotten pretty messy and things stopped having a place and I couldn’t get anything done. I finally setup an exercise space and decluttered everything. I’ve felt sooo much being in my apartment and way more productive overall too. Now I just need to use the workout space...
  2. 11 Months Today

    This was beautiful to read! Congrats on 11 months, huge milestone! Reading progress stories like this get me through another day and give me hope that I don’t need them. Just 49 days in, I also feel some of the good things you’re talking about. I had a bit of bad news this weekend and normally when something like this happens I lost my shit, but for whatever reason I feel so much more emotionally equipped today to handle it. I can’t explain it. Especially with PAWs still in full-force. (Annoying work situations are another story, I still internally lose my shit lol) I’ve also been reaching out and responding way more to friends and family these last few weeks. When I was when on adderall I could hardly bother to write or call back, in fact I loathed responding to people, it felt like the biggest chore in the world. Which always left me with so much guilt. Sorry, random rant, my brain is still very much ADD congrats again!! Would love to hear another update down the road
  3. There’s one side effect that’s been really bothering me and that’s that I have absolutely no patience and feel like I could snap at any moment. I can see red and start internally raging with just one little comment! Normally I’ve prided myself on my extreme patience, but that’s totally out the window now, especially at work. I often feel like I’m the coach in a boxing ring having to hold myself back from saying stuff I’ll regret. Anyone else experience this? I’m 37 days clean, I just didn’t expect this loss of control!
  4. First post-adderall work win!

    @xenia0323 - I find the most benefit when I take them consistently each and every day, I didn't take them this weekend and definitely felt more depressed than I have in about a week. Get a pill holder, saves so much time and easier to take each day. I've spent a lot time researching brands and benefits of each one, so I shared links below for them. Good luck, you got this!!! Morning: 1,3,4,7 I've been taking for a few years to help with side effects of Adderall. Adrenal Health: 2 capsules: for stress and adrenal fatigue Omega-3 Fish Oil: 1 1250mg capsule: Health, Brain and joint support L-Tyrosine: 1 500mg capsule for mental alertness Ginkgo Biloba: 1 550mg capsule for memory and concentration D, L-Phenyalanine: 1 500mg capsule to enhance mood and energy levels One-A-Day Women's Multi-Vitamin: Just cause I needed more Iron and Zinc + everything else Stress B-Complex: 1 capsule for stress support *Bromelain: 1 500mg capsule. I've taken this for a few years to help with inflammation, primarily sinuses. Not necessarily Adderall related. *L-Lysine: 1 1000mg capsule, I've taken this for 8 years for cold sores. Haven't had one since. Also helps with immune function. Not necessarily Adderall related. But I've read that Adderall can wreck havoc on immune system. Genius Mushrooms, I just started adding them to my morning routine today. They are an immune booster and for memory, energy and liver support. Can't fully recommend until I have more time to see how they are interacting with everything else and if I notice any sort of difference. Throughout the day: I've taken both throughout the years to help with side effects of Adderall. L-Tyrosine: I take again 1-2 more 500mg capsules throughout the day as needed for mental alertness. Usually in 3 hour increments during work days CBD Oil: Half-dropper to help with anxiety as needed Evening: Kava Kava: 1 700 mg to help with stress, mood and mental calmness CBD Oil: Half-dropper to help relax *Bromelain: 1 500mg capsule. I've taken this for a few years to help with inflammation, primarily sinuses. Not adderall related. *L-Lysine: 1 1000mg capsule, I've taken this for 8 years for cold sores. Haven't had one since. Always help with immune function For Sleep: 30 minutes before bed I take 2-3 of the below or mix & match depending on my mood so I take between 3-4.5mg of melatonin to help sleep every-night Melatonin Gummy: 2-3 pieces for a more calming and natural sleep *Recoop, after stimulants: 2 capsules, I bought this subscription when I was still on Adderall, and found the night time pretty beneficial. Once I run out, I will not reorder as didn't take away all the side effects, but I really like them for sleeping pills. Would love to hear if anyone has something they recommend I add or feedback on what I am taking. And thanks for all of the support on this post, it was very therapeutic to write it out!
  5. Hello friends - today I am 31 days clean after 10 years (25mg XR and 10-20mg instant). I wanted to share a positive story and an Ah-ha moment! The first 27 days without adderall were a complete crap shoot, and the stress and guilt I felt for falling behind on work and not showing up for my team has been weighing on me. So I’ve known for 3 weeks I needed to present a new strategic plan to my CEO & management team due to covid, but I could not get my shit together. The task felt insurmountable. What normally would have taken me a day to prep (the plan was already done), took every bit of 3 weeks to get up the nerve to begin prepping for the presentation. I was also avoiding it because I could barely string sentences together, my confidence was at all time low, I’ve had many days of deep depression, and I was beginning to feel like a total fraud and that I never earned my position to begin with. Day 28 I was finally feeling a bit more clear-headed - I think multiple walks a day and being consistent with my supplements have really been key (if anyone wants to know what they are, drop a comment). So I began pulling my presentation together - it still took me 3 full days to prep, but after practicing my presentation for hours and hours, basically memorizing it - I felt mostly prepared, yet still unsure I could answer questions outside of that. well... yesterday I fucking did it!!! My boss and the suits all said it was my best presentation yet, and I had to answer a ton of questions and even change some of my plan on the fly due to new company initiatives. I literally cried tears of joy after and haven’t lost my smile yet. I’ve suddenly had a ton more drive and energy that has lasted 30 straight hours. What I really want to share with you all is that I believe my confidence and self-esteem has been a decent piece of what has been weighing me down mentally. Now that I know I’m not a fraud, because I can literally FEEL it within me, I know I can quit for good. I think having an early win like this, and one so crucial (I need a job, single household over here!), is major for my self worth. I recommend seeking out something similar to show yourself you’re still the same person; but wait until you’re ready. If I had to deliver this presentation last week, I couldn’t have, my brain wasn’t ready yet. I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I’m so excited to have reached a new stage!
  6. Chronic fatigue and apathy

    I am on day 28 of cold turkey, about a week and a half ago I started feeling way less foggy and could string some sentences together. I’m in marketing and do improv, so being creative and strategic is what I’m paid to do; I feel your pain on the writing! The first two weeks were a total bust, I couldn’t do anything. From everything I read and experienced myself, I think you should only focus on getting things done you absolutely need to do, like paying bills and anything that you have to do to maintain your job, but the still do the absolute bare minimum. I find the harder I try to push myself to be “normal” the worst off I am mentally, bc I beat myself up so much for being lazy and slow. Lately I’ve been accepting what I am able to do and celebrating small wins. Today I worked for 5 hours (Which is a lot more then I’ve been able to do since I stopped), and I let myself be stoked! and the hunger.... omg I’ve gained and lost the same 6lbs for 28 days. I find intermittent fasting is a good method for me to control my eating, I use the Life app to track. To end this random rant, it does get better! I can’t believe the progress I’ve made since day 8!
  7. @DrewK15 - thanks so much for taking the time to write all of that out. When I first read it, I was kind of in denial and then the more I thought about, the more it made sense. Life IS boring, and Adderall gave me the sense that life moved so much quicker since I got so much done after I took it. Yesterday the weather was beautiful, so I took advantage and took THREE long walks and really enjoyed it, plus I felt so much better and focused after. Today, the weather is crappy out so I haven't done that and I feel pretty gross, moody and lethargic again. Definitely great advice overall, thanks again!
  8. Hi everyone, this has been quite the journey; it’s been 21 days since my last pill, and every day is different. Somedays I feel almost normal; others I feel extreme fog and depression. What’s keeping me up tonight is worrying about my general lack of motivation, excitement, and interest in life. It’s bringing back memories of how I felt before I took Adderall 10 years ago and how I felt 4 years ago when I wasn’t on it for about a year and a half to two years. When I started Adderall each time, I felt like it was a missing piece in my life, and I had a new desire to live and experience life like never before. I feel now, and at those times, like I am a shell of a person. It concerns me because I don’t want to be on Adderall (after a while many of those nice benefits disappear, but at least it still gave me motivation), but I also don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life and I’m worried I could relapse on this fear alone. I found myself binge eating last night as a coping mechanism (a reoccurring issue I’ve had throughout my life). Would love to hear if anyone has similar experiences for using Adderall and your advice for overcoming this without taking the drug. At the age of 33, my entire adult I had a crutch to overcome this, it’s daunting to face the rest of my life without it! Thanks for reading <3
  9. How are you feeling today?

    I feel the exact same way today! I am at 21 days clean. Yesterday I had sooo much energy, but today I can hardly do a single thing, I’m all over the place and can’t even hold a conversation because listening is too hard. I’m supposed to be working from home, but can’t say that’s happening. Today is the first day I’ve been very tempted to take a pill, I hope this stage doesn’t last too long.
  10. I just joined this forum and looking for support. Here’s my journey! I’ve taken Adderall for over 10 years; I started at age 23 when my mom gave it to me to lose weight. She kept refilling my brother's old Adderall medication, even though he stopped taking it. Yes, my mother was my drug dealer. I was diagnosed with ADD at age 7, but she decided not to medicate me then. So even though I was offended at the reason she gave it to me, I didn’t think I was abusing anything since I was diagnosed, right? Things were “great” for a few years, I did lose the 50lbs I gained post-college, applied for, and graduated from grad school, and moved multiple states growing my career. Then about 6 years ago, my sober boyfriend (Heroin) stole my Adderall and started taking it. I quit right then and there so it wouldn’t be in the house. I remember the withdrawals being terrible, but so many other things were happening during this time that I didn't pay attention to how it affected me after the initial 3 weeks. Shortly after he stole my Adderall, he relapsed again on heroin, and I finally left him after countless rehabs and emotional abuse. I was incredibly depressed and withdrawn from the world for over a year after that. I did see a therapist, and that helped a lot, but I still didn’t think I had what it took to overcome everything by myself. So I started retaking Adderall about 4 years ago because I thought I needed it to be functional again, I Iacked so much self-motivation. I did “successfully” re-enter the world with Adderall, advanced my career, and more importantly stayed single so I could break the terrible relationship patterns I’ve had since I was 16. Shortly after, my mom’s supply was finally dwindling as she was no longer getting refills. I was worried about running out. I set out to legitimize my addiction, I found a doctor to give me a script in my new state. It was terrifying, and I felt like a total fraud, but I got it done. And then I used my old pink pills for weekends and going out. For the last year, I’ve felt that I couldn't physically take Adderall 7 days a week, my body told me I couldn’t handle it, and so usually 1-2 days a week I've been fucked bc of withdrawals. I’ve wanted to officially quit because I didn’t want a drug to control me, but I didn’t know how I could manage the withdrawals full-time. I am a new director for a tech company, I have a side business, and I do improv 3-days a week. Always an excuse. Then COVID-19 came along, and I knew I’d never have another chance like this to be home for this long uninterrupted, so no more excuses. The first 2 weeks, I started tapering during workdays and went cold turkey on weekends. Then I got the coronavirus and couldn’t work anyways, that was April 30th, and I haven’t had a pill since then, and I plan to continue cold-turkey. I’m grateful that I was able to leverage this quarantine for my wellbeing. I finally feel better and kicked the worst of the withdrawals and higher spirits, yet still a little foggy, though. I am terrified of PAWs. I just want all of this to be over. It’s been a wild 10 years. Before I started this journey, I didn’t think my addiction was the same as my ex’s, but it is... he couldn’t function without heroin, and I thought I couldn’t function without Adderall.