Advice for quitting a third time

[Catherine1]

Hello. I’ve been on adderall for 11 years and have tried to quit twice unsuccessfully. I take it everyday and feel I can’t function without it. I’m on 60 mg daily. I tried cold turkey and the withdrawal symptoms were too much. I don’t think I trust myself to taper down. I’m also nervous I won’t be able to perform my well at my job without it. Do you have any suggestions on how I can successfully quit once and now for all? I am ready to get my life back. 

[hyper_critical]

Catherine,

Welcome to the forums. You're in the right place. Check out the articles on this site and keep posting here. If you're as far gone as I was, rehab is an option. 

Quitting Adderall is the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Full stop. You CAN function without it. You've gotta have a plan to quit though, and there's no dressing up the fact that it's going to be rough for a while. You have to be persistent and maybe even a little stubborn about not using a day at a time, and prioritize your quit above all else. 

There is bright light out the other end of the tunnel. A bunch of people on this site have made it through. We look forward to you joining us here soon.

Good luck,

H-C

[SleepyStupid]

hi Catherine,

11 years is a long time, but i'm glad that you've recognized that enough is enough. "do i want to live the rest of my life on speed?" is essentially the question everyone needs ask themselves. so how do you quit once and for all?

1) cut off your supply. tell your doctor honestly about your decision to quit, and don't make it sound like the drug just isn't working any more. unfortunately, the response most doctors have is to simply up the dose or move you to another pill, and when you're sitting in that room it's mighty tempting to simply comply. you need to tell him / her that getting off stimulants is a lifestyle choice you've made. also be honest about your concern during tapering. they will probably still put you on a taper plan, but should severely restrict the quantity and dosage. if you go the taper route, also consider doing weekly prescriptions rather than monthly.

2) figure out a strategy for work. some people have the luxury of taking paid time off, but there's also FMLA for unpaid time (enough time for rehab if necessary). ideally, you'll want to take a week off initially to get through the really acute withdrawal phase. how much time off you need after that really depends on the person and your life circumstances.

3) stay active on the forums (: 

that's basically it from a logistics standpoint. the rest of it is honestly the strength of your conviction. why do you want to quit? how badly do you want to quit? how much harm is adderall causing you? where do you see yourself in 5 years if you continue to take adderall?

gl and keep us posted!

[Catherine1]

Thank you both for the helpful advice. I work at a big finance firm so the hours are crazy and it’s high stress which is why I’m worried I won’t be able to function at work without it. I’m taking a week off next week to visit friends in FL but I don’t want to quit then since I want to enjoy my time with my friends who I haven’t seen in years. I have one more week of paid time off to use so I could quit and use that time off to recover. 

 

The first time I quit I went cold turkey and the withdrawals were so bad I gave up on day 3. The second time I quit I tried to taper down but kept delaying lowering the dose and then found an excuse as to why I couldn’t do it (deadline, it’s never a good time) I’ve done damage to my heart and developed high blood pressure due to adderall and my last EKG showed a heart murmur. I know if I don’t stop, I’ll end up very sick. 

 

A new friend of mine who I’ve became close with and who has been in rehab for pain pill addiction called me out on my adderall use and said he is worried and I need to stop. He keeps telling me I’ll feel a lot better once I do. I’m scared of quitting to be honest. I don’t remember who I was before I started taking the pills. Sorry for the rambling. 

 

I did talk to my doctor and she will prescribe a lower dose on a tapering schedule for me. I’m required to come in person to see her during this time. Would you suggest it’s better to go cold turkey and be very uncomfortable or try to taper and be mildly uncomfortable? Thank you both again for the helpful advice and for giving me hope  

[Frank B]

26 minutes ago, Catherine1 said:

Thank you both for the helpful advice. I work at a big finance firm so the hours are crazy and it’s high stress which is why I’m worried I won’t be able to function at work without it. I’m taking a week off next week to visit friends in FL but I don’t want to quit then since I want to enjoy my time with my friends who I haven’t seen in years. I have one more week of paid time off to use so I could quit and use that time off to recover. 

 

The first time I quit I went cold turkey and the withdrawals were so bad I gave up on day 3. The second time I quit I tried to taper down but kept delaying lowering the dose and then found an excuse as to why I couldn’t do it (deadline, it’s never a good time) I’ve done damage to my heart and developed high blood pressure due to adderall and my last EKG showed a heart murmur. I know if I don’t stop, I’ll end up very sick. 

 

A new friend of mine who I’ve became close with and who has been in rehab for pain pill addiction called me out on my adderall use and said he is worried and I need to stop. He keeps telling me I’ll feel a lot better once I do. I’m scared of quitting to be honest. I don’t remember who I was before I started taking the pills. Sorry for the rambling. 

 

I did talk to my doctor and she will prescribe a lower dose on a tapering schedule for me. I’m required to come in person to see her during this time. Would you suggest it’s better to go cold turkey and be very uncomfortable or try to taper and be mildly uncomfortable? Thank you both again for the helpful advice and for giving me hope  

Unfortunately recovery takes months even years not weeks. If I did not own a small buisness where I could make my own schedule honestly don’t know how I could have done it. Here is the deal if you were taking cocaine everyday to get by would you consider going into a in patient rehab to save your life? Well truth is adderall is more powerful narcotic and overtime it will kill you the human body was not meant to consume amphetamines daily. I think your only hope come clean with your employer tell them you need possibly a month or two of inpatient rehab to kick a very dangerous prescribed drug that will kill you if you don’t stop. If not guess you could keep doing it and have a stoke at work. I know during the height of my 9 yr use I wanted to die vs take on trying to quit this drug. I’ve been clean now 2yrs 4 months was also taking a lot of pain pills quit them both. It hasn’t been easy but can be done good luck to you. 

[Catherine1]

Thank you for the insight. Congrats on quitting adderall and pain pills, my friend said they are one of the hardest to kick. I am hoping to do this on my own without rehab, besides from fear of my employer finding out, I don’t know if insurance will cover it. I do want to quit and I know I have to as it’s putting a lot of stress on my body and heart, but I’m scared of quitting as well. 

 

I don’t know how to function without the drug. Just an hour ago I had a important call with a big client and took extra adderall beforehand because I was nervous/I like the way it makes me feel and I felt I would do better on the call if I did. I know that’s not normal and I need to stop. Do you think rehab is best because of the services they offer? If I were to come clean to my employer, they can’t fire me over this? I want to make sure my job will be secure when I get back. When people quit, do they find it hard to perform at work or stay focused even after months of stopping? Thanks!!

[Frank B]

5 hours ago, Catherine1 said:

Thank you for the insight. Congrats on quitting adderall and pain pills, my friend said they are one of the hardest to kick. I am hoping to do this on my own without rehab, besides from fear of my employer finding out, I don’t know if insurance will cover it. I do want to quit and I know I have to as it’s putting a lot of stress on my body and heart, but I’m scared of quitting as well. 

 

I don’t know how to function without the drug. Just an hour ago I had a important call with a big client and took extra adderall beforehand because I was nervous/I like the way it makes me feel and I felt I would do better on the call if I did. I know that’s not normal and I need to stop. Do you think rehab is best because of the services they offer? If I were to come clean to my employer, they can’t fire me over this? I want to make sure my job will be secure when I get back. When people quit, do they find it hard to perform at work or stay focused even after months of stopping? Thanks!!

I did a outpatient rehab program I had no insurance coverage so paid out of pocket. You can call your insurance company find out if your covered. Of course if not u can do outpatient a lot cheaper but if I could have gone inpatient would have for sure. Why Id suggest a inpatient if your insurance covers is so you can take that time off work honestly u at least need a month of not worrying about the morning alarm deadlines etc u must focus completely on getting yourself healed. Here is a link I found regards to being fired.

http://www.drug-rehab-experts.org/treatment-information/can-my-employer-fire-me-if-i-go-to-rehab/

Yes it will probably be a struggle months after stopping not going to lie but possibly going to a actual inpatient rehab you may gain tools many of us never learned. If I was to go inpatient I’d do research see which one would have professionals who could help with this specific problem. What I hate is most often they see us no different than a person hooked on blow and opioids. Although many things I learned in rehab did apply but it’s different I’m completely over pain pills yet still after this long I still think about adderall question how much better could I do things with it. But it’s a lie it simply stopped working and I can’t beleive at 11yrs your still getting much benefits far is work performance and concentration.  For me at the end I became a complete scattered brained unfocused irrational mad man and only cared about taking more adderall. You never know you could tell your employer and they say something like “We’ve noticed something wrong this might be the best thing for you.” So often on this drug we think everyone looks at us in awe but reality is they might be thinking “Wtf is wrong with this person?”

Heck if you do all this go back to work realize you still can’t stop and rather risk a heart attack at least you really gave it a try. 

[EricP]

I’d add my 2 cents however it’s all been pretty well covered here. I was on for 4years with a break in between and lower dose... It’s been a hell the past 9mo if I didn’t work for myself I would have been fired especially early on...

If you don’t try a program or get help I would absolutely recommend taperin. However you will feel like crap no matter what. Maybe lower the dose each time after you skip a couple days so the lowered dose actually does take the edge off and doesn’t do so little that you take any more more. Then keep increasing how many days you skip as well as the increased drop in dose. I have thought many times how I would have done it as I did cold turkey and was horrible. Still is and tapering or not quitting is HARD!

Stay close to the board as there are so many here with good advise and personal experience that will help greatly. I wish you well and best of luck!

[Frank B]

This may be all overwhelming the truth about the battle ahead. Here is a post from a guy I started to follow on Facebook  that may give you motavtion on this journey.

”Be willing to go to war with yourself!

We don't know what we can't do until someone tells us. Most of us are willing to do anything to pursue our dreams then people tell us how dangerous or stupid our dreams are. They tell us about the downside. They tell us about our limitations and how the others before us didn't make it. They give us other options instead of what we want to do. They talk us out of our dreams. This is one reason I invented the fucking cookie jar! 

You must create a system that constantly reminds you who the fuck you are! You are only capable of living up to the image you create in your mind. Life is not going to pick you up when you fall. There will be forks in the road, knives in the fucking back, mountains to climb, etc. Prepare yourself! We know life can be hard and yet we feel sorry for ourselves when life isn't fair! You will be made fun of! You will feel insecure! You may not be the best! You may be the only black, white, female, male, gay, lesbian or whatever! Get over it! There will be times where you feel alone! 

Our minds are fucking strong, we have just stopped using them! We have access to so many more resources today and yet do less than those who came before us! No one gives you wisdom. You get that shit as you struggle on your journey. 

It's ok to be afraid but it's not ok to be a coward. When I was in SEAL training the Pacific Ocean was always cold. When my mind realized I wasn't going to quit, the water warmed. The water never really warmed I just no longer gave a fuck.”

- David Goggins 

[Tom23Jones]

1 hour ago, Frank B said:

This may be all overwhelming the truth about the battle ahead. Here is a post from a guy I started to follow on Facebook  that may give you motavtion on this journey.

”Be willing to go to war with yourself!

- David Goggins 

1 hour ago, Frank B said:

David Goggins is an absolute savage.  That dude has a powerful message.  After listening to him on JRE, I was ready to lift all the weights and run all the miles

 

[Catherine1]

Thank you both for the insights and Frank thank you for the link and inspirational quote it was very helpful. Unfortunately, my insurance does not cover inpatient. I almost got fired today because I balanced a clients budget wrong. I chalked it up to not getting enough sleep, I realize I wasn’t sleeping because of the adderall but didn’t want to believe it. So my employer asked to meet. I told them everything and asked about taking some time off as you are right; I need some time to heal and not think about deadlines. 

My boss said she noticed something was wrong and my performance was slipping and now she knows why. She encouraged me to get help and told me I could take a leave of absence for 8 weeks and my job would be secure during this time. I thought I was still getting benefit from the adderall, but in reality people were like “wtf is wrong with you.” I am always anxious and I reread an email to a client I wrote today and realized I made no sense, I thought I was okay and the pills helped but I was wrong. It’s hard to come to terms with.  I guess after 11 years I became accustomed to how I act on it and thought it was helping when it made everything worse.

I’m going to see my friends in FL next week as planned, then when I return I’ll start outpatient rehab and a taper and take some time off to heal. My friend who has been to inpatient rehab for pain pills offered to let me stay at his place during this time so I wont be alone. I’m terrified but I’m so ready to take my life back. If I taper I’m hoping I won’t feel as shitty as doing it cold turkey, I’ll feel shitty no matter what though.  11 years is far too long. Thank you all for the help, advice and support. Do you have any advice for getting through the withdrawals? I greatly appreciate it. 

[Frank B]

 

I’m not trying to be rude or judgmental but your getting a few weeks off work, your heart is in danger why is visiting friends more important than jumping on stopping this drug right now? Wouldn’t they understand and possibly be much happier seeing the real you down the road off this drug? Sorry just know you said on the trip you will be taking adderall. 

My opinion if you can afford inpatient out of pocket somehow do it and go cold turkey. Actually think you’d be forced to but not sure. Heard new gov grants allow free rehab to combat the opioid crisis not sure how legit that info is but might do some research on it. If not then you may try tapering down and do outpatient but it will take you much longer. Until it’s day 1 of 0mg of adderall you really have not started your brains recovery so keep that in mind. 

[NotToday]

Hey @Catherine1, welcome to the boards! That's great that your work is being supportive and encouraging you to take the time off. As someone who did inpatient rehab, I always highly recommend it if it is an option. I saw you said your insurance doesn't cover it, but usually there are some loopholes. Most insurance will cover detox and then skip over residential to a level of care called 'PHP' (partial hospitalization) which is considered outpatient. Essentially, you're supposed to be in therapy all day and go home or to an unsupervised home in the evening. This is a level above IOP which tends to be a few hours several days a week. Many treatments centers will accept PHP in lieu of residential. They will either 'write off the room and board', balance bill you for legality reasons but straight tell you they don't expect a payment, or they will determine a room and board fee for you to pay before arrival. I know this from experience as my insurance technically did not cover residential IP but I was still able to attend a residential program under detox then PHP coverage. Anyways just wanted to throw that out there in case you might have the same situation. I always advocate for treatment as I truly believe it saved my life  best of luck to you and keep us posted on your progress 

[Catherine1]

I spent most of last night in the hospital for a bad anxiety attack. I thought I was having a heart attack but it was a panic attack. The doctors told me it was caused by the adderall inducing the anxiety. I spoke to my friends in FL (who had no idea what was going on since) and told me to get help and I’d come visit when I’m off the adderall. You’re right, I wasn’t thinking rationally, I guess part of me wanted to delay quitting b/c I’m scared but I obvi need to stop and that’s happening now! My friend picked me up from the hospital and I’m back at his place to slowly taper down and attend outpatient rehab this week or next depending on insurance clearance and I need to call places and set up intake interviews. This week I’m going to a NA meeting as well (my friend attends so he suggested I go with him) I wish I could afford inpatient rehab but sadly I can’t. Today begins 50mg and I will go down 10mg from there until 0. I’m scared but I know I will feel so much better st the end. Thank you Frank and everyone who has helped and given me advice, I really appreciate it. When do the withdrawal symptoms peak? Just wondering so I know what to expect, I’ve never made it past day 3 before, well this time that will be different, I’ll make it past day 3 and beyond! 

[Catherine1]

Thank you @Nicole88 for that advice! I never knew that. I’m looking into PHP and detox and see if my insurance covers it. My insurance doesn’t even cover my adderall lol or any medicines and only one doctors visit a year, until I meet my very high deductible, then they cover half the cost of all future appointments. I’m going to check that out and see if my insurance would allow that. Thank you!  I’m really glad you were able to attend inpatient rehab. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes! Starting to taper down slowly today while I research programs and talk to my insurance and hopefully get things going. Thank you again for the support and advice!

[Kimber]

I was on Adderall for 17 years.  Quit cold turkey 7 months ago.  It sucks but after trying tapering, i just said screw it and told myself I’m not going to die quitting Adderall, but NOT quitting May kill me.

Adderall was making me overthink quitting and trying to know all the possible scenarios and potential problems of quitting.  IMO an app like headspace helps realize all the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts you will go through are not you...Adderall is not your friend and it does NOT make you a better you...it just make you think that... 

EAT good for you stuff, don’t drink and walk or light exercise outside, animals help too.  I promise. You will get through it. 

This place has saved me!

[SleepyStupid]

12 hours ago, Catherine1 said:

I thought I was still getting benefit from the adderall, but in reality people were like “wtf is wrong with you.”

totally this. i was so tweaked out at work, people just ended up accepting that's how i am. i even got the nickname TRON at work, cause i'd change conversation topics so abruptly. .

 

proud of you for coming clean to your boss. that's a REALLY tough conversation to have, but it shows that you're committed to fixing your life. i'm assuming that you've already started your leave from work? if you're staying with your friend for a while, and you're not working, i would strongly suggest to go cold turkey or a very aggressive taper schedule. as @Frank B said, you need to get to 0mg as soon as possible, so that you can make the best use of the time you have off... best use being doing nothing and just healing (:

 

[Catherine1]

Congrats on the 7 months @Kimberand thank you for the advice and hope! Why didn’t tapering work for you? I tried to go cold turkey but the withdrawal symptoms were so bad I gave up after a day or so. I tried tapering the second time but also felt shitty and there was always a deadline or something I thought I needed adderall for, so it was never a “good time” to quit in my mind and I only made it three days. The overthinking thing is totally me! I’m going to download that app now, it sounds like it would really help. 

 

I keep tying to tell myself that I’ll feel better once I quit but I’m also kinda scared I won’t be able to function, but your right, adderall DOES’NT make me a better person, I just think that. I’ll try to remember that when it gets hard. 

 

Thank you for the tips! My friend who I’m staying with has an adorable poodle that is sitting on my lap now, so I’m sure that will help as well. I’ll try to do some light walking and I’ll stay away from alcohol and coffee.  Thank you again! 

[Catherine1]

2 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

Ttotally this. i was so tweaked out at work, people just ended up accepting that's how i am. i even got the nickname TRON at work, cause i'd change conversation topics so abruptly. .

Thanks @sleepystupid for the support! Haha love that nickname!  I’m the same way, I bet my coworkers have a similar one for me lol. Thank you! It was extremely difficult and I was putting it off until I almost got fired for balancing a client budget wrong and then I had no choice but to come clean to my boss. Either way, it was one of the hardest conversations I’ve had to date. 

Yup, my leave from work started this morning. My friend said I can stay as long as I want, and I plan to until I’m off the adderall and back to work. He’s been to inpatient rehab for pain pills and when I first met him, I was really tweaked and he called me out on the adderall right alway. The night he met me, he said: “You seem like a really cool person, but you’ll be even cooler once your not tweaked out of you right mind. You gotta quit the addy.” it’s funny that he knew right away, then again I thought I was so good at hiding it.

I tried quitting cold turkey and the withdrawals were so bad that I gave up after day 2. I was planning to taper 10mg at a time, but I could just cut my dose in half and go from 60mg to 30? Do you have any tips for making the withdrawal suck less? You’re right though, I should make the most of my time off my resting and healing (: I know when I return to work. I’ll be expected to perform so I do want to be feeling decent by then. Thank you again for the helpful advice! 

[SleepyStupid]

yea, we all think we're better at hiding it than we think are. also the thing with hiding / lying is that it brings with it a ton of guilt. i remember getting fired from a job after months of absolutely unacceptable behavior. that day should have been terrible, and it was, but at the same time it was a HUGE relief, not having to carry around the guilt of getting paid to deliver basically nothing.

i'm assuming that the withdrawal symptoms you're talking about are the very acute kind, because you haven't made it past day 3 before. unfortunately, there really isn't anything that's going to make the first week suck less. probably just laying around, watching netflix and eating whatever you want! no supplement is going to help in this time period. wellbutrin does help for sure, but you'd have to discuss this with your doctor.

 

[Kimber]

7 hours ago, Catherine1 said:

Congrats on the 7 months @Kimberand thank you for the advice and hope! Why didn’t tapering work for you? I tried to go cold turkey but the withdrawal symptoms were so bad I gave up after a day or so. I tried tapering the second time but also felt shitty and there was always a deadline or something I thought I needed adderall for, so it was never a “good time” to quit in my mind and I only made it three days. The overthinking thing is totally me! I’m going to download that app now, it sounds like it would really help. 

 

I keep tying to tell myself that I’ll feel better once I quit but I’m also kinda scared I won’t be able to function, but your right, adderall DOES’NT make me a better person, I just think that. I’ll try to remember that when it gets hard. 

 

Thank you for the tips! My friend who I’m staying with has an adorable poodle that is sitting on my lap now, so I’m sure that will help as well. I’ll try to do some light walking and I’ll stay away from alcohol and coffee.  Thank you again! 

Hi Catherine.   Tapering didn’t work for me for a couple of reasons i think...I was soooo ready to be done with it and sickened with myself when I did use it, I was tired of bashing myself for using it and tired of knowing that if I had it around I probably use whatever I needed in my warped mind to get through the day and it was always not the amount I was supposed to be tapering on, then I’d feel guilty and that vicious cycle was motivating enough to make me tear up my rx.  I was just soooo done, my body had had enough of Adderall damage.  

My mind NEVER SHUTS OFF.   I tried to use Headspace using Adderall, between my heart beating out of my chest and my mind racing, it was impossible...Now at 7months I’m just at 10 minutes/day and for those 10 minutes i’m “Present” maybe 7 minutes.  7 minutes more than on Adderall.  

You are soooo ready and you know it.  And you know it is going to suck, but you will feel so proud of yourself for making it through that first day, then week. Do NOT discount these steps. They are huge!  I’m thinking of you.

 

[Frank B]

Catherine, last time you quit for 3 days were you going to work? You keep asking about getting over withdraw symptoms. For me I had physical withdraw quitting opioids muscle twitching, could not sleep, sweating rapid heart beating. Addy had really no physical withdraw long as I could lay in my bed watch Netflix I was fine. The withdraw symptoms  comes after you get a month off to chill then must return to real life being a productive person to make a living and not end up homeless. It’s all mental but it’s by far not fake it’s real as fuck we really screwed our brain chemistry up and takes a lot of time and effort to recover. 

[Frank B]

13 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

totally this. i was so tweaked out at work, people just ended up accepting that's how i am. i even got the nickname TRON at work, cause i'd change conversation topics so abruptly. .

 

proud of you for coming clean to your boss. that's a REALLY tough conversation to have, but it shows that you're committed to fixing your life. i'm assuming that you've already started your leave from work? if you're staying with your friend for a while, and you're not working, i would strongly suggest to go cold turkey or a very aggressive taper schedule. as @Frank B said, you need to get to 0mg as soon as possible, so that you can make the best use of the time you have off... best use being doing nothing and just healing (:

 

I love playing Tron such a game ahead of its time beautiful masterpiece. 

[SeanW]

4 hours ago, Frank B said:

The withdraw symptoms  comes after you get a month off to chill then must return to real life being a productive person to make a living and not end up homeless. It’s all mental but it’s by far not fake it’s real as fuck we really screwed our brain chemistry up and takes a lot of time and effort to recover. 

Lol yep, thank god my dad is letting me bum it at his place or I would be homeless or in the military. It's daunting but real as fuck. I also had physical and still do sides such as twitching and sweats. But then again I used other hard drugs like benzos and opiates. I wish you the best and you start recovery as soon as possible.

[Catherine1]

That makes sense @Kimber, I feel I’m the same way and today I cut my dose in halfthis morning  and I am starting to feel sick and blehh, if there’s anyway to explain it, like my mind is movingtrhrough mud I guess haha. I am looking forward to the day when I’m fully”present.” If you can do t after 17 years on adderall, there’s hope for me! You’re right, I’m ready. At this point, I just want the acute withdrawals into be over lol. Thank you for the kind thoughts. I appreciate it.