365 days ago I made the decision to stop taking adderall

[Brit]

365 days ago I started tapering my Adderall prescription (and lock down started in my state!)

351 days ago was my last pill (and the day I realized I had covid)

In the last 365 days I’ve:

- gained 40 pounds

- isolated myself from all my friends 

- went from an overall mild depression to deep depression

- started therapy 

- repaired family relationships 

- started taking anti-depressants 

- developed dependence on cannabis 

- gained a little self-confidence 

- took a Harvard course 

- promoted

- lost 5 pounds 

- realized my self-worth and fuck I’m amazing 

 

To say this year was a roller coaster is an understatement. If you told me even 4 months ago my list would have ended this positively I would have thought you were insane. I let myself cry this morning seeing on my “NOMO” clock that I hit 365 days. I let myself truly take in all that I’ve gone through and accomplished. 
 

My new thing is focusing on “post-traumatic growth” - I will no longer let my past affect my present and my future. I got this, and so do all of you. After 10 years of Adderall use and complete dependence on it to make it through a single day, I never thought life could be this good.

It’s worth pushing through the struggles, I promise. 

 

 

 

 

 

[LuLamb]

WAY TO GO!!! I love your list! Your post touched me. Thank you

[Brit]

I’m so happy it did!! I don’t contribute as much here lately, but I know when I was going through the worst parts seeing how much better it gets was so important to staying on track and not giving in. It’s so therapeutic to take the time and reflect and journal about it too. 

[speedracer]

Great post. Thanks for sharing. What a wild ride indeed. One year is HUGE!!!!!  

 

[SleepyStupid]

On 3/17/2021 at 9:00 AM, Brit said:

My new thing is focusing on “post-traumatic growth” - I will no longer let my past affect my present and my future.

this this this!!!!  life is too short to wallow in regret!

for those still struggling: just keep moving forward, even if forward means a different thing than it used to for you.

[Brit]

@SleepyStupid- I had a great conversation with one my best friends this weekend on this topic; she filled me in that she struggles with forgiveness and moving on, because she feels like she is giving those who hurt her “a pass” if she does. It made me so sad to hear that because she’s been struggling for well over a couple of decades with this. That’s too long to hold on to the past when you have a whole future in front of you!

[dolssa]

congrats! do you mind me asking what anti depressant you started? i quit a little more than a year ago and relapsed this week because of deep depression :/

[speedracer]

Hi Dolssa, I am sorry for your relapse. You got a year and thats darn good. Get back on that horse. I love the phrase, "progress not perfection". You got this. 

Coincidentally, I had conversation with an old friend yesterday about my failures at quitting Adderall in the past. He always encouraged me to quit. I told him I have 21 months. He was happy and surprised. I would always get some good time under my belt, even up to 8 months, then give up because my mood, ADD symptoms, fog brain, and depression overwhelmed me. I always figured I was the person who needs Adderall to survive in this crazy world. Its prescribed for a reason, and I was the reason. I never understood how long it takes for the brain to heal and recover from long term use. Our dopamine systems are shot. I think it takes 2 years to reach some sort of baseline. 

I have 21 months and still notice improvement. I did start taking Wellbutrin at 14 months or so because my wife insisted I had depression.  It wasnt all about the withdrawl, or PAWS. I needed some more help than abstinence and sobriety. I took her advise, talked to my doctor and got a prescription for Wellbutrin. It worked for me and no side effects as far as I can tell. My quality of life got way better. I will probably wean off of it at the 2 year mark and see how it goes. So for me, addressing the depression was a big step forward. I enjoy golf and socializing now, I drink with friends about once a week. Before I had no interest in anything. I also think we live in an age of severe stress which contributes to depression. With the underlying recovery issues we face, the world and its stresses are likely to trigger at least some mild depression. And I think working a spiritual program daily is critical. 

[Brit]

22 hours ago, dolssa said:

congrats! do you mind me asking what anti depressant you started? i quit a little more than a year ago and relapsed this week because of deep depression :/

@dolssa So sorry to hear about your relapse! it happens, and you got this! I am on Lexapro. Started at 5mg and have been sitting at 15mg for a few months now. I truly feel like a different person. A lot of my friends are also on Lexapro, and all have great experiences on it. 

 

1 hour ago, speedracer said:

I always figured I was the person who needs Adderall to survive in this crazy world. Its prescribed for a reason, and I was the reason.

@speedracer - I also thought this about myself!! It was really cool to realize this isn't the case.