Coping Mechanisms

[OnSomething]

Hello,

I’m 0 days clean. I have said so many times I want to quit, even making promises to God, just to not. Tomorrow I am quitting. I told my best friend of how I take 100+mg a day and drink 1-2 bottles of wine every night. She is helping me come up w/ a plan. I am calling my doctor tomorrow. 
 

I have been trauma to trauma throughout my life, and since starting counseling recently realized how severe my neglect was growing up. Adderall was a coping tool that worked well at first. I am scared to give up the only thing I know, even though it’s killing me.

 

My question is this- how do you find new coping tools? How do you know if they’re working or healthy? What’s worked for you? 

[SleepyStupid]

hi @OnSomething

I'm sorry to hear about your past trauma, though discovering it's impact on your life can give you some control over it, and can be very therapeutic. it's kind of like in fiction where knowing the true name of a demon gives you power over it!

Adderall as a coping tool is a story many of us know very well. there's no denying that when it works, *it works* , but it's simply not sustainable.

for what it's worth, I think the most effective coping tools in first few months of your recovery journey will simply be distractions and forgiveness. you need to try to keep yourself distracted and occupied as much as possible. i know it's easier said than done because you won't feel like doing anything for a while, so even if it's just binging Netflix or video games, immerse yourself in something. if an activity that you enjoyed while on Adderall is too frustrating now, let it go for the time being. if you truly love it, it will come back to you later on down the road, but don't get trapped in a cycle of depression, constantly comparing to how it felt while on Adderall.

the forgiveness part has to do with being kind to yourself. one of the hardest things in recovery is letting go of the guilt, remorse and embarrassment associated with your addiction. there will be plenty of time to unpack that in the future when you're thinking more clearly, but you need to be sober for long enough to actually get there. in the meantime, just forgive yourself enough to be a sleepy blob till you hit the first milestones of recovery - your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to just stay sober no matter what it takes!

gl and keep us posted, we're here for you (: 

 

[speedracer]

Wonderful response SS!  

I went through my own series of traumas and I am not sure I could have survived without adderall. But then again, sometimes I wonder if taking the adderall contributed to a pattern of thinking that attracted the next trauma. "As a man thinketh, so he is".

Mine started off with the loss of my family. My grief was beyond and I wasnt able to function. Adderall kickstarted my life so I could manage. It pulled me out of the mud of depression and grief. But then I made a career decisions, took on an large start up company, which ended up in further truama. Again adderall helped get me through it and helped me fight for my life. I prevailed.  But again, sometimes I wonder if my adderallic thinking put me into those predicaments in the first place. 

Then after my most recent clash with trauma, and suffering from a total burnout from the stress, trauma, and adderall,  I finally surrendered and took action by quitting adderall and alcohol, went to AA, got a sponsor, and read tons of material by Emmit Fox like "The power of constructive thinking", " The sermon on the Mount", etc. and started to use the sprituial tools suggested in AA and Emmit Fox. It really worked for me. So it was the spiritual programs and literature that gave me the tools to cope. I learned to apply them in my daily life. And this forum is also a major tool. It helped me understand that becuase of my longterm use and trauma, its going to take up to 2 years to get well again. I gave myself permission to focus on recovery above my career or anything else for at least two years. I worked part time becuase I really couldnt work full time anyway without gettin back on the adderall. I was totally fried up. Crispy critter! Nothing left in the engine. Grinding gears. You know what I am talkiing about. 

The scary thing about truama is it creates patterns of thought that get embedded in our pscyhe. Adderall agravates the patterns of negative thoughts. We need tools to break those patterns up and the best tool for me was prayer and meditation and doing the 12 steps. Health and fitness also got my self esteem going. Giving myself permission to heal above all else!  Giving myself permission to feel like a loser for up to two years has paid off enormously. I am almost there at 22.5 months and the last few months continue to show massive improvements. Geeze, its crazy how much my life has improved over the past two years and all the trauma and drama are gone. I think they are gone for good. 

I also took a greif class at the local church. Taking actions daily becomes a long term investment of health and recovery and soon enough you will realize life is good and you are free!!!

 I hope this helps. 

[dolssa]

Hi @OnSomething. I also used adderall as a coping tool for trauma, but i did not know it. it wasn't until i got clean and the fog lifted that i started to face some truths about my childhood and past that i was suppressing with adderall and the life i was living on adderall. At over a year clean i recently relapsed because of it, just trying to run again instead of face and heal. in the beginning, don't worry too much about that. first focus on quitting. take it a day at a time. the you while you are detoxing and withdrawing isn't the real you and your brain will be too busy healing to think about other stuff. (at least thats what happened to me) and then when its time you will have a clear mind and can find better coping tools to use. for me, i'm about to start my withdrawal from my temporary relapse of the last month and FINALLY admit i need a damn therapist. don't try to to do much too soon. focus on getting through the days without adderall and forgive yourself if its messy. wanting to quit is already a huge step. YOU CAN DO THIS. x 

[SleepyStupid]

15 hours ago, speedracer said:

I gave myself permission to focus on recovery above my career or anything else for at least two years. I worked part time becuase I really couldnt work full time anyway without gettin back on the adderall. I was totally fried up

 

5 hours ago, dolssa said:

in the beginning, don't worry too much about that. first focus on quitting. take it a day at a time. the you while you are detoxing and withdrawing isn't the real you and your brain will be too busy healing to think about other stuff. (at least thats what happened to me) and then when its time you will have a clear mind and can find better coping tools to use.

^^^ well said guys! you need to give yourself permission to heal in the beginning while you're in the worst of the detox and withdrawal until the "real you" is able to think clearly about things (: