Motivation_Follows_Action

Sitting here in my warmest overcoat and hat, with no heat, I can attest to this! I have been waiting for the boiler repair guy to get here for hours... stuck in traffic my ass. He asked me what is wrong with it and I'm like, "I'm from the Southern Hemisphere where our idea of "heating" during the winter is UGG boots! Just fucking get here already dude!" He thought that was hilarious. I think it's abominable. brrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Searchingsoul, I am offering this advice to you free but please know it comes from a place of deep expertise; I'm not simply an impassioned woman and fellow professional. You are a victim of sexual harassment. Please take it seriously. Here are a few suggestions. 1. Stop posting about it here or anywhere else online, in email communications, etc. There is really no such thing as "invisible" on the internet. And you want to avoid any kind of retaliation. 2. Mention to your employer that you have been mistreated in the workplace and that if it doesn't stop that you may be seeking counsel. This kind of strategic ambiguity of language can sometimes have the desired affect - it's meaningful without being threatening. Tell your employer the facts, nothing more, nothing less; keep it in writing (for your own records), and tell your employer what you want. If you have an employment contract, read it over carefully. 3. If the behavior continues, talk to an employment lawyer. If all of the above information from you is correct, and you have evidence, you have a very solid case for a civil suit on your hands. Your employer should know this. Being a family-owned business is no excuse for mistreatment of employees. This is a very serious case and you should treat it as such. If it doesn't stop, your "colleague" may continue to do it without recourse or ramification to other employees, co-workers, etc. This kind of behavior is unlawful and a very serious offense.

Not sure what you mean by, "I'll just run more"... but antidepressants aren't like adderall or other fast acting drugs, you can't and won't see much difference by taking more/less each dose. It's long acting (ie has a really long half life) so you won't see immediate differences by doing it that way. I'd just pick a dose and stick with it for at least a month. It's not something you want to fuck around with the dosage on.

Ok so I am somehow really great at being "rebellious" about my to do lists. I am really great at writing them, and then really great at doing everything else OTHER than doing what is on them. So I am going to start using this thread as my to do list, because well it's the only thing that has worked for me with quitting adderall, and quitting adderall is the only thing I seem to have managed to get right the last few months. So, I do not expect anyone to be remotely interested in my daily task list and I apologize in advance for putting this here. Please feel free to ignore. In fact, I urge you to ignore. To do today: 1. Fix boiler (heat broke today, it's freezing in here) 2. Apply for professional certification exam and begin studying 3. Research US citizenship application process, begin studying for exam, define a date to take the exam 4. Set up at least 3 interviews next week 5. GO TO THE GYM YOU LAZY POS. Your reward will be to sit in the sauna for 20 mins afterwards. 6. Do the laundry 7. Call your ex-employer about your benefits 8. Health care insurance claims for psychotherapy 9. Call your mother (ugh) 10. Go to grocery and buy groceries for the next few days. No more takeout. it's expensive and you have no idea what you're putting in to your body. Ok, here goes!

did you get rid of your stash? that's the easiest way to reduce the temptation!

Your pharmacy just saved your life, my friend. You've got a long history, so that means your recovery may be long, but you have already made it through for the last 6 weeks or so (how many days is that?)... you should feel proud of yourself, this is not a small accomplishment! You sound like you're kind of on the fence about whether you really want to quit, to be honest. Like you're in a holding pattern until you find out if you got in to the program you've applied for, and until you can get your next prescription filled. Is that the case? Just trying to find out what's in your head really... are you on your way to quitting for good or are you just kind of "hoping" that you'll be able to make it through the next few months, not believing that your will to quit will "stick". If it's the latter, then unfortunately you haven't really committed to quitting because you don't believe in yourself enough that either you think you can, or you want it bad enough. I'm sure, like so many others here, you can get through the next... umm... forever and you will be a better person off adderall when it doesn't have a grip on your life, but you have to believe that yourself. I hope you can keep coming back here, do some reading, take the supplements recommended (they do make a big difference) and find a NEW place of strength. If you are hanging out waiting for 4 months then that's not a great use of your time....

Congrats on not relapsing. From someone who's taken just one pill at day 84, I can tell you it's totally NOT worth it. Don't give up on your great progress.

What's rhodiola? Also, I have just started taking a supplement called "atro-phex" which is at GNC, it contains thyamine (I think? the bottle is impossible to read!) and it's helping with energy and appetite. I've gained nearly 15lbs since I quit.

Alepfief, welcome to the forum. 33 days clean, that's fantastic. You should be proud of that. Your other quits and relapses don't count, it's the one you're on today that does. Everyone on here should know that even if you feel really lonely "in the real world", there are bunches of people here who know what you're going through and are here to support you... if you are committed to quitting. Try to look through the forums here, read people's stories (there are some pretty remarkable ones), write down the highs and the lows, and come here often. We know what you're going through. You're going to be ok, just take it one day at a time.

Hi Kyle, I think you're going to see some differing opinions here. I think you've been on it long enough to have seen the side effects play out. If it is in fact making you agitated, etc, then maybe it's not the drug for you. But just before you do come off it maybe consider the things you posted about it in the first place re your ADD - has it helped make you more focused? More consistent moods? Maybe write a list of the pros and cons and figure out for yourself if it is working for you. Finally, if you do come off it make sure you step down rather than cold turkey. In the periods where I haven't taken it for a while (frankly because I kept forgetting), my depression returned with a vengeance. Then again, I'm not sure if it's an antidepressant you need? Doesn't sound like you are suffering from depression, maybe it's more like bipolar... I'm not sure... what does your doc think?

How do you mean, "strange", Kyle? Were you dizzy? I'm very interested in this because I've never heard of it...

Falcon my brother, can I repay you that hug now? I think what sky says is right... for some reason we all seem to be suffering the winter blues! Maybe we should all take a trip down to Florida and go sit on a beach somewhere. Falcon you talk about the depression a lot, and that you find it hard to get up (believe me, I know, I have experienced this a lot recently too). What other symptoms are there? Apart from the oversleeping? Is it that you feel isolated, don't want to see people, don't want to be in public places, or do anything in particular? I don't know if this helps, and I am my own worst example, but I discovered the sauna at the gym the other day. I know you hate gyms but being in the heat was really, really nice. I stayed there until I sweat a lot - the heat made me feel alive, and I had nothing to listen to, nothing to bother me except the creaking of the cedar. It was a really nice moment, enough to get me through the day and I felt a little bit invigorated afterwards. I can imagine being on a boat in a freezing cold river doesn't help. Can you get yourself in to some warmth for a while? Here is a gif to make you laugh, just in case you're thinking you're having a bad day at least you're not this guy.... it's got nothing to do with anything but I can't look at it and not laugh (sorry Raptors fans...) http://i.imgur.com/eMC98.gif

This is something to be proud of. An object in motion stays in motion. Motivation follows action, as they say!

I think occasional1 posted this the other day? I have been watching it on a daily basis and it always makes me choke up.

It takes a lot to admit this. Esp as there is no reward other than to know that you are being true to yourself. You should feel proud, because addiction tells you it's ok to lie, and sobriety tells you it's not. This admittance may not be a big deal in the "online forum" world, but to you, it should symbolize a real desire to be honest with yourself as a person. And that's a BIG step forward in recovery.

This is really well described, QO. Clearly I haven't been on this site for too long but it's the only online forum I've ever been part of where it feels like a real community. I've looked at the member list and there are 10's of people who sign up every day yet there doesn't seem to be too many posters, let alone "regulars".... I'd find that too confusing to keep up with I think! Something I have noticed that tends to happen in the "tell your story" section is that [especially on weekends] people post their story of how they want to give up, they've struggled with giving up maybe before, that this is the first day of their attempt to quit and they want to keep themselves accountable. Sometimes it takes a while for the whole "team" to respond to this because, yes it's sounds cynical but it is my observation, that some of these posters never post again. It would be interesting to see how many people in the "tell your story" section do just that, and then never return. Honestly, even if they did come back and tell us they're trying and failing that would allow us to offer support... but there do seem to be some red flags that the community looks for: 1) does the person mention they have actually quit or plan to quit 2) do they have a plan to get through the first couple of weeks at least 3) have they disposed of their stash and got rid of their provider (doc or otherwise) 4) have they told their friends or family and have other support 5) are they realistic about what they're about to experience These are all my observations of course but if info pertaining to the above is not included in a poster's first post (or relapse post), they tend to be the first questions asked. I trust the amazingly generous and genuinely forgiving people who are on this site every day that they know what they're doing, and they ask these questions for a reason. Don't know if that's right, but it does resonate with me.

Interesting we're on the same regimen. I do drink coffee but not too much, usually one or two cups a day; never in the afternoon because I get a headache. I will take another 5hr energy later in the day but too much of that stuff upsets my stomach.... what about you?

Did you take adderall? NO. Then guess what? YOU WIN! Forget about being on a diet, looking great, having a tidy room, getting shit done, etc etc. Let go of all your expectations of yourself. You are sick and you should focus on getting better. That's all. Now go take a nap.

This really got me thinking. I don't think I have these things called "carrots". I just berate myself when I don't get something done. I guess I need to change that thinking.

I dunno, I don't actually think I have ADHD, I just have major depressive disorder; and I'd say almost all of those suggestions apply to everyone in real life. They're common sense and pretty practical. Now if only I could do the exercise thing!

miracle cure for what, sky? does it give you energy? I notice when I don't take my wellbutrin, 5 hr energy, yerba mate and l tyrosene as SOON as I wake up I am a sad specimen for the rest of the day, pretty much.

I'm sure there are unnumbered crowds who are grateful for this, QO. I am just one. But your consistency of message, regardless of who was posting, is what kept drawing me back to these forums, long before I posted. I watched this site for a long time before I plucked up the courage.

Cassie why do you think amphetamine relapse is more common than for other drugs? Just curious.

I really like your honesty, LD. Keep it coming. And yes that feels like withdrawal to me. Read up on PAWS, if you can. It doesn't make the symptoms go away but it does make it feel somehow like you're not going crazy forever. Hang in there, and congrats on another day without fucking adderall.

This is a brilliant observation, InRecovery. And very motivating. I am curious to know from you and the other long-time members here what percentage of newbies stick with it/us. It seems to me that there are ebbs and flows, but there is most definitely a core set of devotees, which is what makes the site so special to me.