Motivation_Follows_Action

Not to put the pressure on but you are an inspiration to thousands of people of people on this site. You're the definition of what happens when you believe in yourself and your ability to move on from being a fuck-up to a functioning, capable and admirable human being. You ARE a success story. And you continue to be so. None of this "quitting" nonsense. The only thing you quit was adderall and now look at the success you are! Never. Give. Up. Remember, one step at a time, one page at a time, one lecture at a time, one friendship at a time. You're going to be ok. I promise.

Please do! Sounds like you're not going near the adderall, and that's great!

Thanks for posting. Hang in there. I know it seems impossible, the description of the catch 22 (no job means no car, no car means no work, no work means no money to buy a car) is pretty accurate. You do have access to a computer and internet though right? Is there anything you can do maybe to work online from home? Sure there are lots of scams out there but maybe doing online surveys and consumer research or something could help? http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/tech/columnist/kimkomando/2010-03-12-work-from-home_N.htm I'm not much of a help I know, but anything that will take you away from the cycle of negative thinking and drawing you back towards addiction.

It's a shame pill addiction is so pervasive that so many small business owners have to deal with it routinely. Seriously, he's right. Half the world is fucked up on pills because it's too easy. Proud of the QA team today for not being part of such a growing problem. Stay strong.

Are you sure? I'm almost positive they know something must be up. Either they think you're developing some really bad psychological problems or they think you may not love them because the adderall has made you so insular and unable to cope with day to day relationships and responsibilities? I'm sorry you feel so desperate but it sounds like you've realized that this is a place where you can find support, whenever you need it. Please let us know your plan to quit? You do sound like, as Ashley says, you've found the "gift" of hitting rock bottom? What do you think will make you turn the corner and finally flush the pills and tell your doctor to fuck off?

Good for you, InRecovery. Remember it was just a few days ago you were really worried about meeting all those people? Now you're hanging out and drinking beers. Remembering these kinds of transitions will help you realize that if you break up your whole experience in to bite size chunks, it makes it a bit less insurmountable. Very proud of you today! You've nearly gotten through your first week. Oh, and in terms of training your brain, imagine all the amazing new synapses you're building by doing all this studying. When I was faced with the hardest mental challenges of my life, (without adderall), I just knew my brain was a more powerful instrument. It's a great feeling.

You said it, lady... he's going to probably be tough no matter what. so.... Do your best, remember, he shits and farts and fucks up like all the rest of us. People on this forum have told me I need to take deep breaths when faced with tough interpersonal situations, I'll re-use some of that karma right here. You have more control over your mental faculties now than you did a month ago, and more ability to sense correctly the situation, so just trust yourself and take some deep breaths. You'll be great! BTW, a weird little trick that I do sometimes when I am feeling intimidated. I think about someone whom I've admired in my life or career.... someone with composure, brilliance, a role model, and I imagine them in the situation I'm in, I pretend I'm them and I think to myself, "what would [insert brilliant person's name here] do? what would he/she say? how would he/she react and interact? what would be important to this person?", and strangely, that usually does it. Another little trick - I watch videos of smart people being intimidated or questioned and see how they answer, I watch their body language and how they keep their composure. It's a great way to practice your "executive presence". You'll do great! JUST DON"T TAKE ADDERALL (like I did... I really regret it)....

Kyle, Sky's point above is right... and I have noticed you've posted a whole bunch of questions about Wellbutrin. If you feel like you have a psychological or moral or mental or anyothertypeof problem with taking it, either short or long term, maybe you should just try not taking it. Seems like it is using up a lot of your mental energy and no drug is worth that. The point of it is to ease anxiety and help you, not the other way around. If you don't think it's helping, if you don't want to be on it long term and you don't think it's a solution, then don't take it. Simple as that!

Good point, Ashley. I quit ambien about 2 months after adderall. I am still adjusting I think. I find it really hard to get to sleep at night, and then usually wake up about 3 or 4 am for 30 mins or so before going back to sleep again. Sometimes I am just awake but exhausted and agitated from 3am till sunrise, and then I will drop back to sleep about 15 mins before I'm supposed to get up.

Wellbutrin isn't addictive, as far as I know at least. I have forgotten to take it for patches at a time, and although my perennial depression returns eventually (after 3 weeks or so), I don't go through withdrawals.

I'm sorry you are suffering. We have all been there. Your list was very accurate, and brought back lots of horrible memories for me. But the good news is that those things will not plague you forever.... once you stop. In fact, most of those things you describe will disappear within days of not taking adderall. Adderall isn't just a "study" drug or like a cup of coffee. It's a very serious amphetamine, and is causing major neurological and psychological damage to you right now. You might feel like you have no options, but you do. Your only options are to continue to take adderall and risk losing everything, or to stop, and start to gain your life and sanity back. Nothing in life is good when you are not in the fog of adderall withdrawal (which it sounds like you are almost all of the time). You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so if I were you I'd go right now and look in a mirror and tell myself that I am better than this; that I'm not going to let some fucking PILL overtake my life and the happiness I deserve, and then go and flush those pills, call my doc and go right to bed for the next week. Congrats on having the strength or whatever to post here. We hope we can be there for you through your recovery and beyond... the success stories here are phenomenal and there's no reason you can't be one of them.

Yeah, trouble sleeping about a month or so in. Still do. I wonder if that's normal, actually.

I think I mentioned this in another post, but I had a little bit of a similar experience to you, Legatus. I came home from a trip once to find my husband really distraught, upset, destitute. He said he felt I was a stranger to him, that this life with me was not one he'd signed up for. Adderall literally stripped away the ability for me to care about the person I love most in the world. You've made the right decision to chose love over adderall. In my experience, you can't have both at once.

"Throughout my career, I have found a simple truth. The ability to concentrate single-mindedly on your most important task, to do it well and to finish it completely, is the key to great success, achievement, respect, status and happiness in life. This key insight is the heart and soul of this book." This book is written to show you how to get ahead more rapidly in your career. These pages contain the twenty-one most powerful principles on personal effectiveness I have ever discovered. http://www.mymmu.net/ebook/Brian_tracy/Brian_Tracy_Eat_That_Frog.pdf

That's ok. I know it sounds trite, but it's good you're feeling this way, because you are on the path to recovery. If sleeping is an option, then sleep. It's the only way your brain is going to begin to repair itself. You've been pretty cruel to it for a long time, jamming your frontal cortex full of dopamine, draining your adrenal system. If you were bleeding on the outside you'd stop and rest. Consider it the same kind of injury, but on the inside. You're hurting, you need time to heal. And it's nice you want to help your girlfriend... you probably remember like the rest of us that there may have been a time when empathy evaded you. But you will be helping her more if you get better. And I'm sure if you have been open with her about your struggles she will understand. Rest up. Stay strong.

Thanks for posting this today. I really needed it.

QO - your picture is beautiful; looks like a watercolor. I love that your dog is always featured nearby in your pic. You guys clearly make a good team. Heather, I thought skanky meant a little more than just cheesy... as in, I don't think my grandmother would like it if I called one of her jokes skanky

1. See the humor in this situation 2. Be proud of yourself that you're stronger now than ever before 3. Don't worry about the content of what you're studying. They make the first stuff super hard for the shock of it. Been there done that. 4. Use your own "application form" technique. 5. We believe in you! 6. We love you but go do your work... come back when you're done and we will give you a round of applause!

See look at you go, Ashley, can't help yourself... just so encouraging even on an "off" day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7K2ywM4YyVo For your next study break.

Both, together. Done!

Your brain on drugs. I like it - nice pun. (I thought it was candy at first, and I got really excited). QO - I can't see your pic anymore, what happened? Ashley - you're allowed a day off from being perfect. Just one, though. Tomorrow you have to be a perfect lover, friend, student, writer, therapist, helper as usual, ok?

Go, Cassie! My friend posted an ad for me on Craigslist (this is before it was full of murderers and rapists I guess... I didn't even know what that was at the time)... and that's how I met my hubby!!

You're not a poor excuse of a human being -- that's the depression and addiction talking to you. It took me a long time to be able to have the strength to look myself in the mirror with any sense of pride after quitting. I'm glad you are feeling strong about your resolve. Some of us here wrote down all the things we hated about adderall as part of our "breaking up" process with our addiction. I have mine in this forum, some have them in books. Maybe that would be a useful thing for you to do. I get it about not throwing away your pills. I didn't throw all mine away for the first few weeks, I somehow felt "stronger" knowing that although I was tempted, I was NOT going to let the temptation get the better of me. It worked for me, and I did eventually flush them - although I can tell you now if I had them sitting next to me 3 months on I probably would have gobbled them all up once I started to forget the horrible things adderall had done to me. Welcome to the forum. We know how you feel. You're in the icky part of the exhaustion, just ride the waves and come here and rant as often as you like. You'll get a warm reception as long as you continue to be strong with yourself! HANG IN THERE....

I know how you feel, and good on you for posting about it. I wish I had magic words to comfort you. When I feel like that (which, by the way, still happens often and it's usually how I feel as soon as I wake up), I do these three things: 1) Cup of coffee/5 hour energy/L Tyrosene 2) Stop thinking big picture, just concentrate on the one thing that happens to be in front of me at the time; and 3) Have some kind of minor reward at the end of the day... trip to the starbucks, glass of wine, 1/2 hour alone without the kids etc.... Thinking big picture SUCKS when you're depressed and overwhelmed. I feel your pain, it's the pain of bloody modern living is what it is, compounded by your addiction-induced lack of energy and depression. Bitch all you like, that's what we're here for...