Motivation_Follows_Action

This is a fantastic idea! I feel like there is a similar thread somewhere here, but I can't find it. There is this one which is about being adder all free and working, which has got some cool mentions like not being late all the time, etc. As for me, there are just so many benefits, despite the suckiness of withdrawal. Stream-of-consciouness reflections are: - being able to sit and read a book, and recall what I've read 2 days later - taking naps (my fave hobby of all time) - enjoying my family - not overthinking everything, being happy (mostly) with decisions I've made rather than picking apart every single action I've taken - Being ok sending an email without re-reading it 10x over - Getting the jokes - Making the jokes - No "noise in my head" all the time - Not being so selfish - Buying things only that I need! Shopping and adderall are magnificent bedfellows.... ipso facto... - Loving my husband's company rather than wanting him to leave me alone all. the. time - Genuinely caring about things and people - Seeing myself as I am when I look in the mirror, not some tweaked out lady with nasty dry hair and skin - Being touched and cuddled... I hated being touched on adderall - Not having to worry about getting prescriptions, getting them filled, going to different pharmacies, worried about people seeing me popping pills all over the place (at work, at dinner, with friends, drinking) ... that should be a good start?!

Wow, Falcon I had no idea. Guess I won't be filling that prescription she gave me for Xanax then. I really know nothing about benzos, which is pretty stupid considering how much i was taking towards the end of my adderall use... I didn't really count but I was popping xanax alongside adderall to "purify the focus", take the edge off the paranoia and anxiety that adderall addiction brings. I was taking between 60 - 100 mg Adderall, 1-2 mg xanax and 20mg ambien every day. No wonder my brain hates me.

Welcome to Recoveryland. Shitty moments, awesome moments, meh-moments, horrific moments, impatient moments. That's kind of what life is like on recovery. The hardest thing about recovery from adderall though, at least for me, is the constant asking myself questions like, "is this normal?" "did I used to feel like this before adderall" "does everyone feel this level of [insert emotion here]?" Because adderall fucks up your "normal" emotional patterns, and behaviors, going back to normal feels somewhat foreign. Not sure if I am making any sense. I'm going to lie down now.

I had to go to a meeting in long island city today. Got in such a bad mood about it. Traffic sucked. Was nearly late. Meeting sucked, but I had to fake it. By the way, faking enthusiasm on withdrawal is an EXHAUSTING thing to do, by the way. Drove back home, collapsed on couch, and don't want to move for the rest of the night. We all have our days, I guess. Sky, I should know this but how long have you been clean?

So true. I'm having a PAWS kind of day today - just really hard to get up and move around at all. Days like these are the days I crave adderall the most (and also in high stress situations, which I am yet to figure out why). I crave a bit of something that will get me off my butt and doing stuff. But then I think of the nightmare it would be to go through this whole thing again and prolong the pain of recovery, and it usually puts me off the relapsing scent.

Seriously? You've never watched Breaking Bad?? Duuuuude, better get on that right away.... anyone else a fan? I was taking a bunch of adderall when it first came out and hated to admit it that I felt sometimes like I knew what meth addiction really felt like. I think that's when I first realized I may have a problem with adderall.

Have you tried reading some self help books? Everyone has a viewpoint about that stuff but I am a fan, if they are well researched and the author doesn't seem like a crazy person. There are also cognitive-behaivioral and mindfulness workbooks that are supposed to be v helpful. Try doing some more research on depression, also bipolar and boarderline personality. I found that stuff really reassuring - to know I'm no the only person who struggles with their own existence on a daily basis is a nice thing.

Hi, yes I stopped taking it cold turkey about 2 weeks ago. I'm going through withdrawals a bit I think - finding it hard to get to sleep, nightmares every night, cold sweats, disturbed sleep and v tired during the day. On the postitive side though my memory is returning (phew! already!) and my mood is a lot more consistent. I was at the dr yesterday and she wanted to prescribe me kpin. No way, I told her, I do not want another addiction on my hands thanks all the same. The times I did take it I felt like a zombie for days on end.... I don't kow how you take it and function at all, but I can understand how addictive it is. It's nice to feel numb sometimes.... and def for an anxious person that may be the only way....

Mine's the 24th... we are quitting buddies!

Falcon, do you really mean your goodbye message? I mean I know you're an awesomely caring dude but maybe you meant to say, "sensitively" yours instead of the other? I would just hate you to come across as creepy... With care, MFA

When's your 90 day anniversary date? Congrats and also on the workout stuff. I am envious you have that amt of motivation.

Whoa. I'd better stop taking this then. Thank you, Cassie. 1) I take wellbutrin (buprorion) 2) I have a history of suicidal ideation/attempts 3) I wonder if amphetamine pscyhosis counts in this instance as "schizophrenia"? As far as I can tell there is very little difference between paranoid schizophrenia and amphetamine psychosis, and they absolutely showed up the same way for me. I'm petrified beyond belief about this.

... or on Walter White's shopping list? Seriously, that name sounds veeeery similar to methylamine.....

Spot on, neighbor! Great advice with one exception: XANAX + WITHDRAWAL = BAD NEWS. Think about it. Xanax is a cns depressant. You're already suffering a significant lack of feel good chemicals. Xanax or benzos or ativan or, in my case, Ambien, just prolonged the recovery and exacerbated the depression. But... Sebastian, HOW ARE YOU? Thanks for digging up this thread again, Occasional1

Hi Occasional01, welcome to the forum and congrats on 2 weeks clean and the beginning of a life you will most definitely enjoy! Stay with us over the next few weeks, I hate to say it they will prob get worse before they get better. I'm not really sure of how to answer the question of getting through all your deliverables and stuff, I do know the 2 weeks after quitting suck balls, and it's enough just to be able to get out of bed (which I didn't, by the way, except to go to the couch and sleep more, for about 5 days straight). The only recommendation I'd have is to see if you can picture in your mind how you'll feel in another 2 weeks when you're a month in, and you will look back and know you've accomplished one of the hardest things you will EVER accomplish. I read that amphetamine addiction is the most difficult of all to recover from. Your brain is chemically unsound, your body is malnourished and dehydrated, and your support networks are not there like they once were. All you have is your own strength, a belief that you CAN do it, a lack of choice that you WON"T relapse, and, well, us here at the forum. We're with you all the way. Welcome.

Thanks Cassie! So why the FUCK doesn't this get issued to children more often rather than speed?! I am also interested, since you've got your research hat on Cassie (now you can see why I thought you were a doctor!), is how it may interact with the other "L's" (amino acids like tyrosene phenylalanine etc), and HTP-5. By the way, I read today that HTP-5 shouldn't be used with Lexapro/Prozac or MAOIs. Just in case anyone here was doing so...

You know what else I noticed today? I was talking with someone and made a self-depricating joke. Then like so many other "oh right, yes, I remember that emotion/feeling/behavior" type things that happen during recovery, I realized that self-deprecation is an art form afforded only to non-adderall users. Why? because adderallics take themselves too. fucking. seriously. all. the. time.... Cassie, your stories are hilarious(ly embarassing)... I remember you telling the one about how you wanted to jump in to a class with a witty comment but you overengineered it so much that by the time you came out and said it, everyone else in the class must have thought you were a bit awkward! Holy crap! I just realized my memory us coming back, by the way!

Has anyone had any experience with this or know anything about it? It's supposed to have had some positive effect on mood for those suffering boarderline personality & ADD... I've never heard of it before today.

Read this on lifehacker today and it sounds frickin awesome. I'm going to be my own superhero in my own videogame called life. With a soundtrack inside my head for when I leave the front door and enter important meeting rooms and everything. See, if I was still on adderall, I... a) would never be reading lifehacker in the first place because too busy of course (duh!) b. would never need to learn a game because procrastination and adderall don't mix; and c) wouldn't want to think up a stupid GAME because that means I'd actually be ENJOYING myself and as we all know, adderallics don't enjoy anything really except complicated repetitive or specific, finite tasks that last for hours, and that involve being alone. http://lifehacker.co...zing-everything Enjoy!

Issues off low-self-worth, guilt, depression and anxiety are so common amongst women of significantly-above-average IQ, did you know that?

Absofuckinglutely Krax! I'd say just in the last week to 10 days there has been like daily improvements. I'm getting my memory back, even!!!

Ashley you wonderful woman, congratulations! I used to teach and coach communication and presentation skills at Universities so I know how much terror it can bring people. And I also relate to your paranoia: I started to feel that way myself towards the end of my adderall usage: I would sit in meetings and dread being called on for my opinion because I knew I'd either not be able to get my thought out in any succinct kind of way, or was so scared of what people would think of me. SOCIAL ANXIETY sucks on adderall. But you go, girl! And if you ever want someone to practice on, PM me I'd be honored to help!

All so true, and absolutely my experience as well. The thing you highlighted about trust is really important, and really underplayed. People build trust with their coworkers and managers by looking at their behavior over time and recognizing consistent patterns.... a trust-worthy person will be consistent and true to their word, as well as committed to communicating openly. As a manager, I can only imagine how bloody awful if must have been for my team to never know what kind of state I was going to be in. One thing is for sure... you CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT coach people or delegate effectively on adderall. The number of times I would give something to someone and then immediately tell them, "nah, it's ok I'll take it on", simply because I thought my work was SO much better than everyone else's. Then invariably I wouldn't get the job done properly anyway because I would say that to all my direct reports and before you know it I was doing all their work as well as my own and no-one was happy. If I ever feel in the future like someone I'm working with is on adderall, I'm going to confront them. Immediately. The whole time I was on it I thought my behavior wasn't noticeable, but what a train wreck I must have been. So glad to put that chapter behind me.

Well, neversaynever, you might be feeling "nothing", but at least you're not feeling frenzied or crazed or stressed or irritated or downright aggressive or paranoid or nasty like you would have if you were on adderall. Bored > Adderalled anyday. This is progress.