Mark S

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

40 Excellent

About Mark S

  • Rank

Recent Profile Visitors

613 profile views
  1. I’m 21 months. It’s a slow process but I’m headed in the right direction. And so are you. The anxiety can be crippling and you get depressed from it all . It’s confusing because some weeks you feel like your getting better than other week a wave of anxiety and depression and worrying makes you feel like your taking a step back. I pray a lot it brought me back closer to God . I pray the rosery for strength and guidance. I still struggle I feel I’m 70 to 90 percent healed depending if another wave is happening. the waves are getting smaller overall . It feels like for me this is going to be a 3 year process until I’m healed
  2. 5 Worst Things Adderall Did To You?

    Gave me so much anxiety I would have panic attacks and was afraid to talk to people or be around people. Every family. 2 self isolation. No one could understand why I chose to stay in my room all the time. It distance me from my kids and family when they needed me. I still have lots of regret on this one 3 financial ruin. I couldn’t work for a year because of anxiety issues. This is especially painful because I’m 55 4 depression for having altered my brain so much. I that I lost so much. 5 lots of physical health decline. Age faster teeth decay BP issues facial tics I would unconsciously rapidly move my tongue back and forth . People would laugh it was so humiliating and embarrassing
  3. 6 months

    You been so blessed to have recovered so quickly. I’m 15 months clean and feel 90 percent healed. Great to hear . This is also a morale booster for others
  4. I can't believe it's me...

    I’m also a nurse who got addicted to adderall. I loved it at first. It was the perfect work drug . Made my 12 hour shift seem like 6. Worked a lot of OT too. But what goes up must come down. 2nd year in increasing dosage to get same affects. 3rd year developed chronic anxiety, became socially isolated , personality changes. Would run out of my prescription by 2nd week. Started experimenting with meth rationalizing it’s similar to adderall . My 4 th year I was basically in psychosis. Chronic anxiety. Panic attacks to where I had to leave the clinical floor. I quit a couple times the first month but eventually stopped for good. Unfortunately my symptoms continued. I quit my job for 6 months. It was a slow recovery. Lots of anxiety and depression.Over time I felt better. Got rehired 8 months after I quit taking adderall . I’m 15 months clean and I feel like I’m about 90 percent better. I think I’ll be 100 percent at the 2 year mark . Looking back the decision to quit really wasn’t mine. I was such a train wreck and on the verge of collapse my body said no more. I would take 100 to 140 mg a day and feel hardly anything. This has been a slow painful journey. I’ve said to my self a million times how could I have been so stupid. But on the other hand it was a great lesson on overcoming adversity. You are about to embark on a long great battle but when the dust clears you will become victorious.
  5. New day, same results.

    For me personally when I drink coffee coke or energy drink the next day it feels like I’m withdrawing from adderal again. It exasperates my anxiety depression and anhedonia for a couple days. I just have an intolerance for any stimulant . I have never taken Wellbutrin but I suspect I would have an intolerance to this also because it’s a mild stimulant. Maybe you can try stopping all stimulants for a couple weeks and seeing how your mind/body reacts. I would also stop tobacco ,alcohol or any mood altering chemical and let your brain adjust and reset. Keep surching for the right solution. I know you know what taking adderall again would do to you. Maybe for you it’s going to take a little bit longer to recover
  6. You won’t have to wait years. I’m almost 8 months clean after heavy adderall abuse and occasional meth and other energy pills like caffeine tablets and stacker3s you get at the gas station. Since my 3rd month I’m feeling progressively better. Read all the forum posts to get a sense how things will unfold and get an idea of what your going to go through . It will give you hope. Stay strong your only 18 , you got your whole life ahead of you. Also you need to do 5 Hail Marys for dropping the f bomb
  7. Hi Clavicula. Welcome to the forums. I admirer your courage.It sounds like these next two weeks before your move are going to be critical. Stop the stimulants stop kratom and adderall. It doesn’t sound like your taking a lot of adderall if you don’t have a prescription and your taking your brothers. I would quit both at once. I’m sure they counteract the medication you take for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. But you know this because you said it yourself ,take my meds stop taking drugs. Deal with the depression, fatigue and any other withdrawal symptoms while your still at home were your supported by a healthcare system that knows you well . Tell your family your plans and be honest with them. You can’t have access to your brothers adderall. Fall back on your faith that Dr Jesus will be by you. Pray the rosary. And your guardian angel watch over you. I prayed when I withdrew and it helped a lot. The pain and suffering we all go through doesn’t seem fair but in a strange way it gives your life more meaning and builds strength to overcome adversity . Lastly is moving now something you need to do.Moving now while dealing with recent mental health issues, suicide idealization and withdraw symptoms seems too stressful to manage all at once. Get your psychosis and depression under control first so you have the confidence to move out successfully. Will pray for you that God gives you wisdom and strength
  8. God I experienced so many of these symptoms but to your last post jasonl2017 my dental problems were very similar to yours. I did not know teeth could become transparent. I do now. Receding gums. Dry mouth. Cavities. I now have partials . People who take meth have horrible dental problems. The medical slang name for it is meth mouth. It’s interesting how adderall affects our teeth in similar ways. Just further evidence how similar these two drugs are to one another.
  9. LiberatedMind. Your first paragraph discribes me perfectly right now. I’m almost 8 months adderall free. I’m slowly making progress with anxiety and depression. They seem to come in waves which come and go. The first 3 months were horrible. I won’t go through the details but I had to quit my job. Surprisingly I never really had anhedonia probably because I was so anxious and depressed. As I’m getting better this is now my most pronounced symptom. I’ve literally have not done anything all day except you tube. It took effort just to finish reading your post.I know logically what to do to combat this like exercise but this is such a crippling sensation. I know this is part of the healing process but I have completely underestimated how bad anhedonia can be. Fortunately I have a complete fear of adderall and the pain it’s cost me. That level of anxiety and depression I had is something I never want to experience again. I much rather be bored and lazy then relieve that nightmare.
  10. 3 years!!!

    My heart sank when I read this. Many of us had similar depressive thoughts.This isn’t you talking it’s the adderall. Perseverance. Make the decision to quit again. Sometimes people have to quit a few times . Minutes turn into hours, hours into days , days into weeks. Start building up that momentum. I believe in the power of prayer. I will pray for you starting now. Start climbing again.
  11. Long timer checking in.

    A morale booster to read. Thank your
  12. New to the community

    Before using Adderall I never had a problem with social anxiety, social insecurity, and talking in conversation. There are many side affects from chronic use of Adderall but this is the one I think I hate the most. It slowlychanges your personality to where I didn’t even want to be around family. Since I quit 5 months ago I’m more aware of how isolated I become . I have more awareness of loneliness. It bothers me more now that I’m in recovery than when I was using. I want to enjoy being around people like I used to. I feel better but I still have anxiousness in social situations and in conversation. I wish there was a way to speed up the recovery but I think it takes about a year or so to reclaim this part of our personality back. I hope you quit soon and begin your recovery. Keep us posted. Your not alone
  13. 9 Months. Help!

    Sorry that was Jordan Peterson not Joseph
  14. 9 Months. Help!

    Congratulations on 9 months. I’m 5 months Adderall free. All in all I’m making progress but I had a flair up of bad anxiety and dread this weekend. All I can do is find a quiet place and ride it out. It’s so isolating . I was exercising quit a bit Thursday and Friday and wondering if this didn’t trigger this horrible anxiety and nervousness. When you hit that wall 8 weeks ago was it just random or did something trigger it. I worry about things like money( I had to take a leave of absence from work) and it exaserbates anxiety but this weekend it just came up on its own. I’m trying to snap myself out of it. I don’t know if you know Joseph Peterson, he’s a clinical psychologist, author and very popular on Y tube. He’s had clinical depression most his life ( runs in his family). He went on a carnivore diet and his depression and mood improved dramatically. I know I’m reaching but I’m going to try it. I’m too nervous to meditate and I definitely don’t want any anti anxiety or depression meds I know this response is unfocused and that the cure is time I'm just depressed I put myself in this situation .i hate being a mess.
  15. Please Help

    I was taking a lot of Adderall like you towards the end. I became chronically anxious with occasional panic attacks. Over time I became increasingly reclusive and withdrawn. Talking to people made me nervous and I made coworkers uncomfortable because they could sense my insecurity. I became increasingly alone ashamed and depressed. I was unraveling I had no choice but to quit. I felt like how you are feeling now. This was 5 months ago. The first couple months I was almost incompacitated with severe anxiety and fear. . It felt like my brain was broken. Fortunately I found this site the 2nd month in and it helped me better understand what I was going through. Even though like you I was at rock bottom, scared depressed and felling defeated by reading the columns it gave me a feeling of hope. Currently It does feel like my brain is healing. My last panic attack was 2 months ago. My anxiety is slowly lifting. My depression is easing up. Even though I have a ways to go I do feel I’m headed in the right direction. We all been where your at and feel your pain. It seems unbearable. But you are not alone. Many people here are getting though this . It comforts me to know if they can do it you can do it. The suffering is not permanent . Deep down in your heart you know you can do this if your committed. Love you bless you