dolssa

THIS IS CRAZY! I never thought i would get this far holy shit! i literally tried quitting for two whole years and never got past a week and here i am now at 5 months. What gives me hope are days that i feel myself again motivation and all. They aren't always, and i still feel more down than up but to feel that energy and know it is me and not drug induced is quite something. Taking advantage of this time and going easy on myself. quarantine really got me thriving if I'm honest. cant wait for it to end, i feel like ill be ready to start fighting and creating my life adderall free. <3

I am sorry to hear that. I feel like all you can do now is focus on yourself and your recovery and hope she takes the time to look at this site or sees how you improve without it in your life. I know how frustrating it is to try to explain to a person how bad adderall is and them not believing it. My mom tries to get me to go back on it everyday, she does not understand that it has hurt me very negatively and thinks that because a doctor prescribes it, it cant be bad. she calls me a downer now because i am depressed without my lil pill of energy. I try to explain to her that i am addicted to it, and all the negative things it does not jut to me but to everyone that theres a website dedicated to the lives its ruined, but she still doesn't get it. the only thing I can do is get better and hopefully in the long run she can see it was the right thing to do.

Honestly.. hell is what it is in the beginning of recovery. For me, i got to the point where what hell could be worse than the hell of the cycle of addiction i was in. nothing is a magic answer it is going to suck and you are going to be in bed. it will take TIME. but it is so worth it and you CAN do it. you just are going to have to decide to do it and really want to do it. I was stuck where you are for a year. knowing i needed to quit but woke up with no energy so took them and had great days so kept taking them and so begins the cycle of hell. I am almost at 5 months and still am struggling every single day but I can tell you its better than being on adderall. you just gotta be ready to be done no matter what. start by getting rid of your stash they cant be in your home period.

Welcome to the forum! Adderall is very dangerous, but especially dangerous when you don't know how it can really affect you. It is absurd that doctors can just prescribe this stuff to people without explaining the side effects (also to kids thats fucking insane). When I went to my doctor to get it, i was already addicted having friends who all took it and gave to me. I knew i was getting speed. my doctor was my drug dealer for 5 years. it was shocking how easy it was to go in there and get. I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. glad you are on the right path now. We have close quit dates mine was Nov 11, 2019. So we are in this together. It hasnt been easy, but stay close to the forums and take it a day at a time. We can do this. heres to recovery and an addy free life.

OMG thanks for sharing!! she is PRECIOUS

While this is a very stressful time, and its scary the uncertainty of work and income, I am finding that this downtime and staying home has helped my recovery. it is helping me put time down from my last pill (nov 11, 2019). before this all happened i was feeling pressured at being months sober but still lacking motivation, now I am home with family and that pressure is taken away because technically staying home and doing nothing is helping yay! i am doing something! lol I was also struggling socially and now that is not an option either. no pressure to have a social life at the moment with us all in isolation. taking this a day at a time, I obviously want this to be over, but I haven't felt any pressure what so ever to take adderall since it started and I was craving it before because I wanted to get out and do shit. Stay safe and stay adderall free!

@m34 Yeah totally agree. who i was on adderall is not the real me. its a hard realization and hard to mourn that person because it wasn't always negative things. that is good that you were able to get out and be in the scene sober. i cant even go to my friends instagram pages who i know take it cuz i get jealous!! lol since we are outgrowing our addictions it only makes sense we outgrow those friends as well. I'm realizing that anyone who takes adderall can not be a friend to me. its to hard to be around.

YOU GUYS!! okay so march 11th will be 4 months for me. I am happy to say that i think i have graduated from the extremely depressed stage to the restless stage! I wake up now and have restless energy like i'm ready to do something besides watch TV or read. I wouldn't say i'm motivated... but I am defiantly on my way there compared to the helplessness ive felt in the first three months. some days are still hell and i come on here and rant and think about getting adderall but i know it is a daydream and a thing of the past. i am just riding this first year recovery hell by staying in the moment and embracing the days i feel okay which is becoming more and more. i know i have a LONG road ahead of me, but it has taken me two years of trying to quit to be where i am now so that is something. just keeep going.

So since i quit adderall i've lost all interest in my appearance which is so unlike me (i went to fashion school for college) I have been dressing in the same three sweatsuit outfits with no make up with my hair tucked into a baseball cap to do everything. for the first time since quitting i had energy to get ready when i went to eat with a friend. like full make up, cute outfit, hair done!! its crazy how little things like that start happening and you realize you do it without adderall. small wins!!!

@Adderall OG thank you so much, i always love your responses!

Cut off your doctor and get rid of your script. Stop now! you know you need to and this path isn't going to lead anywhere good or you wouldn't have wrote this post. You have quit once you can TOTALLY do it again. 2 months is nothing!! match that sober and i bet you will be feeling good as new. You totally got this, just stop before it gets harder. sending you strength and love

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for those words.<3 needed to hear that @Ready4Change

Is this not the longest fucking slowest process in the entire world???? fucking hell. almost at 4 months and i miss adderallllll so much. the only thing stopping me is what a waste of the last four months doing nothing but binge watch tv, it would be for nothing. I had a drug dream last night too where i was on adderall and had motivation and energy it was honestly great. having intense intense cravings. most people on here said it takes a least a year, which is just so slow and excruciating. i just wanna sit and do nothing. ive lost all interest in everything. i dont know how to have conversations with people, I dont know what the hell i'm doing.

Love this post!! thank you for this. you are so right. i am so hard on myself feeling like I am not doing enough and feeling like a failure when I'm too depressed to get out of bed. If I do nothing but lay in bed all day but get another day adderall free then it should defiantly be a win. I am going to get through this!!

I guess the good news is that I am actually craving human connection something that I didnt really need or care or as long as I had adderall

I don't know about you guys but adderall made me feel content being alone. Like i did not have close personal relationships except with my pill bottle. I have fully isolated myself during this recovery because as you all know the depression all to well, i do not have any brain power to keep my socializing up. As i am starting to have some energy some days I am starting to think about the friends i could rekindle with.....the problem being they are all adderall takers as well.. living that high speed life that I just can't maintain anymore. I am going to have to rethink every single relationship i had because I am now seeing they were based off us both being crackheads. how the hell do you meet people these days???? Did you have to switch social circles after getting sober?? I feel like i am in a different place than anyone I know. I live in LA & everyone is on something i swear. I guess I am just going to have to start by putting myself out there and hope I attract the right kind of people... gonna be hard without my little pill of courage.

If you saw my posts yesterday you know i had a really hard day fighting against the trigger of weight gain. I pushed through it and eventually talked my addict mind out of finding a script. thank god i did not have easy access. I decided to fight for the body I want to both help me not go back to adderal and to also give me a distraction. It has been hard these last three months because I have been so depressed that i cant leave my apartment let alone exercise. today i fought my way to the yoga mat in a hot yoga sculpt class. first time doing exercise without adderall so adding it to this list of my firsts! felt SO good to get my body MOVING!! feeling hopeful that i can combat this trigger of being unhappy with my body that i turn to adderall.

UPDATE: seeing that picture of myself made me get into a negative thinking space, and the addict in me typed this post. I am back in a calm state of mind no longer seeking a script. sticking to recovery through the good days and bad.

Pretty sure adderall caused me to develop an eating disorder. The reason for my relapse in the past have been mainly weight gain. Now I'm almost at the three month mark and once again I am about to relapse due to my weight. I was doing fine, but I saw a picture of myself and now I am in a downward spiral thinking about how I am going to get my hands on a new script. pretty sure wanting adderall so i can starve myself easily is defiantly an eating disorder. masked as just adderall addiction. I made it to the three month mark being super super careful about what I put in my mouth yet I havent been able to get over some weight gain. I know it can get better with exercise but it won't ever be adderall skinny again which i've grown attached too. I make my money though instagram but i havent posted since my three month recovery started. my self confidence is at an all time low. I am only going to be ready for full recovery when I am ready to give up the life i built on adderal and I am not ready to give that up yet.

oops meant to post in general discussion oh well

okay this is kinda weird... and I don't think it has anything to do with adderall because I have never seen anyone else post about it but ever since I quit i have been breaking out... i never have had to worry about ance but now it is kind of a problem. I moved apartments around the time I quit so it could also be something in my new place like my new pillowcases, or laundry detergent causing breakouts... but for some reason i think its adderall related. Maybe the stress of quitting?? i have no idea just weird that its all of a sudden after never dealing with acne before? anyone else have this happen? just thought id ask.

I had very similar effects.. horrible anxiety around the month mark. I cancelled all plans and literally did not leave my bedroom for weeeks and weeks. i feel like its just a wave you have to ride. I wish i could tell you it got better for me but i am 10 days away from 3 months and I still have more bad days then good. I think this is normal though from reading this site? alot of people had a hard time in months 2-4. sucks. we are in this together though at least we got past that AWFUL first week

wow! that is so inspiring. thanks so muchh x

@AddyAddy90its okay.. i know alot of us are going through it... helps to know I am not alone although I was I was, i wouldnt wish this on anyone

thanks for sharing this! I am so so close to relapsing today, needed this. Congrats on your recovery x