JennyF
-
Posts
11 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
1
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Posts posted by JennyF
-
-
20 hours ago, jp4revolt said:
JennyF have you or can you share your plan? I just need it to wake up now. It doesn’t even help me focus anymore..I made a post the other day and I was just rambling and probably made no sense..
Cold Turkey was a disaster for me years ago. I didn’t even go to work and was fired for not showing up. Zero motivation then I would drink alcohol and sneak onto golf courses at 4:00 AM letting my dog run free and swim.
Both times I went cold turkey I ended up homeless.
If you can share that would be great
Hi @jp4revolt, I basically tapered down by 15% every 4 weeks. I split my pills with a pill cutter. It’s hard to be 100% accurate with the split but just do the best that you can. I know some people get a pill crusher and a scale and do it that way. If you’re on extended release that’s the only way to split the capsule.
As I said before, this was the only way I was able to quit. It is a bit of a slow torture as you are constantly experiencing withdrawals but they are not as bad as when you quit cold turkey.
You should also lower all your expectations about how you’ll feel for the entire first year. In my opinion, quitting is hard but staying sober is even harder. You have to trust the process and know that the first year you’ll have very few good days but it’ll get better.
Good luck!
-
I tried to quit cold turkey several times and I always ended up going back to Adderall because I couldn’t handle the shock my body was in from stopping suddenly such high dose (about 60mg daily).
I’m 15 months clean and the only way I was able to stop was by tapering VERY slowly and by the smallest amounts. I created a plan to taper down through several months and stuck to it. I think going ultra slow and being extremely patient is key.I believe that I was both dependent and addicted.
-
2
-
-
Hi everyone, I’m just wondering if any of you still experience sleep disturbance after the first year. I’m at 15 months and I still have nights that I wake up constantly through the night. I’m up for a few mins or even seconds and then I go back to sleep but this happens several times during the night. I call it sleep PAWS lol.
Would appreciate any insight on this!
-
22 hours ago, speedracer said:
I am deep into my second year with almost 16 months. Still having trouble with fatigue, clarity, motivation. I started taking Wellbutrin 3 weeks ago and got a bump in mood and productivity, but honestly, I had hoped it would do more for me. This last weekend I went to a covid funeral, saw some friends and family, and afterwards I was wiped out. I felt miserable for a couple of days. I think it may have been a PAWS episode? I am feeling a little better today. sometimes I wish I could manage my life better. During the first year, I tried Keto diet for awhile, worked out a lot, and I think I was doing better. I gave that diet up months ago and I have been pouding Ben and Jerrys. So today I am committing to give up the sugar and carbs once again, and I will also try to do a meditation daily. Just felt like sharing....Have a great day everyone.
Hi Speedracer,
I just hit 15 months and experience something similar whenever I have too much social interaction. Last week I went to a hike and then a winery with 2 friends. I didn’t drink anything because I’m trying to stay away from alcohol but we were together for the entire day. The next day I woke up feeling as if I had a terrible hangover. Totally drained, no energy, no motivation, felt terrible. This is not the first time this has happened to me and I notice it is always whenever I have to talk to people a lot. My brain can’t handle the extra effort lol.
If anyone has any insight on when this gets better please share!
-
4
-
-
On 9/27/2020 at 8:24 AM, Socially awkward said:
It’s been awhile since I checked in now. I never thought I could make it this far. About 2 yrs ago I used to frequent this forum on a daily basis reading other people’s recovery stories and each time I tried I would fail and didn’t think I would ever be able to get clean or function without my pills.
I just want to say that the road to recovery isn’t easy but I can honestly say the day will come where you will no longer think about using and your life would have done a complete 180. I now have a circle of friends and can be myself around others without anxiety and awkwardness. I have also stopped spending on drugs and alcohol and I’m about to buy my first house. If you’d asked me 2 yrs ago where I thought I’d be today honestly I think I would be dead had I not stopped using. Also I have my relationship back with my family and I can be here for others and not only myself.
i hope that someone who is in the early stages of quitting or thinking about quitting will read this and know that they are not alone and that it won’t be easy but the fight will be worth it in the end. My thoughts go out to all of you who have come to browse for the first time like I once did or have taken the courage to reach out and tell your story. Took me awhile to work up the courage, I am proud of you and heart goes out to you all. Please keep trying even if you fail the first 50 billion times as I did. You are worth it and you are a much loved, valued member of society and we need you. Xxx
Hi @Socially awkward, thanks for checking in with us. It is great to hear your success story. Can you share a little bit about how you feel at 18 months clean? I’m about 15 months and I’m still struggling with motivation and anhedonia. Also, are you taking any other type of medication like an antidepressant to help you, or do you feel like you’re back to normal now?
-
On 5/20/2020 at 1:27 PM, SleepyStupid said:
hi @LostMyMind
welcome to the forums - glad you finally decided to share your story and reclaim your life!
it seems to be a fairly common experience that doctors don't have a good understanding of stimulant cessation (which means they shouldn't be prescribing it to begin with, but that's a different issue altogether). as you've probably gathered from posts on this forum, tapering isn't often recommended, especially for those of us who have abused the medication. frankly it requires *more* discipline than just cold turkey, because you still have access to it!
regarding Wellbutrin, it can certainly help, though YMMV. i took it for a few years after quitting Adderall - it is an atypical antidepressant with stimulant properties, but i'd be hard pressed to say it felt like a stimulant, at least at the dosages i took (150mg or less a day). it is a very subtle effect, well tolerated medication, you don't feel like shit when you miss a dose, and coming off it cold turkey is safe and not uncomfortable. the concerns around seizure are fair but generally noted at doses > 300mg (which is the normal adult dosage).
i think Wellbutrin is most effective in the first few months for dealing with the acute symptoms of withdrawal (extreme fatigue, lethargy, etc.). i don't think it helps too much with PAWS or long term recovery challenges - i probably stayed on it longer than i needed to.
good luck and keep us posted! (:
Hi @SleepyStupid,
Could you share some details about how you felt when you quit Wellbutrin? I’m about 15 months off of Adderall but struggling with motivation, drive and intense anhedonia.
I’m really considering giving Wellbutrin a try but I’m terrified that I’ll have to go through another 2+ years of recovery once I decide to quit.
Can you share how long were you on it for?
Thanks!
-
Hi @speedracer, I’m a week away from 15 months. I’m much better overall than in the first year but I still have a very hard time with motivation and drive to do things and my anhedonia is pretty intense. I’ve considered Wellbutrin but I’m terrified to get in the same cycle as I was on Adderall. Not to mention not being able to get the anhedonia fixed naturally for good. Can you share a little bit more about your experience on Wellbutrin? Does it feel like Adderall? Do you get bad come downs? How does it make you feel? How long are you planning on taking it?
Sorry for the million questions
THANK YOU!
-
1
-
-
On 8/3/2020 at 5:04 PM, Civilengr2020 said:
Thank you for posting this @JennyF you made me feel much better...........I 'm on Month 5 of quitting a 15 year Vyvanse addiction and it feels like an eternity. My lack of motivation and confidence at work have been pretty hard on me these past few days. I feel so unproductive and get panic attacks just thinking this might be permanent. I do have good days when I'm productive but sometimes weeks go by without good days so I get frustrated. Then this is followed by me feeling that I have become a lazy bum when I have done many great projects before. I'm surviving my job with the bare minimum but I still get depressed that I'm no longer "superman". Question: Have you experienced mental fog/forgetfulness/extreme distractions as part of your PAWS? Since I took my meds for so long, I can't remember if this is actually my old self (ADHD) or simply PAWs just doing its thing?
Hi @Civilengr2020, congrats on 5 months!
I did experience a LOT of mental fog, super low motivation and wasn’t able to concentrate months 1 - 9 (with a few good days here and there) I did the absolute minimum at work. I decided that I wasn’t going to feel bad about it because my recovery was and still is my number 1 priority. Two things that helped me were accepting the situation, lowering my productivity expectations (as this is a temporary process), and taking advantage of the productive days/times to get as much done as I could.
I am still forgetful at times but nothing like before. It does get better but you need to give it at least a year. All of those symptoms you mention is just your brain trying to adjust without the drug. I have felt them all and I was so so discouraged thinking that’s how I was going to feel for the rest of my life but it wasn’t. I hit 13 months 2 days ago and I feel a million times better. Although not 100% just yet.
I try to stay super close to this forum and read posts from older members. That helped me realize that I wasn’t losing my mind. Read up @Cassie posts. She’s no longer active but she shared a lot of useful information.
You got this! You’re almost half way through the worst. Keep going!
-
1
-
-
On 7/23/2020 at 5:10 PM, EthericTraveler said:
Jenny, thank you so much for sharing. This is hitting very close to home for me, especially your point #3. I am on day 40 and have been really hard on myself for my lack of productivity. The pandemic has caused me to lose my job, and most days I have barely any energy even to do my own dishes. I’m the type of guy that worked 60+ hour weeks, went to school and worked full time, I’m so used to getting things “done”, so when I’m not, it’s a challenge to not to go into this mindset of feeling worthless. You are right, I have to be realistic about what’s really happening, my brain is repairing itself, and it’s not productive to berate myself for not being productive.
How do you feel now, compared to when you were taking the adderrall?
Hi @EthericTraveler, sorry to hear that you lost your job but congrats on day 40! The first month is not easy.
I’d say I feel much better now than when I was on Adderall. I’m a week away from 13 months. I no longer have cravings and my energy and productivity are much better. Unfortunately, the anhedonia is still pretty bad and I also get waives of depression. I try to stay very connected with the forum and read from other people’s experiences. It gives me hope and helps me to keep going. I’m hopeful that things will get better at 18 and then at 24 months.
When I was on Adderall I thought I was being super productive and thought that I could not function without it. Looking back it was just the drug talking. All that waisted time on meaningless things could’ve been used in a more efficient way. I used to work 60+ hour weeks like you and I’d take really high doses of Adderall. I lost interest and enjoyment for everyday life. All I wanted to do was work and be “fake productive”. Now that I’m trying to get my life back and the enjoyment for the little things it does not even cross my mind to go back on Adderall. I was done with living numb life.
This has been the hardest year of my life but I am NOT going back no matter what
Good luck!
-
1
-
-
- Popular Post
- Popular Post
Hi everyone,
It’s been 10 months and 3 weeks since I took my last pill of adderall. I took somewhere between 60mg and 80mg both IR and XR even though I was prescribed only 30mg XR and 15mg IR a day. I was on it for 5 years.
I just wanted to hop on here and thank everyone for their posts and for sharing super valuable information. I am 100% confident that I would’ve not made it this far if it wasn't for this forum.
I also wanted to share a few things that have helped me this far and that could help you:
1. Lower your expectations on how you are going to feel and your productivity for the FIRST ENTIRE YEAR. Since my last pill I have had more bad days than good. Months 1 - 3 were hard BUT 4 - 9 were unbearable. The anxiety, the depression, the exhaustion, the anhedonia are incredible. Getting close to 11 months I'm finally starting to feel a little productive and happier (some days :))
2. Put your recovery FIRST. No matter how much pressure you feel to be productive or get out of bed, always think that nothing is more important than your recovery and that the ONLY way to recover is going through this process, giving it TIME. I have done the absolute minimum during this time and I have come to terms with it.
3. Do not put ANY pressure on yourself. Many times I felt that I needed to get out of bed and be productive or go to the gym (I gained a lot of weight) or do laundry when I felt like doing nothing. I would get so frustrated and that made me want adderall even more. DON’T fall for this. You are in a temporary process, just go with the flow.
4. Educate yourself - understand PAWS: Knowing what is happening to your brain and your body is SUPER important. Through my recovery I have had more PAWS days than good days but they are finally starting to ease up. People relapse thinking that they are going crazy and that they’ll never be able to function like a normal person again but that’s not true.
5. Weight gain: I was so hard on myself for gaining 30lbs but you shouldn't. Just accept it and know that this is temporary and you’ll be able to lose the weight once your energy returns. I’m slowly starting to lose it now that I have more energy to exercise and no longer have the crazy hunger.
I hope this helps some of you. And remember… there is NO OTHER WAY out than going through it so you just have to keep going!
-
12
2yrs
in Tell your story
Posted
Congrats on hitting 2 years!! That’s amazing! Could you share what type of struggles do you still deal with?