Cassie

Just want to let you know that it's normal to still be depressed at 5 months. It's still pretty early. I was very anhedonic for the first year. My doctor believed people who quit Adderall should feel back to normal after 30 days. Ha! The brain takes a long time to heal from a long daily drug habit. Remember this. If you feel like you need to take something and will relapse if you don't - Wellbutrin. It has a stimulating effect that SSRIs don't, but no euphoria or addictive potential. I took a small dose of Wellbutrin at the 10 month point because I thought I might relapse (I'm talking very small, 50 mgs a day), and it helped with energy and concentration. I was very adamantly against taking another pill, too and preached that heavily on this site, but it was a tiny dose over a few months (less than half a normal daily dose) and it got me through that depressed slump so I could move forward. And it was easy to stop taking, no side effects for me.

I'm on a rowing team where I practice 3 hours a week, go to yoga classes twice a week, and climb 20 flights of stairs 3 days a week at work with a co-worker. Oh, and I also have dogs that need to be walked twice a day, whether I feel like it or not! The point is, I need external accountability to work out, whether it's a team sport, class, or co-worker pushing me. I don't have the internal motivation to go to the gym alone and push myself. During early recovery (1st year or so), I had no internal motivation for anything, so peer pressure was key, whether at work, exercising, socializing, etc. I am very active but I don't ever think of anything I do as "working out." I just think of myself as an active person. I know that as long as I don't eat out all the time I'm not going to gain weight ever. I should also add that I live in Phoenix, where you can be outside literally every day of the year. So if you have to be indoors/go to gyms, maybe get a personal trainer so you have to show up, go to group training sessions/classes, and pay in advance so you'll lose money if you don't go. If I have to go to the gym for whatever reason I usually walk on the treadmill and watch Netflix so it goes faster.

I agree with the posters above and the gaslighting comment in particular. That's a common behavior of addicts and narcissists, and I certainly did that to my husband (now ex) when I was using. Don't let fear of not finding someone else stop you from leaving. There are plenty of better, sober guys out there for you. After you get out of your draining relationship you'll think, "Why didn't I do this sooner?" That's how I felt after my divorce (I had been off adderall for years at that point but he was an alcoholic and l wasn't willing to put up with it anymore.)

Taught a one hour class, referencing visuals on the screen, and realized near the end I had forgotten to turn the projector on.

In addition to working out, meditate and find an outlet. I write poetry and short stories, and that's how I process and reprocess my emotions. It's satisfying to organize my feelings into the structure of a poem. It gives my brain that "ahhh"feeling. What would make you feel satisfied? Also, when I got divorced 7 months ago my energy skyrocketed. I didn't realize how depressed I had been in that relationship until it ended. So, maybe check your relationships/environment too

It was the opposite for me. I kept relapsing because people kept saying "you'll feel better soon," or "relief is just around the corner" so when I still felt like shit at 2, 3, 4 months I thought there was something wrong with me and that I should feel better by then. We're all random people on the internet so take or leave our advice

Just to clarify, I didn't feel like shit for two years straight or anything, but I did experience anhedonia and lack of motivation well into that time. Just trying to emphasize how slowly the brain recovers completely. There is no way around this. After the first year sober, time will start to fly by though, so once you muddle through that first shitty year, getting to two, three, four years sober is cake. But yeah, the first year sober from any drug sucks. Any recovering drug addict or alcoholic will attest to this - it's not breaking news.

The anhedonia lasted almost two years for me, on and off. Eventually you won't feel dead inside, but you do have to give it lots of time and have patience and faith. 62 days is very early.

I have an HP Envy too and it still works pretty good after a couple years. I use Adobe Creative Cloud and I needed something with a lot of memory.

I drank a lot on adderall to come down too (pretty much daily) but off it I barely drink at all. Stimulants are the only substances I've ever had an addictive relationship with. Adderall was THE drug for me. So, if you're like me than yes, you're just a drinker on speed because you like the combo.

Aww, thanks for the shoutout! Greg is super awesome too

I only recommend Wellbutrin as a last resort, if you are about to relapse, because it will give you energy. I know that from when I took it pre-adderall days and during times when I ran out of adderall. But I never wanted to take another prescription drug either and you're right avoid them if possible. I also agree with quit once about multivitamins and fish oil. That's what I generally took every day.

Caffeine is going to be the most effective supplement (but not too much that it's counter productive), and if you're in danger of relapsing I'd get some Wellbutrin for the short term. You're just going to be tired and uncomfortable for awhile as you heal. Nothing is going to make you feel like an amphetamine as teamwin said. Three months is a short time to be off any drug if you think about it.

You are still in very early withdrawal. You just have to give it a lot of time and be really gentle with yourself in the beginning (I considered the first year in general to be early recovery).