quit-once

You have turned the corner in your recovery. I can't think of a more substantial milestone than feeling better at 9-10 months after quitting. I am glad to hear this good news from you today, Ghost.

While in school I was a B student and in life I am an eighty percenter. If I am right 80 percent of the time, or if I win 80 percent of my battles, I'm doing OK. I try to choose only the battles I think I can win but it doesn't always work out that way. "oh well" is one of my favorite sayings when I am wrong or don't win. Treat the wrongs you have been done like banks treat bad loans: They will hound you with credit collectors' calls and threats and the like, but at some point, they quit bugging you and simply ding your credit record for several years. They may never loan you money again, but they are still in business and making money anyway. They don't need you and you don't need them. Everyone moves on....... Never forget being fucked over and always take a lesson from the experience. Does smashing keyboards and destroying things make you feel guilty? If so, that is a good place to start - with yourself and practicing self-forgiveness first.

Practice forgiveness. Before expressing your rage or plotting a revenge, Ask yourself 1) will this fuck with my inner peace later on? 2) will this burn a bridge that I may need to cross again? Mango the Cat will thank you! Sometimes when I have been wronged and there is no recourse, I simply forgive the act but NEVER forget about it. Doing this helps me to put a wrong in the win column while gaining a life lesson.

You are court-ordered to take stimulant medication? I've never heard of that before. I found it impossible to kick the cigs while I was still using adderall.

I think that is what makes the one year mark so significant. After my first year, I quit thinking about my addiction in an obsessive manner. It's hard not to compare your sober life to a life spent on drugs for over a decade, especially during that first year. Adderall quit working for me in 2008. I took it anyway for another three years. I am still finding clutter piles and sacks with stupid stuff I bought with receipts dating to 08 and 09.

Way to go William! Six months is certainly a substantial time away from stimulants. I think you are wise to read other people's six month posts and keeping your expectations for recovery at a reasonable level. Six months is still early in the recovery process and I didn't notice any substantial improvement until 9-10 months. TV and the Internet were my best friends in early recovery. I hope you can find a way to reward yourself for this stage of your journey. Maybe take some extra time for something you really enjoy doing or go out and buy yourself something you have been wanting lately.

That is a fantastic question. Has Adderall changed how my brain operates and how I experience the word? I wish I could answer it, but I really don't know if it did. My memory has diminished, but is that due to adderall/alcohol/ weed/ abuse or is it simply due to aging and being 53 years old? Probably a combination of substance abuse and age and it is what it is. Thank God for fish oil and other brain supplements that I use from time to time. What it has changed without a doubt is my outlook on using drugs, especially stimulants. Before my addiction, I was always seeking a new way to get high and I would experiment with almost anything that wasn't totally toxic. But now, I know that any drug can cause addiction and that stimulants (including nicotine) are absolutely not an option for me.

How could a drug prescribed to millions of children not be safe?? It couldn't possible possibly cause addiction could it? Somehow, our society does not see this hideous drug for what it really is: the sinister sister of methamphetamine.

I forgot how I looked forward to kicking the cig habit. I coupled up those two habits up when I quit. I think it was easier that way. I think nicotine drives the speed train. I still crave the cigs more than the adderall, and I am l 100 % abstinent from both substances after five years.

The moon will be full tomorrow. I almost always sleep poorly around the time of the month when the moon is full.

You gave him unconditional love, accepted him for all his faults, and did everything you could to understand his addiction. And he left you anyway. That just sucks.

NICE RANT FRANK! Here is how I deal with all the daily bullshit: 1) I have never set up a Facebook account nor do I go anywhere near that nasty website. 2) I choose my news from the internet and sometimes the radio, like NPR. I have no TV signal or service. 3) I tend to avoid discussions regarding the current state of affairs with anybody. While it may not be very socially responsible to engage in blissful ignorance, it does leave me fairly happy most of the time.

Frank, that SUCKS about your dog. My dog once ran away without her collar so I had to resort to 'Lost Dog" fliers on fence posts and it worked. I hear facebook can be useful for dog recovery too. Hope it had a collar or has a microchip or maybe he will just come back on his own terms. Elsa was out for about 24 hours and that was one of the most stressful days I have ever had.

I always feel better in the evenings and afternoons. I have never been much of a morning person...not that I like sleeping through the morning, but it just isn't my best time of the day. I remember in early recovery, where you are at, that the mornings were so long because I would always wake up at the crack of dawn or 5:30 AM, whichever came first. My stomach was always growling in the mornings too. I also suffered GERD and heartburn for the first two years or so after quitting. Fifteen years is a long time to use stimulants. It is a damn good thing you have quit. From my observations around here, I have noticed the condition and pace of one's recovery depends on three factors: how long you used. how much you were taking, and your age. In my case the "milestones" of feeling better were at 10 weeks, 10 months, and two years.

Meth is the sinister sister of adderall. I see some big differences in the way the drugs are made and used: 1) Meth is made with God knows what for incoming ingredients, like battery acid, drano, etc. It is also neurotoxic in part because of the shit is made with. So the side effects are even less predictable 2) Unpredictable purity makes dosage a guessing game, as does "estimating" the right amount of a white powder to prepare and consume. 3) There is a different social aspect to using meth because of the tweaker culture that usually exists around getting it and using it. I disagree with the premise of this article that there would be less of a meth problem if all drugs were legal and if legal speed was available. He said that people will use drugs one way or another if that is what they are determined to do. I think it needs to be hard to get your hands on certain classes of drugs, like stimulants or opioids. Of course this is the perspective of one who has experienced addiction.

Music. That was the last thing to come back to me in my recovery, as well as the first thing too. Only within the last year have I really enjoyed more and more music, partly because I discovered that my new smart phone was also a music player and that bluetooth speakers work really well.

22 years is a long time to be on speed. That is exactly twice as long as I used adderall. I hope you can find the strength and the time to get off this shit. People can and do quit cold turkey all the time. At a minimum you will need a long weekend to deal with the physical withdrawals. Some drugs, like the benzos, must be properly titrated down. It is probably best to go off it with the help of a doctor and a counclor. The money you will not be spending on pills will help you to afford the guidance of professionals if you choose to go that route. If you think that continued use of adderall will kill you, it probably will so you need to make a plan to quit before something really bad happens to your health. Good luck!

Fortunately, you were not on it long enough to see how it feels when it quits working and then it starts working against you. I am glad you were strong enough to quit before bad things started happening as a result of your addiction. Congratulations for your first year sober!

Wow, that is my worst nightmare...finding a pill or stash. So far I have been lucky enough that I have not had to make that decision. I am really worried that I would do something stupid on an impulse. I have been concerned enough to make a plan just in case I find one. It would make me so fuckin' angry that I would have no choice but to flush that fucker immediately, or otherwise dismember it and grind it into the Earth. That is my plan but how hard would it be? I don't know but you are in a tough spot. Thanks for sharing. I hope I never have to make that decision, and I am sure you will make the right decision to get rid of it ASAP. Its funny you brought this up. I have my last pill that I incinerated in a fire the day that I quit and melted it into a glob on a rock. I have kept it as an amusement item for the last five years but last week, I thought I wanted to toss it into the river and be done with it forever. But I just couldn't make myself do that so I still have this glob on a rock in my windowsill. I guess I am just not ready to throw it away, yet.

My answer to the topic question is no. But I never had the feeling for love in the first place. I am Ace (asexual orientation) meaning I do not experience sexual attraction to others. At one time, I thought that after quitting Adderall, I would somehow gain a desire for love and find myself in a relationship and everything would be just fine. But only a couple of years ago, I finally accepted my asexuality and the reality that I will most likely never find a partner during this lifetime. I doubt my Adderall addiction had anything to do with this, however.

I need to constantly remind myself of this. It is so true. I was always seeking the greater buzz and I know that I would have found myself in a stimulant addiction at some point in my life. I am really glad I have learned those lessons and moved on.

I know what you mean. I am still driving a 2004 Avalanche that I bought brand new and it is by far the best vehicle I have ever owned. By "thanking" our things for their service before discarding them, it puts a little closure to the relationship.

R.I.P. to your Honda, ZK. You should thank it for its service over the years before throwing it away. It was a good car. Sometimes cars represent phases in our lives so it is good that you are moving on, to a newer and different way to get around.

I was a binge user so I experienced the crash on a weekly basis. I learned early on in my career as an addict that the brand of generic Adderall had a huge influence on how I felt after a binge. The only kind of Adderall I would consume were the orange ovals. If only the pink rounds were available, I would opt out of a binge until I could get the footballs. While I didn't experience the crash symptoms that you described, I did experience a lot of negative feelings after a binge when I used the kind of Adderall that did not agree with me.

Five Years! It was five years ago today that I divorced all stimulants and my addiction died of natural causes. Looking at my addiction in such final terms has helped me maintain my freedom and regain my life. I am equally proud of quitting smoking at that same time frame, as I was addicted to cigarettes for over 30 years. I have also been lucky enough to enjoy a life without major medical issues or anything pharmaceutical since quitting. Life beyond addiction is a better life indeed. Thanks to everyone reading this for celebrating today with me!