quit-once

the person in front of you in a half hour long line to buy powerball tickets......who is asking 20 questions about the rules of the game.....and then buys 100 tickets

I had eyesight problems while using. Bad night vision, Inability to read things without the words blurring together. Inability to read the fine print. And horrible depth perception. It all turned around after I quit and I still don't need glasses . Reminds me of a favorite joke: Do you know the difference between a brownnoser vs. a shithead? depth perception

There was a lengthy discussion about this topic about three years ago. Use the search feature or scroll back about three years. Might be titled "constipated?"....I think it ended with a question mark. In my observations of posts on this topic, it seems to affect women much more frequently as a symptom of recovery.

I liked your original post and I think it could have been very valuable to the future you who will be struggling through recovery. In fact, I was formulating a response to it but that response would not make much sense now your post has been deleted. I suggest you go back and read your early posts from a year ago, especially the post your wrote entitled "relapsing". I wish you good luck and success in your journey through another recovery and I hope it will be your last recovery from this awful addiction. Do you have a plan?

We need to dig up that "people are really pissing me off lately" thread that you started last year. that was a great discussion thread. Just ignore that jerk - it's not worth going postal over it.

^^What she just said.^^ Mice get caught in traps because they eat the cheese. This cheese is poison. Rats get stuck in a maze because they are not smart enough to figure it out. They wear themselves out trying to escape the maze. You are smarter than a rat. Don't become a rodent robot again. Just stay off the adderall, suffer through your recovery, and you will emerge as a stronger and healthier person in a few months.

Nauseous, no.....heartburn / GERD, yes.

This is a very valuable post, Cassie. I thought about making a similar post, although so far I haven't had the sustained energy or motivation to do so .......yet Congrats and happy New Year!

I too understand the feeling of being "beyond" Adderall. And it also took me about three years to feel that way, although in reviewing some of my posts before three years I thought I felt mostly recovered at one year, but not beyond it. I also agree with not blaming Adderall for my periodic bouts of depression. Depression came and went in my life before Adderall, and I justified my addiction - in part - by thinking it was helping to lessen the depression at a tough time in my life. Maybe it did. But now, whenever I feel a depression coming on, I try to recognize those feelings and do something about it - like take some L-tyrosine or St. Johns Wort, and remember that it is only temporary and things always get better with time. Anxiety and lack of focus are just symptoms of depression, in my opinion. Congratulations to you for finishing grad school amidst all the other stuff life seemed to throw in your face. And a huge congratulations for three years off that awful drug. On with life!

1789, does your heart doctor know you use adderall?

Yes, I believe you should be very concerned about your desire to relapse six months after quitting. Missing the Adderall and thinking about it obsessively is normal. Having fantasies about taking just a few pills to get you through the day is very dangerous. If you want to stay quit, you must not allow those thoughts to take hold. It took about a year before the obsessive thoughts subsided for me. But my obsessive thoughts just hardened my resolve to never use it again, because (by the time I quit) Adderall failed to do anything positive for my life and the side affects were horrible. It simply stopped working and worked against me in every way. I have one big question for you. If you think you liked yourself better on Adderall, why have you tried to quit multiple times?

I used to think hot flashes were only a menopausal thing for middle-aged women. But I started to experience night sweats even before I quit. I have narrowed it down to excessive calcium intake. For me, calcium supplements will always cause this, but so will too much cheese or almond milk. Excessive alcohol will also cause these problems.

I will share a few of my thoughts with you, Scott. Regarding how long it will take you to recover, that is a very individual thing. Most of us long-timers around here agree that it took 2-3 years to feel like we were no longer in active recovery mode. For me, the first nine months were the hardest times - mostly battling low energy, depression and weight gain. I was indeed grateful for my Dish Network TV. As far as Adderall alternatives go, I never found anything that is not a DRUG even close to a replacement for Adderall. The sooner you accept that and move on, the easier and more successful your recovery will be. It took me a couple of years to finally give up trying to get some kind of a lift out of a pill. I used different energy supplements, usually laced with caffeine to give me a needed boost. I still love drinking a sugarfree redbull in the afternoon! I used L-Tyrosine and fish oil to combat the depression, in fact I still use them on occasion. Have your vitamin D tested - it might be low. I also had some success with Lions Mane for a better memory. And a good multivitamin coupled with good nutrition. Above all, make a plan to quit and stick with it. Visualize yourself Adderall free, especially while you are still using it and cannot quit now for whatever reasons. I quit in my mind before I stopped taking the pills and I grew to hate the addiction because I had to keep taking those fucking pills until I came to a time when I could afford to quit.

Hey, I have been worried about you lately, Always Awesome. You have demonstrated a successful Quit by dealing with all your life's problems and not running back to a stupid drug that would have just made things ten times worse. Good to hear from you again.

All three of you who have posted so far on this thread have an incredible amount of determination and will to kick this addiction! I get a renewed sense of loathing for this drug and its addiction just by reading your posts. Its funny how it affected all of us in similar ways and how we came to the same point where we knew it was time to quit for good. In my case, I didn't quit because I thought I "should" quit, but because if I didn't quit, I * knew* that I was going to suffer some awful long term health problems and I would regret this addiction for the rest of my life. As it is, I don't regret the addiction because the drug helped me get through a rough section of life and I was able to fully recover from nine years of abuse and I learned some valuable lessons. But I don't hate the drug Adderall any less now than I ever did during late use or early recovery. I absolutely loathe that fucking drug and have no room for it in my life ever again.

I have never heard of Kratom so I googled it last night. A tropical tree in southern Thailand, and you chew the leaves like coca or khat. People can get addicted to it for life, just like coffee, but it is a harder drug/plant than coffee. The tree/leaf is illegal in Thailand, but it is a native plant so they cant just kill them all. And only the leaves from the trees that grow in southeast Asia will get you high. Flow3, congratulations for kicking this plant/drug - it sounds like a nasty addiction. And congratulations for your decision to quit Adderall too. You have my full support.

Doge, Lighten up on the self-guilt, dude. None of us takes it "personally" that you had a set back. A relapse, as it is known in addiction terms. At least it was brief, and the fact you feel some remorse means it was not entirely enjoyable for you. You experienced a small victory in proving your ability to talk someone out of their Adderall. Point made. Just realize that your persuasion will be both a strength and a weakness from this point forward. Remember that Adderall is as close as your local pharmacy, just like cigs at a C-store, and if you are determined enough to get some, you will find a way - that is just the nature of any dedicated addict. Knowing that, you mustn't rely on the relative inaccessibility of Adderall just because it is a prescription drug. I consider addiction to be disorder, not a disease. Like depression and ADHD. You recently experienced an illness (relapse) within that disorder from which you must recover and move forward. Whenever I contract an illness, I spend a lot of mental energy trying to figure out how and where I was exposed and what could have prevented me from getting sick (like right now I have a helluva cold and I know exactly where I got it and from whom, and it was preventable). Whenever I get a bout of depression, I treat it like an illness and do whatever I can to lessen its depth and duration and recover as quickly as possible. Just being able to recognize depression for the illness that it is has been a huge step forward for me. Although it might be painful, I suggest you look back to the days leading up to your relapse and your feelings and emotions that caused you to fuck up. Are there any obvious lessons you can put in your toolbox to prevent a future relapse? One suggestion I have is to work on your own thought control process. Did you give the fantasy of another Adderall high so much mental CPU time that it became obsessive? Personally, I have to be more vigilant of entertaining a smoking fantasy rather that an Adderall high. Anytime I start down that trail of how good a cig would taste, I just have to change the channel and direct that obsession to something more healthy - like what I will prepare for dinner. Whether a fantasy of smoking or Adderall enters my mind, I quickly counter those thoughts with "why do THAT to myself again", knowing that just one pill or cigarette could begin a cascade of bad decisions leading to a full blown relapse. Ok, I am starting to ramble but my point is that despite your recent screw up you still have 9 or 10 months experiencing life without Adderall and you need to treat that clean time as a huge asset that will help you avoid another mistake.

I just read an article from Google Health News about recent research showing a linear relationship between resting pulse rate and the risk of dying from all causes. If your resting pulse rate is above 100 bpm you should be very worried. On Adderall, my resting pulse was about 115. Now it is 50-60. Like you, Zoka, I believed I had an inherently healthy heart and that I was slowly destroying my heart and good health by continuing to use / abuse Adderall. So I quit almost five years ago. I suggest you do whatever you need to do to get through this semester and then put the pills down for good after your last final in December. You can try tapering if you wish, but the most important thing is to set a date to quit and then stick with it no matter what. Your good health and your life depends on it.

When you're done, you're done. I knew when I was done and I had quit in my mind months before I stopped taking the pills, and I never looked back. Even if you don't think you need the on-line support, I hope you hang around here and drop a few more posts or replies to others who are struggling. Congratulations on your Quit....you have just reclaimed your future.

Maybe you are not ready to quit yet, right now. Why does it have to be a decision "once and for all"...all or none? If your addiction has not progressed to the point that it has fucked up your life or your health, it will be hard to stay quit. But every hard core addiction eventually leads to a point where one NEEDS to quit for good. Just be aware that at some point in your life, you will need to quit. Do you really think you can be a weekend warrior and your addiction will not progress? I thought I could, and did, use it "just to get shit done on the weekends" for about 6 or 7 years. But my addiction gradually progressed to a daily habit and by the time I quit, any disruption in my Adderall intake caused me to wilt like a thirsty plant. Maybe you do not need to experience a rock bottom, but you may need something bad to happen resulting from your Adderall usage to convince you that quitting is in your best interest.

I am happy for you, LilTex. I've missed your encouraging and inspiring posts lately & glad you came back at the five year mark.

".....and Adderall is sometimes the only thing that can provide me some relief" Sorry, but you will have to change your mindset for what gives you relief from the depression episodes. Going on and off Adderall is the worst thing for depression, besides drinking.

It was on the Adderall roller coaster thread and I can't find it either. It got heavily spammed this morning and might have gotten accidently deleted.

This was a huge day for you. You've got this. Great determination and follow-through. I really didn't think you would be able to back to her without overwhelming temptation.

My auditory hallucination was the sound of a lawn mower in the background, all the time. And I continued to use for several more years.....why? I still have muscle twitches in my legs and feet, 4 years after quitting