quit-once

Welcome and please feel free to post as much as you like. Quitting is a process as well as an event. I planned my quit date well in advance and had to push it back a few times for different reasons, but once I ceased taking pills the journey of recovery took hold and my life has been better than it ever was on adderall since June 3, 2011.

Just to address your topic question, I was not able to read well while on adderall. And it took me about ten weeks after quitting to finally join this site and make my first post. At some point you will need to tell your husband and your dog of your plans to quit because you will need their support and the related accountability.

Welcome to the forum! I can relate to almost every thing you wrote, except for all the medical test bullshit. I just knew that taking adderall was the cause of all of my poor health problems because I had always been a healthy person until the addiction. There is a great thread here entitled "has adderall affected your physical health?" that you should read. I also smoked cigs, but I could not quit while on adderall. So, I cold turkeyed the cigs about the same time I cold turkeyed adderall 5 years ago. Some people like you do better with the taper down process, and whatever works best for you is the right way to quit. Quitting is a process and you have begun that journey. That should be very exciting and scary at the same time. You absolutely cannot spend the rest of your life on adderall if you want to have a normal life and I think you have realized this, but you are still coming to terms with the upcoming divorce from a stupid pill that used to be your best friend. Good Luck!

That's a BIG one year, Duffman. Congratulations, the worst part of your recovery is well behind you now. For what it's worth, I am an 80 percenter and always have been. I was B student. I usually get it right about 80 percent of the time. It sure beats perfectionism.

Welcome, Beenthere, and thanks for posting today. My jaw dropped when I read how low your dosage was and yet it still sent you to a psyche ward. I always thought that going psychotic came as a result of dosages exceeding 100 mg per day. I am so glad you have quit and are doing well in recovery. 7 weeks is still very early in your recovery and it takes most of us well over a year to get back to "normal", whatever that is. I wish you good luck and success with your recovery, and thanks for sharing your story.

It's really pretty simple. If you feel like you can't quit taking Adderall despite it having a negative impact on your life then you are addicted and need to quit. ... that is the basis of any addiction. You can't just dial it back and return to responsible use. period. Has it quit working for you? Have you developed a tolerance and need more for the same level of buzz? Is it causing you to engage in risky or illegal behavior? Has it impacted your health? or relationships? Is taking or finding speed a priority in your life? If you can't quit on your own, get some help! The rest of your life depends on it.

I remember your first post and how you made an ass out of yourself and then got fired. I have often wondered how you were doing. Your story impressed me - maybe you could repost some of the earlier details or original post? It takes a lot of courage to come back here and try again to kick this awful addiction. Keep trying to quit and at some point your will succeed.

about ten weeks. I used energy supplements like red bull, 5 hour energy and caffeine pills off and on into my third year of recovery. I still love my morning coffee and sometimes afternoon tea.

Welcome, Addyill. I hope you find this forum useful in your recovery. It never ceases to amaze me how so many different usernames can be derived form the root word of Adderall. You must be a very creative person. I hope you will find the support and advice you need to make your Quit successful!

And thank you for bringing this thread back to life, Subtracterall. I feel like this is one of the most valuable threads ever created on this forum because it reminds us of the reasons we quit and how bad that shit is for our physical health.

My Quit date was June 3, 2011 so I have been Adderall- free for almost six years. The muscle twitches in my legs and feet is much better now than it was even two years ago. But, as I am typing this, I can still feel a subtle twitch deep in my right ankle and also my lower thigh. It is not annoying, it is not painful and it causes me no discomfort. I'm not sure I would even be aware of it if I weren't writing about it. I do not have any issues with my veins. Some people have twitches in their faces and I have been lucky enough to avoid that issue. One thing I believed aggrevated my muscle twitches was taking L-Tyrosine but I haven't used that supplement for 2-3 years. If minor muscle twitching is the worst long term affect of my Adderall addiction, I consider myself very lucky.

PAWS is very real in Adderall recovery. It has been written about many, many times since I have been around here. For me, PAWS gradually morphed into brief bouts of depression that can come back a few times per year, always without warning. that's just life. PAWS was just like early Adderall recovery came back and then it would leave. Again, the non-linear concept of recovery comes back to bite you. I don't know what else to say other than relapsing is simply not an option for any of us who have successfully quit. I mean...we have exhausted all of the benefits that Adderall could ever offer and then it turned on us like a traitor. I feel like I have a normal life with a future to look forward to while not being addicted to that awful drug. Speed has always been my drug of choice, and I had to give it up because I became addicted and it controlled my life. I don't miss it and am glad to be done with the allure of getting high just to get shit done. I hate to put things in terms or "either - or" or "black and white" but maybe that is what becoming addicted does to the brain. I really believe that the choice is that stark when it comes to addiction...either you stay the course of quitting, no matter how bad it sucks, or you go back on the drug to a deeper level of your addiction with even worse consequences and side effects than you suffered when you decided to quit.

Quitting is a process which includes the actual date and time when you take your very last pill and begin your recovery. At this time, you are in the early stages of your quitting process, still coming to grips with the reality of an unsustainable addiction. In this stage of the quitting process, it is important to take a personal inventory of the pros and cons of quitting and if taking speed still has any benefits left for you. You have to be ready to quit and one of the big things is that the disadvantages of continuing the addiction MUST outweigh the good things you may believe the drug still does for you. In my case, it quit working and was absolutely working against me in every instance. It was causing problems with my health and my wealth and well-being. I had no good reason to continue my addiction besides the fact I knew I could not function without it. I was totally dependent on a stupid pill (or four)for getting through each and every day. So what I am trying to say is that you have to be ready to quit for your quit to stick. If you think quitting is "something that you think you might like to try and see how it goes" you are fooling yourself and you are simply not ready. Quitting requires an absolute commitment to the cause.

I think you have to assume that your session will be entirely confidential. The only times they are required to break confidentiality is in cases of sexual assault or other horrible crimes or if you threaten suicide. But I would get all of that straight right from the start. I suggest you be only as open as you are comfortable with during your first session. Not all counselors are the same and some you will relate to better than others. I am speaking from having experience with relationship counseling, and I have never discussed substance abuse with one. If I were going for my first session, I would focus on the drug(s) I had a problem with and not the occasional recreational experience that I didn't feel had a negative impact on my life. If you get too fucked up or use it too often that is certainly something to get some help with. If you can't quit or take too much, that is something to get help for as well. I have had good luck the few times I have needed a counselor, and when I felt like it had helped me sufficiently I discontinued the counseling relationship. You should expect at least several weekly sessions for at least a couple of months to work through your substance abuse issues, although, like I said I am only going off my experience regarding relationship issues.

Nine months was a huge breaking point for me. I came upon nine months around the first of March (2012) and it was a pretty sudden and sustained leap in my recovery. I think it had something to do with spring fever and the extra motivation and energy I usually get from the longer days this time of the year. By the time I reached one year things were really looking up all the time, although I still lacked sustained motivation and energy during most of that summer, but at least I was healthier, weighed less exercised more and had a better mood. I still took caffeine pills, red bull and 5 hour energy for a weekend buzz well into my second year. I actually noticed sustained and progressive improvement through my third year of recovery, although as you know it is not always linear. I still get hit with a surprise round of depression a couple of times per year but I know how to deal with it and I know that it usually won't last more than a few days. Regarding your jobs, just show up, do what you gotta do and things will be just fine. Don't strive for employee of the month quite yet. After at least a year of recovery, you can reassess if the job you have is the job you like, with the added benefit of a clear mind and fresh outlook on life in general.

If taking Adderall is that glamorous to you, why did you quit?

Of course it is terrifying to think of life without speed since you have been on it for more than a decade. But I think you realize it is not something you can be on for the rest of your life. It is an unsustainable addiction, period. The sooner you realize and accept this fact the easier it will be for you to quit. You "need" to abstain for the next three weekends so you can have enough pills to get you by until your next refill date. Well, you can get used to this lifestyle and it will really suck, but you can continue live like that for several more years...... or, you can make a plan to quit for good and be done with this awful addiction. Simply flushing the pills (without a plan to quit) would be a short term, impulsive fix that won't get you anywhere beyond misery and regret. You have already proven to yourself that you can endure a cold turkey quit for the duration of a weekend. And it didn't kill you, did it? Why put yourself the hell of quitting once per week just to prolong an unsustainable addiction? There is nothing wrong with a well-planned quit, that's how I did it. I planned my quit for several months and set a deadline. I quit cold turkey with a goal of 100 % abstinence from speed for the rest of my life. My body and mind could not continue to function well if I continued to use Adderall because my mental and physical health was in decline. It was (and still is) the most important thing I have done in my life, and I realized the significance of that undertaking. I also set pre-determined penalties and consequences for failure to stay quit (in-patient rehab) and the humiliation of others knowing that I failed to quit because I would have to "go away" for a while. If my quit was successful, my addiction remained my personal secret that could be revealed only to those whom I chose and at the time of my choosing. My Quit worked because I accepted that the addiction was unsustainable and I gave myself ONE chance to get it right. Iwish (pun intended) you success with your Quit.

I find that using screen time is merely a convenient distraction for procrastination of getting stuff done. I don't think that cancelling the internet would necessarily help you be more productive because you would find a replacement for that screen time somewhere else. Last summer, I cancelled the Dish TV but I found a way to get some of that programming over the internet. I also spent more time browsing and participating on forums like this one. When I hooked up the TV again this fall, those internet habits continued, although I never really have gotten back into watching TV and I feel like I could do without a TV subscription very well. Just like trading one addiction for another, I traded one form of screen entertainment for another. Good thing I don't care what is on my phone! And I think that I could find a replacement for the internet.....like good old fashioned reading from print, or watching more TV again, If I didn't have it. There seems to be a certain amount of time I need to "waste" being sedentary. Even more so during the cold, dark winter months. Its funny, because I used to blame that laziness on adderall recovery but in reality I had these same lazy habits pre-adderall and pre-internet.

do you think the dogs can tell when you are high? mine sure did.

Congratulations, LilTex! Six years off adderall and a full year off alcohol are truly two good reasons for you to be happy. I am happy for you today! Thanks for all the encouragement and positivity you share with everyone around here.

I always feel better when I work on shedding the shoulds. The shoulds are merely empty and hollow wants. Shed the shoulds for a lighter mental load. Needs, on the other hand are a matter of necessity. The person who quits speed just because they think they should will not have the level of success as somebody who truly believes they need to quit.

Hey Dude- That is a great question. In my own experience, It was somewhere between 2 and 3 years after quitting that I just accepted that depression happens, and you never really know when it will come on or how long it will last. I experience depression a few times per year and recognizing its symptoms is the key to managing it. Anxiety and indecision are two obvious symptoms for me, and I start taking supplements at the first sign of a depression coming on. I know it will usually go away in a few days and I refuse to let depression win. If I were you, I would exhaust all possible supplement options (tyrosine, St. Johns Wort, fish oil, vitamin D, etc.) before getting on more drugs. However, in the beginning of your quit, the supplements may not give you much relief. Just take it one day at a time and relish your newfound freedom.

Before you hop aboard that Addie train again, I would hope that you go back to each and every one of your 80 posts and read them. You have had your struggles and successes since quitting. Your posts are actually a journal of your journey through the adderall recovery process. The next time you choose to quit, the process will be even more challenging, and there will be a next time, because adderall is a hard drug and you can't spend the rest of your life on it.

I think I have heard this same basic thought expressed by all of you who have posted on this thread. It is one of those "ahaha moments" (epiphanies?) that we all need to have that help us to realize that pursuing the addiction is futile and unsustainable. A friend of mine who is a heroin addict explained the "chasing the dragon" principle to me - how an addict will always seek that first euphoric rush they got when first using their drug of choice, but you never seem to be able to get that high, ever again, but for some reason you keep trying to achieve it. Not only did Adderall quit working for me but it really started working against me - like some kind of brain disease that diminished my functionality, my memory, my cognition, relationships, productivity and my overall health. Realizing all of that made the decision to quit really easy. I quit in my mind several months before I was able to stop taking the pills. The recovery period for most diseases or injuries is usually months, not the *years* like I have experienced getting better from Adderall abuse. The good news is that a full recovery is entirely possible if given enough time. Duffman, I think your "superhero complex" is typical of being a young adult. I have accepted mediocrity as a way of life and found it to be a very stress free lifestyle. I keep my expectations reasonable for myself and for the people and things around me. I have changed or reduced many of my goals I had 20 or 30 years ago and I am content with that. Reniscido, congratulations for your first full year of freedom. May you have many more.

I believe that talking about your addiction is one of the greatest tools of recovery. That is why this site exists, so we can work through the causes and effects of our addiction to stimulants. Even though you don't "know" the people who might read your posts, it is nevertheless very therapeutic to sound off in a safe place like this. Telling people whom you know, in person, has even greater impacts. It offers a higher level of accountability. But it requires a special kind of friendship - almost a best friend requirement. It really helped me to discuss the stupid things I did on adderall and the challenges of recovery with my best friend. He was also my addy buddy and we have done a lot of drugs together throughout our lifetimes. He was almost two years off of adderall until he relapsed, and after that we have hardly spoken. Despite my attempts to keep in touch, we rarely communicate. I feel that loss, but it was beyond my control and I am leaving the door open to reconnect at some point. I also told at least five other friends, all of whom I have known for many years and shared many drugs (and drinks) with. Not only does it feel good to have someone I know who understands me and my addiction, but it also puts them on notice that doing any kind of stimulant drug with me, ever again, is absolutely not an option, although most of those friends have grown out of hard drug use with middle age. I would never discuss my stimulant addiction with somebody who does not understand drugs, has an anti-drug prejudice, or especially anybody with whom I work.