Greg

Congratulations!!!!!! I will write more later. I have to run to class!!!

That is such a good question. At the very best I would be in a cycle of in and out of rehab...outpatient therapy and in an assisted living housing community.. I would either be in psychosis locked in a psychiatric ward or...dead from suicide? because eventually I would not have been able to live like that.

a bunch - not sure. I have received one internship offer in marketing so far, but I turned it down in hopes of getting something better. its nice to know i got one at least. I am basically trying to interview in the industries that i am interested in -- marketing and finance and a few others... My grades are taking a beating from the interview process though. I was preparing for this interview today. but I have to turn in a 6 page paper tomorrow which i didn't start and an excel data spreadsheet so I am kind of screwed. I am so grateful for this thread and going through this with you all. I honestly would have done NOTHING probably if it weren't for this thread. Now it is starting to feel routine. I cant believe I used to be scared of submitting a resume. Its just a few stupid clicks of the mouse and some typing! This thread helped me overcome that fear. I submitted for three jobs today. Did you guys?

I just finished my interview...I think it went....?????????????? I spent the entire morning trying to make sure the camera would work properly because i had intermittent internet connection. I would really, really love to have this position. But... its only a first round and there are tons of candidates. So...onward to the next....

that sounds like good news!

yes, just submit wherever. I dont really pay close attention; im more focused on just submitting it. the questions are annoying. today i was on a website and they were having difficulties and it kept losing my data and i had to enter the same info 4 times before it saved which was frustrating. Overall, though, I am getting used to the submitting process.

Glad you are updating your resume and joining the club! I would definitely take contract to hire. If i understand correctly that is basically freelance work. That could always turn into long term work. I'm not sure about geography. That's probably a personal decision.

funny. I actually prefer to not hear back!! because then im not reminded of the interview having happened. I just try to move on quickly after its over to submitting more resumes, the next interview or networking or whatever. if i hear something positive from them it is an unexpected surprise. I also try to think of each interview as one entry into a sweepstakes. Each additional interview = An additional sweepstakes entry + some free practice There's no way to know why a job doesn't pan out. There are so many factors that may have nothing to do with how the interview went! Like maybe the interviewer was in a bad mood. Or maybe someone with the exact credentials they needed interviewed right beforehand. Or maybe they realized they didnt have enough budget to hire someone. This happened to one of my co-workers. Actually, worse. They extended her an offer then took it back a week later for budget reasons. I have another interview tomorrow - its with several people through a virtual cam! I've never interviewed this way before. I submitted to this company over a week ago and I was basically given one days notice to prepare. I just went to Best Buy to buy a webcam for it.This interview is for finance - and I'm worried it will be similar to the ones MFA was describing during her job search - brainteasers, stumpers etc. But I just dont have the time to prepare for something like that. Anyway, it just occurred to me that it is only 6 weeks before summer begins. So I have to deal with the reality that I might not find anything in time. At least though it will be an early start to the regular job search. Has everyone submitted their three for today?

What's CTH?

SweetCarolinee, that urge to sleep sounds totally normal to me. No need to worry about it being unnormal. I think I was sleeping more than 12 at three months. Eventually you wont need as much but at three months, that sounds normal. Occasional - good job at 9!

Ashley, how did your interview go?? I had mine and I cannot tell how I did! Im going to say this is no-go for me. My background in the field i was interviewing for, HR, may not have been relevant enough for an HR position. I regret not researching HR job responsibilities well enough. I didnt feel like i had enough knowledge to be able to speak about it well enough. The recruiter said she was interviewing with a lot of people so im DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY not getting my hopes up. Also we got phone disconnected halfway through. It was my fault. But each one is a good practice for the next. Anyway, Im really glad its over. edit - Also I got a second round interview for the Marketing internship (the one i converted from an IT interview to Marketing interview) from Last Friday.

Thanks guys for your messages! Li'l Tex that dream sounds terrible. Im sorry if my story somehow caused that. You are right about addiction being used to cope with uncomfortable feelings. I have been using it do deal with stress and work and all the anxiety that comes with it. This addiction could REALLy kick my ass, as you said quit-once. Wow. I could fall out of school, I could lose A LOT. I have to keep reminding myself of that despite all the anxiety I am facing.. The only thing I find frustrating is that I have been experiencing heightened anxiety - and I don't know if its because of legitimate reasons ( i spent 7 hours on an excel spreadsheet crunching numbers today for a project), things feel like they are piling up, or because of benzo withdrawal.

Awesome was there a theme for this one?? I remember last time you were doused with paint or something?

Thanks guys. I feel better from what you guys said and I'm also feeling less withdrawal. I'm devoting today to rest and relaxation. While I'm not completely comfortable, I was able to sleep last night and I forced myself back to sleep every time I woke up. But I was happy I could sleep. My appetite is sort of coming back and I was relieved by that. I drank a little yesterday to help with withdrawal but today I don't have any intentions to do that. The peacefulness on campus is being replaced by lots of people coming back with their suitcases. And Monday the craziness begins again...work..classes..papers and exams..I really hope by Monday morning ill be alright -- or at least be able to sleep somewhat regularly.Edit - the derealization really was bad because I felt like people could tell something was not right with me. Especially when on the way to work someone told me I looked high. And I looked in the mirror and I did. That's why I couldn't stay at work. We have a small office. The idea of people suspecting me of unsound mental health was too frighteningly similar to the adderall days. That's why I said I could tolerate withdrawal in class and stuff but just not at work.

Wow that was a lot of good information occasional. I am going to have read that a couple times. I needed clarification about the alcohol. I really agree with u and think that did me over and now I know it's not good. I have though been drinking to cope with withdrawal. Because it really helps. I will look into benedryl. I was prescribed .5 mgs 3 x a day and as I mentioned above now I am at half that. Like I mentioned sometimes I'd take more, other times less. Is that low enough to avoid seizures? I experienced the derealization and weirdness once. And I was so weirded out I told my boss I had to leave. What was that?? Today I was tempted to take more than what i appropriated myself because I was so anxious I became short of breath but I stuck to the 50% taper dosage only. (I kept telling myself it wasn't worth it) Are you experiencing withdrawals still? Or did u level out after the switch to kolonopin? Edit - I have tried to switch from drinking soda to water but sweets and carbs..that is really tough!

Thanks Jon - it is true, addicts are not safe. When I was using adderall, I also used xanax, Kolonopin and lorazapam at various times but never developed problem. Adderall and xanax literally cancel each other out. It seems like a lot of us were using both. I look forward to hearing your success story GDTRFB. I plan on napping today. And just resting as much as possible until Monday. i slept 5 hours last night with difficulty. I still have the insomnia but plan to stick to the 50% taper.

hmm.. I am not an expert or anything but it would make sense to me if you minored in MIS because you are IT. They seem to go hand in hand right? Thanks for the resume reminder. I submitted for three positions today i found on monster.

I was SO nervous. I honestly can't tell how it went. Nothing too difficult. Pretty basic questions. I think it went fine?? I got my first denial letter for the Tuesday job. Let's just assume that will be the first of many, many denials for me, unless u hear otherwise, I didn't get it. I plan on this taking a while for me. I might have to bypass internship and just go straight to full time job hunting. I got another phone interview though for Monday. It was for something I submitted more than a week ago. Have you been keeping up with submitting? i've been staying on track the last couple days.

A BS and experience is plenty. This thread has taught me so much. You manufacture your own luck by submitting resumes over and over and over...and networking. edit - by the way I was able to change my interview from IT to Marketing.

It was the addict mentality that i could somehow get away with using it the way i was using it. I dont know. I thought it was fine. I always told myself that i would keep a lookout for signs of dependency and deal with it as soon as it arises. The addiction part of me I guess compelled me to go down this course. The tools and skills I have learned from being a part of this site are being HEAVILY drawn upon as I deal with this. If i didn't know as much as I do now about addiction, I could be going down an entirely different road. Im afraid for people who get addicted and dont know what is ahead. I HELL KNOW what is ahead and I cannot afford to go there. BenzoBuddies is a totally different atmosphere. Actually here is the link and this is to their forums. I have just been lurking their site since I came across it. Apparently if you taper off too quickly you can make it worse (??) another symptom is benzo withdrawal induced seizures. edit - Benzos seem to be an entirely different animal with their own set of evil symptoms. The ones that I see the most that havent affected me yet are aches and pains, xanax flu (I might have experienced this once a few weeks ago, but I thought I was just sick), ringing in the ears, pins and needles, something called "band around the head"

U all probably have seen my other post now on benzo withdrawal. I can't afford to let it get in the way of life because I have way too much shit to get done. And I have no intentions of stopping either this club or the running. Running is actually supposed to be good for benzo withdrawal. I have been taking benzos before interviews but tomorrow I won't be. I decided there is no way I can interview for an IT position because that was not my major. There was a little piece of my background that dealt with IT, but I can't sell myself as IT. I will try my hardest to get them to switch me to marketing otherwise I will just have to let this one go.

Thanks everyone for your support. You were right quit-once. You had warned me early on to get off when i first got my script in August. I remember all those discussions you mentioned including the one about taking xanax before interviews. I had only meant to take it before i had to give presentations which really stressed me out, but i found it helped with a lot of things. So i started taking it daily. The insomnia thing is really strange. I've never experienced anything like it. The horrific stories i have read on benzobuddies parallel my (our) own horrific stories of quitting adderall. People sleeping only 2 hours a night for months and months. I am able to sleep more than two hours but I could see myself at that place if I continued with the xanax. How hard was it for you to kick ativan? Also GDTRFB what was your experience like kicking benzos?

Yeah - this caught me completely by surprise. I went from fine to not fine at all over a couple weeks. I am doing everything I can do learn about this. It's very different from getting off of adderall. That benzobuddies site has helped me learn a lot about it. Really, the insomnia is the worst part. But I dont think its at the severity where I would need medical help. I just think (and hope) I need to taper off and it will get better from here. I am hoping Ill be functioning on Monday for work. I want to stay as a functioning person. Im hoping I can. I have a phone interview tomorrow morning and Im preparing some for it tonight. I have exams around the corner...Work...And assignments due...Im praying these last couple days and this upcoming weekend of rest and tapering will help a lot in recovering.

I read the Ashton method, and also know about switching to valium. I dont have enough left to taper off 10 percent. So i am tapering off 50%. There is no way I can get my doctor to prescribe me valium. I am all the way down in Florida and he would need to see me first. I am hoping Im early enough to do 50% and still be okay. Thank you for the support. I honestly didnt realize alcohol and benzos targeted the same brain receptors. I would have been much more careful. I had been drinking alcohol a lot recently. I even started drinking alcohol to help me sleep when i woke up in the middle of the night and I didn't understand the connection until I researched benzo withdrawal. i think drinking alcohol pushed me over into this stage? I do think I'm okay. Its the beginning stages for me. I just feel I need to get on this quick and nip this in the bud and then it will be okay.

This is a very difficult post for me to write, but Im just going to write it. I started taking xanax about 8 months ago last August. I did toy with my dosages. I would take more on one day and less on another. And eventually in January I had my doctor bump me up to another higher dosage. About a couple weeks ago, I hit tolerance withdrawal. If I took it, I still experienced withdrawal symptoms. From the start I was running out early every month, about 3-5 days before my prescription was due for a refill. I would just allocate to take less at the end of the month and then pick the prescription up three days early. They usually let me pick it up three days before it was due for a refill. Suddenly, with this last prescription, those 5 days or so I would run out early turned into BAD withdrawal. The symptoms of benzo withdrawal are completely different from Adderall withdrawal. You lose your appetite instead of gaining appetite. Instead of crashing you get insomnia. Instead of apathy, you get anxiety. I realized something was off about two or three weeks ago. I suddenly would wake up in the middle of the night..I couldn’t sleep anymore. I actually left work early one day. And then I called out entirely on another day. I was feeling horrible. I think about a week ago I realized it was benzo withdrawal. I went on the internet and researched and saw that I had they symptoms of benzo withdrawal. Thankfully, it coincided with this week – which is my spring break week. I would never have been able to endure benzo withdrawal/detox during a regular week where I had work. I would be able to handle classes, but not a 9-5 schedule with benzo withdrawal. It is rough. I am in the beginning stages of benzo withdrawal. I don’t have as severe as the symptoms of what others have – I have the main ones – insomnia, loss of appetite, and anxiety (although I have had legitimate anxiety recently, so im not sure whether the anxiety is from legitimate causes or from benzo withdrawal) This month was my worst month. I cut the remaining count of my pills in half and have enough to last three days before my next refill. I’m now taking half my dosage each day. And bearing through the withdrawal. It is getting better and I’m hoping I will be much better on Monday when work starts again. Xanax is something that is supposed to be tapered off of. I found another forum – our benzo counterpart – called benzobuddies. I did a lot of research on that forum. That’s how I knew for sure what was happening. I have a physical addiction but psychologically I am okay with getting off—I think. To me, getting off Xanax is more similar to my experience getting off Effexor – I think. Im not freaked out about the idea of getting off Xanax. Like I was Adderall. I am just freaked out about the withdrawal effects – which are very uncomfortable. I don’t know how I could be so foolish. I am really ashamed to write this post. I started to write this post many times the last couple days but I was ashamed to continue. I have been pulling on all my skills from being on this website to get through this hopefully as quickly and painlessly as possible.