hyper_critical

MFA, Haha, there are definitely worse things to be addicted to! @hyper_critical is my Twitter handle, which I started last November (https://twitter.com/hyper_critical). The fund I worked at used elements of complex systems analysis, which includes the study of critical states. "Hyper-critical" was our take on where certain volatility markets were when I set it up, and happened to be a reflection of where I was at in my addiction. When I go back and read tweets from last November-April, boy is the mania evident... Thanks for your supportive words. I'm feeling pretty good day-to-day. My self-care is improving, and I feel like I'm approaching the point where I can start thinking about what I want to do next professionally. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this community, to be honest. Right now, identification is an enormous benefit to me. Sometimes I feel like the people in recovery I interact with and my treatment team, not many of whom have a lot of experience with primarily Adderall addiction, don't really get where I'm coming from and what my problems are. I still get an enormous amount out of them, and more often than not when I become frustrated it's because I'm choosing to "identify out," but most people on here seem to truly "get it." And hopefully I can help a newcomer by sharing some of my experience and insight. Best, H-C

Thanks for the replies, all. 1Bad - congrats on the *8* months. I'm trying to work on being happy and focus on what's important as well. Just not sure how/what/when/etc. I've got a lot of work left... : ) Addiction is certainly a disorder of pleasure. LILTEX - I've heard of SMART and looked into it half-heartedly. Definitely going to check it out now. And thanks for the book recommendation. I can identify with people here far more than anywhere else. Cassie - wow, a year and half...good for you. I tried NA, but there wasn't enough good recovery at the meetings I've been to for it to be safe for me.

And you know that accidents can happen And it's okay, We all fall off the wagon sometimes It's not your whole life It's only one day You haven't thrown everything away. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nan4Kdtz-9w

MFA, WORD UP. I've definitely undergone/am in the mist of a grieving process. Coming up on six months and feeling a bit lost. I've got some of my energy back, have processed a lot what's happened the last ~6 years, but am unsure about what to do going forward. It's like the summer after high school, minus that feeling of excitement and endless possibility. I am grateful to be where I am, though. Best, HC

Are there any AA or NA members out there? I entered treatment April 13th for Adderall addiction, did 18 days at a short-term rehab, then three months at a men's extended inpatient facility. I've been out and hitting meetings daily for a couple months now (coming up on six months clean), but am having a really hard time getting into my step work. Is Adderall addiction different? I certainly needed the help I got to quit and stay quit up through now, but I don't have cravings, and do have serious reservations about adopting the 12-step way of life. Are there any success stories here of people who quit without AA or NA and are now enjoying a clean, fulfilling life? TIA, HC

I completely agree with mrobz. Feel free to reach out to me as well. Good on you asking for help. H-C

No. You haven't had a 'natural' emotional cycle in quite some time. I know the feeling you're talking about. I've been off all substances for about two months now, and I feel quite different than I did 60 days ago at 11am, as my first dose wore off and I started craving the next one.

Hey No, I'm reticent to offer advice but I can speak from experience. I was prescribed Adderall before my sophomore year of college. That was the start of a prolonged love affair with the drug. I'm not going to say it ended in tears: that would have been too easy. I lived to use and used to live. I was powerless over my addiction, and my life had become unmanageable. Even after OD'ing on several occasions, I continued to use 100-150mgs daily (sometimes more, especially near the end) to help me get through my day. I would regularly get by on cat naps for days or weeks at a time, and had a convenient excuse/reason to do it (I traded currencies at a hedge fund...fx is 'open' 24/6). I got lucky: a series of events transpired that made my parents and younger brother, who I'm close to, aware of my problems with Adderall. I knew I needed help but didn't know where to turn. Thank God they found out and pushed hard for me to go to rehab. I wasn't thinking clearly on the drug, which I didn't realize until I had a few weeks off it. If you don't know what to do, ask the people in your life who care about you for help. You're not invincible: this stuff will kill you. I'll pray that you take that last sentence seriously. I feel your pain. It's not hopeless. We do recover. H-C

Ally, Congratulations on your decision. Remember: easy does it, but do it. Today is day 54 for me. My disease had progressed to the point where I needed to go to rehab, and I am now about halfway through a 90-day inpatient transitional living program. I thought spending 3 months with a bunch of "dopeheads and alcoholics" was a ridiculous proposition. I've come to learn we have more in common than I could have imagined. There are a lot of good resources here: http://www.na.org/ The decision to press pause on my life (parts of which were crumbling/imploding) and check myself into treatment is the best decision I have ever made. We have a long road ahead. Believe it will be worth it. Best, H-C P.S. I learned a lot about my own chemical dependency, or addiction, in this video: