hyper_critical

I'm in PA but come into the city for work at least once a month. Very down to meet up then hit a meeting.

Working a recovery program has helped me dramatically. Papered over a lot of emotional issues with Adderall. Sponsor and therapist have helped me identify and work through a number of things.

I had tremendous anxiety after I quit. I remember with a few months walking into a grocery store for the first time and nearly having a panic attack, overwhelmed by all the stimulus and decisions to be made. I think it was part physiological, and part emotional/psychological. Obviously, post acute withdrawal played a part, but I had to re-learn how to set expectations and deal with my ADD. I'm not going to lie, it's been a struggle, but it's gotten significantly better the longer I've stayed clean.

I want to play music, golf, hike, help others in recovery, and continue building my business, all of which is possible because I'm off Adderall. Thank God for Mike and the wonderful people in these forums. Otherwise, I might be dead or still in that amphetamine purgatory. If you're new or just thinking about quitting, it's well worth the struggle...

One step at a time. Follow liltex's advice and get other people involved. Find a place that takes your insurance. Seabrook House in New Jersey saved my life. GL.

Wow, BehereNow - same here. Early on, I had a dream I'll never forget about XR pellets blasting out of individual crystal light iced tea packets in vivid technicolor. I also had several dreams where my teeth fell out. Apparently, that's a pretty common one in early recovery. Good times good times...

Believe it or not, you're actually pretty typical of someone who gets addicted to Adderall. I would spend some time reading the articles on this site and harnessing the wisdom of people in these forums who have done something you thusfar have been unable to do: quit and stay quit. Best of luck on your journey. There is so much more to life.

You're not too far gone. I know a couple people who have been in a similar situation and recovered. I can't agree with duffman strongly enough...I think you need to get completely honest with your doctor and ask for help. You can absolutely get better.

Flow (without Adderall)

I've been where you are. Quitting was the hardest, but most important thing I've ever done. I don't know anyone IRL who has had success with nootropics intermediate-long term. I've heard good initial responses, and people get all super excited about the possibility of a substitute wunder-pill, but then 6-12 months and several hundred/thousand dollars later it's something along the lines of "WTF was I thinking?" They seem like snake oil to me, but I've never tried them and am certainly not a doctor. I will say my brain's come back, and that's just taken time.

I've seen Wellbutrin help those in early recovery. Most of the rest of the stuff I'd stay away from super early on unless you're feeling suicidal. It's almost impossible for doctors to get a baseline.

ZK - sorry to hear you're struggling. I don't know how much you're smoking, but stopping for a while should help with 1-3, if not all 4. I honestly don't have a lot of answers for you, because I've been struggling with the same things, especially disorganization. If I didn't have personal and professional resources to fall back on, this would be causing significant problems in my life. Going for a follow up session at the Hallowell Center on Saturday...hoping they'll have some non-Adderall answers. Will obv be happy to share.

Cold-turkey benzo withdrawal can kill you. I would seriously consider speaking with a doctor.

Like I had a lobotomy, but angrier.

Takes time and recovery doesn't happen in a straight line, but helllll yea it does!

Tremendously, in my experience. Did 8 months of outpatient in DC, one on one and group, after getting out of rehab. Happy to discuss details via PM.

Wow, that is powerful. Good for you, Ashley. The desperation in your post from four years ago...damn I can identify. SO cool seeing the peeps who were around and offered guidance and support when I first came here continue to rack up the time.

Three

I've posted a couple times when I was really going through it, and got phenomenal feedback. Don't know if I would've gotten through those periods without it. I've got this thread printed out in a desk drawer at work: http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/2487-out-of-nowhere-like-a-freight-train/?hl=%2Bfreight+%2Btrain

Sex drive came back for me 4-5 months in. In a big way after that first year. Everything you're struggling with will normalize. No substitute for time. Keep up the good fight.

I'll be in the city and would love to meet up. Probably going to hit a meeting or two as well if any of you are into that. Hit me up on here or PM.

jeffersontbh, I may have written the exact same post three years ago. Sounds like we have similar stories. Deep down, I knew I had a serious problem that had to be addressed. I couldn't control my use, and my life was spinning out of control. Not my job, of course - I kept that on lock and pointed to it as evidence I had my act together. But my health, relationships, and emotional state were all crumbling. If I kept going down that path, as hard as it is to say, I would have died. And death wouldn't have necessarily been the worst outcome (amphetamine psychosis). I needed to go to rehab, and it took a year for me to get back to work. There are many on here who used like we did and now have several years clean. I know a couple in real life, too. None of them regret getting off Adderall. All of them say it's the most important thing they've done in their lives. Some needed to take the measures I did. Others had a different path. I know for me, this has been a long process and despite my kicking and screaming at the time, I am eternally grateful for it. At the end, I was willing to do whatever it took to get off and stay off that drug. Deep down you know what you have to do. Life is SO much better on the other side. h_c

Reinvigorated

This is some complicated stuff. Maybe think about checking out Al/Nar-Anon or at least getting an unbiased third party involved (like a therapist).

I go to AA/NA meetings 3-5x/week. I have a sponsor, read the literature, have worked the steps, and have a group of friends who are clean. It's become a big part of my life since getting off Adderall. My sponsor and support group have stopped me from relapsing on several occasions over the last three years. It's also helped me work through a number of other issues and become a better person. It's obviously not for everyone. I was pretty far gone with my Adderall use. If you go, try to focus on what you can identify with, not how you're different. I had a hard time accepting that I was an addict and this was a solution that could work for me. I couldn't identify with heroine users. It was prescribed. I had a high paying job. I never lived under a bridge. I wasn't "that bad." I've since learned that was a way of rationalizing my use.