hyper_critical

At the risk of setting expectations too high, year 2-3, although you don't notice it quite so much in the moment, looking back was a huge period of growth. Much of the "adult" stuff/level 2 recovery started to fall into place. Keep after it!

Taking speed for allergies and depression? Good time to back and read your old posts. Hang in there.

I agree. Having said that, if you keep relapsing, ask yourself this one simple question before you attempt your next quit: "What am I going to do different this time?" If the answer is "nothing", then get ready for the same miserable results. Very few on here have quit and stay quit without preparing for significant disruption at least the first few months after quitting. It also pays to let your family in on what's going on. They may be able to help in ways you won't necessarily expect. You're addicted to amphetamines. Act accordingly.

On. Fire.

Yuge insight outside the gym too. I've had so many false starts at work, in my personal life, etc trying to bite off more than I could reasonably chew in the beginning. Sometimes it's good to have lofty goals so even if you fall short, you've come a long way. But when it comes to making structural changes around habits, etc, the progressive approach has been far more effective at bringing about sustainable change (note: I don't think this insight applies to breaking an addiction. Think cold turkey is far more effective, as a rule, than tapering off Adderall). Diet's a good example. I see people post here all the time with these complex supplement schedules and hardcore diets. I've tried and failed at many of those, and certainly understand why somebody would think they're a good idea. Much more effective? Start by bringing 5 Healthy Choice Simply Steamer lunches into the office on Monday. I've learned that if I eat ~1k calories by 2PM, I'm likely to make a good decision at night, and it completely cuts off the cycle of binge eating, feeling groggy in the morning, etc, which helps my focus, which cuts off the self-destructive loop of "maybe I'm just not cut out for this life without Adderall." Is that a perfect solution? Absolutely not. Are there preservatives and all sorts of shit in there that I'd prefer to not eat? Sure. But I'm a 29 year old guy who until a few months ago was single and living alone, working 50 hours a week, doing recovery stuff another 10 hours/week, lifting weights, and doing other things in my community. I hate and am not good at cooking. So it's a good enough solution for me, that has completely eliminated all sorts of negative feedback loops that otherwise would enter my life. Wish I didn't have to bang my head up against the wall for so long to learn these lessons, but I guess that's just how it goes for people like us. : )

How's it going, Renascido?

Welcome back. Quitting Adderall is never hopeless. I've seen people struggle and go back and forth many times before eventually "getting" it. Keep in mind there are some great programs for people in the medical field who have substance abuse issues. May be worth looking into. Good luck.

Catherine, Welcome to the forums. You're in the right place. Check out the articles on this site and keep posting here. If you're as far gone as I was, rehab is an option. Quitting Adderall is the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Full stop. You CAN function without it. You've gotta have a plan to quit though, and there's no dressing up the fact that it's going to be rough for a while. You have to be persistent and maybe even a little stubborn about not using a day at a time, and prioritize your quit above all else. There is bright light out the other end of the tunnel. A bunch of people on this site have made it through. We look forward to you joining us here soon. Good luck, H-C

Thanks, LT! Great stuff there.

“I don’t even know what’s going on...” I’ve been lifting for a couple years now, but have been completely unwilling/unable to get consistent cardio going outside training to hike Mt Washington back in winter 2014. FINALLY downloaded the Couch to 5k app. What a beautiful program, that incorporates something about sustainable change it took me a while to learn off Adderall in other parts of my life. Program’s structured so you bite off less than you can chew initially, instead of going HAM from jump street and quickly burning out. Just finished week two of my 3x/week walk-jogs, and I feel great and hungry for more. Not going to pound on the table and suggest downloading it unless/until I complete the program and run a 5k in May. Then I’ll come back here and rant incessantly about it. Wish me luck!

Duffman. Print this out and read it next time you’re tempted to use. It’s fucking nuts. Everyone else - get rid of your stash. There’s absolutely no reason to keep it after you decide to quit. And come here to share about it if you feel like using. Duff: love ya man. Get back on the horse.

Eric - have you gotten labs done at the Dr recently? Should check kidney function and hormones. Had much more serious version of what you’re describing. Reversible and not a yuge deal but worth having checked.

Couldn't agree more with DopeyMean. 18 months is about when I'd say the heavy fog lifted, but this has been a process ever since of getting reacquainted with myself, struggling through feelings of fear and discomfort, and learning to play to my strengths and try to minimize my weaknesses, instead of berating myself for not being good enough. I think many of us have a realllly hard time acknowledging our own progress. It's taken other people pointing out to me how far I've come along the way for me to be able to step back and see it.

MASSIVE increase in mental clarity, but it took time. I don't "get off" on my thoughts like I used to hopped up on speed, but I am FAR more effective than I ever was on Adderall.

You're killing yourself. Let go. You don't have to live this way anymore. Tell people in your life about what's going on and ask for help. You should seriously consider inpatient rehab.

Joe Rogan FTW!!! lol

In meetings all day today. Quick note to tell you YES, this is totally normal, and a tricky part recovering from Adderall. Its not a straight line, especially early on. Hopefully some others will share their experience.

On fire.

I like this idea, Frank. My resolution is to create systems that bring in a greater sense of manageability and order into my daily life. I'll have five years off Adderall (and all substances) April 13th. In that time, I've managed to put in place the building blocks for an incredibly fulfilling life. 2017 was a major transition year where I experienced a tremendous amount of growth, personally and professionally. I had arguably the most "productive" days of my life last Thursday and Friday. Not necessarily in terms of impact, but efficiency. Whole days of meaningful work and personal interactions. As issues came up, I dealt with them what felt like effortlessly. Over the last year, I've been starting to have these every week. Not every day, but probably ~10/month. On those days, I'm orders of magnitude more effective than I ever was on Adderall. It's taken a TON of work to get to this point, as well as patience in letting the recovery/healing process play out. SO, I'd like to get some systems in place to regularly process and integrate higher time frame goals and priorities into my daily life. I bit the bullet and paid to work privately with an ADHD coach for the next six months. That's off to a good start. Expecting 2018 Moleskine calendar to be delivered shortly (I'm jonesing without it). At work, starting to upload client info to a CRM, which should mean I have less "stuff" to remember. Will see what comes out of this coaching. I know I'm on when I get out of bed and approach my day with alacrity and a sense of purpose, while remaining flexible enough to deal with things as they arise and even leave room to be spontaneous. : )

I'll join you, but it'll be my fifth in a row. Piece of cake ; )

BHN, that is truly incredible. Just think of where you'd be at if you never quit. Ph.D. is NO JOKE. SO proud of you and grateful you came here to share the news.

"This too shall pass." Cliche but true. Keep on keeping on. (damnit, another cliche).

We've emailed off and on. He def still sees donations, albeit sometimes takes him a few months. Think he's busy with other projects...a gift of getting and staying off Adderall for a long time. ; )

It happens. Glad it helped. Grateful for the community on here. : ) Every time I have felt hopeless over the last 4.5 years. Every. Time. Tremendous growth was just around the corner.