hyper_critical

May or may not be related to your quit. Go see a doctor! And be sure to tell him/her everything.

"On the hunt" for the perfect orgasm. I can identify. So can meth heads. Learning that's basically what doing meth is all about really helped put in perspective the degree of the problem I had. All these high and mighty reasons for taking Adderall...and then there was this. Honestly took a while for me to adjust to healthy sexual behavior after quitting. But so, SO worth it. Remember: "Don't be a meth head." https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/slide-past-the-faces-of-meth?utm_term=.nn23OEPWL#.npN4QJEm8

Some PHENOMENAL stuff here:

Hey Taylor, I'm heavily involved in AA. It's been an enormous help. I actually can't imagine my life without it at this point. I feared it was a cult, that I'd be hanging out with people who lived under a bridge, and it meant I'd be resigning myself of a life of just "holding on" with a kung-fu grip to sobriety and enduring a meager life. None of those things have been true, in my experience. I did more NA early on, and still go to a meeting every once in a while, but I've found "better sobriety" in AA (people really working a program). But that could just be the area I live in. The 12-step programs are very, very similar. It's just a question of where you feel more comfortable. I'd go to your first meeting, introduce yourself, put your hand up and share a couple minutes what brought you there, and I'm sure people will help you with the next step. I feel compelled to mention some people on here I really like and respect have a lot of clean time without doing a 12-step program. So I'm not here to evangelize for AA. But it's offered me the opportunity to live a second life, off Adderall, where I'm reaching my personal and professional goals (and then some) and changing into the man I am supposed to be. Good luck! David

Welcome to the forums! Wow, we have VERY similar stories. Youre in the right place. Read the articles and come back here often.

Ha nice TJ. I've been following Jocko for a while as well. 4:30AM COME GET SOME. Bit of a nutjob but I love it. StayFocused plugin is great. I activated the nuclear option for social media on my work computer years ago. Don't regret it at all: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/stayfocusd/laankejkbhbdhmipfmgcngdelahlfoji?hl=es Meditation is huge. The massive action approach is especially good if you have feelings of shame and remorse and fear and whatever else. Much better to put those things to work as motivation for making changes in your life. A trap you have to be aware of with that approach is you will inevitably slip at some point. This has happened with me and just about every guy I work with IRL. If your sense of self worth/ego is all wrapped up in "Everything's great because I'm doing this and maybe even I'm better than other people who aren't," it can be a crushing blow when that happens. The key is to not let that derail you and to get back on the horse, or "a" horse really. I did that hardcore massive action thing for pretty much my entire second year. Brother was living with me. We meditated every morning, hit the gym, ate perfectly, etc, and it was great. Some of those things have stuck, some haven't, some have evolved over time. And I think that's exactly what's supposed to happen. Learning to act despite how we feel is a HUGE part of recovery from Adderall addiction.

A lot of procrastination is fear based. For me, what it comes down to is I’m usually unsure of what my next step is. Once I zoom out and can break things down into a series of straightforward smaller steps (sometimes as simple as “look up xyz’s phone number, call xyz,” etc), I can then usually start plugging away at them. Otherwise, I’m overwhelmed by this sense of generalized anxiety or doom. Earlier on in my recovery, I had to ask for a lot of help doing things that “normal” people would consider routine. Thankfully, I got ok with asking for help early and often. It gets A LOT better with time, even if it may not feel like it. Lot of good books on the topic out there and its first cousin, perfectionism. But if you’re like me, you’ll buy the books, read the first seven pages, then procrastinate on reading the rest. ; )

Fuck yeah indeed.

Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear that. Go back and read your old posts. You have about a zero % chance of being able to moderate use, and it won't work the way you hope anyway. Hopefully this path you're on now doesn't kill you. I was at the funeral Wednesday night of my 30-year old friend who wasn't so lucky. I had a similar run in with my pdoc around 2-2.5 years. Thank God I had these forums and people IRL to talk me off the edge. "I honestly don't know what's going to happen." That's bullshit. Whether you ask for Adderall again or not is YOUR CHOICE. Sack up and cut yourself off. You're starting to slip into a victim/addict's mentality. You're better than that. Get back on the horse. To Everyone Else - if you're struggling, come here and share about it BEFORE you do something stupid.

Many on here can relate to feeling great in the first month or two off Adderall, thinking they are in the clear, and then getting blindsided by the kinds of feelings you're describing, myself included. It's great you came here to share about it. Just a quick note to say there is absolutely light at the end of the tunnel.

"Anhedonia." It goes away. That and PAWS though can be a real mind-F early on. Life is awesome. Keep after it, and take it easy on yourself. : )

Awesome, Tom23Jones! Couldn't have said it better myself. Also, I accidentally lit my car on fire. Passing out after being up a week, chain smoking, put a cigarette out in the heaping ash tray of my car that was filled with papers and trash and went to bed, only the cigarette wasn't out. Wasn't exactly engaged, living life to the fullest the way my deranged brain was telling me...

I can't explain them but had them...bad at times. Took 4-6 months clean and went away.

It's great that you posted what you're going through at four months. Coming here when you're struggling is always a good call. Wellbutrin can help smooth out (but certainly not eliminate) the ups and downs we inevitably go through re-acquainting ourselves with the world off Adderall. I've seen it work for people. Keep on keepin' on. : )

Welcome to the forums. You're in the right place. Check out the articles on this site and keep coming back.

Welcome to the forums. You're in the right place. Check out the articles and plan your quit. You can do this. And though it may seem daunting, an amazing freedom is on the other side.

Resentment is a bitch. I used to be the same way, and can still get that way if I'm not careful. Don't have to be working a 12-step program to appreciate this quote. I've found it's more and more true the longer I'm clean.

Yes, which I'm happy to share more privately. Honestly, one of the things I'm most grateful for is having honest relationships with other people who have gotten to know the "real" me, and the self-acceptance that's required to be vulnerable enough to form meaningful relationships. In many ways, I had been running from myself my entire life. I was never good enough, and Adderall was the perfect tool to mask that. I'm no longer afraid of being "found out." This has given me freedom beyond what I knew was possible, allowing me to pursue personal and professional aspirations that used to be mere pipe dreams, despite my academic and early professional success while on Adderall (which quickly fell apart as my use crossed that magic line). I'm doing some pretty big things now, showing up for life and other people like I was never capable of before. And, though it doesn't feel like it all the time, and I'm certainly still my biggest critic, I'm clearly operating at a level FAR above where I was on Adderall. It's taken time and persistence...getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable. Oh and falling on my face a couple times.

I've seen Wellbutrin help.

Gotcha. Sorry to hear that. Ohhh doctors...if we've learned anything from our experience with Adderall and doctors (both before getting on and after), you've got advocate for yourself even/especially with medical professionals. FWIW, had an enormous rebound around six months, and then another level shift higher in my second year. People on here who got into regular exercise seem to have shorter physical recovery times. I've only gotten back into it the last 18 months or so and it's having a dramatic impact.

Awesome post. Should be turned into an article that's fixed to the home page.

If you haven't already, bring it up to your doctor and get blood work done.

Yes. Had serious adrenal/thyroid issues towards the end of my use. Completely gone now. Quit and stay quit.

I pound 2-4 cases of seltzer/week. Maybe that's the secret...

Let them know that after you've been off it for a year or two. I know Tony Robbins's work well. I still use some of it. Same with Psycho Cybernetics, which is arguably the original and still the best visualization/feeling-state handbook. Big fan. But I think he's dead wrong on addiction. I'm glad you're feeling so good early on. I hope it sticks. But no big deal if it doesn't. Your priority should be staying clean regardless of how you feel. Who cares about making big predictions for the future? What's the big need to evangelize to people that they can recover immediately, which flies in the face of all scientific evidence, my experience, and the experience of dozens I know on here and in real life? I mean, I'm wired to do that as well, as are many of us with ADD. I've found it much more effective to set goals, a vision, and to break them down and live to the best of my ability one day at a time. And for what it's worth, this is coming from someone who has a lot to show for his four and a half years clean. Stay humble so you don't have to get humbled. Stay close to these forums and we'll be here when you need support. In the mean time, make hay when the sun shines! Enjoy your new life clean, and please keep sharing about it. All the best with your new position. Also, throw that bottle of Adderall out. It's unoriginal. Many on the forums here have kept some around early on with some BS rationalization. Whether it becomes a problem or not down the road is irrelevant. It's low hanging fruit.