hyper_critical

Just e-mailed Mike. Thanks for the heads up.

Good for you. Lot of relapse stories on here start with Phentermine. Consider keto for a few months. Jump started me and I dropped 40 pounds in a couple months and kept it off. https://www.reddit.com/r/keto/

Maybe. These boards are littered with people who rationalized their way back into trying it again and had terrible results. What a gift. Get after it. Everyone has problems. I guarantee you'll still have problems. Life is about the quality of your problems. The only quote I have posted up at my office comes from Felix Adler: "The purpose of man's life is not happiness but worthiness." Find something meaningful and work at it. Great job getting this far. Keep on truckin'!

Update: The revelatory "high" after getting out wore off (Pink Cloud 2.0), I experienced some agita, and now I think I'm in a period of synthesis where I am growing and becoming an even better version of myself than I could have hoped for in early recovery. Keto/Carnivore for weeks now, at my lowest weight in two years. Business on fire. Operating at a new level cognitively. By this, I don't mean getting off talking at people. I mean processing and articulating ideas with equanimity in an effective way. Big fan of Jordan Peterson's new book. Getting off and staying off Adderall is SO hard. But if you can stick it out through those first couple years, tremendous growth is possible.

Absolutely. It's funny though - the parts I was worried about giving up are parts now I realize were REALLY offputting to people. They like me a lot more now. And I've learned I'm FAR more effective in business and my personal life actually engaging with people, not just talking at/over them. For sure. Meditation helps. But re-orienting outside the cycle of jacked up then crashing is difficult. For me, it's had far-reaching implications, from how I eat, sleep, activity, etc. Takes a lot of trial and error and working through frustration. But that means you're on the right path! I'd say for a lot of us, I had to give up the illusion that I could control who I'd become on the other side of all this. And THANK GOD, because I'm becoming a man far better than I would have been if things had worked out the way I "planned."

One year is huge. Your second year is at least as big, in different ways. Every time you feel hopeless, tremendous growth is just around the corner. There's a little on my progression in this post... Keep after it!

From your post, it's clear you're in the grips of amphetamine addiction. Number one priority for you should be to stop and stay stopped. If you can't seem to do that on your own, I advise enlisting the help of professionals. Everything else is just conversation. The longer you stay mired in this cycle, you'll find those goals you're worried about reaching get farther and farther away, the time between binges will continue to shorten, and there's a very real risk of psychosis or death. You've crossed the line into dependence. Once pickled, never a cucumber. You'll never been able to take Adderall "as prescribed" or once in a blue moon again. The sooner you understand that...to your core...the sooner you can get on with recovering from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I've been there. It's terrifying. Your best friend has turned on you. But you need to accept that and summon the will to do something radical to save your life. Good luck.

Yes, I've been in your position. I went to rehab. You're addicted to speed. Act accordingly.

I'll be there for a conference last weekend of July/beginning of August. Would be glad to meet up. PM me if interested.

Yes. Been completely sober since I quit. Was five years in April. Many people on here and IRL who have Adderall issues then have issues drinking. Many of them swear they don't have a problem with booze or anything else, until they've inflicted much pain upon themselves and others for years afterward. Some only have an issue with Adderall, and can drink normally after quitting. If you've been hooked on/abused Adderall, and now think you have a problem with booze, you way more than likely do, and would benefit from staying sober. That's my experience and what I've seen from observing dozens IRL and a few on here.

Do early recovery "right" this time and you'll never have to do it again. There is zero risk of over-treating yourself early on.

I just got back from Breakthrough at Caron. One of the most powerful experiences of my life. Worth every penny. I couldn’t suggest going any stronger, especially if you’ve got some time (at least 1-2 years, so you know what you’re dealing with isn’t just PAWS) and are dealing with lingering issues. I’ve just learned that many of mine are emotional and not related to ADD, and have clarity on what I need to work on going forward. I’m no longer punching at shadows. I am SO full of hope right now. https://www.caron.org/our-programs/breakthrough-at-caron

Addiction robs us of our free will. The intellectual framework is pretty clear in my mind. It takes persistence and a lot of internal work to regain your "agency" after you quit. But it's SO worth it.

Sorry to hear you're struggling, Q1. Keep after it. "This too shall pass."

Just beyond those feelings of hopelessness and being overwhelmed is tremendous growth. But you've got to see them through. Get back on the horse.

Far from it. You're just starting to come alive.

That "word salad" is brutal. It gets significantly better. Brain's just figuring out new neural pathways and occasionally misfires. I'm no neurologist but I think that's what's happening. I joined Toastmasters about 18 months ago and it's really helped. .

Danquit - Be extra vigilant these next few weeks. There is a tradition on here and IRL of people having a slip, aggressively and immediately claiming “it was stupid and no big deal and a learning experience and it’ll have been a good thing etc” Maybe. But on some level you've reactivated that neural pathway, regardless of your ex-ante intention or ex-post rationalization. You’re vulnerable right now. Sounds like you are processing and I’m glad you came here to share about it but my point stands: be careful.

To My Beloved QA Community, On Friday, I had 5 years off Adderall. Kind of hard to believe. I've now been off Adderall (and all other substances) almost as long as I used it. Instead of a magnum opus, see below for some of my favorite posts. This process is hard. Quitting and staying quit has to be THE number 1 priority in your life to get through the early stages. Thank you to Mike for creating this site and showing me I wasn't alone. Thank you to the members of the forums who have been on here since I joined who, at critical times, reminded me there was no way I could go back to using Adderall successfully. And thank you to the newcomers on here. By sharing our experience, we get far more out of it than you do. My life today is insanely good, and THANK GOD it didn't go the way I "planned" early on, have real, intimate friendships, am close with my family, own a business that's on fire, do meaningful, fulfilling work, and have a relationship with a power greater than myself that relieves me of the neurotic, self-sabotaging insanity that Adderall put into turbo drive on a daily basis if I"m willing to reach out and ask for help. To those of you who are out there still struggling: There is a way out. You don't have to live like this anymore. It all starts with getting some time away from the drug. By any means necessary. Every time I've felt hopeless the last five years, EVERY TIME, enormous growth was waiting just around the corner. I love you all. - David

That's awesome, Sean. Also, we have the same anniversary! ; ) Thank God (and Mike) for this website...

So well said. That's the key. Staying quit is SO much easier once you understand this to your core.

How would you know? Cut the BS. If you want to rationalize going back on the drug, feel free. But that's a pretty lame and demonstrably wrong excuse. You're 20 years old. Stick with it now. You have your whole life in front of you.

For you and others out there, I think this is important. Took a little while but this deep-rooted fear that I wouldn't be able to have a fulfilling sex life was very real. And nonsense. I was also worried about job performance. I took a year out (thank you unemployment) and eased back into it. I'm now absolutely crushing it at work (really started to kick in year 3) and am operating at a higher and more effective cognitive level than ever before. Turns out I trusted what people said on here about my cognitive abilities coming back at some point. I just didn't want to give up the high associated with neurotic self-obsession/"thinking." That INSANE inner monologue is gone. Haven't thought about that in a while. THANK GOD. Both of these things can be yours off Adderall. Just takes time and work.

At some point, Adderall stops working, and then you're basically fucked. We often chase that hopelessness into the gates of insanity or death. I lived the way you describe for 12-18 months. Nearly killed me. Several times. Not including the scores of times I drove passing out at the wheel. I'll have five years clean April 13th. Not going to sugar coat it: Going to whatever lengths necessary to get off Adderall, and for you probably booze and other drugs, is BY FAR the most important thing you can do for yourself right now. Strongly consider inpatient rehab. Ask for help from friends or family to organize it if need be. Good luck.