ashley6

We talked about the day calculator awhile back. Good idea asking Mike.

I completely relate to what you're saying. My ex boyfriend I was with for 4 years had to put up with so much. At the time, neither of us knew it was the adderall making me crazy. I blamed him for all of our problems, not that he was perfect, but I (on adderall) was mostly responsible for sabotaging that relationship. I found the closure I needed once I realized this. Thanks for posting this. It's so true.

Please do! I'd love a buddy to join, and if 12 miles is too much, set a differen goal for yourself...yaay!

I just made a goal today that I'm going to spend 12 miles on the treadmill every week, at least. It helps my mood substantially and gives me much more energy. I'm posting this here to hold myself accountable

Leila, First of all you're not pathetic. It's the drug having control over you that is causing you to be that way. You're a self-proclaimed addict, as most of us on here are, and I know I could never do the step down method, because I didn't control the pills. The pills controlled me....ALL of me. I didn't exist anymore outside of adderall. I understand your concern quitting cold turkey, and doctors do suggest that, but not for addicts. That's like telling an alcoholic to just have one drink a day....they can't because they're powerless, as are we. Maybe this humiliation you're experiencing with your husband was a blessing in disguise, because it showed you just how powerless you are over adderall. No wonder you had a meltdown stopping klonopin, adderall, and Lexapro all at the same time. You're never, ever supposed to go cold turkey off or benzos, as it's dangerous to your health. Quitting adderall most definitely brings on anxiety and depression but there's no physical danger to cold turkey it, so maybe you could just keep in close contact with your doctor and have your husband monitor your mental well-being if you decide to quit adderall. Your story of begging him for the pills brought me back to my addiction like it was yesterday, and I quit 10 months ago. There's nothing like that desperation for more pills....and it doesn't let up until you feed it....until you quit. I feel your pain. It's terrifying. I was a mess right before I quit. The pain of continuing with adderall was worse than the fear of quitting, and that's when I knew it was time. No part of it was easy or fun, but necessary because my life was falling apart. I'm not trying to shift this my story, I just want you to know you're not alone. Maybe you've been given the gift of desperation. That's what gave me the nudge I needed to quit. You don't deserve to live in misery. Although it's HARD, life is much better on the other side. I wish you the best....keep posting!!!

I'm heading into work so not a lot of time, but I'm sooooooo happy for you! I knew you could do it, but now YOU know that YOU can do it, adderall-free. Sending you a virtual high five.

Everyone has given you great advice above. There's nothing I disagree with that has been said. It's very concerning to me the pedestal you put adderall on. Your post started out as advocating adderall. I strongly agree with everyone above that getting away from living with people using is so important, maybe necessary. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but all of us on this site know how hard quitting is, even after cutting off our doctor access and/or "dealers." I wish you the best, and you CAN quit, if it's what you truly want. Life gets so much better on the other side of addiction.

Heather, I'm really happy to see your attitude turn around....sooo happy! I also wanted to say something about klonopin. I've been on it for years now, and it still makes me sleepy, to the point where I can sleep for hours on end , so that could definitely be playing a part in just wanting to sleep. It does take the edge off for sure. Keep posting, woman....proud of you!

Heather, I have been concerned about you too, like quit-once, and thinking I haven't seen you much on the site. Do you think your desire to go back to adderall hell and not actively posting on here have any correlation? My thought is if someone is planning a relapse, there's not a lot you can say to stop it. Your addiction is talking (more like screaming expletives at you) now, and I really hope you choose not to listen to it. I give you props for coming here and being honest, and I sincerely hope you choose to stick to sobriety. We've seen you evolve into someone who has a full understanding of what addiction robs from you: body, mind, and spirit, and I'm curious as well as to what changed. Have you gotten to any meetings? Please fill us in.

Searching soul, I just want to point out how glad I am to see you being positive. It's really a great thing seeing people overcoming this addiction, and it becomes really obvious even through posts, when the natural self starts coming back. It's not fun, I know, but I just wanted to point it out, because sometimes you don't even notice it in yourself.

My PMS made me the bitchiest bitch EVER this month. I feel your pain

And the quote from one of his doctor's, "This is about substance abuse. Not ADHD." Really?!!

He's a heart surgeon who went to Harvard undergrad and and the University of Pennsylvania Medical School. I don't think that sounds like the case to me, but I don't know, quit-once. He was pretty adamant against, not adderall, but adderall being prescribed to people without ADHD, and the huge rise in prescriptions being written. He brought on a specialist who's spent like 30 years studying ADHD, and covered all the bases on how dangerous this can be when people are being prescribed without actually having ADHD....and of course abuse. Doesn't sound like an adderall advocate to me, but I only saw that one episode.

Yes, Heather the episode I saw was the young guy whose parents begged the doctors to stop prescribing him to no avail, because he was delusional and exhibited all the signs of adderall psychosis and ended up committing suicide. It was heart-wrenching, and I kept thinking....that could've been me. I think this story has been talked about on the site.

I forgot about our "meeting" tonight, and now my chat isn't working anyway....danggggg.

I don't miss the bloodshot eyes or dilated pupils either. I think that probably only happens when you abuse it hardcore, but I look back at pictures and my pupils were the size of my eyeball....and I thought I was getting away with looking normal..yikes!

Are you sure it's not always been that way? Mine kind of does that, but only a little and not that noticeable. It's been that way since I was little. Maybe a little bit hypochondriasis 😉

Congrats Lea and Cat!

Searchingsoul, That's great news you found a new therapist. My therapist does cognitive behavioral therapy as well. I've been seeing her for a year. It's pretty much like LilTex said...teaching new ways to cope with your feelings. It's not about WHY we are the way we are, it's about moving forward and changing the unhealthy thinking patterns. You'll have to talk about your feeling, sure, but a good therapist will learn how to help you feel comfortable. Give him/her a chance to get to know you and be as open as you can. I'm really, really happy you found one. I hope it's a good fit for you! I text my counselor sometimes when I'm having a bad day or need advice on something, and she's there for me. She's a major part of my support system. Let us know how it goes.

InRecovery, This wasn't today's episode, but it was very interesting. Thanks for posting.

I should've never looked at those spiders! OMG.

I'm feeling a lot better actually. Spent a few days down and out. Thanks, InRecovery. I watched the first part of Dr. Oz before work with the family who lost their son, but I'm going home to watch the rest of it.

Since we're talking about dogs, I thought I'd post this. We could use this dog in adderall recovery

Dr. Oz today is about adderall abuse. Just thought I'd let you all know, if you're interested.

Good point. The weather here is brutal right now. It's 36 and windy...not like I can go play outside.