ashley6

What better way to get over a phobia of something than by doing it and addressing it at the same time? Great point!

MFA, What I said about InRecovery's post, I meant about yours. I for some reason thought he said all of that stuff. I'm so grateful to have you on this site. You know exactly what to say somehow. InRecovery, I still like you, and your post was good too I'm confusing myself.

InRecovery, You just made my night. Those are some kind words. Isn't this sight made for stalking? I know your story from start to finish as well After listening to some of the speeches in the class, some talking about abuse as a child, to losing a loved one to suicide, I have gotten teary-eyed and left remembering those speeches the most. I agree with you Rev and Rush. I wanted to hug those people for having the guts to talk about that stuff and almost fighting back tears. I think I will discuss it. It doesn't seem real if I don't include it. That's an excellent idea going through my posts, I hadn't thought of that! I received nothing but positivity by talking about it before, and left with a sense of empowerment. Ok, I'm including it.

Ok, so my first speech is Friday, in my public speaking class. I'm starting to think about what I'm going to talk about. It's called this I believe.... We're supposed to talk about principles and beliefs that guide our lives and maybe events that have led us to our belief system. You know if I was on adderall I wouldn't even have principles or belief systems, because all I gave a shit about was my next pill. I'm so nervous, but at the same time I think this is a great speech to start with considering my circumstances. I'm debating on whether my abuse issue should be addressed, because I truly have changed who I am and what I believe having gone through all of that. I'm debating on whether you all think this is too personal for a speech class where I don't know anyone? Any public speaking tips would be greatly appreciated too. What are your thoughts?

I've deemed it quittingadderall.com acceptable.

InRecovery, You're doing it big! Keep up the hard work and take a fucking nap if you need to

My thoughts on power naps are hell freaking yes. I think I overdo my napping, but they can be really helpful in restarting your engine. I get what you're saying about them not being socially acceptable, because somehow it equals laziness to some people. Power naps or speed? I'll choose power naps.

I don't think the option or being given the option of an antidepressant is nearly as worrisome as her thinking adderall is no big deal, assuming she knows your history.

Your first paragraph really struck me. Not to be hard on you, but you've been too busy to see your shrink when you've been very depressed and struggling with anxiety? This is your life, and nobody is going to take of yourself before you. My counselor pointed this out to me, and I've noticed it in myself. She said something like it's amazing the pain we'll put ourselves through, without being proactive about it. I'm glad you finally went, but you sound like a chronic worrier, like me, so take care of your health, so the rest of your life can be as peaceful as possible.

"Keep walking around naked. Your neighbors are into it." I'm on it

This made me smile...thanks for posting.

I'm definitely one to advocate quitting the minute your mind is even considering it, because it's way too easy for time to fly by before you realize you want to quit again, but you do sound like you're in a difficult situation to quit. It's never going to be easy, ever, but how about Spring Break? It's coming up soon, and it will give you a week to crash, and although it's not peachy by any means after that, it's a week to get this poison out of your system.

Congratulations on 4 weeks adderall-free! That's a big accomplishment. Here's to another 4, and another 4, and another 4, and another 4, and another....you get my drift

By the way, you guys are awesome. You are so supportive, and I'm a "virtual" stranger. I really appreciate all of your kind words.

I've been MIA this weekend because it was so busy, but the first thing I did every morning is catch up on my quitting crew....and throughout the day and night, , just didn't have time to post The guy was a douche, but I had one of the best weekend I've had in ages. Conquered my fear of flying (I don't know about conquered, but I did it!!!), and had some fun adventures with my family. Truly living again feels so good

Mktiara, Unfortunately you've crossed the line to abuse, and you can expect to see red dots every day until you quit. We are powerless to this addiction. I was taking a lot of adderall when I quit, but quitting cold turkey was the only option for me. Once the line is crossed into addiction, adderall becomes in control, no longer us, no matter how badly we want to be. Your post about migraines and going to an NBA game and not enjoying it reminded of me right before I quit. I went to an Elton John concert one of the last days that I was using, and I was so worried about passing out and feeling anxious that I couldn't fully enjoy it. I used to get those terrible migraines where nothing would help, besides sleep, but I couldn't sleep because I was so amped up. I haven't had a single migraine like that since I quit. Have you reached a point where you just feel the cons are outweighing the pros? You're going to have reservations about quitting until you actually quit, but I think right now is the best possible time while at this moment you're realizing how this shit is keeping you from truly living. It's worth it! You're worth it.

I knew I could count on you guys to make me feel better. I definitely plan on it being a one time thing anyway. I live in Indiana, and I'm in Texas. Cassie, that's a great quality your husband has, and it's one I'd love to have, because we're all just people, but I'd be starstruck with an ex-NFL coach, because I'm a huge football fan He definitely could be a huge douche for all I know, a very good-looking douche. It's not even going to be one-on-one, because I'll be with my family, so I can totally ignore him if I want. Thanks so much for the support and advice, you guys!!

I'm so happy to be in recovery, but I've realized how nerve-wracking it is. I'm still working on gaining my confidence back, and it's tough. I flew on a plane for the first time in 13 years yesterday, and it felt amazing to stop avoiding my fears, even though I was a nervous wreck. Tonight I'm supposed to go on a date with a guy that went to Harvard. Harvard? Seriously, I feel so inferior like what am I going to talk about? I was a drugged out mess for the last 6 years. I think only experience is going to get my confidence level back, so I just have to face my fears. Any feedback would be great!

Oh really? I must have missed it?

You're absolutely right, accepting and acknowledging that some days are just plain shitty is not bad in itself. In fact, I think it's pretty healthy thinking, because it makes you appreciate the good days, and remember that the bad ones do pass. The difference between that and "I just want adderall" is important. Putting adderall on a pedestal it doesn't deserve is my point. It's like getting out of a super unhealthy relationship, but only remembering the good times. "Yeah, he was abusive and cheated on me, but he could be so sweet when he wasn't doing those things." Adderall can be so manipulative in our thinking in that way.

Use everything in you to stop that line of thinking. It's dangerous. One thing about addicts is we are incredibly creative in finding ways to feed our addiction. You're romanticizing adderall, and quite frankly you're not going to solve your problems with the thing that created them in the first place. I HAD to stop myself from feeding those thoughts, and I still do 10 months later, because it's only going to lead to...adderall is all that I need to be happy. Addiction can suck it. Hang in there, ladies. I understand it's rough, but you're doing this thing! Keep it up.

Just what I needed this morning....thought I'd share.

My guess is a lot probably continue to use after posting, but I know one girl who used to post here all the time, doesn't anymore, but I remain in contact with her every once in awhile, and she's still clean and doing great. I would guess she's the exception to the rule, but like quit-once said, I guess we'll never know due to the anonymous nature of the site. I don't think it's any different than AA or NA. Some stay, some go.

This is a perfect example of why we have to become responsible for our recovery. I think it's absolutely doctor's responsibility to be more aware of what they're prescribing, but unfortunately many aren't. I think if we took a poll here if we had known the risks of this medication before taking it, we wouldn never have started. I know I wouldn't have. We all learned the hard way. I take responsibility for abusing the drug, but if the ease of getting prescribed hadn't been there, I think things would've been much different.

Very interesting. As they say at the end of every AA meeting, "keep coming back. It works if you work it," seems to be relevant to this site too. It's our own little program of recovery.