ashley6

I wish I had some advice for you, but I just want to encourage you and remind you you're doing a great thing. Honestly, you'll probably be way more "with it," even if it is a PAWS days versus being tweaked out. Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

I can also relate. It gets so exhausting going through that every month, and before you know it a year has gone by. This stuff takes a major toll on your body, especially if you're having all of those side effects. Try to muster the strength to just quit while you're contemplating it and don't ever forget what's on that list. That list is important as a reminder of the hell adderall has put you in.

MFA, You quit Ambien right around the same time as adderall, right? I'd be willing to bet your body is dealing with withdrawal from that as well. Good for you for kicking both right away. I'm not looking forward to withdrawals from klonopin, after my doctor and I discuss tapering, because insomnia is a definite side effect.

That's a pretty good analogy of how it feels when quitting. You MUST take care of yourself, sleep as much as you can, and do whatever it takes to get through the day without a pill. Don't feel guilty about what you can't do throughout the day for right now. You're recovering, just as you would if you had a physical illness. In all reality, do you really think you were truly "present" to help your girlfriend when using? Getting off adderall will increase your empathy and general awareness of people around you tenfold. Fight through it. It gets better!

Hang in there, InRecovery!

MFA, You always know just what to say to make me feel better. Seriously, you're the bomb. I don't think anyone says that anymore, but you get it

I find it funny we all seem to like these shows with messed up people with messed up lives. I'm sure it's purely coincidence

It's not a continuation of the same story. It's based at a psych ward. Some of the same characters are still on there, but they're not who they were last season. You should give it a shot, it's still fucked up! Interesting piece of information. One of the writers on American Horror is also a writer for Glee. Talk about a leap.

I've worked my way through season 2 almost. I agree with Kyle, study for a set time, then reward yourself. When I was back in class last semester, I would have to make myself sit there for even a half an hour. It's hard after being out of the game, but I have a feeling you'll do just fine!

American Horror Story season 1 is awesome! Season 2 is ehhh...good, but not nearly as good as 1. Enjoy!

Today has not been a good day. I have barely gotten out of bed, and I'm so blah! I guess this could be a PAWS day or maybe I'm just sad. Either way, I don't miss these kind of days AT ALL. This too shall pass.

Cassie and MFA, Those are awesome stories of how you met your husbands! One-night stand" and Craigslist.

Neversaynever, Well said. That reminds me of a quote I have on my phone as a reminder "it's ok to be happy with a calm life." It's easy to confuse the calm and boredom when quitting adderall.

Congratulations on quitting and welcome to the site. One thing I do have to say is addiction isn't about control or power. I respect that you don't feel you're actually accomplishing anything if you don't flush the pills, but one thing I know is my addict brain doesn't have the rationale, self-control, or common sense that my sober brain has. I wouldn't keep the pills on hand, but some people on this site have done that. Just my two cents. Good luck and God bless.

Lea, I've never heard of a doctor doing that. Is it just to hold you accountable? What are the consequences of random drug screens? I'm just curious, because I find that interesting.

My dad is already working on setting me up on a date with a guy he knows from Houston when I go visit in a couple weeks. I was debating, but now I'm like why the hell not?! It could be fun, and executive box seats to an NBA game...heck yeah! I need to watch this "Happy" you're all speaking of.

Dogs are the best!

Thanks for the advice everyone. You definitely make some valid points. I want to do the quote thing, but it just does weird stuff on my phone. So, sky, I think what you're saying makes complete sense. My thinking is much healthier in terms of being honest with myself. It certainly isn't a black and white situation at all. The closing people out of my life and forgetting about them is what I did on adderall. I can't live life like that anymore. MFA, I'd definitely fall in love with an Aussie! Who wouldn't?! If I were gay or bi Your advice is awesome. I really think this is as perfect a time as any to start meeting new people and learning about them. I do LOVE listening to people. More of a listener than a talker. That's so cool what you experienced moving to NYC! I think that's some of the best advice I could've gotten, so you've still got it! Thank you. Going to do my best to not let myself sulk on it for too long. I don't think I can pull away right away, but I will work on it. I always know I can depend on my fellow quitters

Last night was a pretty big test on dealing with my emotions rather than stuffing them and popping a pill like I did for so long. I've been in a relationship (maybe pseudo relationship) on and off with a guy for 2.5 years. I've known the entire time that our futures are different. He's 43, I'm 28. He's never been married, doesn't have plans to be, and wants to travel the world. I want to get married and have kids sometime in the future. Throughout our relationship, every 6 months or so, we'll have these unplanned talks about where things stand with us. Last night was the first conversation I've had with him about our relationship since I've gotten off of adderall. I think I've been avoiding it, because I've worried I wouldn't be strong enough to deal with my own emotions on the issue. Last night it came up, and I was surprised that I was actually able to express myself and how I feel without clamming up and feeling irrelevant like I used to. I keep wondering why I've stuck around for something that is going nowhere. Love isn't enough in this situation, and I even wonder if it's love, or a security blanket, ironically, because there's not much security with him at all. I have so much to offer someone, but I'm so scared of moving on at the same time. Today I dealt with it like a "normal" person, I discussed how I was feeling with him, went to the gym, and cried while listening to sappy songs. I guess I'm just asking if anyone has any advice on how to move on. I guess it's kind of how I felt when getting off of adderall. What if I'm not strong enough to handle this? A part of me doesn't want to let go. What if life isn't better on the other side? Fear has ruled me for too long, and I truly want to be the strong, independent woman I know I can be, but dammit this is hard. Any advice or thoughts would be lovely.

Lea, Way to go, girl! That was the scariest step for me, so huge kudos for being honest. There's something liberating about telling your doctor not to prescribe you anymore to cut off that access, ironically. Very, very, very happy for you. What's this about random drug screens?

Yes, Cassie. I still have the day-at-a-time mentality, because that's what works for me, but I was keeping track of days up until a couple of months ago. Feels pretty good!

I love this quote and found it quite relevant for us. "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." -Martin Luther King, Jr. Here's to faith in our recovery!

Rach, Occasional gave you some good advice when she said talk to your professor. I did exactly that last semester after failing my first sociological theory exam. I met him in his office, told him exactly what was going on, I didn't know how to study again after recently recovering from an addiction to adderall, and I was really concerned. He was very helpful, and eased my worries, and reminded me that I could come talk to him anytime I had any trouble. That's what he was there for (like Occasonial said). I ended up doing just fine in the course, and it felt really good to be proactive in my recovery.

Yes, you're right. I guess the feeling of imperfection adderall gave us is more accurate. I spent my days smoking cigarettes, avoiding people, having panic attacks, playing games on my phone until 3-4 am, and being a paranoid mess. I was the definition of imperfection. The abuse of the drug is mostly based on the honeymoon stage that lasted a year at best....wow, that's messed up. Talk about chasing the dragon.

I just realized how repetitive my last post was. Oops. No longer am I focused on changing a sentence a million times to make it perfect, obviously I'll take imperfection. InRecovery, perfect emoticon.