ashley6

I just found out last night that yesterday was my 9 month adderall-free mark. I usually count the days until another month, but I actually lost track this month. Cassie, I think you mentioned you started to do this later in your recovery. I wish I could say things have been easy. They have not. Things get easier, but it's a damn slow process. Working on recovery from addiction has taught me many, many things, but patience is one that stands out. I've always been an instant gratification type person, and it's interesting how getting clean has overlapped into other aspects of my life. I'm consistently more patient. Do I want to feel healed and cured from this addiction without thinking of adderall ever? Hell to the yes, but that's not realistic, and I'm okay with that. I still think of adderall every day, but I don't expect that to go away soon. I can deal with the thoughts. Seeing so many people coming to this site newly clean makes me sad for them going through the hellish recovery, but is a great reminder of where I was and how I've grown. You all on this site have been truly amazing, and I feel like we have a family here, as weird as that sounds. This is my thank you. I'm trying to figure out what my next steps are in life, but I don't know right now. I'm heading in the right direction and that's what matters most. I think it's time to get out of my comfort zone and start doing things that I've avoided for so long. Scary? Yes, but I can do that, right?! 9 MONTHS :)

"It's not about finding out who you are, it's about creating who you are." Love that. This is great, thanks for sharing.

Whoami, I'm a big advocate of counseling (for those who feel they need it). I see my counselor once a week, used to be twice a week until recently, and she's been a godsend. Finding the right one can be difficult, so asking other people for suggestions is the way to go. Other than this site, she is my go-to for everything. I can text her anytime I need anything. I started going for adderall addiction, but also because I knew there was a lot going on mentally that led up to using adderall to self-medicate---specifically, anxiety and depression off and on my whole life. I highly suggest it, if it's something you're open to. All the best, Ashley

Synergistic, I remember coming to this site 8 months ago in your state of mind. I was miserable, planning my days around how much I'd make at work, and when my dealer would be free. I knew his work schedule so we'd meet multiple times a week after my Rx ran out (usually only lasted a week and a half). It's so exhausting and just a miserable way to live. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's also terrifying to think of giving it up, but just take the plunge. I agree with InRecovery--cut off your suppliers and doctors. For me, it was the only way I felt I could do it. Give life adderall-free a chance, because living for your next fix really isn't living at all. A lot of us have been in your shoes, you're not alone. Stay connected to this site. It's a true lifeline.

Hahahaha. That. Is. Hilarious.

You make such a good point. I've realized what a facade Facebook can be. People, including myself, only show what's good in their lives. No one would ever know what I was going through based on Facebook, and I can only assume it's the same for most people. Everyone has their own struggles, maybe not addiction, but life isn't perfect. It's way too easy to fall into the mindset that everybody has their shit together. If they do, great, but comparing ourself to others, could absolutely be detrimental. Most of my friends are married, have good jobs, and are beginning to start families. I've caught myself comparing myself to that, but I've started to accept that I have to focus on being in the best place I can be.....great advice, motivation follows action!

Fight.this, Congratulations on quitting. That's huge, and your fear of failure without adderall is completely normal, especially after recently quitting. Some of your fears are founded. It does make it more difficult to do things that you associate adderall with making you successful, and there's a legitimate concern there; however, I think much more of it is the belief that adderall makes you successful. I started adderall my sophomore year of college, and I thought it was what was missing my whole life. I can tell you that looking back on my grades in college, they actually were only good the first year of adderall use. I thought I was a freaking genius while using adderall, but looking back my grades weren't even good, and my grades slowly got worse. It was that false sense of confidence that adderall brought on that kept me using and brought me to being a full-blown adderall addict. I ended up not even graduating because of my addiction, after lying to my family for a year telling them I did graduate. This is not who I am, but it became who I was on adderall....a liar that was too busy being string out to finish college (the whole reason I started adderall in the first place). I'm telling you my story to let it be a lesson to you. You didn't specify if you were abusing adderall, but if you were, it will only get worse when starting again. I'm here 8 years later trying to clean up the pieces of my life that fell apart due to my adderall abuse: college, reestablishing relationships I let fall apart with the ones I love most, and trying to figure out who I am again. You can do it without adderall. It's scary, but it's even scarier having to clean up the mess of adderall addiction. I wish you the very best. Message me anytime.

hahaha. this is hilarious. not only would you analyze and re-analyze it again and again and again and...., but you'd never see the humor in the situation. thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas!

Those first 30 days+ are awful and a big blur for me. My heart goes out to you. You've been there so you know what it entails, but good for you for doing this! I wish you the very best.

Welcome to the site davemeyers! Merry Christmas, and we're happy to have you here! Best wishes in your journey.

Can you fill us in a little more on what's going on?

60 days....congratulations! I agree with you that quitting adderall is enough...for now. I'm just now considering getting off of klonopin, 8 months later. It has benefited me in quitting, due to the extreme anxiety. So everything in due time. You'll know when the time is right.

I think it's a great idea putting it in "writing," so you'll stick to your word. I'm so lazy when it comes to working out. I'll get on a working out kick, then nothing for weeks at a time, and I KNOW better. I'm thinking up my exercise plan and will be posting what I will commit to, because it is so important, mentally and physically, especially in recovery. To be continued....

Merry Christmas to you all too! I was thinking the same thing kylechaos. This is the first time in many years I enjoyed shopping for people because I wasn't worried about pill money...so selfish. It's not even about that, but to be present and truly enjoy family is a blessing I've robbed myself of for awhile. God bless you all!

As I was reading your post, the first thing that came to mind is, I wonder if she's on benzos. I don't know if Ambien is a benzo, but I've noticed my klonopin really has affected my memory. It's a known effect, so I'd research Ambien, because my best guess is it does. Also, you're new to quitting, and your memory will be impacted. It does improve, though. I'm not a lot of help here. Just wanted to say I understand!

Congrats Falcon. You're a great dude.

Quit-once, I think you could consider yourself a therapist on this site. I just nominated you

I've forgotten that too. I was always so busy in my own head, that I was totally unaware of normal things like that.

My hair has gotten so much healthier and thicker since quitting. Supplements might help, but time will too, or it has for me. I didn't even notice it, until people starting complimenting how healthy my hair looks. I actually didn't tie it to quitting adderall until now.....interesting.

Lightofthetunnel, Fight the cravings! It's hard as hell, but you can get through it. It's your addiction lying to you.I don't know if you've already made your mind up, but it sounds like you already have the mindset you're going to take it. Just try to get through a minute, an hour, a day at a time!

Haha thanks

When cravings hit*

My opinion is don't go to that doctor and don't look back, or if that's leaving it open for you to go back for adderall when cravings it, tell your doctor. This is the perfect time to quit since you're already cold turkeying it. Getting another prescription is just delaying the quitting process. I truly know how hard it is, but this is your chance to pick life, adderall-free! I sincerely hope you choose to continue the quitting process.

It's very true. Adderall makes you quit living life in every sense of the word. You go through the motions, but everything is robotic. You stop being a real person altogether.