ashley6

I have forgotten a little bit about the crazy paranoia and feeling like I was losing my mind. I used to try to calm myself down by saying I wasn't going crazy, but now looking back, I was! I had forgotten what lead me to finally quitting because there were so many factors, but it was because I found out I might be experiencing amphetamine-induced psychosis, so I was either getting committed or quitting. It was a blessing in disguise.

Startingover, Congratulations on 28 days. That's a big accomplishment. You can tell you're not on adderall simply by the selfless feelings you're feeling about your ex. That's amazing that you want the best for you and her, even if it's not together. We can learn a lot from relationships and leave a better person. I, too, scared my ex of 4 years off with my crazy, erratic behavior. He's now married and happy, and I'm okay with that. He even cheated on me with her, but pretty soon after getting clean the anger and resentment towards him went away. If I couldn't stand myself, how could I possibly expect someone else to stick around for my spiral to self-destruction. Good for you, man!

I forgot to say congratulations...great news for you.

InRecovery, I'm glad you're back! Your posts have gotten me through a lot. 8 months clean today, and I get down on myself for where I think I should be and where I am. Your post just gave me the reminder I need to take the time to recover and be damn grateful I'm off of that junk...a day at a time.....thanks!. Don't leave us again

Yes, it was so therapeutic. I also have a huge fear of public speaking, so getting through that feeling somewhat comfortable felt fabulous. I think thise of us who have struggled with addiction can do ourselves a major service by sharing our stories. It's annoying to me that people have to ve secretive about addiction because of the social stigma attached to it. You made a good point about Americans only being on this site. My stepmom is Brazilian, and she talks about how different it is over there in how people deal with problems. Ritalin is the only ADHD medication there, and it's hardly prescribed, according to her. We are such a fix with medication society, and it's scary because some of these medications are just like illegal drugs, with not a lot of research on what the long-term effects can be.

I'm going to back Falcon up here. Coming off of adderall is an event that causes depression, but some people live with not events but imbalances that cause depression. While I don't think jumping to antidepressants very soon after quitting is the answer, I do know some, or a lot of us were using the adderall to mask the feelings of depression. I'm 28 years old, and I remember back when I was 5 years old feeling different than the average "happy" person and have struggled with it ever since. There's a big genetic component to depression, so while some people can combat the depression by lifestyle changes, others like Falcon and I aren't so fortunate. I gave myself 3 months to feel better on my own after quitting to no avail, and antidepressants have helped me immensely. I couldn't get out of the dark hole I was in, and I certainly don't think my chances of staying off of adderall were good had I continued to be in that state. It's hard enough without that component. So to those of you that might never need them, that's wonderful, but there are some of us that do.

I wanted to share my experience. My counselor asked me to share my adderall addiction experience to 100 high school students, along with 2 other recovering addicts who were addicted to different drugs, all 3 of us young and not what you'd picture addicts to look like as a teenager. They were so attentive. The leaders of the group said it was great and asked us back, so I'll be working with this group of students in the future. I don't know if it will change any of their decisions, I can only hope, but I remember I knew everything in high school, but I gained so much from that experience. It was so therapeutic. If anyone can gain anything from my personal adderall hell, I'm in.

I'm very happy for your progress, and I'm definitely not trying to rain on your parade, but I think it's playing with fire taking other stimulants. I used to take Vyvanse when I couldn't get adderall, and it worked for me quite similar to adderall. They're all stimulants. This is not meant to be negative at all, I'm just curious on how you feel you're controlling the usage of those stimulants, when you abused adderall? It's a slippery slope, so be careful, but best wishes!

Falcon, How are you feeling?

Tomasso, Welcome to the forums. You've come to the right place.

Sky, I love your post....VERY well put! You nailed it.

Lucky, Depersonalization, is, unfortunately, a pretty common side effect of coming off of this junk. I agree with sky, it is your body and mind saying wtf? When coming off of adderall after being on it for a long period of time, you lose sight of your true self. That's why a lot of people on this site say that they feel like amphetamines have taken their soul from them. I felt that way for sure after being on them for 7 years and abusing hardcore for 2 of those years. It's like your starting all over redefining what's normal, and in the beginning, it sucks and hurts like hell. It takes time, but you'll eventually start seeing yourself again and feeling like "normal," even if it's a new normal. It's a tough process, and 7 months later I'm still learning and growing, but it gets better. I felt like I stopped growing and my maturity was halted on adderall. It's scary, but give it time. You'll start feeling excited about getting back to your true, genuine self again. I, too, was on klonopin when I was using. I wouldn't suggest quitting it all at once. I have legitimate anxiety, and the klonopin helped me through some tough times when quitting. I think you might find without the intense anxiety adderall creates, you might be able to regulate your usage of the Xanax and Ambien, because your body won't be continually in a hyped up state. I hope this helps a little....hang in there!

I absolutely lost my affectionate side. I became a cold, unaffectionate zombie that didn't have time to show love and affection. I'm quite the opposite now. It will come back

Taf0100, 50 days is not long off of adderall. Generally the personality comes back pretty quickly, but it's sporadic, and only comes in waves that early....for me it was that way. It took a good 3-4 months to have my "normal" disposition back, because I was so tired and just felt, weird, is the best way I can describe it. I was an abuser, taking about 3 times what she was, so I'm not sure it will take that long for her. I just wanted to give you a female's perspective and don't be alarmed if it takes some time. I think you have a lot to be optimistic about here.

Ughh...I know. It's exhausting sometimes. It's the first thing I think about in the morning, and it pops in my head while doing most things. I can slowly see it improving, though. I think it's unfortunately a normal part of addiction. I did everything while on adderall, so my brain ties everything I do to it. With time, I think being off of adderall will become the new normal, but might be something we always think about, in passing. I hope so anyway.

I was just wondering how you were doing before this post. You quit a lot of stuff all at once pretty recently, so give it some time. I don't think you're doomed, just for a little while. Coming off of adderall alone sent me into a deep depression, so all of the other stuff along with quitting the adderall is bound to hurt like help. Keep it up. You're doing everything you can. I'm praying for you.

Addicts are some of the most manipulative people on the planet. Maybe I shouldn't generalize that statement, but I sure was. I'm not a manipulative person when I'm sober, but on drugs, I lied and did what it took to get my pills. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's ready to quit, but maybe he'll weigh his options when given your ultimatum. I personally don't think taking them away from him is a good idea. He'll find a way if he wants them, and like sky said the addict has to want to quit. You've got to do what's best for you and your children. I agree with Cassie, possibly marital counseling. Maybe if you don't make the counseling about him, he'll be more inclined to do it if he's anti-therapy. My counselor says many times her patient can only get their spouse to counseling if they ask them to go in support of them, so it doesn't seem like an attack on the spouse. You're in a tough situation. I hope you get it worked out...best wishes.

I'm looking online to find where I can get Kava tea. Where did you buy it?

I agree with Falcon. The stuff makes you feel like you're going to lose it. It sounds to me like it's the paranoia caused from adderall. You have reasonable concern, but you'll be fine if you stick to your quitting plan. I know it's hard, but try not to worry so much about what other people think. I can almost guarantee you'll care half as much, if at all, about their opinion's after you're sober from adderall. This stuff makes you hyper sensitive about everything...just another reason to quit! Hang in there.

Thank you Kyle chaos and Falcon

Nosleep, Welcome to the forums. After reading your post, one thing stood out to me and that is that you're REALLY ready to give this up. It's the gift of desperation, and although it hurts like hell, it really is a gift because it's the motivation you need to quit. I remember when starting my quit I was just so sick and tired of being miserable but terrified of life without adderall. I feel for you, and I'm glad you have a plan in place. I would consider telling your parents, only because crashing off of 100-120 mgs is really rough. I slept 18 hours a day for a week or two, and I was taking similar doses. You might be surprised at the support you get, and it gives you accountability. I'm really pulling for you. You can and will do this....just take care of yourself, stay connected with support systems. The anticipatory anxiety of quitting was almost worse than the actual quitting. It's a rough road, but it does get better....hang in there. Message me anytime!

I'm 7 months off of adderall today! Once again, thank you to all of you on this site for helping me see there's life without adderall, a better life, it just takes patience and determination. Every day off of that junk is a success for me. One day at a time!

Beautiful disaster, I think you're spot on when you say you have to want it for yourself. I told my parents with my counselor a year before I actually quit, and it was such a relief. My behavior was erratic, and they couldn't understand what was going on, though they had their suspicions. I have great parents, but worried that they'd be mad and be unsupportive of me. It was the opposite. I don't know if it's best to tell you parents or not. For me, I was afraid of messing up and going back to adderall, still am, but it's very good for accountability. We have a better relationship then we ever have. Deciding to quit was the hardest and most drawn own experience of my life. I was TERRIFIED, but what got me to that point of quitting was when I legitimately felt like I was losing my mind. I thought I was going to have heart attacks daily as well. For me the life of adderall became more painful than the fear of quitting, so that's when I quit. I think when you say a day at a time, that's absolutely true. Some people can decide they want to stop and say "never again." I'm six and a half months clean, and I still focus on a day at a time. There's something comforting in that, and I think that's why AA and NA stress it so much. You're not making a bigger deal or this than it is. It is awful, but I think you'll get to a point when you decide you're ready, for yourself. Don't let the fear overwhelm you. I had to cut off my supply by telling my doctor I shouldn't be prescribed anymore and by deleting my dealer's numbers and telling anyone I knew that had adderall to please keep it away from me. It sounds extreme, but I was in so deep. I don't know if this helps at all, but I want you to know I felt the same things you're feeling when I quit. I just couldn't control my use at that point...100 mgs+ a day. If I can do it, you can do it. I have faith in you, and I wish you the very best! One day at a time!!!

Lexapro has helped me. I've heard of Wellbutrin helping a lot with those quitting adderall, and it doesn't make you tired...actually wakes you up, but not addictive. It kills the desire to smoke too...did for me, at least.

Jennablu, I'm glad you got through reading my post You can do this!