ashley6

This reminds me of something I've been thinking about. How many of you actually think you have ADHD? I've gone back and forth with this and come to the conclusion that while I have mild ADHD tendencies like losing my keys constantly and stuff like that, I don't really think I ever was ADHD and wonder if it's even a legit diagnosis. Thoughts?

That's powerful! Thanks for sharing. Congratulations on quitting smoking....that's great! I can't say I've ever actually tried to quit, because I haven't had interest in doing so, but I'm getting to the point where that's starting to change. How much did you smoke a day before you quit?

I used to be angry at adderall, and I guess sometimes I still am, because being an addict is bad news. It takes way more courage and strength than I ever thought I had to quit. I view it as a divorce that involves manipulation, betrayal, sadness, pain, and even after all of that, you're attached. I think my anger stems from the fact that I don't think I'd ever be addicted to anything else, and now I'm a recovering addict who also became a smoker, which was very much related to the adderall. There then comes a point of acceptance. I abused the shit out of this drug, and now I face the consequences. I would laugh if someone told me years ago I'd be a drug addict, but I am. I'm in recovery, and now I need to do is move forward and grow, as painful as it is sometimes. Welcome to the forums. There are lots of people here who can help you....glad you found the site!

Thank you!

Yes, I'm on it as of recently. It helped some within a couple weeks, but my dose was too low, so I didn't see much improvement until it was raised.

Some antidepressants can make you feel better a little quicker, and that doesn't make them addictive, so I guess the reason they're not addictive is because you don't get the euphoric feelings, but you get what I'm saying

No drug besides controlled substances are going to work in a week; otherwise, they'd be addictive. If you do decide to go on an antidepressant, most take 4-6 weeks to see any benefit at all and side effects often subside. We got used to the adderall mindset, work right away, and look where that took us....addiction.

Nah, I mean it's hard to study, but Lexapro doesn't make me feel cloudy. A little in the beginning, but that's normal when starting a new medication....no bothersome side effects now.

So, I've talked about how I went back to school, only one class, after getting off of adderall. I'm glad I only took one, because that was enough for me for now, since my brain was unsure how to retain information after many years of being hopped up....took some serious retraining on how to study again. I got my final grade back tonight. I got a 78%. No, it's not an A or B, but this grade means more to me than any so far. I CAN do this without adderall!!!!

I ate everything I could get my hands on the first 3 months of quitting. Foods I didn't even like that much were okay by me. I didn't discriminate. But, it will balance out. I have a normal appetite now. I enjoy eating good meals. That's one thing I couldn't say for the years on adderall. I used to be a sugar fiend while drugging. The only time I wanted to eat, it was sugary crap. Just give it time. You won't be a binge eater for that long.....trust me. Hang in there!!

Is ignorance any better actually? It's scary for her patients either way.

Cassie, That is absolutely disgusting. It sounds like your doctor was just like a drug dealer, only worse, because they're supposed to have your best interest at heart. I hope it was just ignorance about the medication. Wow.

Have you asked your supplier to cut you off? I deleted my dealer's numbers, and the person I couldn't remove from my life knows not to sell me any of the shit. The fact is, if you really want it, you can get it, but it couldn't hurt to ask them to refuse you. I think it's common in relapse, or so I've heard, to get super out of control right away. Maybe it's the guilt of going back, and like you said you liked the high. That's what addiction is all about. I know I'd be back to 100 mgs in no time if I had one pill....fuck, it's scary.

Thanks for the feedback! I wish I knew the root of my anxiety, but I don't. I remember convincing my mom to take me to the doctor when I was in like 3rd grade, because I thought I was dying. The doctors did EKGs, had a procedure with a tube down my throat to check my stomach, etc. All was fine, and I know now it was all anxiety-related, and it's just a battle I'll have to fight. I've never tried yoga, but I've heard wonderful things. I think it could be really helpful. I don't avoid caffeine. I've tried breathing exercises. I think...well, know I need to be more proactive and try some natural ways to combat the anxiety. I would be taking the Buspar to try to get off of klonopin, yes. Benzos are not good long-term. I'll keep you all posted...thanks again.

Roxbury, I don't know why you're so defensive. No one is attacking or judging you. We're all in the same boat here, so while you might not like everyone's approach, you can learn a lot from these people who have been/are going through similar stuff. This site can be so helpful in your recovery... if you let it be.

Thanks for your input. I, too, have had my fair share of experience with some antidepressants. I waited three months after quitting to see if my levels would even out, but they didn't. I was in a bad place, so I got on Lexapro....that would've been about 5 months ago. It helps, but I had the worst anxiety/panic attacks this past weekend....debilitating. I went to the doctor today, and she thought a combination of Buspar and Lexapro could be helpful. I don't prefer to be on multiple medications, but I really want to feel stable mentally. I go to counseling once a week with an excellent therapist too. I thought a lot of these problems would subside when I quit adderall, but I guess I was just self-medicating, in a VERY unhealthy way. It's interesting you brought up benzos. I'm on klonopin too....have been for 6 years or so. It's the only way I could have abused adderall like I did, because the comedown a were horrible. I also thought I'd be ready to give that up when quitting adderall too. I guess not. I don't enjoy it or crave it or anything like that, but I do think it's taking a toll on my memory, and I'm always tired! My doctor is well-aware of my previous adderall addiction. I'm very upfront with her. I think it was smart of you to get off of the benzos while you had control, because I've heard lots of horror stories on quitting the stuff. It won't be easy, but getting off klonopin is my goal in the near future. I've also tried Wellbutrin. I liked it for depression, but didn't touch my anxiety. It's unfortunate at 28 that I know this much about prescription medication. Sorry if I'm rambling. I guess I'm just looking to see if you have any advice on where to go from here. I think I'll give the Buspar a shot. What do you think?

I don't have a lot of input on your question, but I know how hard it can be to stay off of it. You sound like you're serious about quitting, so you can pull through this. What has you running back, do you think? Are you seeking it out or surrounded by access to it? You can still do it, a day at a time. That's all any of us can do....hang in there!

I know this is an adderall forum, but some of you guys have experience with anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications. Has anyone been on this, and if so, how did it work?

This list is right on. I was shaking my head yes reading through them...75% of them I experienced, maybe more. Thanks for the reminder of how much this shit messes up ALL aspects of your life.

Goldman, It was more of a question/ answer session, so I don't, but I did an interview with Self magazine telling my whole story, so when that article comes out I'll post it Some people would rather deal with this in private, but for me, it feels good to share my story and not be hush hush about it all. There's something good with being open about this, for me anyway. To each their own, of course.

InRecovery, Congratulations! That's wonderful. You're finally seeing the fruits of your labor (giving up the junk), and I'm really happy for you.

I really wish there was a Pills Anonymous in my area. I can relate to AA, but there's just something about the relationship with the pills that I'd love to be able to talk with other people at a meeting.

Goldman, You got a lot accomplished. Good for you. Exercise is excellent, especially for my sanity and energy, in recovery. Now if I can just get myself to stick to it! I don't have much to say, except don't stop posting! Keep it up and use this site as your lifeline...congrats on quitting!

Has anyone else had many of these dreams after being clean? I remember having them early in my recovery that I took adderall, but then they kind of went away. 8 months later, and I've had like 3 in a week. I have to say, I wake up feeling relief that it didn't actually happen, but they are a little disturbing. Last night, I dreamt I was planning and sorting out my pills by strength and planning when I would take them throughout the day. Ew, I do NOT miss that.

Cassie, I was just talking about this episode a couple of weeks ago