ashley6

I understand the urge! It's the addiction talking. It tells us the only thing that's going to make us feel better and be who we want to be is the culprit, adderall. Hang in there!

Corey, This is a normal part of quitting, and it is my definition of misery, but not as miserable as the adderall ups and downs, once you start to balance out. I was a depressed mess for 3 months after quitting. I finally went to the doctor because I wasn't improving and got on antidepressants. It's helped me a lot. I'm not one to think that solving a pill problem with another pill is the right thing for everyone, but I don't view antidepressants like adderall. Lexapro has helped a lot! You're considering going back on the adderall after you've seen what it's created for you in it's aftermath? It's not worth it, because it's unsustainable. I was self-medicating with the adderall, which ended in disaster. I think quit-once said it best: Most "dues" are paid up front but this addiction collects its dues on the back end. And the dues are not paid in money but in recovery time.

Jennablu, The feeling of not being able to read anything that takes more than a couple minutes was/ still is an issue for me 6.5 months later. I don't want to discourage you, everybody is different, but it is getting better. I used to get on this site soon after quitting, and if posts were more than a couple paragraphs, I felt overwhelmed....silly, but true. I started back to school this semester (one class), and I'm taking classical sociological theory. Not one I should've probably jumped into newly into recovery. I flat out failed my first exam. I felt like I would read the material and couldn't comprehend it for the life of me. I would read it and feel like a minute later I couldn't tell you anything I just read. I took my second exam last week and went from a 56% on the first to an 84%. It felt amazing that I did it without adderall. I felt more proud of that exam than any other exam in my life. I'm rambling a little bit, but the ability to retain and focus, does come back. It's not easy, and it still makes me anxious, but it'll happen.

Theonewhoalmostlostitall, Thank you for your post. It's interesting to see what an adderall addict looks like through the eyes of an outsider. I had significant paranoia and was sure my boyfriend of four years was cheating on me. In the end, he was, but I don't carry a grudge because it was the drugs that drove him away (not that cheating is the answer). I checked his emails, phone, Facebook constantly and accused him of so many ridiculous things. I'm 6 and a half months clean of adderall, and I still need reminders of how insane the drug made me, because it's easy to forget. This is an excellent example of how much better life off of adderall is. Thank you! I'm so glad to hear your husband got off of this junk, and life has returned to normal. Best wishes.

Hey Falcon. Hang in there. The first month I was a zombie and filled with depression. I worked, came home, ate a lot, and slept so much, and that's pretty much it. It was VERY rough, and it's still not easy, but it does get better. We're pulling for you and know you're not alone. Going back would only restart the inevitable, needing to quit adderall, and drinking(which sounds like is a problem for you) and from what I heard it's worse the 2nd time around. You should be impressed with yourself. This drug is so manipulative.

Cassie, I agree with you. I almost didn't post this because I felt the same way. It was more in-depth than what this showed, and it did talk about the depression when stopping. I wish news outlets would focus more on the addiction model of adderall not just for college students, because we know it's far from being the only demographic affected. It talked about how easily and over-prescribed it is and how tolerance becomes a major issue. I just think any exposure is better than none.

This is only a small portion, but it was interesting. I'm glad to see this on the news. http://rockcenter.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/10/16/14455856-adhd-drugs-become-popular-dangerous-study-solution-for-students

My counselor brought this up to me, and I've found it to be so true. state-dependent learning n. Learning associated with a specific state of sleep or wakefulness or with a chemically altered state, such that the learned information cannot be recalled or used unless the subject is restored to the state that existed when learning first occurred. I think this is why it's a struggle to bounce when you've learned while being on adderall. It's retraining your brain how to think in an unaltered state, after quitting. I agree with Cassie and Falcon. I highly doubt it will become easier to quit once your out of law school.

I totally understand the boredom and feelings of monotony. I was talking to someone about this recently, and they said something so blatantly obvious, but I hadn't even thought of it. She said, "life isn't always fun. In fact, it is just boring a lot of days." This struck me because had I never taken adderall, I wouldn't know the difference. Adderall gave me the ability to find pleasure in the most mundane activities: vacuuming, googling things, laundry, games on my phone. I look back now and see how unnatural and actually disturbing it was. I, too, struggle a lot with the boredom with 6 months off of it, but I guess this is real life. The longer I'm away from adderall, the more natural every day life will seem---or so I hope. When I avoided people and social situations so I could clean or sit in my room by myself and basically do nothing, I knew there was a problem. I think we'll all feel better in our own time and find pleasure in the healthy things in life. Cheers to being adderall-free one day at a time

Kathleen, I love your post. Love love love.

I think this is completely normal. Energy and feeling normal comes in waves. I didn't expect to bounce back quickly, and I think that's a good way to look at it. Someone on this site told me to not view the quitting process as a linear, and it's so true. It's going to take awhile to get your normal energy back. I'm still not there, but it's slowly getting better. Congratulations on flushing the pills. Just do what you have to do to get by for awhile. The supplement l-tyrosine is talked about a lot on this site, and I found it helpful.

Kinsey, I hate to hear someone going through this hell, and that's what it is. I don't know what's "normal," but I know that's how I felt. I cried constantly and my anxiety was sky high, and I feel like I slept for a month straight. I think you said on a post that you were taking 80mgs a day? I was taking anywhere from 80 (when I couldn't get my hands on more) to 120 a day. That high of a dosage takes a huge toll on your body, so it's part of the process, unfortunately. Did you have anxiety/depression before adderall? I did, so when I had the normal anxiety of quitting it was exacerbated by the anxiety I've dealt with my whole life. Read up as much as you can on quitting high dosages of adderall, and you won't feel so crazy. There's a reason they call it prescription cocaine/meth. It's SO powerful. Things will get better, and you are NOT crazy. You're taking the craziness of adderall away, and there's no doubt it's the hardest thing I've ever done....hang in there.

Kinsey, I'm so glad you found this site! Take full advantage of it, because it is a Godsend. I remember 6 months ago finally deciding it was my time to quit. I cried so much and felt sick to my stomach because I didn't know how I'd live without it. It is an awful memory, but one I try not to forget, because I never, ever want to go back there. My heart goes out to you, and if I can do this anyone can...trust me! The Lexapro has helped. It's definitely not a cure-all, but it has lessened the intense anxiety and depression. Message me anytime. I had some crazy thoughts when quitting, still do, but I can bet that when you talk to people on here, they've had similar ones. You've taken the first step, and that's huge. One day a time. I wish you the best!

Cassie, Thank you. You've helped me to realize that this is a process, and I have to let it take it's course. That insight has been huge in my recovery.

A day at a time, and I'm 6 months adderall-free! I really don't think I would be here without the support of the people on this site, lots of thanks

Life feels very dull for awhile. I'm 6 months off of adderall, and I still struggle with it, but it improves with time. Your dopamine levels are shot when you cut off the adderall, because it produces ridiculous amounts of it, and it takes time for your brain to even out. Living life in a overstimulated state isn't a good life, because you begin to enjoy ridiculous tasks rather than the natural things of substance in life. I don't know your story, but I assume you're on this site reaching out for a reason. If you really want life sober from adderall, don't expect much from yourself for awhile. It's normal to feel like shit, but I'm here to tell you, after being an adderall fiend for 7 years, it's possible and worth the quit.

Yep, I agree. High dosages of adderall can cause all of that.

Kylechaos, Good for you. That's a huge step! I cried when I told my doctor to cut me off....if that isn't the most obvious sign of addiction, I don't know what is. Congratulations

Tom, Wow. Congratulations! This is a huge accomplishment. It's a journey for sure. Keep us posted.

Because it's addiction, and addiction lies and manipulates. Also, stopping adderall feels like being stripped bare emotionally. You feel everything, and it's to supreme levels. If given the option of having a "quick fix" or enduring the discomfort of giving up the adderall, it's a trap many people fall into. Continuing to remind myself that it has and will get easier and life tweaking on adderall is an endless cycle and really isn't a life at all is something I constantly have to remind myself of to stay off of adderall. It's the hardest, but best thing I've ever done for myself, and one pill would kill everything I've worked so hard for. Adderall gives you a false sense of security and confidence that makes it difficult to quit. You legitimately have to change your life. That's my theory on why people don't just stop.

I forgot this part. All those years in college, I thought I was Superwoman on the adderall. I haven't taken classes for 5 years, so I couldn't even remember my gpa. I looked at my transcript, and it was almost laughable because my grades weren't great, not even good, but I had myself convinced that it made me an excellent student. My best semesters were ironically before adderall, and the first semester I took it. After that, they were sub par, to say the least.

Evie25, I don't have a lot of advice on this topic, but I'm going through similar circumstances. I'm taking a class this semester, and while it's only one class, I'm really scared to even begin studying. I'm adamant that I'm doing this without adderall, but I have a test Thursday, and I'm freaking out to even begin studying. These are the lies that adderall has taught us, that we're incompetent without it. We're absolutely not though, and it's only the addiction. Yes, it could help for a couple months, but would it be worth the gloom and doom that follows for months, years....absolutely not. I hope you find the strength in yourself to do it without adderall, because it's there and well worth it!

I think it depends on how long you were on it, but after being on it 7 years myself, I'm beginning to feel the constant blah feeling and depression lift a decent amount from months 4 to 5. I still think of adderall every morning and throughout the day, but I'm finally starting to feel some relief. This has been the hardest battle of my life, so when bad times hit, I just remind myself, this is a process. This drug is overwhelmingly powerful and plays tricks on your mind, as you probably know. Just keep fighting through it and remind yourself that going back will only prolong all of the misery because adderall addiction is unsustainable. A month is definitely good, but just keep fighting. You will feel better, even if it feels like you won't. Patience is key.

I'm so proud of you. I wish you nothing but the best and look forward to hearing how rehab goes for you. Please keep us posted whenever possible. I'll keep you in my thoughts!

Pkr, What a revelation to have. I've noticed the same about myself. I tie it to not feeling comfortable dealing with my own emotions. I'm currently on klonopin, and I take it everyday. I don't enjoy it, and I have legitimate anxiety, but I've used it as a crutch. I think that stuff is just as addictive as adderall, it's just not my drug of choice, because it works how it's supposed to, not to feel a buzz, but I have a desire to quit that stuff too. Adderall is what I'm focused on staying quit from right now. Cigs too. I really thought they'd be easy to give up after adderall, but not true for me; however, it would be impossible with adderall. Cigarettes and adderall go so hand-in-hand, it's crazy. I hope you can kick the adderall, now that you've figured out what it signifies for you....best wishes.