ashley6

My tooth just finished cracking in half like two months ago. I've had a root canal and so many cavities. They said I have strong enamel, so it was in the way I was (or wasn't) taking care of my teeth, um, adderall and a high sugar diet! I'm afraid I'm going to have dentures in 15 years.

That. Is. Hilarious.

You're taking some major steps to getting well both with adderall and your eating disorder! I think the importance of dealing with your eating disorder will become even more of a priority now that you're clean, because you tend not to give a shit about taking care or yourself when using. I ruined my teeth on adderall, didn't work out, didn't take care of the daily maintenance of my life in general, ate like shit (still kind of do), but you get what I'm saying. The mood swings were really prevalent for me when I quit. I wasn't so much angry, just cried at the drop of a hat, but I've never been much of an angry person. I don't know if I mask that emotion or what. Your body will be all out of whack for awhile with your dopamine levels being all messed up for sure. I don't know if this is any help, besides to tell you you're a normal quitter You're doing this thing!!!

If I knew how to do emoticons, I'd totally insert one here....ahhhhmazinggg

InRecovery, How many days do you have? A shit load, I know!

Your emoticons are awesome!

In 2 days I will have 10 months. Wow, it's been a journey, and I NEVER EVER thought I'd be here. If I can do it, so can all of you. So proud of all of you guys for taking the leap!

I slept, broke down and cried my eyes out, slept, slept, slept, cried my eyes out, repeat.....the first days are so painful mentally and emotionally. I knew what to expect from this site, and that kept me from thinking I was going nuts. Your body is going into withdrawal, and it's all normal. I did the least I could get by with, and working much wasn't really in my cards much. I hate to be a downer, but you just have to fight with everything you've got to get through it without a pill. You should expect little from yourself for a little while. Use this site as your lifeline. We've been through it, and I honestly don't know what I would've done without the support I got here. Hang in there. You're on your way to a better, more peaceful life.

MFA, Are you having a better day today?

Way to go, woman. That's huge! That's the best impulsive decision you could've made.

Sky said it well. As one of our members said before, we have to pay our dues, and the really difficult days are a testament to that. Our addiction didn't happen overnight, and recovery can't either. Around 90 days was a really rough time period for me, and it seems to be the consensus for others. Breathe. You'll get through it.

It's great that you're one of the old timers on here; however, I hate that I can't give you advice on this stuff. We're constantly learning from you. I can only say I totally agree, and I really think the confidence will come in time. We've trained our brains to think we can only be successful on adderall with our addiction and breaking that connection is key, because it really is a lie. We were successful on adderall, until we went off the deep end, and that will be the case forever in regards to adderall. Good job on your quiz, and keep setting an example for us. We're relying on you...like MFA said, no pressure, though

I'll watch this after I catch up

Really? How far north?

I downloaded the app. Can you not add anything you've done previously or is just starting now?

I've been having a marathon yesterday and today. Season 3 episode 2. Maybe I should do something productive....nah.

It's sad to admit this, but I'm already on season 3 of Breaking Bad. It's getting SO good! How did this even get on the DMAE forum? Talk about getting off on a tangent.

MFA, We tend to compare ourselves to others so much. Just do what YOU can do. I've really surprised myself with what I can do at the gym, but it's taken me 9 months to even get a gym membership. My Facebook status the other day was this "it takes me at least 3 times longer talking myself into the gym than an actual workout takes" and that's the sad truth. You will do it in your own time and will feel so much better.

I've had countless adderall dreams since I quit. I don't remember a single one while I was using, which I'm sure there were a few, I just don't remember. They usually involve me doing something in my dream while I'm constantly contemplating how guilty I feel, and debating in my dream if I really did relapse. When I wake up I feel pretty relieved that it wasn't real.

Somedaydreamer, You make an excellent point. I quit going to classes and didn't graduate because I was so messed up on adderall. I sat and my apartment and popped pills, but was too paranoid for anything much more than that. I think we're giving adderall credit where credit is not due. I'm curious to hear your perspective on the points somedaydreamer made.

Heather, Today is must be in the air, because I'm having a bad day too. I'm thinking to myself, you have 9 1/2 fucking months....pull yourself together. I had lunch with a good friend who I had remind me what a mess I was on adderall. I asked him to bring up particular situations, so I know my life is better now. He started rattling them off, and I'm like wtf, this life is so much better. I'm not trying to change the subject to me, just know you're not alone.

You know your limits, so don't be so hard on yourself. Dude, this just keeps it in perspective how serious recovery really is even down the road. If that's what you had to do, it wouldn't make you a failure, it would just show how dedicated you are to your recovery. Some people may beg to differ, but this is how I see it. If we're our crazy adderall selves, we will never be successful in life. Period.

Can you get to a meeting today? It sounds like you need it. When you got clean last time, how did you stay the course? Use those tools. Hang in there, woman.

That's cool you found some friends to hang out and study with. Dude, I can't sugar-coat this, it's got to be fucking hard. You have all the tools necessary to get through it, though. It's retraining your brain on another level now. You did it in every day life, and you can do it in school. I still walk around campus and wonder how many people are on adderall. Is that weird?

I remember you too. It sounds as though you may have just found the gift of desperation....when you realize your life is not working like this anymore, when the fear of living the adderall life is stronger than the fear of quitting.