JustinW

Nice ZK, way to go!

Congratulations on getting through the first 3 months! It is good to hear that you are liking yourself better; that is a very good motivator to stay quit.

I didn't take offense to your assessment of organized religion because it wasn't aimed at me or anyone in specific; I was just clarifying my position. I'm here to help and it's not our place to judge anyone but ourselves. I'm glad to hear that you are going to talk with someone because that is a much better alternative than a stroke.

Don't hate on IT; it's not so bad most days...

holy blindsiding batman!

Writing and reading are both difficult during recovery; we all struggle with it. Keep up the good work!

Frank, Maybe it's the fact that emotions don't translate well in written communications, but some of your posts come off angry. It may do you well to talk to a therapist if you have a short fuse. You make some valid points and I agree with your view that Darwinism is incompatible with the Bible. I won't debate Christianity with you but I will say that Jesus went around loving people and that is what I aspire to do also.

I miss MFA greatly

Sebastian, Thanks for the update and quick rehash of your story; I remember talking about your isolation in previous posts. It sounds to me like you might need some sort of anti-d in the short term in order to get back on top of things. I would suggest staying away from any stimulants like Ritalin, Concerta, etc. OTOH, life isn't meant to be all positives either so go easy on yourself (maybe you're trying to force it too much). A song comes to mind by an artist that I can't seem to name at the moment: "What's love without pain, What's sun without rain, What's blood without veins, Useless Like tryin' to smoke a blunt without a flame" All that to say the bad times make the good times that much sweeter.

Violence is always the answer, but I suggest going for the throat not the face.

Great post Cassie, I would add that procrastination is and always has been a big problem for me

For me it was 50-50 in the beginning and there are days that the 99% and 1% swap places. I don't believe that anyone here hides the fact that we are tempted time to time. We just have to remind ourselves that our brain is lying to us because things were not all sunshine and lollipops while we were taking Adderall.

Everyone's life is a big hot mess in one way or another don't let anyone tell you differently. You have really high standards and that is a double edged sword. Do you and your significant other ever have "date" nights? It sounds like you both have a ton going on and are two people just living in the same space instead of being two people doing life together and supporting each other. Sorry if that is incorrect or sounds judgemental; that is not my intent. I'm just suggesting reconnecting with her; you liked each other at some point.

Congratulations to you both on your decision to quit and thank you for posting about it! @gdtrfb - It's not an easy road in the beginning but it will get better. In the meantime, savor your couch and bed. What does the name stand for? It takes just about all my concentration to remember it without a mnemonic. *edit* - I see now that it's a Greatful Dead reference @SPXD - you are already 60% of the way there!

Been there; done that! Mental math is still a bit of a struggle but it is getting better than it was during the first 6 months. I finally worked something out in my head this morning that I'd been struggling with for a while on one of my work projects. Maybe things aren't so bad after all.

Surprised

You owe me a new computer screen ROFLOL

Frank, I hope that I didn't come across as saying that you will be lazy for the rest of your life. Life is what you make of it and ultimately the choice is up to you whether you sit around and smoke pot all day or decide to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make a go of it. It's just going to be more difficult right now because your brain is trying to heal itself. My point was that you can cut yourself some slack every now and then when things don't work out to your high standards; but still aim high. Don't get me started on politicians...

Welcome to the forum! There are quite a few creative types on here that can give you some good advice regarding creativity. The consensus seems to be that the art produced while on adderall appeared to be genius level work but upon analysis post adderall it turned out to be crap. You're 5 days into your quit; congratulations on that. Please consider joining the 30 day challenge. This is a marathon, not a sprint so don't expect miracles to happen overnight. Your body is going to take time to recover. In the meantime, practice your art even if it is frustrating or doesn't seem very good to you because expressing yourself through music is therapeutic.

Welcome to the world of haphazard and half done jobs Frank. I don't have a solution for you, I can only commiserate. I've got a nice selection of tools going to waste and projects that need to be completed but I just don't have the stamina or desire to do them; the pile up can lead to a shame spiral and that doesn't help anyone. As ZK said previously, focus on fixing yourself first and then go conquer the world.

Withdrawl and PAWS both make the condition worse and I feel your pain because my wife gets frustrated with me also. Not so much now as those first months but it still happens. I used to be capable of looking at a project and coming up with a solution on the fly; this last year has been a humbling experience and a lesson in proper planning. One of my ongoing projects needs to be replanned because my adderall mind really messed it up. FYI, my deficit is sizeable somewhere on the magnitude of 25 points if IIRC.

Well, I went to the store again the other day to find popcorn. It wasn't my usual shopping locale so I had no idea where the popcorn was located. I wandered the aisles searching for about 5 minutes and panic began to set in; then I told myself to relax and continued on my quest. Finally I found it. It made me feel better that they didn't have my usual brand in a bottle so I was looking for the wrong product shape. I had to settle for a bagged brand, which is not as good and probably cost 3 times more than I usually pay since it was at a gas station. Come to think of it, I was tired and in a bad mood because I knew I was going to get screwed on the price but it was late, I needed gas for the morning, and I didn't feel like going to big blue. I believe that this is related to my visual processing deficit as we have discussed before. My mind is working faster than it can process things visually so a conscious effort is required to slow the mind down to visual processing speeds. I need to do more word searches; maybe that will help, or at least keep the Penny Press in business.

Congratulations Jay! The sleep deprivation will end, in about 21 years or so... Glad to hear that you are still progressing on your quit even with the triggers that you are experiencing.

Frank, you took the easy way out for 7 years on this medication and now you have to pay the piper. It sucks but that's the reality of the matter. At a little over 1 year, I am at about 75 - 80% of my pre-adderall self as far as motivation, problem solving, building (although my building has been interrupted by school lately), etc. There are still bad days even at 1 year but they don't come as often as they used to. Your body is healing and even though it is tough, you need to cut yourself some slack and regain your resolve to kick this. You are going through the worst of it and it will suck for the next little bit; take the relapse option off the table completely. You can do this!

Tail between my legs