Jump to content
QuittingAdderall.com Forums

Doge

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    796

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    89

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Doge

  5. Hhhhh

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    When, not if, but When you do finally stop. The feeling that you get after being off them long enough, beats the feeling of adderall. Because you know it's real and not chemically induced.


    OMG This is so true.

  6. Before I Tell My Story I Have an Important Question to Ask

    in Tell your story

    Posted

     the whole lets type a story and pretend we're recovered is something that is only the case for the dependents, not the addicted.

     

    So true.  I was well past dependent, and viciously addicted by the time I first posted here.  I only lasted a few days and went right back to it.  I lurked on these forums for 8 months before finally reaching out for help at home.

     

    This site helps me stay positive and hopeful when things suck.  But reaching out for help locally in person was totally necessary for a lasting quit.

  9. Hhhhh

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    I used to be so jealous of people who had a legitimate prescription because I thought they didn't have to deal with that stress and panic, whereas I was dealing with unreliable sketchy people who would 'no-show' and let me down when I was desperate for a fix.

     

    So you guys had to deal with the same things all along.  Who knew? :)

    Anyways, so glad we are done with that shit!

    • Like 1

  12. Needed information for the newcomers(guests) who are on the fence and afraid

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I think this is a great idea.  Sorry if I get a little long-winded here.

     

    For legal purposes, the following story is fictional; I made it all up.

     

    1.) How much do you/did you use throughout your dependency/addiction?

     

    I can break my usage into five time periods.

     

    Period 1:  I bought 20 10mg XR from a stranger, and they lasted me 3 months as I only took them occasionally.  I was responsible, but it didn't matter.  I have an addictive personality and I was planting the seed for later, when stage 2 would start.

     

    Period 2:  About 8 months later I was desperate in school (on academic probation) and I found a different stranger who sold me half of his prescription every month, and this continued for about 4 months using about 150-200mg per month.  I used regularly, but responsibly.

     

    Period 3:  About 4 months later, I reconnected with the same guy and bought *most* of his prescription from him every month for the next four months, so I was doing about 300mg per month.  But here is when things changed.  It was summer time and I was working on me own schedule, so I didn't use responsibly anymore.

     

    A quote from my full story (here)

     

    "It was as if I could not bear the feeling of the drug wearing off anymore.  I redosed every 2-3 hours or so until my little container was empty.  After the first couple rounds I stopped even questioning it and it became automatic.  Fortunately I only had about 200mg altogether or I might have just kept going until I OD'd and died.  Of course after a couple of those redoses, I wasn't even being productive anymore.  I was just sitting at my computer wasting time strung out like a speed freak."

     

    I would go through 300mg in about 2-4 days, and then go without for the rest of the month.  This continued for four months until he said he couldn't sell me anymore.  I was partly bummed out and partly relieved because I knew something was up at this point.

     

    Period 4:  I met someone else who had a HUGE prescription, and this is when my addiction began to truly roar.  After about two months of this, I even reconnected with my supplier from Periods 2/3, so I was going through 800mg a month.  Again, this is all in the binge fashion.  200mg one night, then crash for a few days and hate myself.  Rinse/repeat.  These were my darkest days.  By now i knew full well I was hopelessly addicted.  This continued for about 6 months.

     

    Period 5:  My supply began to dwindle as I was asking them for more than they could supply.  For the next 4 months or so I was doing about 200-300mg per month.  Twice during the next 8 months I was clean for about 2 months but then sadly I relapsed, thinking I could handle it.  By this point I literally would swear off ever taking it again because I knew I could not use it responsibly anymore.  It didn't matter though, because anywhere from 2-4 weeks later, I would beg for more, and thus reignite the cycle..

     

    2.) How old were you/are you and how long did the use last?

     

    I am 30 years old (almost 31).  The first time I tried it I was 27.  I was officially addicted right before turning 29.

     

    3.) Describe the justification you had for your use during this time and why it was false/true/is holding you back?

     

    "Next time I get them, I'll just take one a day at the most!"

     

    Every time I binge and run my supply dry, I would convince myself I was getting clean for 3 weeks and thus curing my addiction.  I thought I would have a fresh start every time, rather than feeding one growing addiction.

     

    4.) Did you have any health complications, short or long term, from your use? Explain.

     

    I don't think I had anything extreme, but I refused to visit a doctor because I was afraid I'd go to jail, so I'll never know for sure..

     

    I had the usual side effects: pounding/irregular heartbeat, sweating profusely, anxiety, panic attacks.  Towards the end of my usage (maybe about early January 2015), when I was just getting into my binge (maybe 40mg or so), I remember feeling intense pain in my chest.

     

    5.) At what moment did you conclude you needed to quit and why?

     

    Honestly I knew I needed to quit long before this, but I had relapsed time and time again.  After my very last binge, sitting in front of my computer in tears, reading story after story on the internet from people just like me, I was finally convinced that it didn't matter if I said I would never do it again.  I knew that in just a few weeks, I would be out looking for more.  I couldn't control it.  I had to tell someone.  Then I did.  It was that simple and easy.

     

    6.) Lastly(and most importantly), what advice would you have to someone who was JUST LIKE YOU WERE/ARE(as if 1-5 matched you perfectly) browsing this page on the fence about their 

    use? 

    For the love of God.  Reach out for help.  Help is out there.  I don't just mean this site, or other sites like it.  I mean, do whatever you have to do to make sure that you will be cut off from access to more pills.  It is scary to admit weakness but it is infinitely better than the alternative.
     

     

    7.) What would you tell someone who is planning on getting a prescription for themselves or maybe their kids? And why(if applicable)

     

    I honestly don't know what it is like to actually have ADD but I really don't think it's worth it.  In reality I would probably say nothing because

     

    1) it's not my place to tell people what to do

     

    and

     

    2) I'd be to embarassed to admit what happened to me

     

    But between you and me, if you are reading this and are considering putting your kids on it, I'm literally absolutely fucking begging you not to.  It may not destroy their life, but it will do way more harm than good.  There are WAY better solutions out there, they just take more effort.

    • Like 1

  14. I need support

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    We all are your friends.  Feel free to vent as much as you want; we all share our experiences and stories here.

     

    From what you described, I understand why you want to wait to quit.  Like I said before, there is nothing wrong with having a planned date to quit (as long as you are not unsafe amounts, of course.  in that case I would recommend trying to stop ASAP). 

     

    Many of the long term success stories sound like they thought long and hard about it before finally quitting.

  15. Hhhhh

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Honestly nobody could be sure without being ( A ) being a doctor, and ( B ) giving you a health exam in person but from what you describe I think your main battle will be to overcome the addiction (like every single one of us here, don't worry we can relate to that!) but as for long term health you're young and active - your body can do miracles for you if you just let your brain rest and heal.  You're probably in a better situation than MANY of us were when we first decided to quit.

     

    Welcome to the forum!  Let us know how we can help. :)

  20. My story...it all starts with music and self hate..

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    I also used adderall to reinvigorate my passion for playing music.

     

    In some ways, any activities you do on adderall are "taken" from you in some sense.

     

    But I really feel that they can be reclaimed in time.  One thing I found really helpful was to start with a new instrument; one that you have never played while on adderall.

     

    I'm pretty early on in the recovery process myself, so take that with a grain of salt.

    • Like 1

  21. My story...it all starts with music and self hate..

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Don't condemn yourself or be ashamed.  Adderall is extremely powerful.  There's always tomorrow.

    By the way, please come back to chat if you want to vent; I'm listening!

     

    EDIT:  I typed the above before reading your whole story.  Now I have read it in full.

     

    I'm sorry to hear about your father and teacher.  It's really tragic that people's words can have such power to damage someone else's self-esteem.

     

    The way you describe the compelling effects of adderall is all to real.

     

    You say you quit for almost a whole year?  That's impressive to me.  I've yet to be able to stay clean that long.

    • Like 2

  25. My head wont quit twitching?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I only experienced mild twitching in my eyes and fingers, which has almost completely stopped now. 

     

    (though randomly it flares up from time to time, but really mild and really rare).

     

    I don't know if you're experiencing a more intense version of the same thing, or if it's something different.

     

    Especially since you say you have a history of suffering from seizures, maybe it could be something else that you may have just not noticed when you were high on adderall?

     

    I dunno, but I don't think you shoud be too quick to just write the symptoms off as withdrawal, it might be worth visiting a doctor?

×
×
  • Create New...