ldmcniel

I have made it through day 2. I am actually seeing a little clearer now. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, but it is looking a little less scary.I am so thankful for all of the posts and encouragement. I know that I am not alone.

Day 2 has been hellish. I can't stay awake, I want to breakdown and cry. I am trying to work and its so hard! How did everyone else get through this? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

The second half of day one was a little hellish but I can honestly say now I have gone a full 24 hours without taking any Adderall!! This is huge for me. I have made it through most of a day before and then would give in and take one. Not today! I also told my husband about it. He had thought I had quit this summer. He thought I had relapsed at some point. I had to look him in the eyes and tell him "I never quit." That was very hard. I was expecting him to get so mad and leave because I have been lying to him. Instead, he grabbed me in his arms and held me as I just broke down crying. This gives me even more motivation to stay off of Adderall. 24 hours down, the rest of my life to go.

Day 1: so far, woke up and drank coffee. Kept feeling like there was something that I was forgetting to do. Then I realized that I didn't take my usual 60mg of Adderall with my coffee. I smiled it didn't hurt like when I would try and "fake" smile while on Adderall. Of course I am unmotivated and I have not a lot of energy but I keep telling myself that it is OK. I am not superwoman. I did notice that I enjoyed just sitting/laying around and talking and watching my kids play. I have been so distant from them. I could tell that they seemed happy too with the" lazy but here mom" instead of the "everything clean and organized but won't talk or look at me mom.". I can feel some anxiety setting in so I have been up and moving around a little to see if some if I have any natural dopamine left. I will see how the rest of the day goes. Its amazing how a group of strangers can become your biggest motivators. Thank you.

About an hour away from South Bend

I'm from northern Indiana

I finished my current prescription today. Why didn't I just flush them or just hold on to them and not take them? I am not sure. Maybe I wanted to feel every horrible thing that this drug has given me. Maybe I wanted to see if I felt anything positive on it. Its strange....I felt nothing. No sadness, no happiness, no anger, just......nothing. We will see what I feel tomorrow. I have no pills hidden and no script to fill. I have memories of how horrible it made me feel and how I was a much happier person without it. i am ready, ready to quit, to laugh again, most of all I am ready to feel alive again!!! This is my plan. Day 1 will soon begin.

The most disturbing thing is that I work in the medical field and I have actually asked the doctors " can I please stop taking this" I have been crying out for help. Maybe not in the way that they can or want to hear. Does anyone not notice the once humerous, fun, yes extremely hyper person has not been around for 2 years??? She has been replaced by an emotionless, dull, sometimes full of extreme rage person??? I use to be very intelligent. Now, it seems like some days I can't remember my name. I really would like to turn to someone and just yell "HEY! CAN ANYONE ELSE SEE WHAT I HAVE BECOME? THIS CANT BE JUST MY IMAGINATION CAN IT? WHY ARE WE DOING THIS TO CHILDREN AND ADULTS!! " Why does society want to take the creativity, humor, and fun out of children? Why do the schools want to teach a group of medicated "robotic' children. Lastly, why can't they see the poison that they are killing the most creative minds with.

Actually you are right about them suspecting something. The one who is the most tuned in to my emotions (or lack there of) is my son who also has ADHD and I am fighting his father and stepmother like hell to keep him off medication. No one but his stepmother thinks he needs to be on medication. I wish I could tell my doctor to f off but let's just say....I would lose my job. I can't believe that no doctor thinks that this medication has anything to do with my circulation problems. Duh!! Its a vasorestrictor, seems like the obvious thing to me. I know that I will have to do this cold turkey, I just have to prepare for the hellish days to follow.

I first joined this site this past summer. Made it one day and then..... You all know what comes next. You think, okay I can take just one pill...just to take the edge and anxiety off a bit. Next thing you know, that one pill becomes 2 then 3 then within a couple of days, I am back up to 120+mg per day. Now it is effecting my health. My blood pressure is sky high, I developed Raynaud's, and other unusual symptoms. I can't even look myself in the mirror. I have become antisocial, angry and not the wife and mother I once was. The worst part is this is a secret that not even my family and friends know about. I hold this in for fear of losing everything. I know that if I don't stop, I will lose my life.

Thanks for all the kind words and support. I made it that one day, and then I relapsed again. I thought I could just wean off of it but I can't. I am going to have to do it cold turkey. When I try and taper down, I just keep binging. I ran out of my script yesterday and now I have to make the decision to fill or not to fill it. I am going to not fill it, for now. I know I should just tear it up but for some reason, I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like such a fake and a liar.

I can relate. I have only been on Adderall for about 18 months and I feel like I can't live without it. I am almost 38 years old! I lived 36 years without this drug, why do I think I need it now. It is very hard to make the decision to come off of it. You know deep down that you are better off without it, but your mind and body still is craving it. Why? I have no idea. Just know that you are not alone.

Thank you for replying on my post. I appreciate the encouragement. I have made it through day one so that's a step. I am so happy that you have made it 90+ days. I have been exercising before, during and will try and continue when I am off of Adderall. I hope that it helps me the next few days, months and possibly even years.

I am on day one and you are right, it is hard. I just want to sleep all day which is very unusual considering that I usually never got more than 5 hours of sleep a night. The good news is, the day is almost over and that means for the first time in over a year, I have made it one day!! I wish you the best on your journey through this.

Day 1: It's 2:45pm and so far... no Adderall or Vyvanse. In some ways it feels empowering, in other ways there is this fog of depression, the inability to think straight and no motivation. I did take a 3 mile walk in the nearly 100 degree heat. I thought that it would lift my spirits but I know that my dopamine receptors are totally shot right now and it is going to take more than a 3 mile walk to feel back to normal, if I even can remember what that feels like. I have been trying to clean house since I have the day off. I don't feel like being sociable but I have to go to a cookout this evening. I am not sure how I am going to "fake" being normal without Adderall, but I am going to try my hardest. I have taken Vitamin B-6, B-1, and L-thyrosine. I am hoping that this helps some. It's almost like I have a feeling of sadness due to a loss of some kind. It's a very odd feeling. If anyone else can give me some recommendations, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

I use to be the most energetic, fun, and outgoing person. I have not ever been addicted to anything in my life, that is until Adderall. It's funny how in today's society, the people who are creative, energetic and actually the most fun are labeled "different". Teachers, parents and doctors all want to put a label on a person just because they can't sit still, pay attention to boring things and have an amazing thought process. The really sad part is, I work in the medical field. I bought in to the whole idea that " I needed to slow down, be calm, and pay better attention." That is how the world works right? I now know that today's world may want us to be that way, but the most creative minds from centuries ago would be labeled today as being "abnormal". So what if we can sit there and be little zombies who really could care less what some boring person is talking about. So what if we jump from one thought to another and it might take us longer to complete a task. Now... I will get off of my soap box and tell you my story. My son is the only boy out of 5 sisters. He's very creative, smart and of course, energetic. So... you can see that everyone was like "he needs to be on medication." I fought this for two years and finally, like a coward, gave in to everyone's idea that we need to make him a zombie. I know what it is like to be hyper, have a imagination like no other, and to feel like your mind can't stop. I have had ADHD since I was a child, but my parents never bought into the "medicating your child" theory. So... why am I on here then? Well, like an idiot, I tried my son's Adderall. At first I was like woo hoo! I can think clearer now! This is great!!! Then, the honeymoon was over. The great feeling... gone, the clear mind...gone. What did I have left? The guilt, shame, inability to laugh, cry or really feel anything but anger. So I keep asking myself "why can't you quit?" You would think it would be a simple answer, but it's not because I really don't have one. I don't enjoy it anymore, I am having to lie, sneak and be someone that I am totally not. I have seen other "drug addicts" before, but those were the meth, heroin and so on. I never really thought of Adderall being so harmful and addictive, but it is. I have never been so dependent on something so stupid in my life. You would think I would know better. Do I really not have the willpower. I just lost 80 pounds BEFORE ever touching Adderall, and now I have not even lost 1 pound since being on it. It's not the appetite suppressant that keeps me on it. I don't get the high anymore. So why do I feel so compelled to keep taking it? I know there are other people that feel the same as I do. I would appreciate any help. Thank you.

I am glad that you have taken the first step. It is hard. I know. Keep it up.