ldmcniel

That was a great letter. It perfectly describes how Adderall can take over your life. I have felt that way on many occasions. I am so sorry that you had to become an "addict" at such a young age. You were at an age in which you did not have a say nor could you control what was given to you. I have had "ADHD" all of my life, but my dad did not take us to the doctor much as a child and he would have NOT agreed to put me on medications. I started Adderall on my own, at age 36. Not sure why I chose to start it when I had lived my whole life without it. I graduated from college with a 3.97 GPA. I didn't take notes or study hard, but I had found my own way of learning. I have had 1 relapse already and I am on day 10 maybe? Actually I originally came to this site last summer, but could not and did not feel like I was ready to quit. Now it has affected my health, my marriage, and the way I interact with my children. I am glad to see that some people on here have sought help when they are still young. I know that at 38 years old, it's hard because of my busy and hectic life I justified my use/abuse of Adderall. I was just lying to myself and others. I wish you the best of luck.

. I work for my doctors. I can't get them to see how this medication can and is ruining lives. I have informed my fellow coworkers that I have quit and their response is " you have severe ADHD. You need this medicine." My response to then is would you rather me hyper and able to do my job effectively or be a zombie and then turn into a raging bitch! They just shut up and not another word is said. I still can't understand why doctors can't see that this is an addiction and a very powerful one!

No you haven't missed anything. I haven't been on the computer. My back went out and I haven't been able to get around as good. The good part is that it is helping me stay away from Adderall. Also, My husband and children are constently around me so I couldn't even sneak one if I wanted to. Thank you for caring and checking on me. It's good to feel like people care.

I am from Northern Indiana. I am not sure of any groups around the area. I know there is AA, and NA but Adderall still is not looked as a problem around here.

Okay, I'm not good at posting videos so I will just name some of the songs I have been listening too. Hurt-Pills, My Chemical Romance-Sing, Keane-Silenced by the night, and , Somewhere Only We Know, Jay Malinowski-Life is a Gun, Beach House-Myth, Cyndi Lauper-The Goonies 'R'Good Enough (nothing to do with Adderall or addiction but love that movie and song), Fort Minor-Where'd you go, Metric-Help I'm Alive.. There's a lot more. I have 10 different playlists depending on the mood that I am in. I also just realized that I listed them as artist first, then song....hope everyone can follow. My mind is much right now. Goodnight.

I actually am starting to lose weight again. It's weird. I didn't lose any weight on Adderall and started to gain back some of the weight that I had lost prior to getting on Adderall. When I would crash at night and unable to sleep, I would crave sweet, starchy food. I would binge on it. I wasn't exercising as hard as I use to because I felt like I was going to pass out or have a heart attack. I am trying not to push myself too much right now. The main thing I do is dance. It puts me in a better mood.

Day 2 (again) . I had the worst panic attack at work today. Its very hard to maintain your composer while you feel like you are going to pass out, scream, cry, die, vomit, fart, etc...but I did it the best I could. Made it through another day without the orange devil and I am still alive!!!

Thank you all for the support. I actually didn't have any of my own prescription so someone that I know gave me a few. I just re read my original post and I thought " damn! I even write like a boring robot when on Adderall." So, another day one over!!! It was a very unusual day at work! I am not sure if it was a full moon or what! The good thing is that I had to find humor in a lot of situations today because if I wouldn't have laughed, I would of broke down. This was actually the day that I needed. It realize that I would NOT have been able to get through it on Adderall! I had to be me, the real me!!

That is very true. I think part of it was trying to cope with and comprehend everything that is going on at home, work, and the biggest one is the suicides and attempts that have occurred in the past few months and this week has had the most. (see post from yesterday for a better explanation) I really have never been able to cope well in stressful situations, but I don't want to use Adderall as my coping mechanism. My non stop ADHD mind already has enough things running through it at all times. When I have to think about something that I wasn't thinking about before, it puts my brain into overload. I have really been trying to think of new ways to cope. Adderall definitely is NOT one of them.

I am sad to day that I had a relapse today . I am not going to make excuses for it because I have to take responsibility for my own actions. I have no one to blame except for myself. I am trying to be positive and tell my self " you made it 8 days, that is good, you have never done that before." I know I can beat this addiction. I did realize that I feel soooooooooooooooo much worse on Adderall than without. I hope I can keep remembering that anytime I get a craving. I do appreciate everyone's support on here. You guys helped me stay clean for the longest I have been since starting and I know that you will continue to support me as I pick myself up and move forward and not look back. I will do the same to all of you.

The past 4 months has been the worst that I have ever seen in the small town that I am from. There has been 3 high school teenagers that have committed suicide and at least 6 more that have attempted it. There were 2 attempts yesterday at the high school!! Luckily they were unsuccessful. This is very worrisome to all of the parents and other students. I have 2 teenage daughters and some of these kids are their friends, or I grew up with their parents. These kids are honor students with no history of behavior problems and no history of mental illness. (At least not that anyone knows of) I really would love to know if any of these children were ever put on stimulants for ADHD. I graduated from high school in 1993 and I don't believe that Adderall was on the market until 1996 maybe??? It just really makes me wonder and if anyone else will see the connection. Sorry to vent but its been a very emotional day.

I had lost 80 lbs BEFORE starting Adderall. The 2 years I was on it, did not lose any weight. I am not sure If it was the sugar cravings that I would have during my crash or just the fact that I made my metabolism go haywire from the abnormal amount of dopamine I was making my brain create. It also made exercise hard since I felt like I would have a heart attack. I am not sure what point I am trying to make ( lost my train of thought in the middle of typing this) you can do this tho!! We all can! We just need to keep helping each other! ( Does that make any sense?)

I think people think I am on drugs more now then when I was actually on them. I have always been a carefree, humorous, but blunt km, and a smart ass kind of person. ( I think that is why people thought I needed to be on Adderall in the first place). That true inner self is starting to emerge more and more each day. I still am afraid that I might never get back to feeling the way I did before Adder all, but I am hopeful that my brain cells are starting to repair and the funny girl who annoys everyone will be back in full force.

What the hell! Do you think Facebook would let a page called "Meth for weight loss" Hell no!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't people see that this is a REAL addiction. This drug is a schedule II in the US, but yet it's not viewed as being dangerous. ARGH!!!

I am sure you will be great! I have no advice on dating. I am older and on my third (but final ) husband. Soo....I don't think I would be good at marital advice either . Just be yourself. My husband (#3) and I actually met when we were 19. We dated for a year, broke up and went our seperate ways. Didn't talk for 14 years and I looked him up one night on Facebook and sent a message. We started talking, became friends and then....well, we're married so I guess you can figure out the rest. Damn, just realized I am rambling. You will do great! If he's a douche, well, it's his loss.

I feel hear you. Before Adderall, I was the most energetic person. I could run circles around people half my age. In college, my IQ was 166. A few months ago I did one online while on Adderall. I think I might of scored 100 or so. Not sure how accurate it was but, I know I could not focus throughout the test and my brain felt like mush. I love to go walking but since the weather sucks right now, I haven't been able to do that . That is a big mood lifter for me. I have been listening to music and just getting up and dancing. It helps but the lack of energy is still there. I am only on day 7 so I can't tell you how long it will take to feel like yourself. This is the longest I have gone without Adderall since starting it. Good luck. I will keep you updated if I find anything new that helps.

Ok, day 7 down! Whoo hoo!!!!!!!!!!! So I decided to get off my ass, stop bitching, and to stop throwing myself a pitty party. Yes, the cravings are there, the mood is up and down, I have lows and highs but I need to start living again since I am starting to feel more alive! I am in no way putting down anyone that is going through the depression and unmotivation. This is all me telling myself to move forward. Not sure if it will work but it's worth a shot!

Day 6 going on 7..... 7 painful days, 6 hurting nights.... but!!!!!! 7 days of NOT posioning my brain...... 6 nights of actually going to bed with the rest of the living. So tempted so many times, resisted many cravings and urges. Fought through the pain, depression, mania, anger, and my inner self is emerging!!! This will be the first weekend in 2 years that I have been Adderall Free!!!!!!!!!!!!! I made it through a work week so a weekend should be a piece of cake right?? Probably not. Trying to make it through routines of things I did on Adderall, trying to find ways to cope without it. I hate those orange demons, but yet I had a love affair with them. It is like a really disfunctional relationship. You can't keep living with them, but can't comprehend a life without. I despise everything that you stand for. You are nothing more then pure hell bundled up into one little orange pill. I can't believe how one little disgusting but sweet tasting pill could ruin your life so much. That's all it took. ONE FUCKING ORANGE DEMON!!!!!!!!!. I will keep fighting you. You are stronge, but I AM stronger. All I have left to say to you Adderall is FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU! LEAVE MY HEAD ALONE, LEAVE MY BODY AND MOST OF ALL LEAVE MY SOUL!!!!!!!. You will never take ahold of me again and I will fight with everything I have to make sure you will NEVER get near my children. It's so sad that most don't even think you are harmful or addictive, but I know better. The people in this community know it. I hope and pray that someday, the rest of humanity will see it too.

I've been trying to just dance. Any where and every where. I am to the point that I don't care if I look stupid. If you have any mobility issues, maybe just singing as loud as you can to your favorite song. I am not sure if these things will help but I do hope you get out of this funk. It fucking sucks!!! I go from day to day, up and down. Good luck my friend.

Good luck! It's rough, but it's the best decision for your mind, body, and soul.

Day 5 (I think?) The days seem to be running together. Today just a sense of numbness. Also, I feel like I am missing something or lost. I am sure it's a craving trying to come through. I think I pushed my energy level to the limit. I was trying to be Shera at work by carrying heavy boxes of old x-rays up and down a ladder. Every part of me is exhausted. At least this also means that I feel to damn lazy to even try and attempt to go get an Adderall script filled let alone take one. The best thing for me was to go cold turkey and not leave ANY for me to have for back up. Okay...too tired to write anymore. Thank you everyone and best of luck. I know you've all been here.

Wow how your mood can change so quickly during withdrawal. Today I felt depresses, the alone (even though I am not) then some happiness ( not like yesterday) now concussion, fatigued, feeling like I just want to scream at the world ( or at least punch someone who probably deserves it). I don't feel like doing shit except crawling up in a ball. I also just want to keep saying fuck fuck fuckity fuck! (F bombs come out during depression too...well hell I am known as an F bomb queen). Okay! Thank you all for letting me vent! Now back to reality and try and make it through this night of hell!!!!

I understand the hell you are feeling. Adderall is killing me, inside and out. You lose your soul and then you might lose you life. I am only on day 3. It has been hell but it has also been wonderful. This is the longest time that I have been off Adderall in at least 2 years. I have received tremendous support from everyone on here and NO one has judged me. Everyone is here to help each other.

Its sad that doctors who are suppose to be trained to do what's in our best interest seem to be our biggest enablers. Believe me I know. I work for them and see this on a daily basis. Good for you for having the courage to flush the rest of your pills. I don't think that I could have done that.

I am not sure if this is the calm before the storm but today was actually GREAT!! I was told by someone that I was "awfully giggly today". I take that as a complete compliment. Before Adderall, everyone always thought I was on drugs because of my goofiness, humor and free spirit. I went on Adderall for the wrong reasons. I was trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I actually realized I LIKED the REAL me. To everyone who couldn't and can't handle that, I really would like to tell them to go fuck themselves!!! (Yes, good moods bring out the "F" bombs in me ) My husband fell in love with the "real" me. My children, my husband, and most of all myself is who I am living for. Don't worry, I still realized I have a LONG road ahead of me and that I will spend the my life "in recovery,", but for now, I am enjoying life, day by day.