ldmcniel

Also, I am not 100% sure Adderall did work on my brain the same way. I ate fine, did not feel euphoria or high, and I could sleep on it. It actually calmed me down, until I was taking 100mg+ a day. Then the anxiety set in. I was chasing the calmness, not the euphoria. I do agree that the crash is the same and it did cause me to have increased anxiety, and fatigue when I went off of it.

Did you read the article I posted earlier? I found it interesting but not surprising. I believe that there are people whose brain does work differently than others, but I do NOT believe that it is a disorder. Please read the article, it is the most accurate description of "ADHD" that I have ever read.

I agree. Now, if you have extra energy, you have a disorder. If you act too much like a kid, they shove a pill down your throat. They want everyone to learn the same way and act the same way. Hmmm, I wonder if they are trying to create an actual zombie. If they start giving people a pill to eat brains, I'm getting the hell out of the way

I0 I agree too. Adhd doesn't really exist as far as being a disorder. I still am not sure why I never felt euphoria or high on it. Maybe I was already happy enough. I don't know but really, I don't care. I'm done and that's all that matters. Yes I am hyper but everyone is different so to those who can't accept my high energy, being unorganized, and a mind that doesn't stop......maybe they are just jealous because they wish they had a mind like mine.

Inrecovery, I have also been pondering this in my head also. I am to the point where I do not believe that the term ADHD should be applied anymore. The reason is because I do not believe that it is a DISORDER. Many people are unorganized, hyperfocused, unfocused, hyper.... the list goes on. The only common variable I see is that most of these people are very intelligent and have unique giftedness, but on the other hand, this diagnosis also has been given to children with learning disabilities and behavior problems, which under the actual definition of ADHD would not apply. That would be other so called disorders including oppositional defiante disorder. I have read that article over and over. I have come to the conclusion that anyone could qualify for any "disorder" at some point in their lives. So I have a new name for these "disorders". It is called being A HUMAN DISORDER. Society is fixing theses that are not broken and creating drugs that create problems that are worse. I know this contradicts posts that I have made previously. Now that I have been clean for awhile, I can think clearer.

I reread my post from yesterday and I don't think I conveyed what the actual point was. For anyone who doesn't have ADHD, that article was spot on. I that it is the most accurate description of what a person with ADHD feels. I don't agree with medicating people just so they fit in with the "normal" society. It really shows that medication to supposedly treat Adderall never were needed. So, not only were the people with an ADHD diagnosis feed poison to try and fix something that really did not need to be fixed, a lot of other people were given it for "off label" use and therefore continue to take the this poison. I call Adderall the orange devil. You have a love hate relationship with it. It is like a really bad relationship that you really know is not healthy, but yet, you have an obsession with it that you think is love, but it's not. Sorry for going on again. Wish the best for everyone, Lisa

http://www.additudem...icle/10117.html Hmm. I wonder if the pharmaceutical companies who make the poison that kills our brains know this. I think so.....

I haven't posted in awhile, but I have still have been reading everyone's posts. Sometimes i feel out of place but yet I am an addict. I never got " high" with Adderall, yet I still had all of the negative side effects like everyone else. I have read other articles of college kids taking it to get better grades. I had a 4.0 in college and didn't use Adderall until I was 36. The stories of people on Adderall and how it made them more energetic and more productive is exactly how I was BEFORE Adderall. It seems like people actually want to feel like a person with ADHD feels, and a person with ADHD has been made to feel abnormal, broken, dumb, and that they need to take a fucking pill and be something they are not. What the fuck has society done!! They are taking creativity, uniqueness , and other great qualities out of people. What will be left? No artists, no entertainers , no brilliant minds? They are even trying to have "core curriculum " in all states. This means that everyone will have to learn the same way, have to be at the same level, will have to possess the same strengths and weaknesses. This is pure shit!!! It's not just people with ADHD who are smart, I have seen a lot of brilliant people on here alone. Sorry for ranting but my mind doesn't shut off anymore. I have never slept good until I first started coming off Adderall. Now, I get little sleep and can still function. Good thing is now that my ADHD is coming back in full force, I know that I am back. I am ADHD and ADHD is me.( sorry, that last line is a quote from an ADHD page.) another thing just popped in my head, is ADHD really a bad thing? I think not. We ALL have had ADHD moments in our lives .

I don't think the alcohol should be a problem, if you are not using it to dull your emotions. I think I mentioned before that I have never been addicted to any other substance before Adderall. I was addicted to the feeling "normal", only that is NOT my normal. I see a lot of people saying Adderall made them smoke more. I never had the urge to smoke while on it. I actually quit smoking years ago cold turkey and it wasn't hard. I don't drink, or do any other drugs besides my prescription Xanax, Lexapro and Wellbutrin. I guess my point is, if you don't have an addictive personality, drinking should be fine. Sorry for the rambling, my ADHD is back in full force since quitting Adderall. I don't mind though, it's better then the boring Zombie person. Normal people don't act like emotionless zombies do they? .

I'm not sure why my last comment posted with the text I was responding to. Yes, I totally agree with you quit once! I was just reading through Mike's what to expect when quitting Adderall, and even though I didn't have the same "high" with Adderall as some of you had, the withdrawal symptoms are the same. There, it is in a post format now.

Naterdogg I agree with quit once, you are very smart for someone in high school. Ashley, you are right about cutting off my access, the problem is that I work where my access is. It's time I come forward and let them know that I should NOT be allowed to have any prescriptions for any stimulant. I feel that the Wellbutrin and Lexapro combination is starting to work just fine. Thank you all for your support, even through my fails. I do believe that I am getting through it this time, and I wont turn back. My husband is very aware now of my addiction so he knows the signs of when I am on Adderall and if he is suspicious, he will search through everything. I actually asked him to do that. I don't want there to be any kind of access, this way, when I am having a bad day, I can and will work through it on my own. I proved that to myself. Yay me! I am starting to come back again as ME, annoying as hell, but still me

MFA its amazing how you replied on a day that I didn't think I could make it through. I was having a very bad PAWS day and was thinking about how bad I wanted to go get a script filled and take all of this emotion away. I checked my email, and I saw your post. It made me snap back into reality and remember why I quit Adderall. One of the main reasons is to feel emotions again, good or bad. Even though today I am feeling bad emotions, I am still feeling them. Thank you very much. It's amazing how just a few words from someone can help someone from making a HUGE mistake. I may feel bad today, but if I had to go through day one again, I would feel much worse!!!

I have been asking myself this question A LOT!! I have never had the Adderrall "high" that everyone describes. I have never had euphoria, and I have never had it make me stay up late or curb my appetite, even at 200+mg. So, why am I addicted? I am a female and not only do I have the ADD, I have the extreme hyperactivity that usually males have. I am 38 years old and not a child or a teenager. I learned to cope with it my entire life up until 2 years ago. I had even taken it a couple years before that and I was only on it for less than a month and quite because I became too aggitated. Why did I choose to try it again? The only answer I have is that I actually became addicted to feeling, acting, and doing what I had always visioned a "normal" person doing. For the first time in my life, I was patient, I could focus and I wasn't always on the go. Then.....the awful part of this drug started to show its ugliness. When I would crash, my ADHD symptoms would be at least 10x worse than they were before. I started taking it in the after noon to avoid this. The tolerance grew rapidly. I felt like I was taking it around the clock. I couldn't just take 1 tablet, I had to take two, then three, and then four at a time. The sad part is, the feeling of being "normal" was gone. I realize now what I became addicted to. It was being able to focus, stay calm and not feeling like I was abnormal. The problem, I soon lost the ability to show any emotion besides anger, not just normal anger, I was raging, screaming and felt that I wanted to harm someone, anyone. This drug should not be perscribed, even to people that meet the "criteria" for it. Yes, I was normal for a couple of months, but that is not me. I almost lost everything, my family, my job, and I developed severe health problems and almost lost my life. The worse loss of all, I lost myself.

Sounds like what I did, except it was my family.

I feel the same way. I turned into this emotionless zombie. I couldn't even interact with my own children. I would try and hide from everyone. I still struggle with guilt. The thing that gets me through is when my children and husband tell e how much they love me, even after I wasn't emotionally there for them for 2 years. Do you have any support group in your area? That might be a start.

I was one of those people who came to this site and then went MIA for about 8 months. Came back on and had a couple of relapses still. I have been COMPLETELY clean for about one month. I am on Wellbutrin XL 300mg and Lexapro 20mg. I am what would be a "true text book ADHD personality". The weird thing is, the Wellbutrin has had a more positive effect managing my ADHD than the Adderall did. I have created a Facebook page for ADHD people. I do NOT mention medication at all. I created it for people with ADHD to embrace the gifts that ADHD people have and realize that they are not broken. I hope to prevent even one person from getting sucked into the Adderall hell that I have been in for 2 years. My point is, Adderall isn't even good for people with ADHD. It's just the "orange devil"

I hope for me also. I have researched Adderall a lot and it can cause neurotoxicity in the brain, it depends on how long you used and the dosage you took. I know meth can cause neurotoxicity more often then Adderall. I am just thankful I never tried or had the desire to try meth. You are a very smart person, you will make it through this. My hope is that we ALL will

I couldn't agree more.

I forgot to add that he hasn't done meth in at least 5 years. I have never even tried it.

My husband did Meth on and off for years before we got together. He never got addicted and could put it down at any point. When he found out about my Adderall abuse and addiction, he actually became very upset with me. I then of course told him that he was a hypocrite and that I have ADHD and was perscribed the Adderall. He now realizes that just because he never became an "addict" doesn't mean that my addiction to Adderall was worse then his meth use.

My husband was/is in the same situation. MFA is right about the Adderall numbing you and making you feel that the person who loves you is smothering you. Even though I am clean now, I know he still has his doubts some days. He has been so supportive and time and time again, I have lied and deceived him. I hope that one day he will be able to trust me. As for your girlfriend, she won't quit until she really wants to. When your loving and supportive, she thinks she can fool you. When you confront her, she lies more and makes YOU feel like the bad guy. I almost lost everything because of the " orange devil", but even when I thought I had hit rock bottom, I still didn't want to quit. I finally did, after a couple of relapses, but I still struggle even knowing what I could've lost and how I have put a wedge between my husband and I.

That actually sounds a lot like me before Adderall. Except, I would eat and was far from pasty. Mainly, I can't sit still, always fidgeting, and I have a hard time waiting my turn for thing. (Even as an adult) The good thing is, I know that is ME. I am happier acting like me then a quiet zombie. People were actually starting to me the hyper, loud, and fast moving girl. I am who I am and I am happy with it. Now back to the point of my response, (side tracked SQUIRREL) I would have to say that I would have viewed that girl being on something too. This is gross but did she have a weird, chemical like body odor? I am not sure if it was just me but I could smell it on me. No on else ever seemed (or at least said anything) to notice it. It wasn't the normal bad BO. It just smelled weird and chemical like.

When I first quit, I was scared of being unmotivated and lack of energy too, then it dawned on me, I started taking Adderall to begin with because everyone said I move TOO FAST. I was always told "slow down." I was tired, unmotivated, and I did move slower. My emotions were up and down. I laughed, cried, and screamed, but......I did it!! I still struggle so I take it day by day. I try not to look back and I am closer being back to the real me, only now, I am smarter . (I still have super ADHD but to me....it is the greatest gift.)

I'm a Virgo, so having to have everything "perfect" in my life. I also have ADHD, so I am probably my own worse enemy.