survived

I like you, also became unemployed for years. Whenever I tried to get a job, I was just so socially awkward on Adderall, I couldn't get hired. I think I was too stiff, too robotic. No one wants to hire anyone like that. I also took 60mgs for years. On the last few years I was on it, I wasn't even doing anything. So it's kind of like, "What are you using it for then? whats the point?" I totally relate to that. But you are so addicted, and you cant get out of bed without it, so you might as well. It's just a cycle that continues and an addiction that is so hard to break. It almost feels like you cant survive without it. I totally get it, and I was there. BUT, I was wrong. I could survive without it. In order to go out there and socialize with people again, and get a job, I needed to quit. Staying on the Adderall is not going to help you move forward, you are going to remain stuck. But you will only remain stuck for a good 10 months or so. It's really not that long. On Adderall you can end up staying like this, unproductive for years. My advice is to start tapering off of it now. I did a successful taper. 1 week I went down to 20mgs, the next week maybe 10, and I slowly decreased just like that, and by the 3rd week or so, I quit completely. I would just prepare to do a whole lot of nothing, but as you have described...it's already what you have been doing, so this is the PERFECT time to quit. I don't even think Rehab is necessary. I would save my money and quit on my own, you can do it.

The good news is that you always come back! I'm sure there's people who I've seen on here, that went back to Adderall and are still currently on Adderall. You keep coming back, so that alone seems to be a real commitment to wanting to quit. Now you just need to quit for good and stay off. I have hope for you.

Loved it! Really good movie!

I haven't seen you for a bit, welcome back!

I have felt that way before too. It's definitely Anxiety talking.

It happens a lot but I don't really care too much to be honest. I feel like we are all friends here and everyone (understandably) wants to talk about themselves and they need a outlet. Sometimes people talking about themselves gets a discussion going too, so be all means keep it coming! lol it gives us a chance to get to know you better and connect!

LOL. The coffee didn't work on me! All it did was make my heart race.

Yeah, it might feel like no progress but I'm sure progress is being made. You're able to work on invoices! That takes cognitive work! You are healing well.

Wow, a lot of the stuff you wrote I could have written myself. We have a lot of similarities. I started around the same time as you and spent 4 years alone and lost friends, because I thought I was "busy". Getting your sense of humor back is always a nice feeling. Congrats on 5 months of quitting both Adderall and Cigs. You are very lucky to have such an awesome boss. Welcome back to reality, it's so much better here than on Adderall.

I had one about a week or two ago! It felt so real to me. I was taking the Adderall and I was telling myself that I'm only going to take it for "a little bit". I had like 7 pills in my hand in the dream. I remember feeling like such a failure for going back and I really thought it was real. Typically, I know when I'm dreaming. I woke up so relieved that it wasn't! so so relieved!

I still think you're really early in recovery. I was a mess at 10 months. One of the last times I did a major update was when I was off 15 months. Going to the store for a couple of hours was an accomplishment and I don't think that it was until...month 17 and onwards that I felt really good and time started passing by quick. So you're only 5/7 months away from that, that's really not that long. That is when I started getting some relief from the fatigue. I still feel a bit of fatigue now, but it's from quitting Klonopin (benzo's) not Adderall. Since I got off of both meds at different times, I've been able to separate what was caused from quitting Adderall and what was caused from quitting the Klonopin. The fatigue from Adderall has got to be one of the worst things I had to go through and I'm hoping to make another update about it sometime. Am I still Adderall tired? No. Not at all. I think I'm completely healed from the Adderall. I exercised, I ate clean, drank a lot of water, drank minimal coffee but unfortunately the only thing that could heal me was time.

I just realized I'm super late to the post! But I hope this can help someone else.

It sounds to me like this whole personality is made up of Adderall. All the stuff you're saying sounds too familar to me, because I was that person. Adderall makes you feel like you're "busy" and you have all sorts of stuff going on. He probably truly does feel that way when he tells you he's too busy to spend time with you. Anyhow the medication has got to go. But there's no way you can force him to do so. What I would do in your situation is leave, and when you leave I would tell him it's because of the pills and if he wants you back he needs to quit them. Adderall right now is his number #1, but if he feels the pain of you when you're actually gone, he then might actually consider getting off the medication.

Exactly, you're going to hit tolerance again anyway and it won't even work like it should.

It wasn't until year 2 that I finally feel that I'm able to study again, and its only taken this long because I'm also recovering from benzo's. Don't quit just yet! You may start out at 20mgs but soon enough your body is going to need more and you're going to have to take more. Not only that, being on adderall period, is bad for you. Doesn't matter if its 5mgs or 30. Either way its a bad chemical for your body and it will start taking its toll on it. It also only takes 2 weeks to get addicted and then you will lose more years of your life. I hope you'll reconsider, you're really far out.

Ok that's funny. Did he have a tweaker look to his face? I had forgotten I had tweaked out eyes in some photos. Those are kind of hard to conceal.

So I'm on two years of no Adderall now and I still haven't emotionally recovered from my Adderall days. One day, no rush. I look back at old photos of me when I thought I was really good looking and looked amazing(Adderall inflated self esteem) and well....I didn't look bad but I didn't look good either or healthy! I had a really pale face, no color on my cheeks, almost grayish looking sometimes. I look at photos of myself a year prior to that and I clean glowing skin, pink color on my cheeks and had a really happy look on my face, hair shined. Adderall photos I had an open smile in photos that was fake, nothing was natural and the smiles never reached my eyes. I think about how miserable I was inside. I was happy to be with the people I was around in the photos but in the inside I was dying. I was addicted and I was heartbroken about my addiction but I couldn't stop. Thankfully it seems like my appearance bounced back at least 70% after 4 years of damage. Skin is not in the best condition, hair hasn't fully grown back but it looks much much healthier. I have a normal weight gain now. I was at a scary low weight back then and at one point, I was bones. I was able to see my chest bones and some of my ribs. My clothes hung off my body. I am so happy to have overcome this part of my life. So so thankful! because I was killing myself. I am finally in the now. I am present. I am enjoying peoples company. I'm not living in the misery of Adderall addiction.

I used to get paranoid and argue with people over email and in person. I had a lot of delusional moments and would get angry and just blow up on them. People would look at me with some of the most confused faces and I did this a lot until I quit.

Yeah, I don't see anything funny about that. @lyoung614. Are you currently on Adderall?

For any members reading this considering prescription pills for Anxiety, please don't do it! I lost a decade of my life to these medications. Your brain and central nervous system become dependent on these tranquilizers! It will take forever for you just to get better once you quit. Is it more difficult than getting off of Adderall. Do not touch. As for natural alternatives, I have found self talk, deep breathing, and meditation to be great for Anxiety. Magnesium too.

Currently feeling bad. Still angry at myself for wasting 3 years of my life doing nothing but practically getting "high" off of Adderall. I'm still struggling getting my life together, mad I wasted so much time. I think it's going to take time to get over these negative feelings.

All of this is definitely temporary. Reading your post is taking me back to how I also felt the first year off. I think we even start to glamorize Adderall because we think we were more productive then when its not really the case. You have 8mths down which is pretty great, once the next few months start speeding by you'll begin to feel some relief. I say after the first 12mths. (Although everyone is different, I feel very passionate about that 1yr mark)

Thank you! @frankB

@William; You really have no idea how excited I was to read someone else that had also been on Klonopin! I will be writing you a proper response soon, or do you prefer I private message you? I'd be happy to answer all your questions. My life the past two years has made up of withdrawing from both so I have lots of info I learned along the way.