survived

I just went through all your posts. You are very inspirational and uplifting. Thank you for sharing your story.

Hi Zerokewl!, I can relate to your post very much. Now that I'm sober my friends have also all moved on with their lives and I am also in a place where I would have to make new friends and I feel like I kind of lost that ability. I don't remember how to! It's been so long. I'm currently learning how to socialize again! I think I'm still a bit awkward. At a certain point in my Adderall abuse I was just getting fucked up I wasn't even using it as performance enhancer. I got to this point as well. I remember getting high on it such as someone would drink liquor. I was so miserable, so depressed on it but anytime I felt my emotions come into play I would take another pill to "shut it up". I remember saying "I don't want to feel." It's so sad to feel that way. You're killing yourself but you're so hooked to these pills and refuse to stop.

I do. I had bad experiences with an anti depressant in the past which is why it's suprising I would go and touch something else like Adderall. :/ Anyhow, after all these terrible experiences and horrible withdrawal symptoms(thanks for the insomnia, Klonopin) I won't be taking any pharamecuticals again. I'll pass on the temporary relief.

I found them on Amazon.com they are called: "Solgar Gentle Iron 25 MG (IRON BISGLYCINATE) 180 Vegetable Capsules". I take two a week so I don't constipate. I like them so far, they don't hurt my stomach like other iron brands.

I can relate to you so much, Liltex. I had also begun to exercise outdoors and it is a real rush! I was missing out on that kind of stuff on Adderall. It feels good to be free from a pill! Thank you for sharing some of your experiences with me!

Did anyone else isolate themselves on Adderall? I began to do this the second year on it onto the 4th year. I didn't like people on Adderall and everyone annoyed me or angered me. (Very different from my original personality) So I ended up secluding myself. I would go to some family or friend get togethers here and there but I always ended up leaving quickly. It was also difficult to socialize with my anxiety skyrocketed and constant stomach aches, racing heart, sweaty palms and all. Sitting there and relaxing at a get together was near impossible for me. Did anyone go through this kind of personality change or isolate themselves on Adderall?

I've been using natural iron supplements since I'm also extremely anemic right now. Thanks Adderall. lol...

Do you believe you have an adderall induced psychosis? What happens to you during one? Just curious. I haven't read up on the topic myself.

Thank you very much!

This is true. Thank you.

I gained almost 30. I desperately needed the weight on though. I've told a couple family members. When I did that I felt a little bit a relief. I also feel that my experience has me feeling a little more compassion for others.

I did overuse my anxiety medication to come down from Adderall.

When I was a teenager I was placed on an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. I believe because of my history of these medications, it ultimately lead me to try Adderall and think it was safe because it was "pharamceutical". I no longer believe ANY pharameutical medication is safe. I also believe they cause me to have extreme personality and mood changes. I don't take anything now.

I'm 9 mths clean right now and I feel a little similar to you. I wonder if I have brain damage or if I just ruined myself long term. From reading some of the past posts on this discussion forum it sounds like most of the members got better past the 1yr mark so I am really hopeful. I really think you will feel better with time too. Congratulations for quitting a second time! That's huge.

I can't wait to be at three years. Thank you for the kind of words of encouragement.

Oh yeah I lack motivation. I've only had motivation to hang out with people to be honest, but when the day comes I suddendly am not up to socializing. I really need to stop making plans with others for a while. It is rude for me to continue to "flake". I think I'm going to be like this for a while...no making social plans for me until I get better. It's also difficult to have to explain to friends that I don't have energy to do fun tasks with them. How do you tell a friend that you don't have energy to do things without explaining your past adderall addiction? I can't bring myself to admit this kind of thing to friends.

Thank you! Yes! I can relate to this so much. I think I sounded so ridiculous. I think Professors surely thought I was crazy. At the time, I thought I sounded so smart in my writing too.

Thank you very much! That's funny you mention reading my writing. I can't bring myself to read all the stuff I wrote on adderall. Especially emails where I responded to important people. *face palm* I've read a couple and it's so mortifying and embrassing! I sound ridiculous and cold at the same time. No wonder friends suddendly started to stay away from me. If I sounded strange in writing, I can't imagine what I sounded like in person.

Interesting! I think I may try this.

Wow! It's nice to read that there is someone else with a similar time frame as me! How are you energy levels? Are you still really fatigue? Congrats on the 9mths!

I often ask my self the same question. When will this end? When will I go back to my old self? It's going to take time is what I learned. A lot of time. But it's better to get this over with now, then later. It will be worth it. I was extremely energetic on my own before Adderall, so to remember that and want to go back to that, is my motivator too.

Thank you! It was difficult to rid of them but necessary. I think I'm positive today because I can actually feel love now! Also the fact that although I feel crappy half of the time, I also feel the healthiest.

I went through this too. I couldn't speak clearly anymore or even get some words out. I often chose not to speak because of this. Awful what this drug can do to you.

The person who you described yourself as and how you felt about yourself before adderall is similar to how I felt before starting the medication too. Best of luck to you, I think you can quit successfully!

I think I was on 7 heading to 8. Scary stuff. Although, I don't believe there is irreversible damage to the brain.