How long did it take for your anhedonia to go away?

[anonymousdino]

In regards to the nature of your abuse, I'm trying to gauge the fine line between those who don't recover and those who do. 

 

1. What ages did you abuse 

2. How heavily were you abusing (how many MG per day did it get up to)?

3. If the ability to feel life again came back (and I mean really actually fucking feel it, like getting chills when you listen to music), how long did it take?

4. What were your symptoms in your addiction? Did you have psychosis, hallucinations, or were you staying up for multiple days in a row? 

Trying to see if I have a shot at recovering. 140 lb 20 y/o male, 3 years of heavy abuse on a developing brain. At the end of my addiction I was averaging 70-85 mg per day. I'm gonna kill myself if my anhedonia doesn't resolve. Not worth living like this. And be realistic. Many people don't ever recover. I'm just trying to see if I have a shot or if I'm too far gone.

 

[SeanW]

Same position as you except from 20-24 and same dosage sometimes up to 100mg a day. Had psychosis, and lasting delusions. Eleven months clean next week. Still feel pretty damn terrible and out of touch with reality like I'm living in hell. 

[anonymousdino]

Were you using that much every day or would you use that much just on a week or two long binge before you ran out of your script? Were there intermittent breaks throughout your addiction or was it a pretty consistent thing?

[SeanW]

Pretty consistent, I'd use my script then my gf script then buy from roommates 

[SeanW]

At most my "off days" which maybe two or three a month. I'd at least have 10-20 mg and tons of caffeine. I also was abusing 3-4 other hard drugs which prolly contributes to my particularly shitty situation. 

[anonymousdino]

what other drugs were you abusing if I may ask?

[SeanW]

And I mean I didn't start at 100mg went from 20-100 of the course of the four years and didn't use a 100 till within the last 6 months but for over half the time I was at at least 45 a day 

[SeanW]

Klonopin 'benzos' pretty often for come downs, alcohol a lot, marjuana all the time, opiates 'pain pills' prolly once a month on average for a couple days, Kratom, psychedelics occasionally 'lsd,mushrooms' 

[Subtracterall]

I used 40 mg per day for years and years. 12 - 13 years total. Everyday even weekends. Very Rarely skipped a day.  40 mg may not seem like a lot for some but I am female 5’6, 120 lbs. took it from ages 25-40 something with a three year break to have a baby.

I got to the place where I could not take it anymore because of physical side effects on my veinous system.

My recovery has not been linear. I remember getting chills to music within the first six months or so off of Adderall while driving down the freeway with my stereo loud. But I’ve had bouts of depression and anxiety too. but good times too with hard belly laughs and tears of sadness and joy.  It seems like I don’t always react with max levels of pleasure to things that should create joy but sometimes I do and sometimes it’s intense joy.  Intense happiness and joy are not around as much as I would like but I’m only a little over a year off Adderall and I have hope that good times will get more and more with more time off the drug.

You gotta give yourself more time to heal your insides. It’s gonna get better but it takes time. I know it sounds like a broken record but exercise is key. I have been exercising since the first day I quit, I had to for my circulation to repair itself. Exercising will make a difference and so will eating healthy foods.

its going to get better. It never occurred to me that I might not recover. I believe we all have a shot at recovery. You can do this. It’s the hardest thing but think of how much stronger you will become. 

[Subtracterall]

I take that back - There were times when I feared I might not recover physically. I feared I might be bound to a wheel chair because if my leg veins. But I’m not.  

[SleepyStupid]

abused for 6 years, 3 of which were heavy binge use. at least 100 mg a day, awake for ~90 hours straight on average.

you're not too far gone. no one is. its true that for the first 6 months or so, you'll probably hate everything besides watching TV. beyond that though, you may find that the person you become is not the person you were even before adderall. but that's okay. you're really young, your interests will change, you'll give less fucks about things. that's just growing up. it's really easy conflate recovery and maturity- i did for a long time after quitting. music and songwriting was my life before and during the adderall years. it's how i defined myself. for the first year after quitting, i drove myself nuts thinking about whether my passion would ever return. i blamed it all on the adderall, which reinforced my depression even more.

i'm over 2 years out now (minus a brief relapse), and frankly still have no drive to start writing music again. but i definitely enjoy things in general now, "really actually fucking enjoy". i feel thrills, excitement, love... so objectively, and clinically, there's no anhedonia anymore. but if i kept struggling to recapture my love of things past, i may not recognize that i've recovered.

 

 

 

[EricP]

I used when I was 33-35 then again at 43-45. All my doses were under 30mg a day. Quite often 1/3 of that however I took every single day and definelty needed it once it became routine. I also did a fair amount of binge drinking as well. It took a long time after my first round of Adderall to feel somewhat normal again. Exercise became an addiction of mine and at the time I wasn’t really even aware exactly why I felt the way I felt. After my exercise routine faded and life presented new challenges I went back to the same doc. Sitting there 10yrs later and still feeling the something lacking so my doc convinced me to get back on the meds. I must say I had some great years in between, some very amazing times filled with emotions and feelings. As I flash back I would do anything to feel that way again without meds... however I hit some lows and it seems once you have used Adderall your lows can become very low... So I got back on another 2yr patch fix that ended up with some really weird side effects toward the end of round 2 and quit. Here I am 8mo later and while many withdrawal symptoms have faded I still have anhedonia you speak of and my brain just doesn’t feel right for lack of a better explanation. 

Doctors cant help, I’ve been to nearly a dozen. They will offer more meds however  neurological issues like this just can’t be looked at like other parts of our bodies.

I have been working on a better diet and exercising this past 2 week straight has really been helping me find “normal feeling moments” I just pray they become longer if I can keep it up.

I wish you luck, don’t think about suicide. It really should not be an option considered as will just depress you more. Based on the good times I had between my earlier use I would say they do come back. Just be careful and stay away from getting back into lows and depression.  

[EricP]

Found an interesting blog spot discussing Anhedonia... 

https://area1255.blogspot.com.co/2015/12/how-to-cure-anhedonia-easy-5-step.html?m=1

[hyper_critical]

On 3/8/2018 at 0:07 AM, anonymousdino said:

And be realistic. Many people don't ever recover. I'm just trying to see if I have a shot or if I'm too far gone.

How would you know? Cut the BS. If you want to rationalize going back on the drug, feel free. But that's a pretty lame and demonstrably wrong excuse. 

You're 20 years old. Stick with it now. You have your whole life in front of you. 

[EricP]

2 hours ago, hyper_critical said:

How would you know? Cut the BS. If you want to rationalize going back on the drug, feel free. But that's a pretty lame and demonstrably wrong excuse. 

You're 20 years old. Stick with it now. You have your whole life in front of you. 

Getting back on the drug would be the worst decision unless someone just wanted to become a ticking time bomb... Maybe if someone knew the world was ending and you just wanted to go out high as a kite with guns blazing... 

The Anhedonia is my worst lingering symptom these days for me at 10mo. I really thought it would be better by now. I had moments since quitting that I have felt more than I do currently however it fades in and out a bit. My physical energy has goten a lot more stable with exercise and time of course however mentally I just don't have the drive or desire to do much, everything I do is forced... I often find myself kinda zoned out in my downtime especially while driving, I have to make myself turn on music just to pretend to be normal and even my old favorites do little for me... Shit sucks however I know 100% adderall is not the solution, just wish I had a solution... 

[Subtracterall]

Eric that link you posted said that 5-HTP can cause anhedonia and I know a lot of people on this site have said they take 5-HTP including me. It’s difficult to know what to believe on the internet because you can pretty much find a site to back up any argument lol but now I’m thinking I will take a break from 5-HTP for a while just in case and see what happens.

Something else they mention in that link is l-dopa. I take something called ginkgo smart which has l-dopa in it. I take ginkgo smart for the l-dopa mainly becaUse a fellow ex-addy on this site swore up and down that l-dopa worked very well for him.  The thing is I don’t know much about l-dopa long term but if you get desperate to try something maybe something to consider. 

[EricP]

2 minutes ago, Subtracterall said:

Eric that link you posted said that 5-HTP can cause anhedonia and I know a lot of people on this site have said they take 5-HTP including me. It’s difficult to know what to believe on the internet because you can pretty much find a site to back up any argument lol but now I’m thinking I will take a break from 5-HTP for a while just in case and see what happens.

Something else they mention in that link is l-dopa. I take something called ginkgo smart which has l-dopa in it. I take ginkgo smart for the l-dopa mainly becaUse a fellow ex-addy on this site swore up and down that l-dopa worked very well for him.  The thing is I don’t know much about l-dopa long term but if you get desperate to try something maybe something to consider. 

Yes I agree... I don't know what to believe site to site either... Finding the proper "brain balance" is likely different from one individual to the next as well. I am also taking a break from the 5-HTP as I have read on more than one site that long term use has bad side effects so will try going off it a few weeks. My doctors say it is safe but they told me Addy was safe too! I do know 5-HTP is supposed to boost Serotonin which is a feel good neurotransmitter however too much of one thing can override another... I read in some studies that SNRI's worked well to help promote dopamine in amphetamine withdrawal patients however I really really don't want to try an SNRI, I hear they are also brutal to get off of among numerous other side effects.

Thanks for the tip on the Ginko, will give it a shot!

[Renascido]

 

23 hours ago, EricP said:

Yes I agree... I don't know what to believe site to site either... Finding the proper "brain balance" is likely different from one individual to the next as well. I am also taking a break from the 5-HTP as I have read on more than one site that long term use has bad side effects so will try going off it a few weeks. My doctors say it is safe but they told me Addy was safe too! 

@EricP Yup! Isn't that the truth? Doctors swear there are no side effects from Adderall. I have an old friend who only recently started using, and I tried my best to explain to her of all of the possible repercussions of using the drug by sharing some of my stories and some of the stories from this website. She listened, and she said she'd talk to her psychiatrist about it. Of course the psych assured her that it's completely safe.

 

Anyways, as for the 5-HTP, I've come to a similar conclusion from my research. It's safe short term, but I'd refrain from using it for any long-term period of time. Also, since we are all recovering from adderall, our dopamine is the primary culprit to blame for how we are feeling. While 5-HTP can make us feel good by increasing our serotonin activity, it is also sort of inhibiting our dopamine activity the next day. The enzyme required to convert the precursors (5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, etc.) to their respective neurotransmitters is supposedly shared between the two, so by using 5-HTP we are essentially limiting the amount of dopamine that can be produced. Again, this is just what I've gathered through my research. Your mileage may vary. 

[EricP]

2 hours ago, Renascido said:

Anyways, as for the 5-HTP, I've come to a similar conclusion from my research. It's safe short term, but I'd refrain from using it for any long-term period of time. Also, since we are all recovering from adderall, our dopamine is the primary culprit to blame for how we are feeling. While 5-HTP can make us feel good by increasing our serotonin activity, it is also sort of inhibiting our dopamine activity the next day. The enzyme required to convert the precursors (5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, etc.) to their respective neurotransmitters is supposedly shared between the two, so by using 5-HTP we are essentially limiting the amount of dopamine that can be produced. Again, this is just what I've gathered through my research. Your mileage may vary. 

Thanks for the insight. As of yesterday I am trying just a good Multivitamin, Omega 3 and CQ10... Gonna stick to a "normal person" vitamin routine with exercise for awhile and see how things go... I have done the Tyrosine and 5-HTP thing a good 6mo plus now so will see how I do with a break. If I add anything back first it will be the Tyrosine

[Lovebear]

I abused for 13 months, have been sober for 20 months and my annhedonia hasn’t gone away. My nervous system is fucked. I’m basically physically in a state of constant panic. I’m giving myself 7 years to get better. (Not sure what happens after 7 years, but I’ve heard other stories of people who went through trauma and it took them 7 years to get better, so I’m giving myself the same). Anyways, the anhedonia is a constant... I think I need to begin studying with a yogi, some intensive program to completely rebuild my fried nervous system because it’s just bad vibes all the goddamn time. When I really tune into it, not only is nothing enjoyable, but everything mildly hurts, its like all the receptors that once flowed with good feelings have been burned from overuse, and now all my nervous system activity just fucking hurts. Like I can get a hug from someone and it excites my nervous system, and the resulting chemical flow is like nails on a chalkboard- like wool on burned skin...  Sorry this is not an uplifting possibly not even a helpful reply. But I will say, I’m never ever going back to adderall. Here’s some bright light for this dark tunnel- it’s the light of determination. Once I find my yogi teacher, I will immerse myself in the yogi cave life for 7 years, and I’m sure I will re-emerge a healthier human and my nervous system WILL HEAL. Everyone, don’t go back to adderall. It’s the worst thing any of us could do. Real change requires sweat and tears and years and years. 

[SleepyStupid]

On 4/7/2018 at 6:57 PM, Lovebear said:

 I think I need to begin studying with a yogi, some intensive program to completely rebuild my fried nervous system because it’s just bad vibes all the goddamn time.

you know, this is a very interesting point. maybe the key here is simply immersing yourself in something new. something that you can't compare to how it felt on adderall, or even before adderall. we did something quite extreme to ourselves, maybe we need something extreme to come back from it (:

[ashley6]

I only read a few posts on this topic, but I wanted to chime in, because, for me, anhedonia might have been the most difficult part, along with the sleepiness. In addition, I was still taking klonopin, which probably made the anhedonia that much worse. It took a long time for the anhedonia to dissipate. I just had to keep reminding myself that it was a part of the recovery process. Since I had been using five plus years, I just had to be patient....very patient. I would say it took maybe a couple of years to feel joy, excitement, genuine happiness, or just positive feelings. There were good moments in that time, but life was just slowed down without stimulants, after being amped up for such a long time. Positive feelings do return. And when they do, it is worth it. I think coming to terms with the fact that feeling shitty is just a part of it. But not for eternity. And you will eventually feel real happiness, not euphoria that we seeked through pills.

[EricP]

I posted similar to this elsewhere in the forum that I read a Harvard article about depression and it talked about once you have depression even if you get your brain chemistry exactly perfect on a given day it takes months of maintaining that chemistry for it to really take hold. Probably some of the ups and downs I feel, just not able to maintain it yet. 

[Bobcostas281]

Great posts. I would just add that the one thing I'm greatful for is that there is no substance that will add back pleasure in my life. So if I'm going to be happy, I've got to do it sober.  Alcohol used to make me feel amazing.  It stopped having that effect a couple years ago. I can't think of anything (other than food, which I have to be careful with) that helps with enjoyment.  But slowly resuming some of the activities I used to enjoy, while I still don't enjoy them, I feel hope. I feel like its your brain's version of "muscle memory", you know when you used to go to the gym a lot, and your muscles were in great shape, and you could lift weights easily, and then you come back a year (or years) later, and your body responds a lot faster than you expect, once you get through that first miserable month?  I think the brain works that way to, if you give a time and a little effort.  At least I hope that's the case. I've probably suffered from severe anhedonia for a year now. That's why towards the end, the Adderall was so hard to resist, it was the only time I ever felt good.