Advice for quitting a third time

[Catherine1]

Thanks @sleepystupid. I’ve been on Wellbutrin and it didn’t agree with me, I felt sick on it. I cut my dose in half this morning and I already starting to feel like shit. Iplan to do nothing and watch Netflix and eat lol. I do feels better now that I came clean and aren’t lying to those around me. Thanks for the advice. 

[Catherine1]

Thanks @Frank B Last time I tried to work from home during it and it was impossible. I cut my dose in half today and I’m starting to feel nauseous ands bit dizzy, also I feel exhausted even though I went to bed around 9 last night. When returning to work, how did you be productive? I don’t know if I know how to do it without adderall, I’ts good to know it’s all mental, I think in the end, after my brain heals I’ll end up feeling better and doing better at work than when I was on the adderall. 

[Catherine1]

Thanks @SeanW i’m glad your dad is letting you stay with him, lucky my friend is letting me stay with him and work is allowing me to take time off. I cut my dose in half this morning and am starting to feel nauseous and a little dizzy. Maybe the physical symptoms are just anxiety idk. I know it will be worth it in the end. 

[Frank B]

4 hours ago, Catherine1 said:

Thanks @Frank B Last time I tried to work from home during it and it was impossible. I cut my dose in half today and I’m starting to feel nauseous ands bit dizzy, also I feel exhausted even though I went to bed around 9 last night. When returning to work, how did you be productive? I don’t know if I know how to do it without adderall, I’ts good to know it’s all mental, I think in the end, after my brain heals I’ll end up feeling better and doing better at work than when I was on the adderall. 

It’s not 100% mental should retract that statement possibly after stopping opioids first the physical side seemed easier to deal with far as being physically uncomfortable. I wish had a answer on how to return to a 9-5 job and be productive right from the get go. I’m sure plenty of people have gone back to work in a office settimg successfully and sometimes I ponder if having someone over my shoulder holding me accountable would have been more beneficial.

You must switch your thinking of how can I do my job without it? That’s not a option anymore like all of us the drug just stopped working. It will never return to being beneficial. The only thing that keeps me going back is the number of people who quit for months even years then go back on it only to return saying what a mistake. Yet to see one person back on here say how going back solved all their problems. It’s a very frightening reality but always could be worse people lose legs, arms, eyesight etc and make it in life. We just lose a superhuman drug that gave us unlimited motivation and energy. We can go on to be successful but must allow ourselves to be subpar for a very good amount of time. 

[Catherine1]

You’re right @Frank B. It could always be worse andi just have to remember there’s life (and work) after adderall and it’ss possible to do well after quitting. My whole life won’t end b/c I quit, it should be better. Very true, I’m don’t like to be subpar,’I was always a perfectionist ever since I was little (still am lol) guess that’s why I like adderall lol. Tomorrow I taper again, down to 10mg and then nothing the day after. I’m feeling pretty shitty physically and mentally. But hanging in. I was sleeping earlier and had a dream about adderall and it made me crave it. If helps having a friend staying with me and not having to worry about work and this forum and everyone’s been so helpful, thansk again and happy Friday (:

[Catherine1]

Feeling shitty but Made it past day 3!! I’m extremely proud! Yesterday I had intense cravings to use but my friend talked me down and I pushed through. Thank you all for the support. I could’nt have made it through these last few days without all of you! Right now I feel extremely anxious and restless uhh! At least I’m not feeling like I’m going to die like I was a few days ago. Hopefully it’s onwards and upwards from here! 

[Subtracterall]

Way to go!  I’m proud of you too!!  Keep it up you can do this!!

[soberica_18]

I've found tremendous hope and success by going to Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and even Crystal Meth Anonymous (cuz, c'mon, chemically, adderall is probably the closest to meth if we're being honest here) in order to access a proven, 12-step program that has actually worked for countless addicts before. 

Granted, I'm only 90 days deep in giving up adderall, but as a user for more than 11 years, eventually using up to 150+mg every day for maybe 2-3 years of that time, 90 days is a miracle for me. I've given up every drug and all alcohol; I've gone to a one-hour meeting (sometimes two or three) every day since I've been clean; I have a sponsor; I'm working the steps; and I am more confident every day that I will never use adderall again. I've got a resume full of skills I don't enjoy doing and a job I can't stand, and even though it's tough finding my place in this world without adderall, I'm confident that at the end of my life, when I look back on this decision, I will not regret it. Life is about love, happiness, noticing the blue sky, hearing the birds sing, actually being moved by music, laughter, and passion. When you do adderall, it makes all the things that suck in life great, but the caveat is that it makes all the great things in life suck. 

Even though it sounds super intense, Crystal Meth Anonymous is honestly where I've felt the most at home and with people who are going through an addiction that is just as strong as mine. I'm so thankful for this site because it makes me feel like not as much of a fiend/addict. It's good to see how many others out there are fighting the good fight. 

Message me if you want any AA, NA, CMA tips or tips on getting a sponsor or just wanna chat about how scary it is to be finding yourself again as an ex-adderallic. <3

[SleepyStupid]

14 hours ago, soberica_18 said:

When you do adderall, it makes all the things that suck in life great, but the caveat is that it makes all the great things in life suck. 

well said!

the things in life i love? eating and sleeping 

[Catherine1]

Thank you @soberica_18 for the support and advice! <3 hearing how well your doing is  inspiring! is scary to say the least, the anxiety is horrible right now. I didn’t sleep much last night b/c I was worrying about my return to work, if I’ll be able handle it, how I’ll be happy again  etc. My friend told me to not worry and we’ll cross that  bridge when we get there. 

 That’s a good idea about CMA!  I’ve gone to an NA meeting with my friend, but I think CMA would be better given our drug of choice. It is nice to know I’m not alone. How long did it take before the mental fog went away? 

I’ll send you a message after I sleep for a bit lol, I feel a sleep deprivation headache coming on. Thank you again for the support and advice! I really appreciate it! 

[Catherine1]

28 minutes ago, sleepystupid said:

well said!

the things in life i love? eating and sleeping 

Yes! I’m starting to love those things again. Sleeping is hard right now but the eating is super easy lol. A little too much haha 

[soberica_18]

3 hours ago, Catherine1 said:

How long did it take before the mental fog went away? 

@Catherine1, I'm almost to month four, and I can't say the mental fog has completely cleared, but I can say the AMOUNT of fog has drastically decreased. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's actually "fog" or if it's just the fact that I was on this drug for 11 years, and I just straight up have no idea who the heck I am now (which is actually a little scarier to me). I'd expect to feel more mental clarity in about 2-4 weeks, once the amphetamine is actually out of your body. Try to remember that just like a healthy diet+exercise routine takes some time to truly see results, quitting something like this that is so mentally and physically addictive will just take patience with yourself and time. But if you do it the right way, just like a proper diet, the results/new, healthy way of living can last a lifetime.

I'd suggest looking in to some vitamin supplements that improve brain functionality and focus. If you take this little quiz thing here, they'll suggest some good supplements, but you can just buy them on Amazon or at the grocery store vs. buying from that site once you get their recommendations. And taking melatonin at night really helped me get back to a normally sleeping human. The sleep will help clear the fog, too, because the brain does a lot of replenishing when you sleep. I always felt like I was kind of "beating the system" when I could be up for days on end, but the harsh reality is that I was paying a physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental toll for that surface-level, "super human" (eye roll) strength. Nothing comes without a cost. 

But no matter how hard it gets, try to take a moment to feel proud that you are making this life-changing decision NOW, not later. That's such a huge step dude. And everyone in this forum knows how hard even getting to this point can be. Maybe you could try writing a gratitude list of things you're thankful of either throughout the day or at the end of the day to remind you of the beautiful things you're finally seeing again -- even through the fog. Sending love!

[Catherine1]

Congrats on the 4 months @soberica_18!! I’m glad to hear the mental fog does lift. I find myself unable to really do much at the moment besides Netflix haah! I can’t imagine trying to balance a client budget right now! You are so right, I need to be patient with myself, I’m not a patient person lol but I will try.

 

 Thank you for the advice and recommendations! I’m going to take that quiz and look into the supplement. The sleep is a big issue too, I find I’m kept awake at night by anxiety or just general restlessness and I end up sleeping most of the day away. I think getting my sleep cycle into a regular pattern will help as well. I totally feel you on the “beating the system” thing, I thought who needs to sleep and eat, well we all need both to survive and thrive! 

 

Thank you! That really means a lot. In addition to the anxiety, I’ve been feeling depressed these last few days, which is normal I think? I hope the depression isn’t permanent.  I started the gratitude list today and it’s helping put things into perspective! Thank you for that recommendation and support! I appreciate it! Sending good vibes your way! <3 

[EricP]

On 3/22/2018 at 10:50 AM, soberica_18 said:

@Catherine1, I'm almost to month four, and I can't say the mental fog has completely cleared, but I can say the AMOUNT of fog has drastically decreased. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's actually "fog" or if it's just the fact that I was on this drug for 11 years, and I just straight up have no idea who the heck I am now (which is actually a little scarier to me). I'd expect to feel more mental clarity in about 2-4 weeks, once the amphetamine is actually out of your body. Try to remember that just like a healthy diet+exercise routine takes some time to truly see results, quitting something like this that is so mentally and physically addictive will just take patience with yourself and time. But if you do it the right way, just like a proper diet, the results/new, healthy way of living can last a lifetime.

I'd suggest looking in to some vitamin supplements that improve brain functionality and focus. If you take this little quiz thing here, they'll suggest some good supplements, but you can just buy them on Amazon or at the grocery store vs. buying from that site once you get their recommendations. And taking melatonin at night really helped me get back to a normally sleeping human. The sleep will help clear the fog, too, because the brain does a lot of replenishing when you sleep. I always felt like I was kind of "beating the system" when I could be up for days on end, but the harsh reality is that I was paying a physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental toll for that surface-level, "super human" (eye roll) strength. Nothing comes without a cost. 

 

 

Congrats on your 4mo! You are lucky that our fog lifted so early! I am still fighting it and am around 10mo.

The vitamin survey was interesting, of course it is a sales pitch however I found the suggestions worth maybe trying. I take about half of them already however have never heard of a couple of them.

I also agree finding good sleep and exercise are a must, exercise seems counter intuitive as low energy does not trigger us to think "I should go exercise" however every time I go I am grateful I did!