Just exhausted.

[sweetupbaaby]

My friends who have been off of Adderall for a considerable amount of time...

How do you deal with being so exhausted?? Since being back to work, I am dead ass tired. My bones are tired. I get home from work and lay on the couch until I have to work the next day. I literally have no energy left to do anything. My muscles are sore. All of my mental and physical energy is depleted. I am dragging ass 24/7. I really can't imagine how you guys have made it so long. I am soooo close to caving and popping some addy just to get some energy to get me through work. This is no way to live. I am so desperate! But I know If I don't kick this habit now, then I never will. I am so conflicted on this matter, and trying to weigh the pros and cons leave me in the same place everytime. I don't know if quitting is even worth it anymore.

 How do you guys survive through working a full time job...? Be it from home, as a parent, in the workplace etc...where do you get the energy to have a life outside the main responsibilities???

~ tired and overwhelmed

[EthericTraveler]

Hi,

I’ve been off addy nearly 60 days now and have been experiencing the same extreme fatigue. I know how it can be a real challenge to be even slightly productive, I really sympathize with you. Before adderrall, I remember I was happiest and had the most energy when I was consistent with my exercise routine and ate more food that nature provides directly, so I decided to force myself to go on long walks and improve my diet. I also bought a juicer and started a 10-day juice cleanse beforehand which did provide me with a great deal of energy and motivation, it lifted my mood substantially. I even came close to the adderrall high one day. So, my recommendation is really watch your diet, eat as much simple natural foods as possible, and find a way to get some exercise. Also, be kind with yourself. It’s easy to resort to self-criticism and feel shame for being lazy, but your brain is repairing itself, and you are doing a great thing for yourself by not taking the drug. That takes a lot of strength and you should be proud of yourself. Hang in there, take it one day at a time, I promise things will get better. Things have a way of working out. :-)

[EthericTraveler]

I just now read in another thread your post sweetupbaaby about your exercise and diet regimen, so it looks like you’ve got those bases covered! I have one more bit of advice that may help. Fatigue comes easily when replaying negative thoughts in the mind. As difficult as it can be to accept sometimes, the reality is that I have free will, and I can think whatever I want. All negativity is an illusion that only holds weight if you accept it as true. When I consciously detach from all these inner-labels (“I’m a lazy loser”, or “I’m pathetic”, or whatever else), I feel better within minutes. I visualize negative thoughts being pushed away from my being, until they dissipate entirely.

This meditative practice has “magically” improved my mood many times and so I just thought I’d share.

[DC011381]

@sweetupbaaby. That fatigue and getting rid of it is just a function of time. Time, time, time for your adrenal glands to get back to baseline - it takes awhile but not in the grand scheme of life - u have to believe in time and there are hundreds on here like me who can attest that there is a reward for waiting - I know it sucks so bad in the meantime - it sucks so bad and the fact that you are going to work is amazing.  I did nothing for an entire year and I was 38 with wife and 2 kids and a standard of living that is costly.  

[speedracer]

Oh boy, I am so sorry for your suffering. I get it. I was in that space for too long. Since we all suffer with extreme fatigue, lethargy, fog brain, etc. how do we manage to work?  It doesn't make any sense.  This recovery is disabling. Its a form of disability.  No way around it. We all need the time and space to heal. The brain needs time to repair itself. In the field of workers compensation, they have two types of disability for injuries whether physical or psychological, total or partial.  In my opinion, we are either partially or totally disabled In the early stages of our recovery. I could only work part time, two or three days per week.  I was partially disabled for sure.  Very few people seem to understand recovery from adderall causes disability. If I had a magic wand, and I was a doctor,  I would write a prescription for every person on here wanting to recover and give them 90 days of total temporary disability followed by 9 months of partial disability. 3 months of no work stress at all followed by 9 months of partial work stress. ( We should avoid all unecessary stress during the first year) No full time work for the first year. Some people may need up to two years. I am coming up on month 14 and my work performance, energy, and focus continues to improve. I thank God he finally gave me the the time and space i needed to heal without worrying about basic survival needs. Your ability to beat this monster may depend on your ability to take it easy with work. Can you go part time?  Can you talk to your doctor about it? Show him this post?  Maybe your doctor can certify you for state disability? Can your family help?  Insurance? If you can pull off recovery while working full time, my hats off to you. But I think our chances are low. Recovery has to come first. I am so praying for you. 

[sweetupbaaby]

20 minutes ago, speedracer said:

Oh boy, I am so sorry for your suffering. I get it. I was in that space for too long. Since we all suffer with extreme fatigue, lethargy, fog brain, etc. how do we manage to work?  It doesn't make any sense.  This recovery is disabling. Its a form of disability.  No way around it. We all need the time and space to heal. The brain needs time to repair itself. In the field of workers compensation, they have two types of disability for injuries whether physical or psychological, total or partial.  In my opinion, we are either partially or totally disabled In the early stages of our recovery. I could only work part time, two or three days per week.  I was partially disabled for sure.  Very few people seem to understand recovery from adderall causes disability. If I had a magic wand, and I was a doctor,  I would write a prescription for every person on here wanting to recover and give them 90 days of total temporary disability followed by 9 months of partial disability. 3 months of no work stress at all followed by 9 months of partial work stress. ( We should avoid all unecessary stress during the first year) No full time work for the first year. Some people may need up to two years. I am coming up on month 14 and my work performance, energy, and focus continues to improve. I thank God he finally gave me the the time and space i needed to heal without worrying about basic survival needs. Your ability to beat this monster may depend on your ability to take it easy with work. Can you go part time?  Can you talk to your doctor about it? Show him this post?  Maybe your doctor can certify you for state disability? Can your family help?  Insurance? If you can pull off recovery while working full time, my hats off to you. But I think our chances are low. Recovery has to come first. I am so praying for you. 

This is so encouraging. I want to cry because you really do understand what it's like. I full-heartedly agree it is a disability. I thought maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I know some people experience fatigue, but this is next level exhaustion. I am so glad you worded this the way you did. You explained how I feel perfectly. 

I could get part-time, but I do need the money as EI is running low. I am trying to maintain the productivity I had during Adderall usage. I don't know how to slow down. I find myself speeding through my work, but being so low in energy. I feel like anxiety kind of fuels the rushing around, I feel like I just want to rush through the 8 hours I'm at work just so I can get home. I find it's just a psychological habit to want to do the next thing, I feel Adderall exasperated that a lot. I am strong-willed, hard-headed, and not to mention extremely hard on myself- that's how I am able to push myself to work full time. That doesn't mean it's healthy to do so though. And just because I am doing it now doesn't mean I won't burn out eventually. And If I hit complete burnout, I'll really be in trouble and maybe bed-ridden. I think I need to slow down before I crash and burn.

Thanks so much for your prayers- that means so much to me. Insurance and family help are out of the question, but I hope to find some way to manage it. I'll figure it out as I always do. And will keep my Adderall fam posted. Thanks again

[sweetupbaaby]

18 hours ago, EthericTraveler said:

I just now read in another thread your post sweetupbaaby about your exercise and diet regimen, so it looks like you’ve got those bases covered! I have one more bit of advice that may help. Fatigue comes easily when replaying negative thoughts in the mind. As difficult as it can be to accept sometimes, the reality is that I have free will, and I can think whatever I want. All negativity is an illusion that only holds weight if you accept it as true. When I consciously detach from all these inner-labels (“I’m a lazy loser”, or “I’m pathetic”, or whatever else), I feel better within minutes. I visualize negative thoughts being pushed away from my being, until they dissipate entirely.

This meditative practice has “magically” improved my mood many times and so I just thought I’d share.

I really appreciate your advice and for taking the time to comment. Means a lot. I too like to visualize negative thoughts passing through me like a sifter. That way I am not holding on to them, they just pass right through

[DrewK15]

Hi @sweetupbaaby. I’m 3 months into a new job after 2+ years of full time recovery. I can relate to some of what you’re going through, it’s tough to work without Adderall at first after relying on it to get stuff done. In other ways I can’t relate because I had the luxury of taking time to get well, I want to be honest with you about that. 
 

Here are a couple things to think about that have helped me. Is anyone (bosses most importantly) negatively criticizing your work? I have found I am my own worst critic. Us Adderall people can be like that. I often feel like I’m doing terrible when none of my supervisors have an issue with my work and have actually told me I’m doing a great job.  You’ll get more confident in time. I was terrified of not being good enough or having enough energy when I first started. A few months in I am way more confident and have done things without Adderall that I never thought were possible. There have been a couple projects I worked on where I went into a flow state and it felt incredible. 
 

This process is like working out. You start light and over time you lift more and more until you can lift far more than you could when you started. There is hope of being more energetic, confident, and sharp than you are capable of today. 

[sweetupbaaby]

On 21/08/2020 at 1:08 PM, DrewK15 said:

Hi @sweetupbaaby. I’m 3 months into a new job after 2+ years of full time recovery. I can relate to some of what you’re going through, it’s tough to work without Adderall at first after relying on it to get stuff done. In other ways I can’t relate because I had the luxury of taking time to get well, I want to be honest with you about that. 
 

Here are a couple things to think about that have helped me. Is anyone (bosses most importantly) negatively criticizing your work? I have found I am my own worst critic. Us Adderall people can be like that. I often feel like I’m doing terrible when none of my supervisors have an issue with my work and have actually told me I’m doing a great job.  You’ll get more confident in time. I was terrified of not being good enough or having enough energy when I first started. A few months in I am way more confident and have done things without Adderall that I never thought were possible. There have been a couple projects I worked on where I went into a flow state and it felt incredible. 
 

This process is like working out. You start light and over time you lift more and more until you can lift far more than you could when you started. There is hope of being more energetic, confident, and sharp than you are capable of today. 

Thanks for your reply! 

I am in a unique predicament. I have been really struggling at work. I quit smoking cigarettes and Adderall simultaneously. That alone took a huge hit on my energy levels. I am also working full time on top of that, and struggling to eat 1200 calories a day to maintain weight loss. All of this is really draining me. I am generally a very mentally tough individual and can handle a lot of pressure, but I feel like I have dug a hole I don't know how to get out of. I am already 5 months without cigarettes and I don't want to go back to smoking. I am almost 4 and a half months or so without Adderall, give or take a relapse or two. And I am eating in a caloric deficit because I need to lose weight. I feel like all 3 of these things are necessary, but are absolutely draining my energy. I am dead by the time I get home. Up the next morning for 3:30 am to be at work for 5 am.

Interesting you would mention being your own worst critic. I am super hard on myself. I set unattainable goals and when I do not meet them, I get very depressed. It's all or nothing with me. I am an extreme perfectionist and it's draining all of me. I read something interesting- every time you have to resist a temptation, it drains your mental storage. I am at work all day resiting the temptation for Adderall, having a cigarette with my co-worker and taking a donut from the snacks that are offered to the staff. No wonder I am exhausted. I don't know how to remedy this situation.

Thank you for your insight. I really hope I can find a system that works for me.

[SleepyStupid]

wow that's a brutal schedule - serious props for dragging yourself to work everyday! if it's any consolation, i really do believe that all this exhaustion will pay off in the way of a speedier recovery. you are pushing yourself on a consistent basis, and each day should be just a little easier than the last. it may not feel like it now but as @DrewK15 said, it's like lifting - eventually your hard work will show results.

of the 3 things you mentioned, i think the weight loss part might be excessive at this point in your journey. i can certainly understand valuing health and fitness, but you can still achieve these things without pushing yourself into caloric deficit. wouldn't it be a shame if this was the thing that was making your day just exhausting enough to relapse? don't risk your sanity and progress over what you've already admitted is perfectionism (:

[Doge]

Quote

I quit smoking cigarettes and Adderall simultaneously. That alone took a huge hit on my energy levels. I am also working full time on top of that, and struggling to eat 1200 calories a day to maintain weight loss.

 

I agree with sleepy, this seems like a bit much.... 

Don't get me wrong, if you can pull it off power to you!  But if you ever get to the point where you feel that like something has to give, I'd first look at your caloric intake.  Once you get clean from longer you can shit your focus to your weight.  And this doesn't mean you can't eat healthy, but caloric deficit on top of recovery sounds (to me) like too much at once.

Remember you aren't a superhero, and that's OK!

[Doge]

Also, if you eat more calories, you have more energy to move around more and burn some of those calories off.  This leads to better health anyway.

[sweetupbaaby]

On 25/08/2020 at 9:32 AM, sleepystupid said:

wow that's a brutal schedule - serious props for dragging yourself to work everyday! if it's any consolation, i really do believe that all this exhaustion will pay off in the way of a speedier recovery. you are pushing yourself on a consistent basis, and each day should be just a little easier than the last. it may not feel like it now but as @DrewK15 said, it's like lifting - eventually your hard work will show results.

of the 3 things you mentioned, i think the weight loss part might be excessive at this point in your journey. i can certainly understand valuing health and fitness, but you can still achieve these things without pushing yourself into caloric deficit. wouldn't it be a shame if this was the thing that was making your day just exhausting enough to relapse? don't risk your sanity and progress over what you've already admitted is perfectionism (:

You're absolutely right. somethings gotta give!! I am not a superhero, although I like to think I am sometimes. I have a pride issue and asking for help has always been a struggle for me but I thank you guys sooo much for your insight and advice it's really gotten me through some serious rough patches!! When we reach out for help, things get better. Even just sharing your experience goes a long way. Community is so important for recovery and I really am appreciative of your support. (On the other hand, isolation is detrimental for recovery and I am actively trying to push my social boundaries and to get myself out there to get the continued support I need for my journey.)

I have incorporated a few extra hundred calories into my daily inventory and just upping the intensity at the gym a lil more. I seem to have more energy just from having that little bit of extra food. I always knew sleep was important for my mental health, but I didn't realize that food was just as important for the maintenance of my mood and energy!

[sweetupbaaby]

20 hours ago, Doge said:

 

I agree with sleepy, this seems like a bit much.... 

Don't get me wrong, if you can pull it off power to you!  But if you ever get to the point where you feel that like something has to give, I'd first look at your caloric intake.  Once you get clean from longer you can shit your focus to your weight.  And this doesn't mean you can't eat healthy, but caloric deficit on top of recovery sounds (to me) like too much at once.

Remember you aren't a superhero, and that's OK!

I was pulling it off for about a monthThinking I could run myself into the ground and keep going. It's so important to take it easy on ourselves, especially in the first year of recovery.

[DelaneyJuliette]

On 8/15/2020 at 8:42 AM, DC011381 said:

@DC011381 you said...

That fatigue and getting rid of it is just a function of time. Time, time, time for your adrenal glands to get back to baseline - it takes awhile but not in the grand scheme of life - u have to believe in time and there are hundreds on here like me who can attest that there is a reward for waiting - I know it sucks so bad in the meantime - it sucks so bad and the fact that you are going to work is amazing.  I did nothing for an entire year and I was 38 with wife and 2 kids and a standard of living that is costly.  

 

Well... I am 38 with a husband and 4 kids and a standard of living that is costly.  Which is why I am so f-ing ambivalent.  I just added exercise into my schedule regularly but I'm scared that with decreasing/stopping I won't have any energy to do that.  I think I need to also take one thing at a time.  I am dreading this more than is beneficial to be dreading it.  Just stay in the moment.  I know the energy comes back; I had sobriety many years before now and it did, so why would this time be different.  

And I dont know what I did below when I tried to quote what u said - somehow I have 3 quote boxes.  Sorry about that.  I also feel like I run out of energy to check the forum as soon as I start to get so tired.  That isn't a good idea either.

On 8/15/2020 at 8:42 AM, DC011381 said:

 

 

 

On 8/15/2020 at 8:42 AM, DC011381 said:

@sweetupbaaby. That fatigue and getting rid of it is just a function of time. Time, time, time for your adrenal glands to get back to baseline - it takes awhile but not in the grand scheme of life - u have to believe in time and there are hundreds on here like me who can attest that there is a reward for waiting - I know it sucks so bad in the meantime - it sucks so bad and the fact that you are going to work is amazing.  I did nothing for an entire year and I was 38 with wife and 2 kids and a standard of living that is costly.  

 

[DelaneyJuliette]

I too, feel like i have dug a hole I can't get out of.  4 kids, own my own business, bought a house and am in the middle of renovating it.  Changed my kids after school schedules so I pick them up twice a week from school and take them to a new gymnastics place, where I get to work out too.  It's actully awesome b/c i get to spend more time with them which is my highest value... but... that means I am leaving to get them at 2pm instead of 6pm 2 days a week.  I keep taking stuff away and then accidetnally adding more in.  The good news is that the stuff I'm adding in is in alignment with my values for real.  (i.e. I left a role of being secretary on a board of directors, I stopped signing up for trainings, I am not taking new patients at work.)  But now I have committed to this thing with my kids, to exercising, and to this house, and all I want to do is sleep forever and not feel and I haven't even started tapering or quit yet.  But man do thoughts have power.  I need ... ehem... I mean I WANT to focus on reframing my thoughts.  I will start with the accountability of visiting this board more frequently b/c it is a small but tangible step.  I will also get at least 6 hours of sleep every night starting tomorrow, with the goal being to get 8.  That will help.  I do need to figure out what to tell myself when I get rebellious at work (it's just me) and I tell myself that I don't care...)  Oh right I printed out calendars.  I also commit to coming up with a realistic taper plan that if I don't follow (generally, not perfectly) than I will seriously visit the idea of detox.  That scares the shit out of me.