Motivation_Follows_Action

I saw that happen to a girl in an AA meeting once. It was so awkward. I could literally see the manic panic spread across her face as she focused more and more intently on finding that ONE word. Also re Rubio, I get dry mouth from wellbutrin and also sometimes yerba mate. It is embarrassing though. In the early stages of my recovery, my language was all over the place. Literally word salads. Did that happen to anyone else?

You're right, Ashley, I never once thought you or any of the other cases sounded like victims, but it did present the drug in the appropriate light - that it is more addictive than we possibly could imagine, and it can cause damage far beyond what we think. Great article.

Cool. Have fun, stay safe and don't drink too many white russians!

Dude are you ok? I had a dream about you last night! I dreamed that you relapsed and you were talking shit about all of us on this site. You were taking hits from a MASSIVE bong and has an entire coffee table stacked with pills and coke. Oh, and in my dream you looked like The Dude from Big Lebowski :-) Anyway, it got me worried. Don't go relapsing on us ok? We need you round here. And if you do, tell us. We need you round here.

I took about a year off from it. Didn't miss it much but I have a lot of family and friends overseas so it's been good for them to know they can reach me that way if needed. It's way too public for me and gives me a general distaste for humanity though.

Well I wouldn't go so far as say "leading" but we thought it would be a nice idea to have a general chance for us to catch up live, share challenges and accomplishments with/without adderall. I guess we'll make it up as we go along! You've just reminded me I think we said 8-9 before, so I think I may have just caused mass confusion....

Hope to see you online!

A little story about portion control. When I first moved to NYC 10 years ago, I was so enamored by the food here. Now remember, I moved from London where the food tastes mostly regurgitated and cold apart from the Indian food which is fucking fantastic. But anyway.... being a good farmer's daughter, I was brought up to believe that you have to eat everything on your plate, it's wasteful not to. Within 2 months of living here, I'd gained 10lbs. I very quickly had to learn that appetizer sizes (while scorned by dinner companions) were the equivalent of dinner portions everywhere else in the world. Unfortunately I've lived here too long now to be able to turn down the extra cheese in everything, and I can't taste the sugar they put in everything (my family always complains about this... "why do they put sugar in the bread?!"). My tastebuds and insulin levels have adjusted. But you're right. Carbs are evil and we are not supposed to live on them. Pity, I'm VERY addicted.

yes, I take it daily. Helps a bit with energy and attention and a smidge with appetite control. Doesn't last too long though... the effects wear off after a couple of weeks. Are you trying it?

By the way, beware the false placebo effect. Don't mean to be a debbie downer, but... 1) adderall takes a while to clear itself from your system (up to 72 hours in some cases), so your energy may be a residual effect; and 2) vitamins are known to be v effective, but only after sustained long term use and not after just taking 2 pills. It's likely your mood enhancement may not have been just because of the vitamins. But don't stop taking them!!

Hi, welcome to the forums. You're in the right place. You are surrounded by people just like you, who have felt frustrated at themselves, the drug, confused, alone, annoyed, angry, sad and sometimes all those things at once! Quitting adderall is just such a difficult thing to do. None of us really understands why it's such a bitch to get over and why it takes SO BLOODY LONG (ok, so yeah our brains need to produce some chemical on their own and the brain is plastic so hurry up and do it already), but the psychological aspects of adderall addiction are really unique, and ALL of us struggle from time to time with wanting to relapse, and most of us have relapsed once or twice. The thing you said though that maybe you should explore a bit though is why you have returned to adderall repeatedly. What is it that has been missing in your life that you think ONLY adderall can fill? It's only when you can answer that question that you will be really free from the drug. We know you can do it, we are here fighting that same fight, so feel free to bitch and moan and celebrate with us as much as you like!

Ashley what did you think of the article? Was it a fair representation of what happened to you? I thought this was one of the best descriptions of the false-economy of IQ attribution that adderall brings, by the way, and evidences that adderall DOES NOT MAKE YOU SMARTER, it just makes you feel like you are! For people who don't have ADHD, it works similarly in that it may make them more alert and on task. But it doesn't make anyone smarter or affect IQ. Many people don't understand that, though. "Research shows that even when people don't perform better on tests while taking Adderall, they think they're doing better," Dr. Chatterjee says. "The drug gives them an increased confidence in their abilities."

Don't forget that failures think like failures. If you keep beating yourself up, you'll become beaten up! We all fuck up, all the time. Remember: http://www.searchquotes.com/sof/images/picture_quotes/63_20120422_214716_quote.jpg

... so help me understand something. Maybe it's in the threads above so I will look through again, but I am really interested in why you really wanted to take the pills during your day off. There is always a trade off, you're a smart, sentient being and you know that you're going to berate yourself and feel shitty during the come down. Is it that you don't like your own company? That you are afraid of "down time" and feel guilty about not being able to do the "meh" stuff we all need to do? That adderall makes the time go faster? I think it's worth really stopping to think about why it is you go back to the adderall.... what you think it is going to help you do... and ask yourself how to deal with the alternative. Because the alternative sometimes is shitty, it's boring, or challenging, or frightening, or saddening... and I know I am preaching to the converted but the longer you delay the acknowlegement and acceptance of the boring, shitty, unmotivated, or whatever-it-is that you are dealing with, the harder it will be to quit in the long run, because each time you relapse you ruin your own resolve that it can and will get better (or not) on its own. The first step is to really think HARD about WHY you take it. Write down all the reasons. Then think about whether you are going to have to change those reasons, accept them, or forget about them because they really don't matter. I hope all of that makes sense. It is just such an easy way out to take a pill, but like it is in Kyle's signature, you pay your dues.... evenutally... We believe in you and by the way, it's very strong of you to post on here. Keep doing it.

Hi Kyle, the link didn't work for me?

Loving all the emoticons, all you cool people. Yeah, I'll have a beer and a cheerleading squad and a lounge by the pool... But thanks and even if it doesn't eventuate in to a job, this was a milestone in terms of confidence building. Thank you for keeping me on the straight and narrow.

PS I am going to treat myself to a massage this afternoon as a reward, so I'll be offline for a while... THANK YOU AGAIN!!

Well everyone, all your good karma WORKED! Case study was a breeze, I felt well prepared and was able to turn the "pitch" in to much more of a dialogue. Began with a joke, which came naturally, and always helps. The interviews that followed felt relaxed and like a conversation, I was able to weave in and out of my background and how I could help them make money & build business, and by the end of the 3 hours they were introducing me to the NY VP of Operations, which is a good sign! They've already been in touch and let me know I'm through to the next round - to meet the 2 Global Heads of Sales and Strategy (or something, I was a bit dazed by this stage) and ALL ADDERALL FREE!!! Honestly, everyone, from your cheering-from-the-sidelines through to the reminder that I'm a better person without a drug through to the accountability I have to this forum, I really honestly feel like I couldn't have done it without you. I was a better person without adderall, and I'm becoming a better person again. Now we wait till the next steps - it aint over till it's over, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. You guys mean so much to me...

Falcon, my brother from another mother, I think this is the most hilarious and surreal advice ever! I don't think I'll take it, as I don't want to walk in to a meeting at 8am smelling like alcohol, but it's very cute all the same. I'll do some breathing, and do my own little trick of pretending to be one of my role models and go in to character and fake it till I become it. I've been practicing and pacing all day. I have a total tendency to overthink these things so I've spoken to a couple of friends who have reminded me that I have been doing this stuff for over 10 years and what on earth would make me think this is any different? The only person getting in my way is me. So a few more practice sessions in front of the teddy bear and long-suffering husband tonight (god knows he knows how to cross-examine someone, on the other hand maybe I won't ask him for help :-)) and a glass of wine tonight and a good night's rest... some breathing.... Funny story: tried on suits today. Of course none of my expensive tailored designer suits fit me any more, I had to go to the fat clothes cupboard (c'mon ladies, we all have them) and managed to patch something together. I'll wear my glasses... they always make me look/feel smarter. thanks again guys. I am sure I will be reading this thread at least 3 times before tomorrow morning. You guys make the best cheerleading squad!

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I'm not normally superstitious but you have no idea what kind of good karma I feel like this gives me... Right, back to practicing in front of my teddy bear

By the way, in all my job searches can you believe i completely FORGOT about Vault? I am constantly on linkedin, the Ladders, Glassdoor, Ivy Exec, Indeed, etc etc etc but how could I have forgotten this one?! THanks for the reminder...

Thanks thanks thanks! I knew posting here would be a good idea. Just exactly what I needed. InRecovery, that book is fucking genius! I've never seen it before. Downloading as we speak. I will read today and practice. Quitonce, you are right. We all have our triggers. For me it is weight gain and confidence. I realize that I would pop a pill whenever I had a big meeting coming up, or was faced with a big challenge at work. I don't know if it helped in fact I'm sure it probably didn't, but an addicts mind is a powerful thing. Your reminder to me of this trigger was just what I needed to tell me that's the very next thing I'm going to talk with my therapist about. Lea, thanks for the encouragement, lady. You're right, I need to believe in myself, alone, without the adderall! I'm going to spend the day practicing and encouraging myself. Got any mantras you'd suggest? Cat, this is really the most practical and useful piece of advice I could have asked for. I have been taking copious notes but I haven't done the "write down every question they will ask you and practice your answers". I will do that today. You guys are my lifesavers! I'm meeting a friend for coffee this morning who I hope will be able to help, too, and then it's back to the study for a solid day of reading and reflection! Thanks again so much.... you mean the world to me, you people.

Hi Cody, Thanks for posting again - yeah you expected "a bit of flak" so I guess you got it! 1) Have you stopped drinking? Or cut down? I wonder if that's playing tricks on your mind - it's really hard to think clearly on alcohol. 2) I don't know too much about Phentermine, so I googled it. Here is what wiki said: Phentermine, a contraction of "phenyl-tertiary-butylamine", is a psychostimulant drug of the phenethylamine class, with pharmacology similar to amphetamine. It is used medically as an appetite suppressant. 3) Sounds v similar to adderall? What, to you, is the difference? 4) You haven't made it to the 90 day period yet. So technically you don't really know what it's like to have at least some of your neurotransmitters back to their normal state and helping you on their own... It sounds like your primary goal for getting another drug is weight loss. That's what adderall was for me (and for getting over jet lag because I was traveling so much). And before you know it I was a full blown psycho meth-type addict. I am going to assume that phentermine is also addictive? I hope you won't be undoing all your good work so far, all that hard day by day stuff that you've been working on by swapping one addiction for another. And, finally, this is completely off topic, but if you're doing it for vanity reasons, I personally like bigger guys. Just in case you needed a confidence boost, not all women like skinny men

So yep I'm at it again, in the final round of another set of interviews. This time it's for a very prestigious management consulting company. I've made it through so far by smiling a lot and asking a few smart questions here and there, but I've only met mid level people and recruiters. On Tuesday, I have to go in and demonstrate my abilities to sell, collaborate, identify client needs, summarize, manage time, etc etc etc... through a case study. They're going to give me the case at 8am and then at 9am I have to present using a FLIP CHART (?!) how I would approach the case and the client. The audience for my presentation will be 3 Partners for the firm. After this, I have 1:1 interviews with each of them. I am shitscared. There would have been a time when this would have been a walk in the park for me, when I could have faked it till I made it,and confidence is infectious. But because of the combination of having been fired from my last job and having very little contact with people (esp in business) over the last 3-4 months, and knowing that the last 6-9 months of my professional life have hardly been my most successful, I am just really worried. I am so tempted to try to get my hands on some adderall. I know I won't, but I really feel like I need that confidence to be able to know I can handle those curly management consulting questions that get thrown at you... how many quarters would fill this room? what's your biggest failure and what did you learn from it? how did you demonstrate listening in a previous client engagement? blah blah blah I'm freaking out. Didn't sleep well, have been literally sweating all day today, watching youtube videos of presentations, trying to learn the consulting industry inside and out. Shitshitshitshit....sigh... HELLLLLPPPPP!!?!?!?

It's been a long time since I was a student, but I can tell you from having taken adderall to deal with "real world" pressures like managing a career and finances and other shit life throws at you, that the anxiety you feel from adderall does not get better, it only gets worse. Even after quitting over 4 months ago, it is taking me a long time to be able to overcome social anxiety and feel confident in myself again. Please take it from me - if you don't quit now, you will potentially be damaging your confidence and ability to be confident and capable FOR LIFE. I don't mean to scare you, but yes actually I do. Run, don't walk from adderall. It might make you exhausted and unconfident and more incapable for a while but you will be ultimately investing in your future. YOU CAN DO THIS.