Motivation_Follows_Action

Definitely had eye problems on adderall - I don't miss the stinging or watery eyes or the "tears of acid" that someone else here talked about that I also experienced... but never had a "droopy eye" or lazy eye or whatever. I do have one eye that has more wrinkles around it than the other, which I'm told is normal.... but I don't think that's what you're complaining about!

Congratulations, Cat. It's a great feeling, to be yourself again. And it sounds to me like the non-adderall you is a much more confident and capable person than the adderalled-up you. You sound like a very impressive person. I'm glad you're here...

I had a huge problem with my short to mid term memory in my early recovery, and I really put it down to Ambien. Doesn't seem like many people have discussed the topic of memory much on here, so not sure about random memories coming back, but I have noticed as I am returning to "myself" more, I notice that my brain is behaving more like itself in its previous state, if that makes sense. So my memories are also returning. One thing that used to happen during the "end of days' on adderall was a strong feeling of deja vu, it was embarassing because I would say it probably 2-3 times a week and people I am sure thought I was going crazy. Ahhh I'm so glad not to be there any more. Give me laziness and cellulite over that shit any day.

YAY LEA! What a lovely thing to read today. So encouraging. Your posts have been really genuine and I commend you for your honesty and commitment to being true to yourself. 6 weeks is a big accomplishment, you should feel great today! I'm glad you're here and posting as much as you are. Don't stop!

Tomasso, congrats on your accomplishment so far. Really comprehensive update. Sounds like you're keeping strong which is great! Only piece of advice i have is for you re the social anxiety, especially in your management class. If you can just focus on the content you're discussing and not the perception of yourself, you'll find it much easier. Next time you're in a group discussion, don't worry about when to chime in with ideas, or how it will come out, just listen to your own thoughts and GO WITH IT. The less you think about yourself, the better you will perform! And I LOVE the 30 rules above, they're fantastic. This site has such wisdom. Stay strong and congrats so far!

I remember a wise friend telling me once that regret is a useless emotion, because you can't do anything about regret, except change. So change!! Here's another little wisdom from a fellow dog lover. Don't feel anything a dog wouldn't feel (ok it's a bit oversimplistic but still)... dogs feel guilt, but not regret. They feel anger and fear, but not resentment. They feel joy, and pain and loyalty and compassion. DOGS RULE!

I felt exactly like you in my first 3 weeks. I'm so sorry you feel this way but you have to trust yourself that it will get better! Give it a little bit more time, and if you can just do one or two things a day (pay a bill, go for a walk) it will make you feel 10x better. Hang in there, congrats on 3 weeks! Keep posting here - this forum has been the best support group I ever needed.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is better than psychoanalysis, that's for sure :-) but the best therapists use a combination, based on your circumstances and their diagnosis. Have you heard of dialectic behavioral therapy? Works really well for BPD and bipolar... ask your therapist about it, it's working well (I hope!) for me.

Ashley you seem to be a great source for finding out where and how this stuff is covered on the media - thanks! Watching now. Edit: Just watched it - I dunno but this is a HUGE trigger for me and I couldn't help feeling like it was just an ad for how to create excuses to go to the doc with "symptoms" and get a prescription. That's how it all started with me. They needed to hear first hand experience from someone like me (or any one of us on this site) about the downside, to balance out the story fully. The only person I thought gave a really great case for it was the celebrity fitness trainer (can't remember her name).

Hey there SearchingSoul, Having read this from top to bottom (sorry to be a bit behind, had a busy weekend), Just wanted to reiterate that feeling anxiety is part of recovery. You are claiming your life back and re-establishing normalcy, and facing the shit you had run away from during your addiction to adderall. That's scary. Depression and anxiety also go hand in hand, so there's that, too. So what you're going through is normal and we all go through it. You mentioned your mother again, which you haven't done for a while (I remember you mentioned her right at the beginning of your recovery). Is there anything you can do to resolve or resign yourself to? Life is much easier when I am able to accept my family for who they are, but then again, they live half a planet away so I can't really complain. Stay strong! It will get better. And even if you can't run on the treadmill, getting out of the house once a day is a good idea!

Seriously?! Cute emoticon, btw. But I don't think I've even seen eight spiders in my current house! Speaking of spiders, the huntsman spider is enormous and lives everywhere where I grew up. It's mostly harmless, but hopefully I didn't swallow too many of these buggers growing up! huntsman spider poisonous

Wish I could like this post a billionty times! Congrats HAM. Thanks for the encouragement and staying strong!

I thought they were illegal? Maybe just where I'm from. I had to have 3 fillings changed a few years ago because they changed the law.

Doctor put me on it a couple of weeks ago, took just 2 x 5 mg over 2 days and kind of felt a bit woozy so stopped until this weekend, where I have taken 10mg for 3 days starting Friday. I have woken up nauseaus and slightly dizzy all day, slept a TON and mental fog... doesn't feel like PAWS though. I must sound like such a hypochondriac!

Thanks for posting this, InRecovery. It is pretty interesting and you know what? I was thinking about the way you write and the way you tell stories in your life and I had thought it was surprising to me that you would be an "I"... you refer often to your family, other people, relationships with professors and other students etc. I think more "I" people tend to be those who focus more on their inner thoughts and reflections. Not that you don't do that already, but true introverts tend to do it more. So it's great that the real you is coming back or out or something! One of the most interesting things I remember from taking the MBTI was their definition of "introvert" vs "extrovert"... that it's not about being SHY or SOCIABLE, but rather where you get your energy from. For example, does the idea of going to a big party with lots of people you know fill you with energy or not? If you've spent all day working with people would you prefer to then go to the bar and relax with them for an hour or two, or go home and spend time alone to recuperate? These are the definitional differences between introverts and extroverts.

Smooth move! Nice one...

Kind of off topic but I just started lexapro too and it is making me nauseus, dizzy, tired, lazy. Did it have that effect for you too in the beginning?

That's a really nice note ldmcniel. Stay strong. Relapse is part of recovery, so keep looking forward and you are making it, a day at a time!

Also don't forget it's the middle of winter! Don't know what that's like where you are but here it absolutely makes me want to hybernate. Cassie I am so happy for you getting a dog/s. I really really am seriously considering it, I think it would be great therapy. Only thing is I don't want to bring it up poorly if I end up getting a job that will require travel. I would rather not have a dog than a neglected one. QO, thanks for the book recommendation I think I will check it out.

I agree with you, thisWILLwork, that maybe you don't understand what your body needs for health and nutrition. Sounds like you have been punishing yourself for a number of years. The hardest thing to learn in this whole recovery process is self acceptance and forgiveness; is that a place you can try to start from?

This is a really important thread, and I think you learn to identify triggers the further away you are from the drug. I guess definitionally triggers are thoughts, events or actions that make us want to take adderall? If that's the case, then everything from standing on the scale to being in the gym to having to do a big chore that I don't want to to going to a party to (as you all know) scary interviews and big work tasks can all be triggers for me. Time will be the ultimate healer here I guess! It's like a shooting gallery up in here with all these triggers

My mum too! She got b12 injections once every 6 weeks for as long as I can remember. As a teenager whenever she'd get weepy, I'd ask if it was time for her b12...

Hey Ashley do you think it might be the klonopin? Also I suffer from this a bit and I am sure it's due to lack of exercise...

Arsenic was used as a face powder in the 18th century.

Thanks for posting, startingover3. Your original description of your story and how destitue your life seemed was such a great leaping off point, and it's great to see this thread follow through to how good you feel today. It's a terrific story, really positive.